I know it is really hard to find a "right" preschool, and sometimes you thought it is "right" and turn out it is not.

After researching for a year, I finally choose a christian base preschool which use Montessori materials in classroom for my "mathematics talent" DS3. It should be a prefect choice as my son doesn't like to play with "non-educational toys" (sorry for the "educational" i mean here is sth related to academics) like figures, trucks and pretend-play toys.

However, I am thinking to change his preschool now as I found that the school give him too many worksheet. The reason is that he is so into writing and after assessment, the teacher would like to focus him on language art (as english is his second language) and actually there is no other maths toys suitable for his level. I did tell the teacher that I prefer social interaction, so it is okay to let him just pick some toys and play with other kids, but it seems doesn't work in Montessori preschool.

He started writing his name when he was 2.5 yrs old with mixing of upper and lower case letters (and he write all the words with a mixing of U/L case too), so the teacher draw a cross next to his name and his words and ask him to practice again. He is so sad when he telling me that teacher said he is wrong and have to write lower case letters instead (i am surprise that he totally understand what the teacher said). Would like to ask should I support what the teachers do in class and ask him to write it "Correctly"? Is it too early as he is only 3 now, and he enjoys writing so much.

I am thinking to switch my son to a playbase preschool to improve his social skill and avoid those worksheets, not sure if it a good choice, any experience and advice? Thanks.

Btw, there is a funny story about this. A few days ago, my son asked me to draw sth, and then i drew it wrong and said, "Oh no! Mommy draw it wrong",
DS3 said, "if you draw sth wrong, you should multiply it!"
I said, "What??? Multiply it???!?!"
DS3 said, "yup! multiply it, teacher also did that" and then he drew a cross next to where i made a mistake :P

Hi,

After you spoke with the teacher about just letting him pick out toys and playing, what was her response? I would go with your gut and move him to a more play based situation now if they are not interested in letting him play/experiment with things on his own.

Writing your name with a mix of small letters and capital letters is totally fine at 3. My DD who is 5 and in kindergarten still does this occasionally. If DD were 3 and she wrote her name and someone drew an "x" next to it and told her it was wrong I would not be happy.

Penmanship is not language arts. If the school wants him to work on language arts why don't they let him draw pictures, make up stories/books, read level appropriate books, dress up and make plays or build things and explain or talk about them?

I think at 3 your DS should be somewhere that encourages his interest and love of learning and makes him feel happy. Right now it sounds like this preschool is a place where he feels sad and pressured. I wouldn't back up the teacher here, I'd just say "bye!".

I would be upset if I knew that my dd almost 3 had any attempt at her name crossed out, so that she could practice doing it correctly. One of my greatest fears is a teacher teaching my daughter to not be a kid and do the creative things that kids do. I love it that my daughter has some academic skills, but I firmly believe that any academics she does must be considered part of her free play. So, if someone told her she did not write her name correctly it would seem as absurd to me as telling her that she did not build her Lego world right.

I agree with the previous posters. Go with your gut - what you describe sounds absurd. And our daycare have gotten kids whose first language was *not* English, and even then, they don't focus on penmanship at all regardless of what your native language is. For children with difficulty with English, they would really emphasis talking and listening - writing correctly at 3 is not on their radar, not even for kids who are native English speakers. So, in a nutshell - I would not back up the teacher at all. If he wants to write, it should be fun. Not work, not something to be corrected.

DS4 was in a traditional preschool/daycare at 3 (lots of play with early intro to some things) and even there, the teachers never corrected or pushed him on getting correct letters. They would ask "do you want to practice letter X today?" and more often than not, DS would say no, and take off for a play center, and the teacher just left it alone. He never came home with any worksheets although he came home with plenty of artwork. So while we saw some other kids with lots of writing examples, his was sparse - and his teacher never said anything about it at all to him or us because frankly, it is NOT important at 3. They emphasized more social skills and listening.

