I'll preface this by stating my husband and are gifted parents. I am fortunate to be a stay at home mom and work with our three children daily. Our oldest is in kindergarten and was recommended for gifted testing. We are going through the channels and motions. This isn't my issue.

My son just turned 3. And I'm feeling defeated. He has a very different learning style (visual spacial maybe?) than my daughter and I do. I'm having issues meeting him in the middle, to give him the education he is demanding in an age appropriate vessel. He's becoming frustrated, not aggressive or any other behavior problem, because he wants more than I am able to deliver. He has tried to reason with me on his past birthday that he was not 3, but 5 and going to school too.

I cannot figure out how to simplify the topics he wishes to learn at home. I do not know of any other professionals who I can ask for help. I have spoken to my daughters school, the gifted advisor of the county, the state DOE gifted advisor, and his primary doctor. I have called other schools both public and private. I have called preschools to ask about curriculum and if they offer advanced work. I have been continuously pointed toward private school. Private schools recommend home schooling.

Where is a legitimate end point? We have 3 years until he is kindergarten eligible according to state law (FL). He is progressing incredibly fast, and I am hitting age limitations or no/low curriculum. What are my options as a mother to find him age appropriate curriculum based on his ability and want, demand rather, to learn? Would it be beneficial to have him tested? Would I be better served looking somewhere else? Who professionally can help me help my son?

Thank you.

I don't know if I can help, but I sympathize. My daughter is also 3 and we've struggled to find materials that are appropriate for her. It's hard to find things that are complex enough for her brain but simple enough for her fine motor skills -- for example, she can't write very well. She's already doing kindergarten-level material at home and sometimes elementary school material. I work with her part of the time and we have a nanny who used to be a preschool teacher who is with her when I'm working.
I am a curriculum designer professionally, working with museums, textbook publishers, and nonprofit organizations, so I put together my own materials for my daughter, using various sources. I might be able to help you find some materials for your son. Can you tell me more about his interests, learning style, etc? You can send a private message if you'd prefer not to share too much publicly.

What catches my attention is that it looks like he is trying to be just like his older sibling who is in school. Could any of it be just that he wants to be "attending" school? (i.e. instead of focusing on academic preschool, look for either mixed age or play-based where he is really going to his school - and see if this is in part related to the fact that your oldest has moved on to school) Even with DD2, when she realized DS4 was attending a different school from her (they were in same daycare before), she cried for a few days because she wanted to attend the same school as her brother.

As for the materials, I don't have anything to offer (we tend to ignore age recommendations and go by what we think would interest him - so like lego kits of stuff DS loves, mix of books of all kinds of things that we find interesting and in his areas of interest - but without knowing areas your child is interested in, I have no idea).

Welcome!

Have you looked into Gifted Homeschoolers' Forum (GHF)? You may wish to check especially the Homeschooling tab and the Favorite Things tab. GHF offers a great roundup of homeschool resources.

Many families also enjoy Rainbow Resource, DK books, Every Good Book, Resources list on the Davidson Database (DITD), Hoagies' Kids, Mensa for Kids, Library of Congress (LOC) resource lists, free printable worksheets from Crayola, and enchanted learning, to name a few of the many resources available.

As others have mentioned, the resources you choose will depend upon your child's interests and how advanced he is. This may be a great time to let your son lead, and explore many things.

Have you looked at Montessori at home materials? Our oldest was in a Montessori program at that age and the method worked very well for him. YMMV.

On the question of how to teach him... maybe the answer is closer to home. Have you asked your DH? He did supply half of your DS' genetic material, after all.

My DW has homeschooled our DD9 quite effectively, but when she runs into challenges, I've been the one to solve them, because DD's learning style is so much like mine that I've frequently joked, "I have the user's manual to DD's brain."

DD says, "That's creepy."

Apart from solving individual challenges, I've also been able to give DW some general guidelines on what approaches work best.

She's definitely a visual learner, and when she was 3, she sat in my lap at the computer desk as I pulled up relevant images for whatever topic she had expressed an interest in, and talked her through what we were seeing.

Yes. We did some Montessori-at-home, then transitioned to a modified (okay-- heavily modified) Charlotte-Mason method (if not curricular goals) which meshed very well with the age-appropriate motor skills that my preschooler possessed.

