My First Real Post on This Forum. - Gifted Issues Discussion Forum

This is not a "do you think my dd is gifted?" post. Either she is or she isn't per our local guidelines. I will assume she is until she is tested. If I am proven wrong, I will probably be one of those parents that just suddenly stops posting. Certainly a test score will not affect my high level thoughts for the sweetest little girl I know, but it may cause me to reassess what is in her best interest. My reason for being here is to minimize the likelihood of messing up. I want to start thinking about school decisions critically.

We already are on the roller coaster. dd doesn't sleep much, she has a very active imagination, and oh the drama. Of course my wife and I take turns, so as to not get too tired. This is getting much better as she is doing a lot to take care of herself now days. As for the sleep. We have gotten her a cd player to listen to when she goes to bed, and the read along storybooks help her to drift off to sleep.

She owns my heart. The last 2.5 years have gone by so fast, and 2.5 years more and our little girl will be kindergarten age.

I hope school will go better for her than it went for me. I think my own traits caused me some of the problems I had in school. I am an autodidact, and was in school as well. It is very easy for me to learn anything I want to learn, but I have a strong distain for being taught. I see this same trait in her. I always insisted as a child on finding my own path, and she does now too. Later in life, I learned the value of following more well worn paths at least at times, and I would like to show her this value without teaching her to be a sheep.

She has friends, and I think they will be included in our kindergarten choice. I do fear her getting lost in school... not geographically.

I plan to keep her into sports, and any intellectual hobbies that grab her. We actually already do much along those lines, she's in soccer, we had her in a swim class. She is part of a music class at her daycare.

We really want to make positive educational decisions and allow her to be a content person, whatever that happens to mean. I do not want her to be miserable in school. I feel it is likely that reading some of the posts in this forum may help us to make decisions that will make her school years more enjoyable.

Originally Posted by it_is_2day

This is not a "do you think my dd is gifted?" post. Either she is or she isn't per our local guidelines. I will assume she is until she is tested. If I am proven wrong, I will probably be one of those parents that just suddenly stops posting.

An institution dealing with large numbers of people needs clear-cut rules, so a gifted program in a public school has to draw a line somewhere. But if the IQ cut-off is 130, there is no more difference between an IQ of 129 and 130 and 130 and 131. Giftedness is not a binary quality. Parents do not need to be guided by a strict IQ cut-off, and there is no cut-off for this forum.

Welcome!
Have you looked into Montessori? It was perfect for my strong-willed child.
Because it is child-led there is more opportunity for children to assert their own independence and to learn at their own pace.

Montessori can be good too b/c the groups tend to be multi-age (say 3-6) and a gifted 3 year old may have more in common with the 5-6 year olds.

Welcome!

Enjoy her (it sounds like you are)! What makes her special to you will not change, either, if she is eventually tested. If she is displaying special gifts, nurture those talents - but, I'd try not to stress and plan too far ahead.

Both of my DC attended play-based pre-K and enjoyed it. No, they did not learn academic skills at preschool, but they were picking things up at home without trying - preschool was all about the social experience for them.

Originally Posted by it_is_2day

She owns my heart.

You have the most important ingredient for success here. Welcome!

Of Course, I understand what you are saying. My intro was meant to be humorous, but...I guess I am not a gifted comedian.

I also did not want to provide a list of gifted attributes that my daughter possess. I personally have little doubt that my daughter is gifted. Some kids it may be hard to tell until they are older, but almost anyone who carries on a conversation with my daughter for any length of time, or just watches her carefully will see that she sees the world extremely clearly.

What I do want to focus on is thinking clearly about the upcoming decision of school. In the event that she is gifted. What actions I might decide if she is MG, HG, EG or PG. Or, not within local definitions of gifted.

No, I won't necessarily feel kicked out if my daughter tests low on an IQ test, but I will likely find different uses for my time.

My current fears are what if she is EG or PG, and yes they are fears. I do have some inside knowledge of the negative side effects of having an extremely able mind.

In the PG case I would very likely have to be ready to home school her if traditional school really isn't working. MG or HG I would most likely try everything in my power to make traditional school work. EG and it could go either way.

Of course every child and every situation is different, and I can't plan every scenario, but I feel it is necessary for me to be as armed with information as possible.

Originally Posted by cmguy

Montessori can be good too b/c the groups tend to be multi-age (say 3-6) and a gifted 3 year old may have more in common with the 5-6 year olds.

