Okay, I know this is a weird topic. But I think it's part of the issue of kids who are intellectually beyond where they are emotionally. I'd love to hear about anyone else's experiences.

Hanni is just turning 2, and she LOVES nursing. We are nowhere near weaning, unlike friends of mine who are successfully easing off. (I have no problem with extended nursing, but there's a medication that I really ought to go on.)

She is also very articulate about it. If she wants to nurse at night (which I don't do anymore), she will talk about it the next day. "Night, Hanni sad, cuz, no nurse." And she is clued in about rules and contexts. I don't nurse her in public anymore except for one very mom-friendly place, and when we go there she says "Nurse here okay," even though I've never been explicit about it. She also gets legalistic on me. The rule about nighttime is we can nurse in the morning, so at 10:00 in the morning when I wasn't nursing her because we had visitors, she pointed out the window and said "Morning! Nurse!"

On top of it all, she is an intense, driven, strong-willed kid. How the heck am I supposed to "ease" a kid like this out of it? Talking to her about it would freak her out -- precisely because she would totally understand me. I can't think of any way to do this without being brutal.

Anyone else been through this? I'd love to hear your stories.

LOLOLOL! This brings back memories. I went through the same with my middle child. He was 2 1/2 and loved to nurse, and luckily we were in a family-friendly, liberal university town. He would empty one side, and then would sit up and say "time for the other side now" -- he was really VERY articulate and aware, and he knew exactly what he wanted. Not surprising since he would be reading (well) not too much later. I finally had to come up with a plan. I went away to a conference for several days, leaving him with my husband. Then when I returned I told him the milk was "all gone" -- and somehow he believed it (thank goodness!)

I think just saying no to him would have been too difficult. I needed to go away for a couple days to break the routine. He was by then only nursing maybe twice a day (which helped). I think the physical separation (me being out of town) was critical to weaning him without too much distress for either of us. Good luck. BTW my son told me quite a few years later that he remembered nursing (maybe he was 11 or 12 when he said that) -- and he seemed comfortable with that memory, contrary to what some people seem to think. My other two sons wanted to be weaned around 12 months, and only this middle one really would have continued nursing I don't know how much longer.....

I don't know if you have any opportunities to arrange for a physical separation (for a couple days). Maybe you could come up with something exciting for Hanni to do with other family members, away from you? That might work even better than you going somewhere away from her.

With Harpo, I discussed the situation with him, got out a calendar and had him pick an end date. On that date, I told him it was May 9 (or whatever it was), and he said OK, and that was that.

The other two weren't quite so easy (they argued a certain amount for extensions!), but really, the date thing worked reasonably well for them, too.

With all of them, I made sure they had tons of extra cuddles and Mummy time (reading or whatever); we also took them to a store and let them pick some special "big boy" thing--I remember Harpo picked a brush and comb and Groucho picked a rubber snake(!)--can't remember Chico's item. We didn't--and don't--buy a lot of just "stuff", so they could see that this was a special landmark sort of occasion.

Hope that will help a bit--it's a toughie--and I expect you will miss it as much as she will, which is hard, too.

peace
minnie

PS Edited to add that I just noticed that in your case you don't think it's a good idea to talk to her about it--so my suggestion is not very useful, I'm sorry! I guess I'll leave the post up anyway, in case it helps somebody else later.

With my three, discussion has always been key--they want to understand the whys and wherefores of decisions that affect them. With weaning, I just explained that there were ages appropriate to different activities--that one gets a driver's license at 16, votes at 18, gets a pension at 65, and weans at 3 (in our case; our dr. advised extended nursing for various health reasons); oddly enough, this explanation really worked pretty well at our house.

I don't have any experience with persuading a child to stop breastfeeding really I'm afraid - we basically did child-led which meant I just barely missed getting my "breastfed a 4yo" medal :-) Sympathy, though - I remember enough about what my DS was like at 2 to be glad I didn't have to try stopping then.

What I do have is lots of experience with women thinking they have to stop because they need to take a medication when actually it's not necessary. Are you sure, in your case, that taking the medication is incompatible with feeding your DD? Have you looked it up in Hale, for a start? [I don't remember whether it's online these days but any bf community will have someone with a copy; if you need help PM me the details and I'll ask for you.] If you have and there really is a problem with this drug, another thing to consider would be how long it stays in the milk - e.g., if it's something you have to take once a day, would there be little enough of it in your milk by just before the next dose that nursing then would be safe? If so maybe you could keep that once a day nursing. If neither of these work, is there an alternative medicine that would have better characteristics? The main point is that most doctors have no clue about what's compatible with nursing, really, so many women get bad advice.

If none of that helps and you do have to stop, could you tell your DD the truth but not all of it? E.g. explain that you have to take the medicine, but if the reason is scary downplay it, and tell her the medicine is bad for children? (Point of advice: don't tell her it will make the milk yucky unless it really will, or unless you're positive you'd never let her find out otherwise, even if e.g. she broke her leg the day after you tell her this!)

