Hi folks, this is my first post so please be gentle.

We have a lovely, bright little girl, 3 years old. There's a good chance she's gifted - she's hit all her milestones early, is a great talker, and DH and I are both gifted (or were, haha) - but she has zero ability to focus, or even sit still, for the most part.

I've read that gifted kids often have heaps of energy (to the point of sometimes being mistaken as ADHD - something I've often wondered about DD), but that this energy can be a great asset when they find something they're interested in. But I've never seen DD's hyper energy turn into hyper focus. Or any kind of focus. Or even generalised interest.

It's like she's this hyper little sponge, that is noticeably more absorbent than most of her peers, but is less capable of concentrating or applying effort to anything. Like drawing a picture, or how to swing, or sitting still for me to read her a story, or anything really. If it's not easily absorbed then she doesn't bother to try to learn it.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Did your child grow out of it?

Welcome!

First off, remember that she -is- only 3 years old. The range of age-appropriate attention span in toddlers encompasses some pretty flea-sized focusing. That she is absorbing quickly and easily suggests that she has adequate attention for her current needs. In addition, it may be that 1) she finds too many things interesting to stay on one for long, 2) everything comes so easily that she hasn't had much practice applying effort, 3) she prefers figuring things out herself to having someone else teach it to her. All three were relevant in our case.

Familiar, yes, grow out of...sort of. Our child who was most like this is an adolescent now, and is much better at focusing and application, but still prefers discovery learning to transmissional learning, and retains a vibrant enthusiasm about, well, nearly everything!

Welcome.

Let's say there are two kids at a beach. The first one collects shells, asks a parent about what they're called and by the end of the day has collected a lot of shells and has learned a lot of shell names. On the walk back this kid is happy to identify shells along the way and if they're the outgoing type, will share this knowledge with strangers they meet. The parent is happy to have enjoyed an educational day at the beach. The kid is happy because shells are cool and everyone is super impressed they know so much. Being awesome is fun!

The second kid is all over the beach. They like how when they pretend to be a starfish, the sun side of their body is warmer than the side on the wet sand (it makes them think about that time you made toast in the oven). They like running in the water and then in the dry sand to watch their feet get caked in sand (it reminds them of the art project where they covered something in wet glue and then rolled it in glitter and they wonder why dry things stick to wet things sometimes). They notice if they dig a hole the sand is wetter and cooler the deeper they go which is weird because they heard the middle of the Earth is like lava. This kid may or may not share any of these connections.

To an outside observer, the first kid is focused and learned a lot at the beach. The second kid just rolled around getting filthy.

I bring this up because the ability to make connections doesn't "show" as well as the ability to memorize information in little kids.

She might be at a stage of development where she's making lots of connections but doesn't give a lick if she's looking at a conch or a cowrie.

It doesn't mean she won't be into that kind of thing later though.

KJP - so much like!!!

I was thinking the same thing! And it's so much like my two kids.

Wow KJP, that description fits our DS6 almost perfectly! It's no wonder he always surprises us when he starts to describe some crazy thing he learned somewhere along the way. Sort of like this weekend when he launched into the possible geological explanations for how a particular island might have formed. And this was after DS5 innocently asked "Why is this an island?".

LazyMum, welcome. I would also add that if she has a big imagination, it might be difficult to pull her back from that world. I certainly wouldn't see it as anything to worry about for the time being!

Thanks for your replies everyone!

KJP, that's a really lovely way to put it Possibly you could add a third kid to that beach. The kid making balls out of sand and smashing them into the ground, or collecting shells and seeing how far she can throw them into the waves, or chasing birds, or balls or dogs or other kids or anyone/anything that can be chased. And being very loud about it the whole time. That's my girl! Occasionally destructive, but never malicious, and always a little on the crazy end of the loud/energetic spectrum!

I suppose my main concern was that she seems to be behind her peers in some normal stuff, like drawing, or being read to, because she just doesn't have the interest or ability to sit still for long enough. I suppose she has plenty of time to catch up though.

Aeh, thanks for giving me the term 'discovery learning'. I don't have much of a lexicon around this stuff yet, but that sounds very much like her learning style. Just like her father - can't be told.

