Hi all,
I just found this forum will googling about some of my 2-year-old's (33 months) abilities. I am not sure how to start, but just wanted to introduce myself and ask a few basic questions.

First of all, I hope I am in the right place. How do you know if your toddler is gifted? I know most parents think their kids are smart but how do you truly know it is more than that? I don't think you can test at this age (correct?) and am not sure why it would be needed before starting school, but at the same time, I want to know if I am dealing with more than just an above average child. We are at a point were we don't share his abilities with anyone other than our parents because people usually don't believe us. When someone sees him doing something that most kids his age wouldn't do (spell words like astronaut, helicopter, etc; sound out words to figure out how to spell them; count 30+ objects; etc, etc, etc) they freak out and it frankly makes me uncomfortable. Sorry to be long-winded but I guess my first concern is: how do we know if he is gifted or not?

Secondly, I struggle with how to nurture his interests while maintaining a balance. He loves to sit at the computer and type words he knows, type books from memory, etc. Do I allow this? If so, for how long? I see all the warnings about not letting young kids use computers for much time...not sure how this plays into that.

Lastly, we weren't planning on preschool until age 4. I do work with him at home, we do playdates, a mommy and me class, etc...I worry he will be bored or will already know so much by the time he starts that he will not fit in...

As you can see, I am unsure how to handle this. Any insight would be most appreciated.

Again, sorry this is so long!

Hi! My son is 3.5 and I've found this place to be an amazing resource. Just wandering around a bit will answer many of your questions. Hoagiesgifted.org has a lot of valuable info too. If you can't talk freely to most other parents, then I'm betting that you belong here.

What is your son like in other areas? When I first heard the terms asynchrony, intensity, and overexcitabilities, I had a moment of sheer relief (I wasn't alone, or crazy!). Even though it may be early to tell about your son, I think your family's history on both sides might give you some insight/confirmation too.

Personally, I wouldn't try to hold him back so he won't be bored later. I recommend following his interests as long as he thinks it's fun and if it's not hindering his overall development.

First of all, spelling like that at 33 months is definitely advanced. Very high likelihood of being gifted. As for the school decision, I just want to put in a plug for no or limited pre-school. Not that you should listen to my advice -- I just want to share this perspective and information in case it supports your instinct. Your friends are telling you he needs to go to pre-school. Well, not necessarily! With play dates, time with you etc, it sounds like he is having a rich experience. Kids don't really need a lot of peer time at that age. Some, certainly. But I think as a society, we have bought into a false belief that socialization outside the family needs to happen more and earlier than it really probably should. (Warning: homeschooler rant in progress!) There is actually research -- pretty good research and a fair amount of it -- that too much preschool is harmful socially. A little was found to be neither good nor bad, but full time preschool was harmful to kids development. Don't have the link right now but I will look for it. The important exception cited in the study was that the findings did not hold true for children from non-enriched households -- where there wasn't a caretaker actively interacting with child, stimulating experiences, etc. Do what feels most right to you as a parent, but know that just a little preschool (or even none) is a perfectly good option!

As for the computer, I have always limited screen time. But I am hearing that your child is typing words and books! Not playing a computer game.... I would be inclined to let him run with that a little. It almost sounds as though he is craving interaction with words and language. I remember when my son was 5, he became obsessed with chess, and the Fritz and Chesster computer game. He played it constantly for a few weeks, and I very reluctantly let him. And then he was sort of done with the computer game, but his love of chess has continued.

Two suggestions: that's amazing and wonderful that he is typing and spelling like that. Encourage him to try writing even something simple (his name) witha crayon or pencil. No way a three year old is likely to have the fine motor skills to do a lot there, so I wouldn't drill penmanship. I would just want him to be familiar with this other way of writing words so that he doesn't get so used to typing that writing is completely foreign. And if you do want to limit screen time somewhat, one low key way to do so would be to just plan something else... Those few times when my son has been on screen jags, I have planned a lot of activities outside the house. Then stopping isn't so much of a fight!