Thanks, I really wanted to try a Montessori, but we had to put her into a daycare as soon as she was 3 months old, and now she has a group that she pals around with, and we would hate to break up the pack.

She does enjoy hanging out with older kids. They let the older kids into her room in the afternoon, and those are the ones she talks about the most when she gets home. At the playground too she always playing with older kids.

My boys were both fine with day care (NZ day cares and preschools are basically free play) where they spent their time building things, riding bikes, playing in the sand pit etc. It was better when there were older kids than when they were the oldest but that is normal. If the day care is trying to teach academics though that could be a problem.

Welcome anyway.

Welcome! My son is 3.5 and I found these forums a year ago. I usually log on when I am having a ton of anxiety about future education, behavior, the daily challenges. I hope you find it as helpful as I do.

Originally Posted by it_is_2day

Some kids it may be hard to tell until they are older, but almost anyone who carries on a conversation with my daughter for any length of time, or just watches her carefully will see that she sees the world extremely clearly.

I love this. Do you converse with typical 2.5 yo a lot? You may realize that not many of them actually carry on a conversation, let alone one in which they show how clearly they see the world.

I can only reiterate the suggestion of staying away from traditional preschool academics, and to try an create multi age environments for her as often as possible.

If you want to try to make traditional k - 12 school work, I am also a great fan of the "stealth acceleration" that is early entry. You may want to find out about your districts criteria for that one now, in case it turns out to be a lengthy process or you need to go the private school route.

Your daughter sounds like mine - poor sleeper, very active imagination and a flair for the dramatic

I understand the fear of the possibility they may be extremely gifted. It's a lot to try and balance.

I also fear my son will be lost in school and bored. We are going to try public school but we have a few private schools in mind, just in case.

Hello,

We, and other parents, here share your fears. Since DS 2.5 years was born, we haven't had a full night's sleep and spend our free time trying to find ways to channel his limitless energy and cater to his ever-changing needs and follow his passions until he exhausted the subject. We often feel as if we were never settled in a routine and that there was always a surprise lurking around the corner.
After careful thought, we finally decided to take him out of daycare after 2 years of watching him lose it every morning because he doesn't want to go. He spends long days over there but once he gets home, he is hyperactive and only settles when we respond to his demands for mental stimulation (learning to read, add, learning about various subjects) He is loved by the other kids but remains a loner and prefers the company of a family friend who is 6 years old or my father who takes him to the museum every week. So we will try homeschooling a few months with his nanny who has a degree in education and see...We are looking at Montessori and other private schools for next year as simply playing all day does not seem to be enough (where we live, formal education starts much later).

I honestly dug my heels for a long time wanting my kid to be "normal" and have a " normal" education. Reading the posts in this forum really helped me see things in an alternative way and take that first step...welcome

Max's Mom, thank you for your post. Your son sounds like my son at preschool.
You are correct. I want my son to have a normal education. I keep trying to think of ways to have him fit into the "mold". I am wrong. It's time for me to just go with the flow (as my hubs always says). We can try public school but if it doesn't work, we can try something else. He won't be damaged and I can be less stressed.
I am going to try....

Originally Posted by Max's Mom

Hello,

We, and other parents, here share your fears. Since DS 2.5 years was born, we haven't had a full night's sleep and spend our free time trying to find ways to channel his limitless energy and cater to his ever-changing needs and follow his passions until he exhausted the subject. We often feel as if we were never settled in a routine and that there was always a surprise lurking around the corner.

Yes it sounds like you have been living our life. Sleep, slowing down, and a break from surprises, nope not here. We have just got back from the park playing hide and go seek, and escaping from shark attacks, but we did see a bunch of mermaids, octopi, and sea cucumbers.

Originally Posted by Max's Mom

After careful thought, we finally decided to take him out of daycare after 2 years of watching him lose it every morning because he doesn't want to go.

As for right now it seems that she is okay with daycare. She does like to socialize. But, I do have some concerns:

1. One day she had a complete melt down about not wanting to go to school, and it scared me. We started her at 3 months, so she never had a bad case of separation anxiety reason for not wanting to go to daycare. This was something much different. She would not articulate why she did not want to go that day. I also see that she does get annoyed at daycare sometimes, but she knows that mom and dad work, and she understands the world well enough to know that she can not stay home or go to work with us. I wonder if she feels way out of place.

