I wanted to consider that perhaps gifted adults, or as Stephanie Toland put it "Gifted Ex-Children," are an underserved population. Here's a link to the article.

http://www.stephanietolan.com/gifted_ex-child.htm

I have found that my oversensitivities has dulled down considerably through the years. I also have found Parenting as I very balancing activity - although I suspect any intense form of service would do.

What do you Gifted Ex-Children find to be useful ways to help yourself to be healthy?

Smiles and Love,
Trinity

That's so true. I think as a kid people noticed me and even though I was horribly neglected by both family and educators, my "brilliance" and "maturity" often wowed people and it was enough boost to my esteem to keep my puttering along.

Now I've learned to cover my gleaming tracks in order to get along with the general community. Every once in awhile I find someone like me and attempt a connection. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

To keep my brain flowing and in peak mental health, I will take up a hobby and become an "expert" in it. For example, about 2 years ago I took up recumbent cycling. I absorbed everything about the history and sport.

The next year I took up web design and swallowed books whole.

This summer it was surging through 2E and getting to know the nuances of my gifted boys that I had missed all these years.


I'm in a lull right now. Mostly I'm dealing with my physical health, but that bores the wits outta me!!! chuckle.

My oversensitivities are tamer in the emotional realm, but the others still seem pretty hyper when compared to my peers.

I'm off to read the article now. I always speak before I have all the info;^)

Willa Gayle -
I do the "hobby thing" also!
I recently read in Ruf, Losing Our Minds, p243 :

"In my experience, most girls and women, as a group, tend to see shades of meaning and concepts more easily and are more general in their interests than most boys and men. Many girls and women also enjoy learning about a variety of topics to a fairly high level more than they tend to enjoy specializing in something that they feel would restrict them in any way. When both people in a couple have equally high intellectual abilty, it is not unusual for them to assume that the male is smarter because he can dominate in his one subject. I point this out because women often underestimate themselves and their intellectual abilities (Kerr, 1994).

I can relate strongly to this statement, particularly the wanting to avoid being restricted, and being fairly open in my interests.

Thanks WG!
Trinity

I'm thinking about Kirk and Spock, my childhood role models. I saw just the begining of a Star Trek rerun, the episode where they first meet the "Selectivly breed humans."

Wow, Kirk was so aware of all his "men," twinkling and teasing them "just right" in the opening sequence. Also, Kirk is so sure of himself and his right to be captain! He must be very high on the intrapersonal insight as well. He knows what makes him tick! Spock's superior grasp of details bothers Kirk not at all. Also, he's got so much good will toward everyone. It's as if, since he has recognised himself as able, and been recognised as able, he can afford to be generous with others.

So, my question to you is this - we all know lots of "Spocks," but have we met any "Kirks?" Is Captain Kirk another model of being intellectually gifted?

Thanks for listening,
Trin

That Ruf quote is fantastic. That is exactly what I am going through. I really don't want to be pinned down to one topic. And definitely on the guy being thought of as the one who is intelligent. When people hear about Mite they will often say, "Oh! That's no surprise. He gets it from DH!" In actuality, DH is gifted, but not highly gifted. He has worked hard to attain his knowledge and is definitely an "expert", but he's not that over-the-top, learn everything in a breath type.

BTW, I know a Kirk. He definitely doesn't have a belly button, either! He is highly intelligent and knows his field well, but is intensely into people and quite capable of "teasing the just right way". He knows to tease on the positives, not the weaknesses and the teasing enriches the bond between him and his friends.

I wish I were like him and I try to emulate him when I can.

Interesting, when I was young, I was more attracted to Spock.

If you liked that quote, (and I wonder if I shouldn't be being encouraged) here's another:

"Of course, not all boys or all girls fit the profile described above. But this information is crucial to an understanding of normal behavior and interest profiles that are different for most gifted boys and girls. It also has ramifications for the social lives of both sexes because it means that the most intelligent males might have more difficulty finding a partner or spouse who is on an equal intellectual level with them. The most intelligent females have a larger pool of hightly intellighent males from which to choose, but they are at considerable risk for feelings of isolation and differentness because there are fewer females like themselves. There are additional issues that gifted young women face that complicate their own achievement and goals - issues most related ot the dfferential way that marriage and parenthood affect females as compared to males.