That smoothly transitioned to more academic types of educational materials and curriculum as DD got to about five years of age. Until then, we didn't push/emphasize writing at all. You do have to be reasonably comfortable with the idea of asynchronous development of academic skills, though.

My 4yo couldn't cut out shapes, or color detailed pictures, but she could (and did) read chapter books, and work symbolic math problems, and could give an ORAL book report worthy of a child twice her age.

That asynchronous web didn't start to coalesce into something that looked more even until late into secondary education, by the way-- so you'll need to accept that you may be signing up for long-term scaffolding of age-appropriate/weaker skills if you support learning at the child's proximal zone of development/readiness in the strengths.

Welcome, and good luck!

Can you explain in more detail what "topics he wishes to learn at home". I might be able to give better suggestions if I knew what he is craving to learn.

At 3 I mostly helped my son by providing lots of books, and non-fiction videos when relevant. (My son's passion at that age was animals.) Taking him to museums, zoo's and other such places out in the world. Giving my son open ended toys like boxes of legos (without the directions) for him to create. And mostly not assuming that material was too hard for him, although I did keep an eye out for adult content.

Welcome! At that age, my DC attended a few hours of pre-K a week for socialization, and we read many, many books at home. We also explored topics that were of particular interest to them, visiting various museums, planetariums, and zoos. We also spent a great deal of time at the library. When we could find them, we signed up for "special interest classes," although these can be challenging to find at that age.

Does you son have special interests or talents that you could start/build on - chess, art, etc.? Is he interested in learning to read or is he already reading (I wouldn't push it if he's not interested, but if he is, it is a GREAT way to start to explore various topics)?

Welcome, glad you found these forums. I, too, have a 3 year old who insists he's five to attend school. But so sadly, what school is in his mind is not what it will be when he gets there in 2 years.
Our daily life basically runs like this: usually bright and early he wants to read, write, do math or art. I have boxes and a cabinet full of materials. I have friends who give me workbooks from schools or I find them as cheap as I can. He changes topics/skills/interests so often, I don't know what to invest in most of the time, either he learns a skill in a day or he skips it, or he is no longer interested.

I used to have a visual schedule of his day, which helped his emotional regulation, therefore, behavior. It went something like this, Get Ready, Breakfast, Homeschool, Outside Play, Snack, etc. Then he knew there was a designated time for homeschool and he didn't have to beg me all morning to start.

He knows what materials we have so now he just asks me to get him whatever he's into that day. I roll with it. I do have it put away and organized, otherwise it takes over the house.

However, I am helping him write. He spent two months writing on his own, about 5 hours a day, practicing inventive spelling and writing story books. I now sit with him and help him. I know we are looking at a future grade skip so I try to help him with skills I know he will struggle with some so that when he is grade skipped, it will be an easy transition.

We do watch videos of topics he's into, he attends preschool two days a week for 3 hours, story time at the library, tons of park time, backyard time. He requires a lot of attention, always discussing experiments, inventions, ideas.

I can assure you that you I am not enough for him, I'll never be. A school plus us won't be enough. I have dishes, errands, another child, myself, my husband-a whole life to attend to, and he needs interaction/stimulation 18 hours a day. He's old enough that I discuss with him how he will need to learn to be alone sometimes because I have things to do. There have literally been moments where he screaming at me to show him how to spell X or do a math problem while I am doing the dishes. When he needs an acadmice fix, he's in full anxiety mode, as if life depends on knowing this thing.

I hope you find comfort in knowing there are many people on these forums who are here to listen.

Kim - my son's interests are with automobiles and racing. Real life interests aside, he loves shapes and patterns. I saw the game qbits at Barnes and Noble that I intend to pick up for Christmas. He loves board games, which helps him work on his motor skills along side his love for math and counting.

Notnaf - his interest in school is probably the whole spectrum. He demands his own homework, so we often do my oldest's as a group. She can do it independently, but she liked to sit down in a collaboration because I always inevitably branch off from that into what they're both asking. He wants a backpack so he can have his homework in it. We have an online program that is math based that he enjoys and also refers to it as school and homework often. I have to slow him down to eat breakfast before diving into school at home.

