I'm new here, but I'm not sure I'm in the right place. I posted this on the parenting forum I usually post on, but unfortunately ended up with replies critiquing my parenting and doubting the skills my child does really have. My daughter will be 3 in a few months, and while I don't know if she's gifted, I do get a lot of comments about how smart/advanced/intelligent she is when she is talking and playing near other 2-3 year olds. I know she's very bright and advanced, but I don't think I can determine, yet, if she's gifted. I hesitate to list her skills because of the reaction I got on the other parenting forum.

I hadn't planned on enrolling her in a 3-year-old preschool program, but I'm starting to feel she needs more than just library story time, trips to the zoo, play dates, and other SAHM activities we do. Socially, she doesn't like to play with other kids her age because, "They don't play right." She plays much better with older kids. I think she would also benefit from taking instruction from someone other than me, as well as being engaged in new activities with new materials.

So, I've been researching area preschool options, and I've set up a visit at the nearby Montessori preschool. I was wondering if any of you would share your experiences with Montessori preschool and an advanced child. Were/are the activities engaging? Do the kids have the opportunity to learn how to interact with each other? Was/is your child happy there?

Thanks!

Don't feel like you need to hesitate to list her accomplishments and milestones here. We're all parents of gifted children here, and we've all dealt with negative reactions from other parents, so this is one place where you can feel free to share without judgement. For instance, there's this thread: http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/28872/The_ultimate_brag_thread.html

I don't have any Montessori experience to speak of, but from the threads on the subject I've lurked here, the results seem to be a mixed bag, dependent on the school itself, and the personality of the child. The strength of Montessori seems to be that it allows the child to progress at her own pace, and is child-led, which is perfect for gifted children.

The downsides are when the schools insist on keeping children in age-peer groups, which means you'd see your DD having the same kind of social problems she's experiencing now. Also, Montessori schools tend to be very rigid about using objects in very specific ways. Creative, spontaneous kids who like to repurpose objects and be funny are not encouraged.

So, before I'd enter my DD in a Montessori school, I'd take a good look at whether the school is willing/able to place her in a group with older children present, and whether my DD's personality is one where her spirit would be more likely to thrive or be crushed by a by-the-book approach to every task.

My HG+ DD attended Montessori preschool for a year and it was a good experience for her, but I'd definitely say that any child's experience will differ greatly based on his or her personality and the school itself.

For instance, my DD was in a 3-5 year old class, which was a decent fit because she was not quite 4 at the beginning of the year. She was the most advanced child academically and the older kids were closer to her socially than age peers were, although my DD was still more socially advanced than most. So, the mixed age grouping was a benefit.

Also, DD was able to work at her own pace and progress through their series of activities in each of the different realms (language, numbers, etc.). The only thing was that she had to start at the most basic level of every activity and show her mastery before being allowed to move to the next, so it took her some time to actually be allowed to work at her level. I thought this would drive her crazy - and it definitely would drive a lot of kids crazy! - but she is the stereotypical girl who will hide her abilities and not act out. So, it's a very systematic approach to learning and might not work well for every child.

Still, having had my kids in several different preschool types over the years, I think the main difference between Montessori and all the other programs was in it's systematic academically-focused nature. The other programs all worked on art and very basic writing and circle time and play time, but it seemed the goals were more exposure to these things than mastery of skills.

And that is where your child's personality comes in. My DD loved to "do" school, so going through the motions that year was reward enough for her. Other kids may actually want to be challenged academically, while still others may want nothing academic out of preschool and would prefer something that was entirely play-based.

Hi, blue spruce,
I think Dude summarized it perfectly. We've been in Montessori from the beginning--DD9 is now in Upper Elementary, with a great teacher. She has had two or three awesome teachers and two or three awful ones (or maybe just one awful and two not so great ones, depending on how you look at it . Success or failure for us has really seemed to depend completely on the teacher and whether they get and like DD. I would encourage you to be open at the visit about what you have observed about your kid at home and what others have said and see what their response is--particularly if you get to meet the teacher(s) your DD would be with. Also if you happen to know any other families at the school and are comfortable asking, that could be very useful. We've learned that some schools take the Montessori philosophy very seriously and really do their best to have the individualized instruction for which I think most people are searching, whereas for other schools Montessori seems to just be a marketing label and the classrooms are pretty much run in a traditional public school fashion (even though they have all the Montessori materials, etc.) Of course, if they're going to just tell you whatever to your face and then do what they like in the classroom (as happened to us last year), there's not much you can do to avoid that, but there are some really great schools and teachers and when you find that it is a truly wonderful thing. I hope you find a good school for your DD. Good luck.

