I used to think DS5 had ADHD because of his constant talking, asking questions, low desire to repeat activities or games, and other behaviors. I was certain of it, until it was dismissed as a diagnosis (for now at least) by the ed. psychologist during testing. After doing some reading on G kids, I wonder if that is the cause for his behaviors. Him either needing constant information/verbal stimulation, or maybe just how his brain needs different things.

I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed at times. This behavior was always present (constant talking every minute he's awake), but I find myself having lower tolerance for it as I get older and am less able to multitask. I call for quiet times (no talking until X activity is done) just so I can concentrate. This will work occasionally while driving or when I need to get something hot out of the oven. Usually at other times it's ineffective for more than 5 min. Another poster mentioning her DS making sounds reminded me of DS. Though my DS has random squeals while excited, the talking is usually worse for my concentration because I can't ignore talking.

Any tips or just random parental/gifted advice? I've instituted a "play time" immediately after school to help DS burn off energy, we walk to and from school, and I try to limit TV but he still gets more than I'd like. Will this decrease as DS gets older? Should I start to enforce quiet times or just hope this will improve? TIA!

I am going to make a quick list of things I do to get some peace with DS6.

Audiobooks with headphones

Assign Chores - trash, pet poop, laundry sorting, dog brushing, etc.

Documentaries - Netflix is great for this

Drawing/Writing Journal - all the stuff that he is wanting to talk about, put it on paper

Puzzles

My DD7 seems to require noises coming out of her mouth all the time, as well. She talks to me from the moment I get home until bedtime, unless she's distracted by a game on the computer or a TV show while she's eating dinner. She talks to herself in the bathtub, and in bed. I know what you mean about getting older and losing the multitasking brain -- I have to give her distractions just so I can hear myself think.

Youngest child never stops talking, including sleep talking at times. But eldest child expressed this need for making/experiencing sound at all times through making all manner of noises, most of them truly awful. The talk is more mentally exaubsting because you try to always listen and respond, and I really can't multitask anymore. But living with a noise machine was a years long sensory trauma that I would never wish on anyone, I often felt like I was being physically attacked, some of her noises were nails on a blackboard awful.

Can youngest child take up a wind instrument? Even learning how to play the recorder...can't talk and blow at the same time.

Since we limit screen time in this house, reading and audiobooks are my savior. Especially when driving!

We don't have any TV in our house. The only time there is no noise in our house is when DS is really hungry and trying to eat quickly. The rest of the time, it is a barrage of questions. I am an introvert and do like to think quietly. But, that is one of the things that I gave up after becoming a parent. It is emotionally exhausting and it feels like there is no time to gather my own thoughts.
The things that help me are structured extracurricular activities - I get an hour to myself when someone else is putting DS through his paces. And the bonus is that he enjoys them and he gets tired enough to fall asleep in the nights without a million questions arising at bedtime.

We don't really allow extremes of excessive talking in our house. Two of our kids are quite talkative, with one very much so. When he gets going on a monologue, an adult tells him to stop. We explain that other people have a right to talk, that other people may want to finish dinner without feeling talked at, or that "I want some quiet time." It's an ongoing process and it takes time.

I believe that being a parent doesn't mean I have an absolute obligation to listen to every word my child says. IMO, kids need to learn that they can't just yak at people (because this is what this behavior amounts to), and that doing so is disrespectful.

Val we absolutely tell them to stop too, still working on the 12 yr old, who has improved enormously. We've had zero impact on the youngest as yet, but it will come. It's unfortunate that you can't stop them sleep talking...

MumOfThree, we have the same model of child. There's no night time "off" switch, talking or otherwise.

PMd you.

It is such a relief to see that others are also in the same situation. This has been such a good source of ideas for me. I think we'll start off by enforcing more limits (DS also has a horrible habit of interrupting as well), incentives, audiobooks, chores, and possibly instruments as well. We're still working on reading, and I'm even starting to leave the house to exercise when DH comes home (mommy time!). Most structured out of the home activities will probably have to wait until summer though. These are great! I think I'll order story of the world soon to start off. I was going to use it for car rides, but why not at home too?

I used to not wait until their dad got home and would put the kids n the kid care at the gym (free) and then go into the locker room and read a book or take a shower in peace....sometimes I even worked out.