We are active in the community and attend many EC settings where he is able to freely socialize. I'm having trouble finding learning groups, but I still keep searching.

As far as cars (his interest) I've been able to find some great steals on the Disney cars learning books as well as vehicle books in general. My aunt purchased him a book where he was the main character in a car race. To work on his skills that are lacking, such as a disinterest in writing, I incorporate his match box cars to trace large letters on a white board with the cars. He'll put them on the letters in a pattern, count them, and then willingly trace and erase the letter to do the next. I try to sneak in the things he doesn't want to do along with other tasks he does.

Indigo - Thank you! No I haven't looked into that forum, but I will. Any resource that can help me introduce new things, or different ways of seeing things is great. Last night the two oldest did ribbon painting. They thought they were making decorations for my living room, which is true, but they had to try and manipulate the ribbons into straight lines and simple shapes. I figure any activity to engage motor skills is okay by me!


Connecting - I haven't looked into that. Is there any sourdough place that I should be looking for materials? I just found a very small school that's loosely basedan on montessori, but it is a private gifted school that he would have to test into. I wanted to do more research before committing anywhere. I made the mistake of trusting my daughter's former pre k and got a hard dose when they said they could not give her more curriculum based on the school's policies. I yanked her so quick at that remark, because the travel included made it not worth my while when she has many other activities to socialize.

Dude - my husband is as clueless as I am to our son. I thought similarly, but since my husband travels, has been even more stunned with what comes out of his mouth. We were visiting family, and the same reactions happened. He's just either learning in a way we can't figure out, or he's learning and subsequently hiding it until he's ready for the shock value.

Howler - how did programs approach this uneven balance with you? Is there anything I can expect? I know he weaknesses, and described above the little steps I try to do at home to help him. He also has some unknown health issues (gi related) that while aren't serous have stunned his growth so he just hit 36". So while he's 3,he looked lie he is younger than 2.

Blue - cars and vehicles in general, numbers in any context, patterns either simplified or complex (he lives for structure if any kind), colors and anything general kids are interested in. He's currently being a car, running around my rooms like he is in a race himself, trying to coax my 12 month old to crawl and race after him. He loves shows like magic school bus, stiff the science kid, and umizoomi. He gravitates toward the learning videos, not necessarily ones like bubble guppies that teach behavior and social skills.

Loy - he is sight reading and can actively follow while being read to. He understands phonetics and can guess some words rather accurately. He can strangely spell words better than read. He's currently spelling words to turn around and spell them backward. One day during what I guess you could call free time, he began saying his abcs in reverse without having to stop and think, just like he could visualize the concept of abc and go in reverse. We don't push reading or his ability, we just read. I'm an audiobook fan myself. I've explained to my oldest that once she is ready to gravitate away from picture books, she can read on her tablet many more stories than we have at home or the library. We haven't hit that want for more yet, and I'm content exposing them to the library rather than the computer. He's only recently taken an interest back toward books last month. I wouldn't be shocked in a few months if he's solo.

GGG - We have three years until school (he will start at the end of 2017). I'm terrified what will continue to grow until then.

I have an entire room that is all craft material. I loved hands on projects, so working at Joanns as a teenager, I rarely saw paychecks. We just made punch paper Santas for Christmas cards. I also have workbooks (more my daughters interest than my son's) that I snag on clearance from the local stores. Target had some great addition workbooks, but they were almost too easy, but for 1$, I had to try.

I am so glad to hear I'm not alone, even if my children haven't been tested as of yet. I have three, the youngest just turned 1, and my husband travels and is maybe home a total week of a month, if we're lucky. I feel like my house hold is running full steam and I'm struggling to divide the attention where it needs and figure out how my 3 year old does what he does, while making sure the baby isn't trying to eat the crayons or fall into the tile floor. Cooking is my only solace. I can break out the tablets (a very old innotab and a kurio) and my laptop and they will sit at the table while I cook. The baby gets put in her seat and typically placed with snacks in view of something so she can be happily and safely contained while I whip up meals.

I know how my mother felt raising me (also gifted), except there was only one of me. I've got two making my head spin, and God help my sanity when the baby starts taking the initiative herself too.