When DD was 2 we'd been trying (still unsuccessfully) to conceive a second, and I believed (wrongly) that stopping nursing might help. I told DD that I thought it might help and asked her if she wanted to stop nursing. She said, "Okay." I thought perhaps she didn't really understand, or perhaps she'd change her mind, but she never asked to nurse again. I am actually still a bit sad about it. We used to joke that my breasts were her security blanket--and she clearly wasn't ready to give them up, though she did it willingly.

Great advice so far but I'd thought I'd share my experience for good measure

My DS self-weaned at 13 months. There was no fussing, he just looked at me one morning and said "No. Bottle." I was saddened at the time, but it really was so simple. He happily drank milk from a bottle and he always liked his pacifier, which we made disappear shortly after his self-weaning. He also had almost no separation anxiety, which was something of a blessing while I was working. I mention these things because the nursing experience with my DD was very different, much more like the way you describe Hanni's.

I stopped work when DD was born and I really struggled to get to the stage of day feeds only with her - she was SO determined! She never took a pacifier or sucked her thumb and wouldn't even look at a bottle. She was, and still is, very clingy. When she was nearing her 2nd birthday earlier this year, I had to go on a trip alone so DH and I decided that it was time to wean. I didn't want to exacerbate her separation anxiety by making her go 'cold turkey' when I left, so we started 2 weeks before. At snack time (immediately preceding her usual BF) I introduced a special drink in a new special cup. In our house, a special drink for the kids is just plain old fruit juice. After she'd eaten her snack and had her drink, instead of nursing, I scooped her up and we had cuddles, kisses and tickles - lots of close body contact. She noticed, tried to nurse and asked why she couldn't, to which I simply said "Lucky you've had your special drink so now we can cuddle/tickle/dance because its so much fun!". The first few days were tricky, but honestly, the hardest part was just being firm about our decision to wean. I thoroughly enjoyed nursing both my children so some of my worry about the weaning process definitely stemmed from my regret that this chapter was coming to an end.

FWIW, DD's little snack time routine is still a standing arrangement around here... Only difference is that she has decided DS, DH and I should all be involved in the fun!

Best of luck to you both, whatever you decide to do

Given how relatively unusual "extended" breastfeeding is, isn't it interesting how many of us there are here? I imagine it's more likely to be because parents of gifties tend to be bloody-minded likely to make up their own minds about what works for them regardless of what's usual in society, rather than because extended breastfeeding produces gifted children, but still :-)

Stubbornness definitely happened with me. I was oh so determined to nurse that we survived tons of pain at first, nursing strikes. etc. Now DD's totally addicted and I'm not sure how we're going to stop either. My game plan is go to 2 and see how it goes from there. Also, I *think* I was probably much more willing to do research and ask people for help than many of my other friends who ended up quitting earlier. Honestly, I don't really see 2 as extended nursing since the world average is 4... No real advice but I think we'll be in the same boat when she reaches 2. Good luck!

Puts my hand up. Yep, nursing still at 16 months, older DC went to nearly 2, but self weaned when I got pregnant.

I definately think 'independent thinking' (that's the term I like, it sounds so positive) that plays into it a fair bit. Cool to see so many here, when the average rates are so low.

Oh this brings back memories! I nursed two until they turned 2 and my middle one only till he was 18 months because I was desperately trying to get pregnant. None of them were ready to be weaned and it was really hard to do. I did explain it to them and yes, lots of extra love and snuggles will help. You could try cutting back on the number of times you nurse and replacing it with another ritual. Good luck!

I nursed my both kids till 1 1/2yrs. I weened down to just nursing at night and then weened one minute less a little at time. Both kids did well with finishing this way. I cryed both times and my DH was very understanding.

Um... and 'cause some of the kids are a little bloody-minded too

(And how many of those who breastfed longer than a year did it 'cause they looked into it and decided it sounded like it was good for the baby? Most of my aquantances haven't done the looking into it part, but most of my friends (a fairly smart group, on the whole) have, with the result that most of my friends keep going, but most of my aquantances are shocked I haven't weaned yet)

(and yeah, 12 mos tomorrow and no intentions apparent on either side to stop. Not sure how people survive weaning kids this age. I think I'd loose several parts of my anatomy in any attempt.... erm... good luck! Sory for the lack of advice )

I also breastfed both my children.

DD weaned herself at about 18 months. I was 3 months pregnant at the time and I often wonder if this had something to do with it.

With DS I was ready to wean him when he was about 21 months. He was down to 3 feeds by then so I withdrew 1 feed a month starting with the daytime feed. This was the easiest to start with due to the fact that he didn't always have it anyway. Then the night feed, and finally the early morning feed, this was his favourite one. It worked well for me doing it this way and I found as I withdrew one it seemed to make the following withdrawals petty much non eventful. Oh and when I started I discussed it with him and told him what I was doing and why.