Heck, even now, being in a GT class at age 4, the few worksheets he brings home are full of his writing attempts - mixed cases, letters backwards at times and even a few with just a few letters of his name. And even then, his teacher does not cross anything out or call him out on his size or mistakes - they emphasis the fact that he keeps trying and never gives up, not whether it is correct and because of that, he is actually enjoying it all a lot.

I personally would avoid any preschools that have 3 year olds doing worksheet.

We looked into Montessori schools and I loved one of them but then it shut down last year and SO was never crazy about sending DD to a school that would tap into her strengths.

The nature-based preschool we ended up for DD is wonderful. DD went from not really knowing what to do with herself with a group of peers to being a social butterfly. It still isn't a perfect fit and she is starting to crave more math and writing but those things, we can do at home together.

When you visit the right school, you'd know it. Meanwhile, I'd keep on touring as many schools as possible, even the ones you don't think would work out for your DS just so that you know what you're looking for and also what you do not want in a preschool.

I think the emphasis on correct letter formation is very much a Montessori thing. For learning and developing in a second language, I'd emphasize free play, preferably in a mixed age setting so he can be with older kids. Check out play based preschools with mixed age groups for toys he might be interested in: brio trains, kapla blocks, Lego, geomags etc.

Awful. Just awful. Language - including writing - is about conveying information. Capitalization will help with that eventually, but your child's teacher is way off base in saying ANY writing your child is doing is "wrong," especially with respect to how she writes her name. Can you read her name? Then it's just perfect for now. She is conveying the information. I would not go back to that school at all.

A child should be able to write their name any way they want. Every person eventually develops their own signature. This mania for precise copying and uniformity is worse than useless, especially at this stage of learning.

I get very worked up about this because my DS had a charming "signature" he developed as he taught himself to write in preschool. Entering K, he was told that he could not write his name that way. Let me be clear - it was perfectly legible. It just included a couple of artistically embellished letters. After being humiliated and told over and over that his writing was wrong - and being sent home with his name in dot-to-dot letters he was to trace over 10 times EVERY NIGHT in the ironically named Handwriting Without Tears font (which I did not make him do), he abandoned his charming signature and also decided that he could not write at all. He won't even try any more.

Don't let this happen to your child. Leave that school.

He is 3. If all the letters are backwards, upside down, out of order or spread randomly round the page you say well done.

Yes - what puffin said. I'm so upset for your child right now.

I agree with everyone else that that doesn't sound very age-appropriate. Three is far to early to start criticizing hand-writing on any level at all. If it was my kid I'd definitely be looking at a new program. I feel strongly that a preschool teacher should be a kind presence that is supportive and nurturing more than anything else.

It can be really hard to get the perfect read on a school or even to predict what it is your kid will 'need'. Around here there weren't any strictly play-based options that were close enough for us to attend but there were a ton of church-based preschools that all seemed to use the same general curriculum. I ended up putting my son (3.5) where he is now because when we visited all the kids looked like they were having a good time, the teachers were very sweet and they talked to my son like he was a person to a larger extent than other schools. I've really enjoyed it for him so far, and I'm happy with the decision. He does do some writing work but it seems to be pretty rare and is just tracing some letters. They have a letter of the week that they talk about and then they decorate the letter with something. There doesn't seem to be much pressure to do much of anything other than stay somewhat in line and in their seats. I don't think he's learning much academic but has plenty of behavior to work on, ha.

I'm sorry you guys are having a rough experience and I hope you find a school that's a good fit soon!

That a so-called teacher feels it's appropriate to mark a 3 year old's written name as wrong is disgusting. I would be asking for a prorated refund of my tuition deposits. Tomorrow! You can't bridge that kind of gulf in ideology with diplomacy, and your son will be the one left to suffer the poor methodology of the teacher.

Thanks you so much everyone!!!! Glad to know that it is really a problem and not i am too sensitive.

I also agree that the first thing for my son to learn English is speaking and listening, and it should be learnt through playing with friends or teachers. He seems shutting himself down in sch as he didn't speak any English at home after 3 months of school (my son is advanced in his 1st language development, and he knows lots of English words, so we don't think it is hard for him to learn speaking english). The school keep giving him words to write with lines that he must have to write in between the line correctly.