Endnote - for an excellent article on this topic, read Reis 2002, Winter "Internal barriers, personal issues, and decisions faced by gifted and talented females." Gifted Child Today, 25(1) 14-28

thanks WG (but I don't get the belly button reference) ((shrug))
Gins,
Trins

I'm looking for the Reis Article. All I have so far is this abstract:

The writer discusses the personality issues and personal choices that gifted and talented females face as they try to realize their potential. The single greatest issue for gifted, ambitious females has been identified as the ethic of care, along with belief in the importance of relationships. Other key issues are related to a sense of self and self-efficacy; multipotentiality; resilience; fear of success; lack of planning or poor planning; hiding or doubting abilities and feeling different; the imposter syndrome; confusion about effort and ability; perfectionism; conflicting messages from different environments; unrealistic expectations or lowered aspirations; self-doubt, self-criticism, and comparisons; religious training; loneliness; physical attractiveness; confusion about passivity, assertiveness, ambition, and accommodation; and the interaction between career and personal lives.


LOL - Looks like we'll have to start two new topics: Gifted female ex-children and Gifted male ex-children! Please give me a hand dear male cousins with some of your favorite links and tips.

Love and More Love,
Grinity (wink)

Here's a link to a page that discribes the characteristics of Gifted Adults: http://www.giftedservices.com.au/adults.html Friday's Blog is on this subject!

thanks WG (but I don't get the belly button reference) ((shrug))
Gins,
Trins

I always say adults who are highly intelligent or gifted, "have no belly button". It is my own little thing. I thought I used it on here before. sorry.

check under your shirt!!! lol!!

Interesting! Mine is suddenly missing (just kidding!)

Have any of us adult highly gifted people who are not in some way odd? I was thinking about the people in my life who are the "pink monkeys without belly buttons". Really every one I know who is very odd also seems very intelligent. Every one I know how seems very intelligent is also in some way very odd.

Even the "kirk friend" is very deeply involved in his interests to the point of excluding outside activities. He's an INFP, like me, and as such needs a very long down time to recharge from his expertly executed social interactions.

Is the adult asynchrony synonymous with odd?

feeling odd today....

FWIW - I know many many people with wide ranges of intellect who are odd. It's an odd world, and if one observes close enough, there are sure to be oddities to observe.

((If you've watched television or picked up a newspaper, then you no doubt agree with me that oddness is all around us.))

cousin T

I guess that's true. We are all odd in our own unique way!! chuckle.

What a great topic. I can really identify with the quote about gifted women and some of the issues they can have. I have felt that way for years and have always felt isolated. It was not until I had my daughter that I thought there was someone in the world who mabe was a little like me. It is a wonderful thing to be a parent and hear her ask the same questions and wonder about the same things I did as a child. There is something healing for me about knowing that I am here for her and that she will not have to go through life alone. It is also nice to know there are other women who have felt similar. I am so glad I found this web site.

I really identify with my DD too! I'm also weird/odd, especially for the where area I live. Sometimes when I tell people what I do they look at me like I'm from Mars. I'm going to go to grad school this fall and am studying in a pretty "advanced" topic. However, I also find myself slipping into that 12 year old girl in the back of the classroom who is afraid to raise their hand during Math class. I feel like I have to qualify my intelligence when I tell them about my grad school studies. I'm not going to do that anymore.