Welcome, blue spruce. Like Dude mentioned, this is one place where I don't mind bragging about my kid bcos people here are awesome! I have a DD who will turn 3.5 in a couple of weeks. She has been attending a 3 hours/day Montessori school since Sep 2012. It is a small school with 10 kids ages 3-6 with one teacher. I chose this over the more famous, larger (pre-K thru' 8), full-day, accredited Montessori school in the region as DD had stayed home before that and I wanted her to take it slowly. It has been a wonderful experience so far. It took the teacher less than 10 minutes to see that DD was advanced for her age. She has continued to guide DD to perform at higher levels without being pushy. DD took naturally to the environment and constantly learns just by observing the older kids. DD loves the freedom to choose her material as she does very poorly in situations where she is instructed to do something, especially when all other children are doing the same thing. The social aspect is okay but not great as kids work independently (again a plus for my child) except there are not many opportunities to interact with other kids. I would recommend that when you visit, use your instincts about the teacher and the school to guide you instead of the prett brochures or marketing spiel.

My DD informed me at 2.5 that she was going to school as soon as she turned 3. And she clarified that she was going to school to learn reading and writing, having already mastered printing and jolly phonics. She quickly rejected the play preschool as "too messy" (!), so I visited a Montessori, knowing nothing about them. It turned out to be nirvana for my DD, who is shocked - shocked! - when kids put the wrong colour lid on markers and has better concentration skills than the adults in our house. Her class was an even mix of 3's, 4's & 5's which was huge for her. She could easily work with the older kids and work to her skill level, and was encouraged to do so by the teachers. For a focussed, motivated child it was a perfect fit.

Questions I'd ask: 1.are the ages mixed in the classroom?; and 2. do the teachers encourage appropriate-for-the-child progression, rather than age-based progression?

For DD it was a marvellous match and we see, every day, how much better it suited her abilities than the very good, but very conventional and entirely age-based, school she has aged into. A lot of that was the advanced work with older children, without which I don't think it would have been as great a success, so I really recommend asking the questions, above.

Incidentally, I spent the first 10 minutes of my introductory school meeting thinking I'd mistakenly stumbled into the local cult...it got a lot better once they started explaining what they do in the classroom!

Good luck!

Not sure if this is true for all Montessori schools. The one my DD attends is not accredited so I guess the teacher does not have to follow all the rules. She does allow DD to work at higher level material. In fact, the teacher has been very receptive. For example, when I told her that DD is adding/subtracting or spelling etc, she said," well, she must have learnt by observing the older kids. i don't see any reason why she can't be introduced to those materials so she can work on them on her own." I agree that it all ultimately depends on the teacher.

My son had a negative Montessori preschool experience.

Here is an example of a type of problem he had:

The pink tower is a common Montessori material. It is a set of ten blocks that increase in height from 1-10 cm. Each block had to be carried individually from shelf to floor mat. After ten trips, there were two acceptable ways to do the work - arranged horizontally in order or vertically in order. They would then need to be returned one at a time.

My son would want to make a snowfamily with a dad, mom, boy and baby snowball. He'd want to serve them food on dishes from another work, use dry beans and rice as the food from other works and finally he'd want to include a few other kids in this plan.

This was all very bad.

First, the works have specific ways they are to be used because they are teaching specific things. This also means they can't be mixed. Working with another kid wasn't allowed unless the work was specifically designed as a two kid work.

So for him it wasn't a good fit at preschool.

Now that he is older, it is a lot better.

Thank you all for your replies and for sharing your Montessori experiences. Based on your replies, I think I have found the right forum to discuss my daughter's advanced skills. For that, I am thankful because I was starting to feel isolated on the parenting forum in which I usually participate. The preschool program we are looking at is a mixed-age (3-6yo) program, three mornings a week. You have definitely given me some ideas to focus on when we make our school visit. Thanks again!

KJP - I find what you wrote about your son and the snow family to be interesting. A similar experience at the library the other day prompted my daughter to leave a group of girls because "They don't play right." The girls (all 3-4yo, except my daughter who is 2y9mo) were playing with dinosaurs. The other kids were just taking the dinosaurs out of the bin, standing them up, and then putting them back into the bin...not really engaging with each other...more parallel play. My daughter, on the other hand, wanted a mommy, daddy, and baby dinosaur to have a conversation while eating a spaghetti and meatballs dinner. After trying a few times to get the other kids to play, she just got up and left even though she loves dinosaurs...she keeps telling me her favorite is triceratops!

So, thank you for mentioning your son's experience. I'll have to see where they incorporate creativity because my daughter does enjoy being creative.

I should add that Montessori would have been a disaster for my DS. He's never met an object that he couldn't repurpose in accordance with his interest du jour and doesn't take direction well. A very different personality and learning style than my DD.

As Dude mentioned, there are other Montessori threads on the site and it may be worth reading them for the personality/learner profiles of the children to see if your child fits more with those who thrived in Montessori schools or those who did not.

I have two children, one of whom would probably have been a disaster in Montessori and one whom I think would have done very well there. The one who I think would do well is a rule-follower and an adult-pleaser.

I have two kids in Montessori right now and I think Dude pretty much summed it up. This is our second year with Montessori - my DD4 is a second year Children's House and is doing very well. My DS7 is a first year lower elementary and I have posted about the issues he has been having. My son is on the higher end of the gifted spectrum and I think is struggling with many issues that have been discussed here (over excitabilities, low processing speed) in addition to perhaps the environment not being ideal for him.