The X is definitely a problem. Glad that he still love writing right now but I Will change him to another school as soon as possible. Thanks again everyone ^^

suevv, it is so sad to what happen to your kid, so how is your DS now? does he finally get back his confident on writing?
I am sad that the school/the norm is "killing" the creativity of the kids.

This sounds unusual. Is this due to your son's advanced talent in math, has he surpassed the materials available?

From your post it is not possible to tell if the reason this doesn't work is related to the preschool's Montessori philosophy or to your son's preferences?

It sounds like the teacher believes she is going "above and beyond" to meet the child at his level of assessment, achievement, and interest, rather than focusing on what is developmentally typical for his chronological age. Customized attention and support in developing child-led interests to the next level is what many gifted students and parents hope for.

Unfortunately, in this case the challenge for developing to the next level has been done in a manner which is discouraging to your son. It is being experienced more like the negative pressure of hot-housing than as positive support. There is a fine line, and it has been crossed. It seems it would be an easy thing, at this point, to gently discuss this with the preschool teacher and share expectations.

Finding the right balance of adult encouragement and support for a child's challenge and joy in learning is a process which undergoes constant refinement. Parents frequently make adjustments in their approach. In partnering with the teacher, she may learn it is OK to make adjustments too.

You may wish to share with the teacher that your son, although interested in writing, is still only three and finds the corrections discouraging but would enjoy or benefit from... (insert preferences here)... displaying his work in the classroom, being encouraged to illustrate his stories, help with spelling, reading and/or being read to, being encouraged to play or teamed up to play with other kids in putting together a puzzle, etc

Does your child like the classroom, the other kids, the teacher? Does he have friends? Has he asked to see other kids outside of the preschool, for play dates?

In seeing an "X" as a multiplication sign, he's definitely looking at this through a math lens!

Indigo, thanks for your reply.

As montessori philosophy is more focus on independent learning, there are some toys that can play with other kids but not much. Although the teacher promise me to give my son more chance to work on the same material with other kid, but from my observation he is still playing alone in class. My son seems enjoy playing with other kid on the same material especially maths toys :P He did play with other kids as he did mention about it to me but only a few time.

yup, teacher want to give DS3 challenging task according of his cognitive level and interest, that's a good thing actually.

I have visited another preschool that I want to switch him to and in that sch, he has some friends there already, and that school is more focus on social and emotional development, hope he can be more social in that school.
For the school he is attending now, seems other kids know him (know his name) but he doesn't know their name and always ignore them when they try to play with him. We definitely have to work on his social skill before everything.

It sounds like this will be a very positive move, with no angst, no second-guessing, no hard feelings, and no looking back.

Thanks for supporting me ^^

Your story made me think of the teacher in Harry Chapin's song "flowers are red"

If you've never heard it, please look it up. It's about a child who goes to school drawing flowers of all colors but his teacher insists that flowers are red and should be in neat rows. She ultimately breaks him down.

I'd forgotten that song. It is really sad.

Flowers are red, green leaves are green, there's no need to see things any other way, than the way they always have been seen.

This is the first time i heard about this song, it is really sad and after wiki it, the origin of the song is sad too.
It made me think of the day when I was a kid, every kids draw water in blue. So sad that school guide the kids to be the same.

Cynthia, three is the very beginning of social play, and it's common for kids to still be parallel playing. I 100% agree that the focus of preschool should be social, and that they're an important set of skills, but your child is well within the bounds of normal development.

Thanks Tallulah!!!
In this thanks giving break, I already find some change in my DS3's play. During the school day, he only write numbers and letters even at home, doesn't play with other toys. But in this long thanks giving break, he enjoyed playing with his toys, LEGO, and MagnaTiles! (which he like to play with before he start sch) So the 2 months sch already did affect how he play (his play is already more restricted than other kid, and it becomes more serious after he go to sch which gives him lots of writing worksheets)
He will start attend the new school tomorrow, hope everything will go well to him, finger crossing.