Hi Tangentspur,
A few books that might have ideas to help:
- Early Gifts: Recognizing and Nurturing Children's Talents
- Your Gifted Child

Both of these books are about responding to giftedness in young children and both include some interesting ideas about how to meet your child's needs outside of a school environment.

Also, Teach Me To Do It Myself: Montessori Activities for You and Your Child, while not specific to giftedness, has some different approaches for a range of subject areas.

If he's into cars, have you gotten him thinking about engines? There's a Magic School Bus episode on how an engine works, and there are probably some good nonfiction books for kids on basic mechanics/engineering of cars and "things that go."

Have you tried puzzles? My 3 yr old girl loves 50-100 piece puzzles and can do them mostly by herself. The Melissa and Doug floor puzzles are pretty good -- maybe there's a car-themed puzzle? Puzzles promote fine motor skills, spatial thinking, a whole range of stuff.

Other things you can do patterning with: legos or unifix cubes, a pegboard, large beads on a pipe cleaner, or pattern blocks (we like Mindware Imaginets, although there are other good options that are less expensive).

I'm not much of a social media person, myself, but I have found Pinterest to be useful for finding good ideas that don't have to cost a fortune -- maybe it's worth a look?

I love how you incorporated the matchbox cars into getting him to write! That's really creative and exactly the kind of thing we have to do with our kids.

I can hear how tired and somewhat discouraged you are, and I think you're doing amazing! I only have one, and I can't imagine managing three on a daily basis. Just the fact that you're doing everything you can do puts your kids in so much better of a position. Hang in there!

Hi Tangentspur,

We're car folk over here! We have used cars to teach everything form math to science to history to art and of course reading. Here are some ideas:

Get him a subscription to Top Gear magazine. The articles and photos are beautiful, technically interesting and quite funny. If you let him have screen time, there are Top Gear snippets on youtube and full episodes available through Amazon Instant Video. Again, fun and technically satisfying. (DS7 was The Stig for Halloween. It was hilarous.) Edit to add - some of the Top Gear video humor stuff can be a little potty-humor-ish. And they occasionally use a mild swear words. You might want to screen a little to see if it's within your comfort zone.

Take you car nut to car places. We are regulars at the high end auto dealers in the area. And don't forget the "exotic car resellers" - i.e., the people who sell used Ferraris, etc. Most of the places now recognize DS and know he will take a thousand pictures, but never touch their cars without permission. As a result, he often gets to sit in them, see their engines, occasionally start them up. He has been inside literally millions of dollars worth of cars!! And - he knows their stats, price (in pounds, euros and dollars - learning math through currency conversion!), special design features, aerodynamics, you name it.

Is there a race track near you? Going to the races is fun and exciting. And if you go on practice and qualifying days, the mechanics often have time to chat with kids (and kid-like grownups) about the cars. Usually - especially at bigger races - these guys have degrees in engineering and can really talk in depth. And they generally love to talk to kids when they have the time - especially when they spot a little boy who is clearly deeply in love with their machines.

At the library, check out grownup car books. We have spent hours studying coffee table books about the history of Lamborghini and Ferrari, etc. DS also loves car repair manuals you can check out (look for "Chilton's" in the library's card catalog).

There are lots of auto shows this time of year. They often have engines and other car parts mounted on displays that people can manipulate, study, etc. NOW I know why they call it a "V"8 engine! They also have racing simulators that are often free or very inexpensive. Race Monaco in an Aventador!!

As these gifted kids do regularly switch/abandon topics, we are always aware that the "car" phase could end. But it's been going strong for two years now and has been a very, very fun and fruitful source of enrichment for our little guy. I hope you have fun with it, too!

Sue

Do you have an interest in or funding for enrolling him in a preschool? It sounds like in part he really wants to be a "school" kid, too, and that might suit his needs and also help you out. Both my kids (DD 8 is PG, DS is 5) have done very well in Montessori preschools. This is true even for DS who is definitely more visual-spatial, so the manipulative, visual work in the classroom really works for him. He couldn't care less about workbooks, which my DD always loved to pieces. At home we supplement with things like science experiments (we are getting the Magic School Bus kits monthly this year), electronics kits (Snap Circuits are huge with DS), games like checkers and chess, building stuff (MagnaTiles were a big hit, also now Legos) and various online games (DS likes DragonBox algebra and Dreambox).