As others have stated substitute with lots of cuddles, create a different ritual (particularly when associated with bedtime or the like) and introduce a *special* cup that DC might like to help you choose.

Hope this helps and good luck!


I'll be really honest here, yes I was aware of the benefits of breastfeeding from the word go but I also liked the closeness and convenience of it.

Great to hear all your stories! I guess I'm realizing, listening to all your concrete solutions, that I'm really ambivalent about it and just not willing to go there yet. The medication is definitely needed, though not urgent. I've already been putting it off for a year. But it would be nice to stop feeling crappy. I'm just hoping the kiddo enters some new developmental stage where all of this will seem more feasible!

-Meg

Perhaps you've already looked into alternatives with no success, but there's a book called Medications and Mother's Milk that shows to alternatives to most drugs that are safe for lactation. Sometimes even physicians aren't aware that they are available. Your local La Leche League should have a copy. Or just call LLL International.
Also, if there's no alternative and you feel it's in both your and your little one's best interest to wean then LLL can help with gradual, gentle weaning techniques.

Meghan

This is Hale that I referred to above so my guess is MegMeg has BTDT (or she would have said "what's that?"!) but just in case it helps anyone, here's the website link:
http://neonatal.ttuhsc.edu/lact/
Only HCP can post on the forum, but there are threads discussing most common drugs, which may also be useful.

'Kay everybody, I'm going to respectfully for no medical advice. You're just going to have to trust me on this. Thanx.

-Meg

I'm tempted to say, "weaning sucks", but that would be out of character for me, so pretend you didn't read this. I'll confess, I eventually resorted to bribery. My kids weaned late and there was a "booby prize" given after a week without nursing. I'm just lucky that it was stuff like the Hamtaro clubhouse instead of the Harry Potter boxed set, which would have been too strange to contemplate, but perfectly possible.

I, too, finally had to leave town for a few days. Interestingly, my very independent in most things DD, wouldn't sleep alone until 10 1/2. I think it is often a necessary counterbalance to intense thinking.

aline, I thought the co-sleeping thing was just us. Lol. Our D was about 7 when she gave it up no her own. People look at me like I am crazy, so I don't tell many people, but it is just what she needed. It was so hard for us to meet her other needs, this one seemed like an easy/no brainer one. She always went to sleep in her own bed, but at about 1:00 am...

Just want to say (confirming what others have said) that you should do what you feel comfortable with. My DS weaned at 3.2 months - he probably would have happily gone on for another few months but I was done at that point -like many relationships it is give and take and involves 2 parties. We nightweaned him at 2.5 years (which was yucky and painful but necessary for us due to sleep deprivation) and we used a trip to Disneyworld to help us wean (he was so tired and happy from seeing things he kind of forgot about it) - we were down to only before nap and bedtime so it worked for us.

The point is, do what works for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, does, etc!

I never would have been able to follow the advice above if not for some ground breaking women who counseled me (my aunt and mother in law) who nursed back in the day when most didn't (my aunt's doctor told her that her breasts were too small to feed her son with initially!) and told me that every child was different and to follow the child. Thank goodness for that advice.

I do think gifted kids are different and I am not shocked that so many G/T kids were extended breastfed - it just makes sense to me. I would love to see a study on this!

Good luck! Cat

Aline and intparent my arm is waving madly in the air.

DD never had issues but DS co-slept until about 8.


That's it exactly, I'd even say about the same time too! It never worried me either but as you say I didn't exactly go around telling people about it.

I think that's really the key: you have to be ready to do whatever it takes. I think a lot of people have great suggestions here -- particularly those that involve distractions, lots of cuddling, and the substitution of new routines -- but you just have to be sure, within yourself, that it's time. It's kind of like anything hard, such as losing weight. When you are truly ready, you will be willing to stick to your guns and follow through with the weaning. At that point, it will happen.

V just turned 20 mths this week, and is still nursing 6x a day. I've always said I would wean at 2 yo, but I'm worried that I'm just feeling social pressure! This thread has been very encouraging to me, whatever V and I decide to do, so thanks for posting about this issue!

My DD now 12 nursed till she was almost 4 1/2. I originally thought I would quit at 2 or that we would quit at 2. At 2 the playgroup got ROTO (not sure how to spell it) virus and everyone was very sick! At the time they had stopped giving the vacine for some reason. Anyways of the 13 or so kids, the ones that were nursing stayed out of the hospital and the other kids ended up with dehydration. One parent happened to be nursing a wee baby and her I think he was three or so weaned toddler took it back up again so he did not end up needing to go to the hospital. That was a deciding factor for me and let her nurse till she was done. Solstice of her fourth year we built a bon fire with a bunch of people and wrote things on birch bark to burn what we were ready to let go of. She put nursing on hers... I kinda dropped my jaw as I was surprised. I mean I knew it was coming but there it was...