We have no artificial caps on screen time. DS, now 7, has been on computers/iPad/TV for whatever amount he needs his whole life (his own computer since he was 2.) He may have days where he is deep diving a lot, but has learned self-management skills and is good at finding his own balance.

The level of information available, ability for self-directed discovery & learning is powerful. We are in the 21st century, computers are a large part of life for most people. I think research in general is rarely relevant for gifted kids if it isn't specifically targeted at them.

people warned us about this with our DD5 her whole life. they said, "you should stop her - she won't fit in - what's the rush?"... but frankly, she could not be denied and just flew along at her own pace - getting interested in everything from surgery to philosophy. ... until she hit Jr. K this year, took one look around and said, "oh dear, i guess i shouldn't do all these things i do." there was a lot of pressure to be "friends with everyone" - and what she wound up doing was morphing herself into what each kid wanted her to be. they love her - she despises them.

she'd been to Montessori, prior - and they took a while to realize that they had to keep a few steps ahead of her, but Jr. K (even at what we thought was an amazing school) wasn't set up for her to be herself. she spent the whole year pretending she couldn't read or do math - and because of this... we've now got a 5 year old who literally wants to quit school.

so i guess what i've learned this year is that when choosing a school of any kind, asking plenty of blunt questions up front is the key. like you, we spent all our early years glossing over DD's reality - which is fine to get along socially - but it's a disaster in any school situation.

best of luck - welcome - and your kid sounds totally awesome.

Welcome! It sounds like you belong here.

As you're realizing, it can be really hard to talk with other parents when your child is doing things that the other kids are not yet doing. People often don't believe you and, at the very least, can't identify with how things are for you. It's kind of a sad reality that you may have to limit how you talk about your DS with certain people. But, that's why it's so great that you've found us here!

Because there aren't many/any people around you who are in a similar parenting place as you are, it is important to realize that "other people" aren't the best source of parenting expertise - YOU are. Now's a great time to start reading books on giftedness (even without an official gifted identification) just so that you can begin to empower yourself. You know your son the best and, while it can be useful to observe other people's parenting and hear other people's philosophies, you have to listen to your child and trust your gut. Because very, very few kids are doing things that your DS is doing at the age at which he is doing it, very few people are qualified to overrule your gut.

As far as computer time or any activity, again, it's up to what feels right for you and your DS. Active time on the computer is much different from playing passive games. I would bet that your DS will tend to limit his time on the computer. Even if one day he decides to type on it for two hours, he'll eventually move on to a different interest. I can't imagine any 2-3 year old becoming a completely obsessed gamer. That being said, I like the idea of having a scheduled computer time, with a lot of other activities loosely scheduled throughout the day. I'd go child-directed, but an outdoor time, a game time, a quiet reading time, etc. But, it sounds like you're doing that already, so I wouldn't worry too much about this.

As far as being concerned about whether your child will know too much in preschool, he's already past that. Whether he fits in or not is a different topic. And here, again, your experience with this will be unique to your child. Start thinking about whether your DS is happy to play with kids his age or prefers older kids, whether he is happy to play or is driven to learn in a more academic way, whether there are skills he would enjoy learning at school that he is not genreally exposed to at home or in your normal activities, whether he is happy to go along with others or is more strong-willed, and what you want out of a preschool experience for him. Then, go out and find an existing program that will meet some of those needs, or create your own program if you think that will work better.

Above all, this is a time to gather information and begin to trust yourself and your DS. Nothing in life in mandatory - from limited computer time to preschool to college. So you are free to raise your DS and enjoy your DS in whatever way you see fit.

Because there aren't many/any people around you who are in a similar parenting place as you are, it is important to realize that "other people" aren't the best source of parenting expertise - YOU are. Now's a great time to start reading books on giftedness (even without an official gifted identification) just so that you can begin to empower yourself. You know your son the best and, while it can be useful to observe other people's parenting and hear other people's philosophies, you have to listen to your child and trust your gut. Because very, very few kids are doing things that your DS is doing at the age at which he is doing it, very few people are qualified to overrule your gut.


Beautifully put.