DS is now 7.5 and I totally get what you're saying. We did many of the ideas above and we also bought a tablet at Christmas which DH loaded up with educational stuff (Quirks and Quarks podcasts, Vi Hart videos, Numberphile videos, and many more that I'm forgetting). We don't use it often but when his intense questioning can't be immediately handled we bring it out to keep him occupied. Being bombarded by Vi Hart for 15 min helps fulfill his need for learning The Cosmos series is a weekly highlight in our house and is a nice break for everyone.

I second the mommy time! I'm an introvert and I find I have to make sure that I make the time to get out and go for a run or do something similar so I can be at my best for him. When I don't take care of myself, it makes everything much more challenging.

ETA - Love it sweetie!!!

Like Val and MumOfThree, we too enforced limits to the endless talking and questioning. My view is that while clearly this is caused in part by her LOG, it's also inappropriate, rude, and annoying. When she was tiny we'd play 'the quiet game' or 'telephone' (which involved us talking on an imaginary phone about some elaborate imaginative scenario of her devising). Telephone was practice in taking turns, waiting (I'd let my "phone" ring a long time before answering), and conversational norms.

As she got older we were more direct. At one point, in desperation, I sat her down and told her outright that DH and I needed uninterrupted time to communicate for the ongoing health of our marriage. We've also reminded her that not everything is her business and that everyone has the right to speak and be heard. Currently (at age 11) we are working on pausing when you enter the room to see if a conversation is in progress before launching into whatever she's come in to say.

Honestly, I'm a huge talker (look how long this short reply is) and prone to interrupting others. It's a kind of conversational over-intensity that I've had since I was young. It's also very off-putting to others and can cause issues with both social and professional relationships. I've worked hard to overcome this tendency through my teenage years and into adulthood and I'd like her to have a head start on it.

Yes, this. Emphatically.

As Val and Ivy both stated. This is a life skill for those with this particular facet of giftedness.


(I'm told that I was an insufferable child in this respect-- and my mother deeply enjoyed the child that I was blessed with... I think her exact words may have been a gleeful "I've waited over thirty years for this moment!")


It can (and most emphatically SHOULD) be tamed. I have excellent social skills now. But boy howdy did I ever have to learn (the hard way) not to let my mouth get ahead of my impulse control.

I went with the not talking whenever possible option.

It's much safer for me that way.

I see I'm not the only one with a chatter monkey! I totally understand the mental exhaustion. My son is Gerald McBoing Boing most days and it drives me insane.

What I do is frankly tell him he's bothering me. It sounds mean, but he doesn't really understand that it IS annoying and distracting. I'm an introvert myself and need my quiet time too. He's learned that if I have a book cracked, he should not be disturbing me.

I tell him just because he thinks it in his brain doesn't mean it has to come out of his mouth

I can't find a reference, but I either recently read or heard on TV that kids who chatter and make noises can have an OCD thing going on. Meaning the humming, chatterboxing, and other noises are a way they self-soothe. If I can ferret out a link, I'll post.

This is hard to explain, but you have to (if you can) go with it, see all the positives, keep focusing on the positives, force yourself into high energy mode and know and remember that it is temporary.

The child will grow and mature. At some point not too far away, the students' maturity level will take a large jump and the child will self-direct even more and probably won't need you (and that might sting in another way).

Think short-term if that makes you feel better. Think long-term if that makes you feel better. It is a really weird and interesting experience because no one else can really tell what is happening, what you are going through, what you are experiencing.

It is like an extra-long marathon, you know you have to keep running, you can't find the other runners. You don't see the finish line, news cameras, water aides or officials. You might not even have any friends or family there supporting you. You just have to keep running.

If they are driving you crazy take them to the park. That is why I get annoyed sometimes by comments about how sad/bad it is that parents are playing with their phones at the park instead of interacting with their kids. I am all interacted out - this is the closest thing I am going to get to a break today. When I was a child I don't remember needing an adult to go to the playground and they certainly didn't feel they needed to entertain me all the time.

Oops. Guesss I hit my own sensitive spot.

^ Yes, Puffin! I am the same. I need to check out so that I have the energy to continue.

You're not the only one!

Do you feel judged while you're at the park, our is it just the online parent police? Around here about half the parents are on the phone, half playing with the kids.