One more thing - there is a series of Speed Racer books. They are out of print, but you can get them really cheaply on Alibris. They are really fun for read aloud. DS was riveted through the whole series when he was 4. Here is one of them: http://www.amazon.com/Great-Plan-Sp...d=1417628221&sr=1-3&keywords=speed+racer

Note there are other Speed Racer series, but this one follows the old show and is the best, I think.

Sue

Hi! I have a little car nut too. Here are a few activities that he enjoys (not sure if they're all educational, but they keep him busy):

We incorporate hot wheel cars into every aspect of life. When he plays with play dough he makes 'ramps' and 'spoilers' and 'covers' for his cars. Sometimes we paint his cars and then wash them back off. Now that he's started drawing he draws cars. We made Christmas ornaments yesterday and made a few shaped like cars.

Legos! And other building type materials, but especially Lego. This particular set has been lots of fun: http://www.amazon.com/LEGO-Juniors-...qid=1417716805&sr=8-1&keywords=Lego+Race We followed the directions and built it one or two times but now he just builds his own types of cars on the little bases.

We build ramps and race things a lot. When we go to the library we stop into two different car sections (non-fiction for bigger kids and the little kid car stories). We also look at car magazines and watch car tv shows sometimes. We go to car shows on the weekend (helps that DH is into this stuff too, I definitely am not). And yeah, lots of running around.

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing great!

Kim - I need to start making my own little topic notebook, but I'm sure my husband will have a field day over that. I'm the very meticulous person who craves structure, so flying on the whim us often exhausting for me.

Regarding books, I'll have to pick those up and see if u can dredge any of the older material type cars books out from a huge used book store we have local to us. I've been snagging up every Dr Seuss and Disney book since they're a steal at 2$ a pop. I wouldn't be surprised to find the books for me there as well. It's a for to ceiling maze in there, but the trip alone is an adventure.

He actually just received about 6 puzzles, all cars related and had then together faster than the person who gave then to him anticipated. I think they are 24 piece puzzles, and he completed them all in a shocking pace. I'm going to see how far he can go and try buying some larger puzzles.


Suevv - I will definitely add that to my list of magazines to subscribe to, the kids love getting mail addressed to them, and my husband can have something for him when he's home. We've gone to a few local car shows, but the size and atmosphere clearly wasn't that of a large one, at least according to my husband. We go to monster jam and I've been debating the nitro circus since it is also coming in town. I guess I can possibly start when u go taker my van for an oil change. They had a viper in the show room, and go figure it was red, but the salesmen were far more interested in coffee than taking to the little boy freaking out about Lightning McQueen, so we walked the lot in search of x color truck and x color race car and vans like ours. If it works out better, maybe we'll swing by the Ford dealer to look at mustangs, since he screams he sees one anytime were in the car and one passes. I was hopeful dh would buy another project mustang so he could learn from the inside out by his father, but with travel so frequent, he's rarely home.

I completely forgot speed racer! I wonder if I can find the old episodes on an online streaming site like Amazon.


Aufilia - I'm hesitant for preschool for him for a few reasons. Although he can handle the mental tasks, his short stature and developing motor skills and still undiagnosed gi issue (resulting in frequent bowel movements) have me scared he may be a lot to handle for someone who doesn't know him. He has to climb on the toilet still, and isn't the best at clothing himself properly (inside out and backwards doesn't phase him). He doesn't ask for help at home, but we're fortunate to have a very low seated toilet in his bathroom, but a small step stool is still too short, so he had to fully disrobe waist down to go. He's beginning to seemingly get better at these things, but he's also not fully clothed like he would be at school, and I could imagine the panic of trying to get the shoes off and everything else while trying not to have an accident. We're low key here, him running around in lightning underwear didn't bother me. I'd have to really feel like they wouldn't shame him for having to constantly go and require help to do it. I'm sure I'm just freaking out a little, but averaging 10 times a day seems like a major hassle for whoever he would be in class with.