http://www.sengifted.org/

Boy can I relate to both of you and the articles. I can remember lamenting to anyone who would listen that I couldn't pick a major in college because I liked everything and wanted to learn everything but just when I got a ways into it I wanted to switch! Picking only what I was good at didn't work either. I also found problems working as there would be this expectation that learning the "system" would take x number of days/weeks and I would be ahead but they wouldn't be ready for me. Almost like the experience of our children in school. The teacher doesn't expect enough and doesn't quite believe the material is mastered and then the kids are bored and disruptive etc. Not that I was disruptive at work. :-) I eventually found that I preferred to be a stay-at-home mom because it allowed me to read and study and pursue my interests at my pace. Now I am a certified teacher looking for work. Once again I think the giftedness is hampering me as I feel compelled already to be prepared 100% with all my lesson plans before I even have a job and I find so many great ideas online but I worry that I will not do a good job teaching. Agh! Does it never end? Luckily I have a very gifted brother and sister and we email family inside jokes and turn them into games...like Family trivia but in French etc. Other than that I have not met someone in person that I truly clicked with intellectually. That has been a bonus on this forum - finding a place to learn and share about my children but with really cool smart people who all around "get it".
What a great thread. I hope more folks post to it.

What I see as the biggest difference between gifted and non-gifted adults is that gifted people have a driving motivation to do their best at whatever they do. When I played pickup volleyball, I was shocked to find that some of the not-so-good players had NO interest in learning how to play better. I am now a figure skater. I've been taking lessons for seven years and found that the sport really appeals to me in part because everything is hard but eventually achievable with hard work. The other skaters, child or adult, all have a drive for excellence and all seem to be quite smart.

In other settings, I have found hostility when I have talked about my kid's problems with dumbed-down instruction. That makes it difficult for me to deal with them. I organized park dates with other gifted families partly so that my kids could have a chance to play with other kids like them - and partly so that I had a safe place to discuss my problems. This led to working on the board of the local gifted advocacy group where I have found good friends. Some of our board meeting time is devoted to discussions are about advocacy - but the rest is a support group.

I contrasted skating lessons to school not too long ago. I've been taking lessons for a few months, and I've been thrilled at how they're structured.

People can move at the pace that best suits them, and no one gets wound up if you pick up something faster or slower than someone else. In fact, we cheer each other on and help each other regardless. No instructor forces people to follow a prescribed set of tasks before moving onto something harder. And, best of all, each student moves at his or her own pace.

And they manage to do this with 15-20 students aged 17 to 50s!

I guess the difference is that the teachers don't expect to be lecturing the group for most of a lesson. Instead, an instructor will spend 5 minutes with people learning, say, a waltz jump. Then she'll move on to the ones doing, say, a 3 turn while the waltz jumpers practice. Etc. etc.

I have never, ever been in a learning environment that's so wonderfully perfect (at least, for me).

I imagine that a regular classroom could be structured in a similar way with a bit of imagination.

Val

Oh, WOW, did you just describe DH and myself or what??? Seriously, that sounds exactly like us. It's even further emphasized because we work in the same field. Thanks for posting that!

As for the whole gifted adult thing. I'd say Dh and myself are doing pretty well. Our field is pretty gifted stacked (actually, I don't know anybody in it who was not at least MG growing up). Almost all our friends are from work, which is great because I can talk to them about DD. Unfortunately, our field is highly competitive and most people don't have kids, so it also means they rarely have advice.

DH is pretty much 110% focused on work whereas I'm always off in the boonies. I kind of flirt with different interests over time to keep my mind occupied. Because my interests are so diverse I kept having to stop myself from quitting and going back to school to get a second PhD. I know I'd love it but I do need to bring home a paycheck at some point, right? For instance, right now I'm big on the whole child development reseach while also reading those Percy Jackson books during DD's naps. During my pregnancy, I was convinced I was going to go to med school and become an OB/GYN. Sometimes I think my life would be MUCH easier if I didn't have so many interests!!

From HS on I've never had problems making friend but then again I have friends for a lot of different activities. I'd have sport friends, music friends etc. I also was lucky enough to be in a great HS that had tons of options for gifted students (lots, and lots of AP classes, ability grouping, grade acceleration, dual enrollment, etc.) so I was able to have intellectual peers as friends too.

DH is the same way with friends. He's VERY extroverted and has quite a bit in common with Kirk. Ironically, he's a huge Spock fan! Speaking of which, what did you guys think of the newest movie?