We try to do physical things. Take them to the park where they can ride their bikes all around. Yesterday DS6 and his 2 year younger brother rode their bikes for 1 1/2 hours. I thought that would have burned off some steam. But, no...after that he still wanted to run around the block, it is 1 mile...I am exhausted too. The younger is more into the discussions, predictions of "what will happen after" type stuff. It goes on and on.....you are not alone...

This is a challenge. Especially in parts of the country where it is hard to get outside in the winter or summer b/c of hot/cold. We try to build in as much physical activity as we can as it is good for the kids and it wears them out. We actually hire a energetic babysitter on the weekends even though we don't go out - the sitter comes "off the bench" and gives us some quality minutes so we can do laundry/dishes/chores or just curl up in a fetal position on the couch.

Inside one thing we do is to put stuff in rectangular laundry baskets and have the kids push them around (like engines shunting freight cars or tugboats pushing barges).

So Funny! I am considering joining a gym...

Thanks for these recs. We had a cheap tablet that broke, but I'm considering getting another for this reason. I had only "educational" type games on it as well as kindle books and I felt no problem allowing him to play that any time.

It is good to see that I am not alone! And I think with guidance it can be moderated. I love taking DS to the park after school to help him burn off some energy. Also what has recently worked is undivided attention to play his games X minutes every so often (more focused direct playful attention vs just conversation all the time). Giving him chores has accomplished a goal in that he has to focus on that for a bit. I think a lot of it is just immaturity that will improve with age.

My DS8 is also a chatty kid. From the moment he could talk he has been asking questions. First it started with "Why?" every 10 seconds. Now it is "What are the 6 flavors of quarks?" (He knows the answer he just wants to quiz everyone all of the time) or "Will you edit my newspaper article I wrote?" or "Can you take me to the store to buy materials to build my latest invention?"

He also talks to himself. And before he had a brother to talk to, he talked to imaginary friends. 

The constant intensity is truly a challenge to deal with. Sometimes I just want to scream (and sometimes I actually do!) I feel guilty asking him to stop talking and asking questions because I love that he has such passion for learning and exploring. I don't want to stifle his mind but I do need a break now and then. I am an introvert to make matters worse.

We have tried to let him run around outside to burn off energy but it doesn't work for him. Sometimes it does just the opposite. I am also guilty of letting the TV occupy his mind for a while so I can get things done in peace. Making sure that he is getting intense cognitive stimulation is a requirement around here. If his brain is being challenged he generally behaves better and is less of a handful.

There was a front page article in the paper the other day by some children's exercise programme guy saying how sad/bad it was. Of course the week before there was one blaming parents for not letting children take risks. Can't really win. The on-line community is often judgemental in this respect. I do play with my kids more than my parents ever played with me (things were different then) but there are two of them so asking them to play together at the playground while I have a break doesn't seem unreasonable. Also I took them to the playground - some kids never get taken anywhere. But I am tired, I work and solo parent 2 HG+ kids and I am an introvert. I need peace from time to time.

And in case I wasn't clear, I'm one of the ones paying more attention to my phone, or sitting there staring into space.

Sounds just like me/us! My preferred "activity" is reading aloud with him, probably only DS's top 10 interactive thing for us to do. Legos ends up being a default for us. I just got SNAP Jr. and he likes that, but it's hard to meaningfully interact with younger DD2 around.

I truly think that a lot of his talking has been my encouragement over the years. I actually always have listened and responded to all his talk to the best I could. I didn't want him to feel stifled. So now we need to reign it in a bit or modify it.

I looked into the local YMCA with daycare today... might be a great option!

Playgrounds are great, but only useful if both children go together to "play" together, or if there are other children around. I do get on the playground with DD2 since she's so young, but I'm not really playing with DS anymore as I feel he's old enough to be safe-ish on a typical playground. This has occurred only recently, within the last 6 months. Before then I was playing on the playground as well and strictly supervising. His awareness of danger is pretty immature still. We do better with indoor playgrounds.

There's the key. It's the kids who are bored and miserable that get noticed (or the ones who are hurt, scared, or behaving anti-socially), and the first thought is, "Where are your parents?" Oh, they're on the phone/chatting with other adults/otherwise being completely oblivious. But who am I to judge?

The parents of the children who are playing vigorously never draw this kind of attention. Their kids' needs are being met, so they're free to use that time however they like.