Thousands of dollars in visits and tests and speacialists galore, we still have no answers.


Reader - Oh those look like awesome Christmas present ideas! My dh is like yours, and I'm over here oblivious to what is what. I'm defibrillator going to start exposing him to the more advanced level books, even just for the pictures, if not for his benefit then for mine so he had someone to relate to when dh is traveling.


Thank you all for your kind words and help. I don't feel like I'm failing so hard now. You are a great community, and I hope you don't mind my sticking around, even if I'm just lurking the posts. Thanks again!

regarding the issue of short stature and school... if you still really are interested, could you still check with even part time preschools, and see if they could help with the issues related to causing GI issues? DS is also small and the school he is at now ended up getting steps for the bathroom because he could not go to the bathroom otherwise. When DS was three, he was not the only smaller size child so they had stools/boxes for the in class bathrooms even though the toilets were already kid-size. You can ask how they would address his frequent BMs.

But to use the bathroom, I am not sure I understand why he would have to be full disrobed so that may complicate it if he really has to go without his shoes. For pants, we use pants that are easy to pull down (i.e. no zippers nor buttons) so that DS could get to a toilet quickly when he needed to use the toilet (teachers understood that even at 3, kids may not realize they need to go until last minute - and the bathroom doors are always open so the kids could run in anytime they need to). And I have seen it all the time in the 3s room where the kids could easily get their pants/skirts down to use the toilet but would come out to ask teacher to help them pull their clothes back up, so I doubt he would really stand out with his motor skills.

Heck, even at 4, we still see occasional wardrobe misfires big time with backwards clothes, underwear peeking out the bottoms of pants etc (he forgot one leg).

LOL-- my mom reported still seeing this occasionally with kids who were 5-7yo, incidentally.

When DD was little and had some motor skills issues, we used slip-on all-weather mocs (Land's End) and elastic waistbands. Those two things made everything better.

Oh yeah! Elastic and velcro do make everything better!

FWIW, our sons' preschools (three different ones, two Montessori, one project-based) all had toddler/preschooler sized toilets located just off the classroom (meaning the doors were in the classroom and the children didn't need to leave to use the toilets). they also had either steps to the sinks or short sinks. even the smallest children were big enough to use those.

Hi - yes, the old speed racer episodes are available for streaming. I can't remember whether I got them on Amazon instant video or iTunes, but it was one of the other. Have fun!

To be honest, I don't think any of this would preclude attending a good Montessori preschool. The key here is GOOD, because anybody can use the "Montessori" name without actually having Montessori certification, so you really have to do a bunch of school visits, observations, and talk to people about the programs near you. But in any good Montessori school, the environment is designed to be completely accessible to kids, including the bathrooms. All our previous preschools (not just Montessori) had kid-size toilets.

The Montessori "Practice Life" portion of the curriculum is designed to teach them skills of independence, such as putting on their own coat, buttoning and zipping, pouring liquid, cleaning up a mess, folding towels--I kid you not, my kids were obsessed with folding towels after learning how at school. Sometimes to entertain them at home I'd just throw a couple clean dozen washclothes in the laundry so they could "help". Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that in a good program, they will seriously be all about helping him develop skills like dressing and undressing etc without shaming him for not knowing these things, because teaching things of this nature are part of the philosophy.

My DD#1 has sensory processing disorder, gross motor delays, balance issues, and was later diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's. She's been in 5th % for height her entire life and qualifies for just about every therapy you've ever heard of, starting with PT from 20 months of age onward. She did Montessori preschool from age 2 1/2 through age 4 1/2 and it was the best school experience of her life so far.

Another thought... Some schools post preschool or kindergarten readiness checklists for parents. While helping him learn in his areas of interest, you may wish to use a checklist found online (or make one of your design) to show him what a school would look for in an incoming student. Many kids enjoy the experience of working with checklists, and the sense of accomplishment from a goal completed.

Seeing how far he is beyond what a preschool or kindergarten would expect from a student upon entrance may help him realize that school may not be the panacea he envisions. This may help him keep exploring topics to learn more about, and reinforce the habit of keeping a record of what he is learning about. This may be helpful for future advocacy.