I would characterize my DD4 as being very bright, perhaps even moderately gifted as the skills she has learned in Children's house exceed what a public school Kindergartener would learn. I think the Montessori method works for her.

We have had a good experience with our school - they are strictly Montessori but have been willing to work with our son to modify some of the lessons. I think it really depends on the teachers and school.

Like everyone is saying... It really depends on the school. Visit several montessori schools in your area (if you are lucky enough to have a few). What to ask & look for: lots of materials/works of varying skill sets and variety. Ask how "traditional Montessori" the school is, ect. Most Montessori teachers are very accomodating. Almost everything is explained on a 1:1 or 1:2 basis then the child is left to work on his/her own. At age 3, I tend to think Montessori is a good fit for many very intelligent kids because of the 3-6 classrooms. The concern may be what happens in that last year of "primary" (3-6 room) and that varies by school, so be sure to ask.

Again, thank you all for your replies and advice about questions to ask and what to look for during our visit. We're rather limited where we live for preschools in general, but after reading the replies, I did some more research and found a preschool that incorporates some Montessori philosophy but is not strictly Montessori. I found out this morning that one of our story time friends goes there, and her parents couldn't say enough good things about the school. So, we now have two preschool visits lined up.

Good luck with the school visits. We have a DS5 and have had a overall good experience with a Montessori. Though I think it's a particularly relaxed montessori. This year is harder than last as he's the uppermost age.

I recommend to stay as long as possible for your visits. Also you may be able to go a second time or bring your child for an accompanied visit as a way of getting a second window of observation.

Teachers are often anxious to show off the more academic portions of the day and may ask you to come at a time when you can see them "at their best" so to speak. For my DS the academics are wrong so it's really the rest of the day I most want to see. I like to find out subtler things like how long kids have to wait in a line to wash their hands, transitions. Whether when children pester the teacher if she (or he) answers them in a reasonable way or blows them off. Or how a teacher handles it when one child is rude to another. I've found one can't make any judgements at all based on handouts, philosophies, schedules etc, one has to just go and watch it in action.

For my son key features were mostly play based, a philosophy of letting kids continue with something they are working on or saving it so they can come back later, of complete freedom in craft and art projects, of flexibility in the use of materials/toys, maximal free outdoor play, of most teacher led activities being optional or available at multiple times rather than now or never.

I've never seen a preschool with enough stimulating materials. I could beat my head against a wall from the frustration of seeing preschool after preschool that has only peg puzzles, or one or two "big-kid" puzzles. But it is what it is, I've been generally unsuccessful in getting any changes made. But he likes it, bottom line.

Polly

I've had a very positive experience placing my dd3 in a Montessori school. The school is focused on complete child development, not just academics. My daughter is quite shy, so the teacher goes out of her way to make sure my daughter feels comfortable and has opportunities to make friends. My daughter was even able to perform on stage, singing a song with the rest of the class at a recent recital.

The students are also challenged to be self-sufficient, and self directed in choosing work. The work they do sometimes accomplishes a goal in an indirect way. For example, working with push-pins increases finger strength and coordination, improving penmanship.

Academically, the students are supposed to work at their own level and their own pace. My DD3 has been doing addition worksheets and spelling with the movable alphabet, which I am told most students don't do until the following year. I waited a while to see if the teacher would advance her further, but progress was slower at school than at home. Eventually I spoke up and asked the teacher to pick up the pace, and it seems that the reason for the pace was that that the teacher wanted to make sure DD had sufficient practice and exposure to the topics to form a solid foundation. Unaware that my daughter was getting additional exposure at home, the teacher was not inclined to offer additional acceleration. Once I communicated to the teacher that academically her schoolwork was review of things DD had learned at home rather than exposure to novel concepts, we saw additional advancement. I believe my daughter is now working exactly at the level she should be to be challenged and interested while maintaining confidence in her abilities. That means she is working with the kindergarteners sometimes, so I do wonder what the future holds, but right now I'm just taking things one year at a time.

The point I wanted to make is that even in an environment that is supposed to follow the child, in which the teachers are mindful and accommodating of differing levels of ability, it may take some communication to get things just right.

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Interesting to read. I've always been a big fan of Montessori, but I'm recently a bit disappointed with DS4's school (He's second year Primary.). I've been hesitant to try to enrich the academic work at home because I didn't want to interfere with the "Montessori Method", but now I'm wondering if he'd do better at home.

After $10,000 and a year and a half of daily practice with the sandpaper letters, wouldn't you think that he'd have an idea of how to form the letters, even if he wasn't perfect in execution? It's somewhat shocking how wrong his form is. (I only yesterday had him try his cursive writing at home.)

It was watching a kid use the pink tower that put me off Montessori. There are so many things the child could do and learn but they are required to it the same way each time. Other bits I like a lot of their equipment though.