I'm a Spock fan, too. I really liked the new Star Trek movie... it was fun to imagine the pasts of favorite characters. I enjoyed the jokes and references to the original series, too.

I call the new Spock "Emo Spock."

I liked the movie very much, but I liked it in spite of the radical changes to Spock's character. I do think it threw off the balance that is the key to the original Star Trek series: Spock is extreme logic, Bones is extreme emotion and they're in a world with extreme technology. Kirk is the humanity, the balance point where all that comes together to work well.

Make Spock all emotional and the balance is thrown off. I predict it will become problematic in future movies unless they manage to rein in Emo Spock's emo!

Such a very amazing link!
Thanks you for the post.

__________________
Movies Online Free

Thank you for posting this article, Grinity. I found it very comforting. Tolan forced me, once again, to really consider both the path of my childhood trajectory (over which I had little control), and my adult choices.

In my case, I have found that although I have developed a thriving social persona and consequent network in which I play to the mean (deviants of any kind, even standard deviants, are little tolerated in most social spheres), I cannot play the role internally for any length of time. Thus, it is imperative that I spend at least part of my "Roni Time" gluttonously indulging in my personal areas of expressionistic freedom.

I am quite linguistic and aural by nature, and if I don't spend an hour or two writing, reading great lit, or dissecting the exact placement of a particular vocal riff in a musical genre study, I find myself becoming listless and morose; I will be frozen by a tragedy I see in the news or will feel numerous chastisements well up from within about not tending to some or other distant relationship within my social circle.

I suppose pursuing my areas of giftedness (which manifested themselves early and were encouraged as private, familial pursuits and which my parents believed were not to be confused with the import of social conformity forced upon me by public education) acts an emotional release from the sensitivities to which I still am prone.

It may be because by studying and creating these things I find so lovely and fascinating, I am bringing beauty into the world. Such an effort, small though it may be, buffers and comforts me against the colder realities of humanity and our experiences. Beauty is a balm, a remedy, a joy. It is both a great relief and release.

Thanks for asking!

Mr W's situation has led us to read quite a bit about GT.

It has has helped us to behold ourselves.

This has been a most unexpected result of having him in our lives.

Excellent thread. Thanks for the links. So true.

It is with this new information that one can put on new lens and review one's past with a new look. A new framework.

And everything that one can now see, it is a new light. Very revealing. It explains so much. Explains almost everything.

As Austin said "It has helped us to behold ourselves"

I like this topic....I along with my daughter's father have felt somewhat secluded for awhile. I am the creative genius and he would be the mathematical one. We level each other out. But we never seem to get anywhere. People just don't understand. When I go in for a job interview I feel trapped in my own thoughts. It is hard for me to play the happy game; to act like I am thrilled about having another unchallenging job. But my job history is lacking. I have worked since I was 14 and I find it difficult to stay in a place where I do not have the opportunity for advancement. I remember being told in high school that I needed to settle on one major goal in life. My teacher thought I spent too much time switching what I love to do....and she was a gifted teacher. I have had to settle back into college again. I like getting out of the house but I really don't look forward to anything I do at school. When I put a lot of effort into something I end up getting that look from the rest of the class...."What? Is she trying to make us look bad?" Little do they know I did the assignment in a matter of a couple hours. It is somewhat disheartening to be back in school. I have that same feeling from before.......I don't have to try. But after years and years I have decided to settle on one major goal. I am going to get a degree in education. I want to help change the way the gifted are tested, taught, and help the gifted to find a place in society. Could we even imagine a world where all the gifted were given the chance to be recognized; given the chance to grow without being clipped? I know for a fact that while the gifted can be a little cocky, we are also some of the most compassionate thinkers. I guess what helps me make it through each week is the thought of being able to use my "giftedness" to help gifted children and adults.......I also like to read, write, draw, and paint.:)

go for it, paynted

I do want to stress that education schools are vocational schools and the chances that you will get to have fun intellectually in those classes is slim.

Let us know where you end up paynted!