I imagine the kids who are having a terrible time make their parents pay for it later.

My best strategy is to plan possible activity options ahead of time when my child doesn't otherwise want my attention. When DS goes down for a nap, I enjoy spending 10 minutes or so imagining up some fun ideas for the next day. That way, we can both get behind a plan enthusiastically because it reflects our mutual interests.

I think the reason a lot of parents give up on interacting is that they get stuck in a rut of perceiving an unduly limited set of options. Take the parents at our local park as an example. They see these options:

- Sit on edge of sandbox and fill bucket ad nauseum
- Push child on swing as nauseum
- Stand next to play structure and stare at DC

Why not get involved creatively and do something *you* like! For example, we jazzed up the sandbox by building competing cities of sandcastles and playing bombardment with a rubber ball yesterday. It teaches the child so many strategic and engineering skills: how to optimize castle placement and city configuration, how to throw accurately, how to plan the order of your attack, etc. We played for a good hour, and I can honestly say it was a TON of fun.

For an older child, you can play lava tag, where you are immune if you've climbed on top of the play structure's roof/into a free, etc.

Make games up! Write a hopscotch board with letters and race to see how many words you can hop to in a minute! Draw a number line and race to solve equations using different movements (jumping, skipping, running, crab walking, etc).

Other fun ideas:

- Sports! Kids are never too young to learn them, and they promote the kind of vigorous exercise that children (and their parents!) need. As a rule, I keep a general purpose rubber ball, a practice rubber softball, and a bat in the stroller for impromptu park trips. It doesn't matter if they have no ability or are athletic prodigies. Fun is the name of the game. For older children, a few skipping roles of different lengths are, IMO, essential. Compete on broad jumps, pull ups, high jumps, somersaults and kartwheels, etc.

- Nature exploration: IDing trees, tracking animals, analyzing different parts of plants or insects, building sculptures out of natural materials, IDing cloud/weather formations, doing light experiments with prisms on sunny days, collecting interesting "specimens", stargazing, etc. Go for a hike with a camera, snap pictures of interesting things, and have your child note observations and practice scientific drawings in a log book.

I hope these ideas get you excited to hit the park! Children grow up so quickly-- take advantage of your children actually wanting to be around you while it lasts, because you'll soon be complaining of neglect when they're teenagers.

... I don't know about that last bit, aquinas. DD is one of these kids, and honestly, she still talks to me PLENTY, even at nearly 15yo. Her dad, now-- she shuts him out somewhat, but not completely. She still loves to chatter-chatter-chatter at BOTH of us, and to poke at us verbally until we respond. I still have to ask her to (politely) be quiet so that I can hear myself think. She generally is better at picking up those signals from me now, so I have to say it less-- she can SEE when I'm writing an e-mail or picking up voicemail, driving in traffic, or need my full attention on things.

She's constantly posing me hypothetical/metaphysical/ethical questions, and probing me/using me as a sounding board for a Socratic exploration. The debate world lost a major star as a result of her not going to a high school with a debate team, I'll tell ya what.

Even TRYING to pre-plan was a disaster when she was little. She would do my (open-ended, appropriate, and completely engaging) activity for about... ten nanoseconds... and then be right back to wanting my FULL attention in ways that weren't sustainable for me. To be perfectly frank, anything that was MY idea was automatically only "humoring Mom" and was given lip service at best. That might be unique as a facet of her oppositional tendencies, I don't know.

But it meant that enforcing boundaries on the behavioral impulses was essential to my sanity as an introvert.

My kids do play well together and we do play together - the last 4 days I have hung around the skateboard park 1.5 to 2 hours each morning and actively taken part in 2 on 1 soccer games each afternoon (it is school holidays and I have had a few days off). I also take them outside and play playground games (Mr. Wolf, creep up Jack etc). I enjoy playing with them but sometimes I just need mummy time to check the forums or read on my kindle.

I don't usually feel judged at tge park because I am usually the only adult there. There are occasionally unsupervised unaccompanied kids there but mostly just us.

Thanks for some great ideas. I will start bringing more sports equipment when we go to the playground/parks. Nature exploration works only sporadically with DS5, though DD2 could stare at the forest for an hour I think! It is so important to be creative with interactions. Though I agree with another poster that sometimes anything planned (or unplanned), has a low success rate of lasting more than a few minutes.