2. She has distinct dialects: When she talks to us or some other adults she uses well formed sentences. When she talks to older kids 4-7 she does a lot of screaming like "Oh, I know! We can go fill up this bucket! With water! and pour it down that drain and see what happens!" When she talks to 2 year olds she talks like other 2 year olds.
Example: The other day when I was at daycare she was playing with this other toddler that was trying to get my attention pointing at a triangle saying "A Triangle!" dd with out missing a beat in the same type voice pointed at a bell saying "A bell!" They then kept it up for several moments pointing at objects and naming them. At that moment, I was not sure whether I should be proud of her for fitting in, or if I should be scared that she is already working to hide her abilities.

After some thought, I realized she really does like the social interaction, and she is friends with most of the kids. But, I can imagine that things will be very dynamic with her, and so I need to keep a close eye on her situation.

Our DS is now 3.5, this is exactly what 2.5 was like!

Originally Posted by Max's Mom

Hello,

We, and other parents, here share your fears. Since DS 2.5 years was born, we haven't had a full night's sleep and spend our free time trying to find ways to channel his limitless energy and cater to his ever-changing needs and follow his passions until he exhausted the subject. We often feel as if we were never settled in a routine and that there was always a surprise lurking around the corner.
After careful thought, we finally decided to take him out of daycare after 2 years of watching him lose it every morning because he doesn't want to go. He spends long days over there but once he gets home, he is hyperactive and only settles when we respond to his demands for mental stimulation (learning to read, add, learning about various subjects) He is loved by the other kids but remains a loner and prefers the company of a family friend who is 6 years old or my father who takes him to the museum every week. So we will try homeschooling a few months with his nanny who has a degree in education and see...We are looking at Montessori and other private schools for next year as simply playing all day does not seem to be enough (where we live, formal education starts much later).

I honestly dug my heels for a long time wanting my kid to be "normal" and have a " normal" education. Reading the posts in this forum really helped me see things in an alternative way and take that first step...welcome

Originally Posted by it_is_2day

Originally Posted by Max's Mom

Hello,

We, and other parents, here share your fears. Since DS 2.5 years was born, we haven't had a full night's sleep and spend our free time trying to find ways to channel his limitless energy and cater to his ever-changing needs and follow his passions until he exhausted the subject. We often feel as if we were never settled in a routine and that there was always a surprise lurking around the corner.

it may be she hears adults use different ways of talking with different ages or that she is a natural mimic. I wouldn't pay much attention to the odd not wanting to go day but keep a note in case there is a pattern or escalation. We all have days when the thougt of going to work makes us want to hide under the bed.
Yes it sounds like you have been living our life. Sleep, slowing down, and a break from surprises, nope not here. We have just got back from the park playing hide and go seek, and escaping from shark attacks, but we did see a bunch of mermaids, octopi, and sea cucumbers.

Originally Posted by Max's Mom

After careful thought, we finally decided to take him out of daycare after 2 years of watching him lose it every morning because he doesn't want to go.

As for right now it seems that she is okay with daycare. She does like to socialize. But, I do have some concerns:

1. One day she had a complete melt down about not wanting to go to school, and it scared me. We started her at 3 months, so she never had a bad case of separation anxiety reason for not wanting to go to daycare. This was something much different. She would not articulate why she did not want to go that day. I also see that she does get annoyed at daycare sometimes, but she knows that mom and dad work, and she understands the world well enough to know that she can not stay home or go to work with us. I wonder if she feels way out of place.

2. She has distinct dialects: When she talks to us or some other adults she uses well formed sentences. When she talks to older kids 4-7 she does a lot of screaming like "Oh, I know! We can go fill up this bucket! With water! and pour it down that drain and see what happens!" When she talks to 2 year olds she talks like other 2 year olds.
Example: The other day when I was at daycare she was playing with this other toddler that was trying to get my attention pointing at a triangle saying "A Triangle!" dd with out missing a beat in the same type voice pointed at a bell saying "A bell!" They then kept it up for several moments pointing at objects and naming them. At that moment, I was not sure whether I should be proud of her for fitting in, or if I should be scared that she is already working to hide her abilities.

After some thought, I realized she really does like the social interaction, and she is friends with most of the kids. But, I can imagine that things will be very dynamic with her, and so I need to keep a close eye on her situation.

I want to thank everyone who posted in response.

Welcome