My family is traveling in an isolated area. We are having some very unique experiences. DD14 was invited to help neuter a few cats. The vet was doing it as a service to the community. It is not at all a vet clinic. Make a long story short, DD3 almost 4 ended up in the room with us. She was fascinated, asking questions and did not want to leave. She stayed in the room for all 3 cats. If given the chance she would have been helping. There was quite a bit of blood, one cat was not completely under and needed some pinning down, the medication is uhm… So here is the question, would you let your almost four year old witness this? We have been invited to help with a spay which is much more complicated. I am worried that she knows things that her peers do not know and how parents will respond to what is probably going to come out in her play at some point. I also have no desire to stop her curiosity and this kind of opportunity is rare for most kids. What would you say to parents and or teachers about what may come out in her play or talk?

Would I let my own DD at 3-4 witness this? Tough question. I'm going to go with "no."

On one hand, I try to let her take her interest wherever they're going. But here's where I have an issue with this particular scenario: The clinical environment is less than ideal, which is leading her to witness some unnecessary animal suffering. There's a subtext here that even though these animals are being hurt, it's in their own best interests, and the activity is endorsed by the adults in her life. I leave it to your imagination how a 3yo can misinterpret these messages and apply the information.

Of course, this message can be managed by how the adults react to the situations where the animal is being hurt. If the adults are expressing guilt, frustration at the lack of proper facilities, and explaining how, in a perfect world, the procedure should have gone, then the child can get a more accurate interpretation of the events around her.

With the potential risks outweighing the benefits, I'm sticking with "no."

On the positive side, this is much better than when my grandmother drown the farm puppies.

Fortunately, I didn't have to witness that.

I just heard the stories.

I'm going to have to vote "no". 3-4 seems a little young.

I'd so "no" as well ... I can just see my almost 4 year old wanting to try this on his own ...

I'd say yes. What a rare chance to see intestines and a uterus, and how a human can create a bloody mess with just something sharp, and close up a wound using nothing more than a needle and thread.

We post industrialized people live far removed from the gross details of our entrails, but that's a recent development. In other cultures she might at this age see food animals butchered, or live birth. Viewing someone handling the insides of a cat or dog may let her get a visceral sense of anatomy that otherwise waits for high school dissection class, if they even do that in high school any more.

What constitutes unreasonable suffering and whether humans in all their varied cultures have the right to sterilize others are issues that may be saved for a later date.

Polly

There are so many decisions around the whole thing....During the first experience she did ask me whether the cat was going to be sad because it could not make babies. She had some pretty interesting questions... They have not found the cat as of yet, so the decision may get made for us!

My son (4) would love this too. He was fascinated about the whole process when our dog was spayed. The human body has been a passion for him since he was 2 - but he has been saying for ages that he wants to be a vet. Loves dissecting fish (that we plan to eat), a small snake, a slug... We would let him experience it if given the opportunity.

So I guess I should add that neither of the kids know that they are also killing cats that do not have good caretakers... I did not know until I was alone with one of the people working who mentioned it...There is no humane society or adoption agency etc. There is quite a lot that I am sheltering against in many ways. My little one is so into anatomy. During some of our most trying food times we would sprinkle Parmesan cheese on Ravioli and encourage her to eat because it was "antibodies" So I am tending to think that she would find the whole thing quite interesting, and I am quite squeamish and can not imagine dissecting some dead creature that we find without the aid of some help. Mind you DH would have no problem.

When I was 4 I got the job of walking behind the cutter bar to pull the dead animals out of the hay. At three I got to see my first hog harvest. Both taught me a lot about anatomy and about the fragility of life.

If a kid is interested and asking questions, I'd go as far as you can go.

Well, no. I cannot see that (and I am not interested) myself. So I don't think I can take my kids anywhere near that kind of situation.
We are a vegetarian family - so any (big or little) animal suffering - can't take it.

It would be better if the vet was willing to explain what she was doing if she could talk and point out what she was doing while she was doing it. If your child can hold a conversation about it with the vet then I would have more trust in the situation. Make sure the vet says "you have to have medicine. Don't ever try this because you have to have the right medicine and it's a special medicine for animals". I was going to say then your kid would have more thoughtful things to say while they were play acting it then the other mothers wouldn't mind. Then I thought I could be wrong and it might make your kid "the weird kid".

The vet was very good at pointing out things and actually explaining some of the reason the cats were behaving as they were. He also used anatomically correct terms for the procedure....I think DD 3 almost 4 has a better understanding of the reproductive system than many young teens. She has been quite interested in anatomy from a young age and knows the digestive system, the immune system, she use to be able to tell you how cuts heal, (not sure if she still knows this have not heard about it for awhile) the different blood cells found in blood etc. Then we went to the anatomy of a mosquito and recently it has been spiders....Now we wrap all the food into spider silk until it becomes liquid so we can drink it.... I think I preferred eating Parmesan cheese antibodies....

Well I try to base my answer on what my kids have shown me rather than on beliefs about kids in general. I just let my fixing to turn five year old ride his bike with me to the grocery store for fun, down a side street, crossing three busy streets (get off and push). I was nervous after we started but he took it seriously, listened well, and was glad he did it. With the details you've shared I would decide yes in your shoes (making sure to tell them about the special medicine so they know not to try it alone). Part 2, I don't know what the other mothers will say. Friends, family, and strangers alike have reacted weird to anything from my toddler or baby eating whole vegetables to climbing on the playground equipment when they're small. I'm sure they would say something about letting them watch a medical operation too. I don't know what to do about that except shrug it off. It might be better to address their concerns with stories like you've shared here, if they're interested in them.

So interesting the different responses and reasons behind them. Thank-you to everyone, definitely has given me a lot to think about. She seems fine so far from what she has seen. Has quite a few interesting words.... I think I will play it by ear, if the opportunity arises...judge by the mood of everyone involved, myself included. What is really clear from everyone's response is the atmosphere in which it is occurring. I think the first set of cats happened in a really okay way under the circumstances.. There was a lot of concern for the cats. They were held in arms till they fell asleep and put in boxes together after surgery till they came to with constant surveillance by two kids and the rest of the people involved.

LaTexican- My older DD was very coordinated and listened well. I would take her on her bike places most others would not. I also put her in the front seat of a two person kayak at age 5. She learned in a pool how to get out if the kayak flipped. We went out in the ocean and went camping along remote shores. It was awesome and beautiful and did not break my back...At four she could hike four miles up on her own. We would do overnights out in the wilderness. I came to appreciate Barbies. I tried to keep them out of our lives, but it became impossible. Well they float, you can tie them onto a kayak and have something to play with in the water with little drag. Also if you lose them they are pretty easy to replace..they also clean up really easy. At the time they had a hiking/camping Barbie... however her feet were still shaped for high heels....

Wow! Reading through all the replies, I can see all the different points of view. Personally, I think it sounds fascinating and I can easily imagine that my biology-loving dd would have wanted to see this, even at age 4.

Is this something you could talk with her about? Does she have the maturity to understand why you might not want to include her this time? Can you prepare her in advance for what she will see, hear, smell, etc?

Just a quick update on this thread.. The female cat was never located... My little one has not shown any adverse affects by seeing the neutering. She has never tried to do it to the live cat. She has played on her stuffed cat. She currently says she wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up.... She did get to be involved in the dissecting of a seal. This also has increased her level of interest in biology kind of things.