It took us SO long to realize all of that.

The minute that you think "I shouldn't share that... they won't believe it" or "I don't want to talk about {child} here because it will just open up a can of worms" then you're already in a place where the generic parenting advice from other parents, from glossy parenting magazines and slick websites... no longer applies.

Wow. Thank you all so much for your responses. I actually am a little teary reading everything. I am not sure why but it is making me a bit emotional. I am just thankful to hear from a few of you who have some experience with this and can understand a bit where I am coming from here. Thank you.

I think I need some time to process everything. This is hard right now because my husband and I are just coming to the realization that our "smart baby" may in fact be more than just a smart kid (like we were :)) and that it can/will impact his life in ways we hadn't thought about yet.

I like the recommendation about reading about giftedness. Any books that you would recommend specifically? There does seem to be some familial connections...I was identified as gifted in school, my brother-in-law qualified for Mensa, my husband is also very bright, my father-in-law could apparently read at a very young age (3?). But even with that background, we have not been prepared for our son's abilities.

And I really appreciate the thought that the cookie cutter parenting advice no longer apply. It hadn't occurred to me, but it certainly makes sense. And thank you for saying my son sounds totally awesome. He is . That made me smile and I appreciate it!

One last question here before I go and explore this site a bit more to learn some more on my own. In your experience, are there characteristics that are more typical for a gifted child? My son (he is social and plays with other kids - though he prefers older kids) has always been a bit different than the other kids we are around. I wonder if it is just his own personality or if these are characteristics common among kids who are advanced in this way? For example, he is VERY active almost to the point of making me worry about ADHD, but at the same time he has intense focus on things he is interested in. People joke that he "doesn't stop" and "only has one speed-GO" and I always get comments about how full my hands are with him. He is also what many describe as intense and very determined.

Anyhow, I will stop for now. I have so much to learn and now that I am here I have so much to say and ask. Please bear with me! And thanks again.

Here is a good list of books about understanding, raising, and educating gifted kids:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/gifted_books.htm

I've read many of the books on this page that are pictured, and each one has been helpful in it's own way. The one I'd personally recommend starting with is A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children.

Mana lack of the executive function to choose to do boring jobs now (wash dishes, do your taxes or file your bills) while you are quite capable of hyperfocusing is absolutely a part of ADHD. No idea whether anyone in your family is diagnosable but what you are describing fits. With a gifted 3yr old though its just very hard to know. I have a HG+ child with ADHD, my youngest is currently 3 and at least as intense and non stop as her older sister was in many ways. I could describe her in ways that make her sound very likely to get a diagnosis too. But DH and I both suspect she'll actually be our only NT child (I have one with AS too, #3 is absolutely, positively not on the spectrum). Three is just too young to tell the whether your own personal 3yr old tornado is gifted and just "more" (of everything) or whether there is something else in there. That said she's my only child to get to 3 without needing minor mouth/facial repair under GA for accidents I was right there for and couldn't prevent....

Good luck with that :-)

This makes total sense, and this is what we're dealing with in our house (x 2).

DS8 has an ADHD diagnosis but can focus very well on something he's supposed to do and not interested in, if he's given sufficient motivation or consequence. He's very very very capable. He doesn't fit the profile of a kid who's just ADHD. He's not nearly as afflicted. Is he really ADHD? Doctors can be wrong. I don't know.

Coping strategies are my solution (for both kids... DD10 is a scatter brain too )

He's definitely changing. His original diagnosis was combined type, but now his only symptoms are inattention. I think he falls under either the "get better with treatment" or "get better on his own/is outgrowing it" category...

CNN - keep in mind that while the hyperactivity and impulse control bother other people the most, research shows that it's the inattention that causes the greatest academic / life problems. It's not "just" inattention...