RRD, I'm not sure if role playing counts as imagination, but if it does, then I think she's probably got a big imagination, given that I've been 'Owlette' and she's been 'Romeo' (from PJ Masks) for nearly a week now. She doesn't drop character, and corrects me if I do. :p

As the mom of a girl with psychomotor overexcitablities I have to say that sitting still is overrated. 😉 She once said to me when she was about 3 or 4 that "Dancing is thinking." I'm learning a lot about the world through this girl.

You might try audiobooks in the car or at bedtime. My son liked those at that age. If you think she's missing milestones, I recommend an appointment with her pediatrician.

My recommendation if you go that route: explain to the scheduler that you have some development concerns and you'd like the doctor to see your daughter. However, explain that your daughter is a sponge (or whatever way you want to put it) and you'd like to speak to the doctor first without your kid present.

We still read to DS at that age even though he was running laps around the room while we were doing it. It seemed kind of ridiculous at the time but it was kind of surprising to realize how much he was absorbing. Over time he showed more and more interest and would sit down with us for longer and longer periods of time. He now sits for hours at a time reading on his own (he's 10).

For drawing we often used sidewalk chalk outside so he could run around AND draw. We also had fun with a big roll of paper and really big drawings/paintings which required more activity than sitting and coloring on a small sheet. If you're more worried about fine motor type things you could always try making a game out of it and adding in some bigger motor energy burning stuff (something like running around and collecting small hidden things for pincher grasp or whatever).

My nephew is a HIGHLY active kid and they do a LOT of physical activity everyday.

My DS6 is what you might call the "discovery learner" described in this thread. He's filled with energy and must touch and play with everything. He liked being read to but didn't love to do it quietly for hours like my older DD. Even at this age my DD always liked "projects" whereas DS just likes messing around with "stuff".

Many people have different expectations of boys and girls at the preschool age. Little girls sit and color, while boys run around like maniacs. Is she hyper-energy compared to other girls or compared to all children? Does she ever focus on an activity of your choosing (not her choosing)?

I have two boys, both high energy, but both as three-year-olds very able to focus. Not on coloring, but reading books, building together, board games.

I get that she's young, but if she's not ever able to focus on an activity of your choosing (cooking together? making jewelry? I don't know what girls like), I'd make an appointment.

Role playing absolutely counts when it comes to imagination!

As for getting her evaluated, I suppose it can't do any harm. But I doubt any professional would diagnose her with ADD (or anything like it) at her age, nor do I think you should worry yet (she's only 3!). Of course, I'm a mom, not a professional. With DS6, over time, it has turned out to be his intensity that meant he would rarely stop moving. These days, his intensity is what sometimes leads him to focus on an activity for hours on end.

Is she 'just 3' or nearly 4?

KJP is spot on that learning isn't always externally obvious, until it is. I've been impressed at some of the learning and reasoning that has gone in my DS' brain when he was outwardly
apparently doing "nothing of value". Children deserve a lot of credit--they are true students of the world!

Thanks again for all the replies. Sorry it's taken me a few days to respond.

KJP, I don't think she's missing any important milestones, and moreover I'm sure she could learn any that she's missed if I forced the issue. It was the same with potty training and shoes. I gave her until she turned 3 even though she was obviously ready well before that. When I forced the issue, it was done in an afternoon. With tears, but done.

Chay, thanks for some of the great ideas - pavement chalk, genius! Also glad to hear your DS was still absorbing as you read, maybe I won't give up on story time just yet. I do feel bad that I can't give DD more opportunity to be physical each day, we spend a few hours each day outside but I can't manage much more than that. She deserves a farm but all I can give her are footpaths and slides

DianaG, she's high energy compared to all the kids at the park. She's constantly trying to get other kids (or me) to play tag, or super heroes, or cops, or anything else that involves running. When the other kids are usually playing forts, or sandcastles. She's running. Even climbing doesn't cut it. She needs to run. We usually take a ball along and she runs around and kicks it if she can't get anyone else to play. When she's old enough I'll get her into some kiddy sports classes but there's nothing here (apart from swimming, which she hates) for her age yet.

Puffin, she's nearly 3.5.

RRD, I don't think I will get her assessed. The only reason I would do it (next year, if at all) would be to give her school a heads up before she starts, if she has any special learning needs.

Now that I've done a bit more googling, I think she probably has psychomotor OE (and a few others). I might try to find a book so I can understand it better and equip myself with better techniques to deal with it.

And start looking for a flat near the park so we can spend more time outside, running, each day