I have tried both my DDs on medication and for one of them it's the classic magic switch, it's profoundly obvious when she is on or off her medication. She's on medication because she herself feels better and wants to take it. For the other it didn't work and she's bordering on phobic about swallowing tablets and did not want to take the medication, obviously not good on any front, so we gave up. She's a kid who had a lot of hyperactivity/impulse issues as a younger child and now is "just" innattentive. She's not bothering anyone else at school - but she regularly has NO idea what is going on, leaves homework at school day after day, etc. We are trying to teach and support her through these issues, scaffold etc. But it's not really working that well. I really worry about her. I worry about having one on medication and I worry about the other one not being on it. Can't win!

I know how you feel!! My DS sounds like your non-medicated DD, but add on mild tics, which the docs have told me will likely turn into full blown tourettes if we use stimulants. There's always Strattera, but I haven't given up on non-medication alternatives.

Part of the problem is that the staff isn't willing or able to hold my DS accountable for non-compliance (ie inattention). This makes me nuts. The thing is, he is capable of paying attention to boring stuff when presented with sufficiently motivating consequences/rewards, but the staff is very... well, let's just say they don't understand his learning style.

I've left it up to them long enough, so now I'm going to put together a "motivation/consequence" plan that involves daily contact with the teacher. I hope he'll get a certain teacher in grade 4 (we're not allowed to request) because I know I'll be able to work with her.

(I feel like I'm hijacking the thread but I guess since the OP mentioned ADHD it's not so bad ).

For me, reading 5 Levels of Gifted helped solidify in my mind what gifted "looked like" at various ages...at various "levels" (I.Q). It's my recommendation.

Hello bluecircle,

I finally just joined this forum after reading it for months (without registering because my long-standing paranoia about being judged for talking about our baby's abilities, like in the real world ;-) and found it to be a great source of comfort and advice (see my desperate post on discipline issues)

DS has loved the computer since he was 3 months old. I noticed this when I held him in my lap typing email and he was trying to reach and punch the keys. Curious I put on a nursery rhyme on youtube. He fell in love with the kids123 phonics 2 song and we had to play it over and over again. His attention span never broke. Same with 2 hour-long televised classical music concerts.

I was initially worried about what the experts were saying about no tv/computers under the age of 2 but then I said what the heck, he's having fun, learning like crazy (he recognized each letter in the alphabet by 12 months of age and has since moved onto to simple words) and it's not like I was plonking him in front of the tv alone...

However when he started to voice his desires to watch his shows all the time, I put a time limit and explained it beforehand, like ok we can watch Baba black sheep and then Frère Jacques (the french version of "Brother John" as we are raising him in a bilingual home) but then bye bye for now...which he accepted. But we never sit passively. We sing the songs together and we both point and say look when something cool pops up.

Sometimes, I just go with the flow. When I see that he is so engrossed, he is ignoring everything else (even the sight of a snack), I switch off and do an activity with him with no audiovisual aid.

And to answer your last question. How do you know that he/she's gifted? I still ask myself that a lot and when DS had moments he wasn't doing something truly amazing for a week or two, I'd say to myself, nahhhh, it's all in my head... only to be surprised again. I have no certainty about his abilities over time but if we are honest with ourselves, looking bad, we may very well be headed in that direction.

What I did was read as much of gifted characteristics as possible and then observe my son. Observed him playing with others. Tried to remember the kids I used to babysit way back when. Listen to my friends talk about their own babies and think, wow he used to do that yonks ago and then of course, avoid talking about what he did that day or joke a lot to dilute it all. Talk to non-judgemental friends with kids who have known me for years and don't have issues with insecurity who tell me,no, it's not in your head..

Anyway, aside from the obvious milestones, what really kind of struck me was his early demonstration of empathy: He was 9 months old and I had a friend over with her 1 month old whom he met for the first time. My friend was about to leave and was putting her coat on leaving the baby carrier was on the floor with her daughter in it.
The baby started crying. DS suddenly wore a very concerned look on his face and crawled over to the baby from across the room. He handed her a toy and then his half-eaten cookie (and man does he love his cookies). Baby was crying harder. He then dropped the items, leaned over, said her name clearly (heard once that day) and gave her a clumsy hug and kiss.

That's what l like most about him...

Anway, rambling aside, your kid sounds wonderful...welcome!