**Didn't know whether to post this in the testing/identification board or parenting/advocacy. If it's better in another place, please advise and I'll take it there.**

Hello. I'm new to this forum. I am a gifted mom married to an ADHD (and likely gifted) husband. In an initial visit to determine if DD5 is showing ADHD signs, it was recommended we have a gifted eval. I knew there's some heritability and had an instinct she'd be found "bright" if not gifted, but didn't have the best "gifted" experience myself so I hesitated. After research, we found a great neuropsych center (on the Hoagies find a tester section) and had her eval on Monday. I was prepared for a "bright but not quite gifted" or even up into the 130 IQ range. I was not at all prepared for across the board 99+% and an FSIQ 148, GAI 147.

I've spent this week feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and even trying to find reason to believe it's falsely elevated. Sounds horrible, I know. Hubby has pretty severe ADHD and DD5 may or may not have it (tester says a lot of her "quirks" could also be explained w/ her WPPSI score but to revisit in a couple years). As I mentioned, my gifted experience was not pleasant and now she's in a higher range than me and I'm concerned I may be outgunned. I'm in a state that doesn't seem to value education and tester tells me I need to be selective w/ her educational environment in order for her to thrive, but recommended options are few and far between w/ many requiring a move. I'm also concerned that if this is somehow not a valid result, but I place her in a program accordingly, will I bring her misery b/c she can't keep up? Will I squash her love of learning that I desperately want to foster? (Overthinking is my "thing.")

I stumbled onto this site and see that 145+ is the qualifying IQ. I imagine her score in this forum isn't all that exciting, lol. I guess I'm wondering if it's "normal" to initially stumble through disbelief at results or feel overwhelmed. I'm assuming/hoping that after some time for it to sink in I'll move more into the "action" phase and out of the denial phase.

I've been flying wildly between wanting to throw myself in and make a plan to advocate for her better than was done for me and then wanting to tread lightly in case it's all a fluke. I'm only on day 3 of this news so definitely still in the fact-finding stage. Anyone experience anything similar when first starting the journey?

TIA for input from some wise BTDTs

Hello and welcome!
I'm sure you'll find lots of advice here to help you on your journey. IMO, it is helpful to remember that your DD is the same DD she was a week ago, you just have more insight into something that MAY be impacting some aspects of her growth and development. My DD is also PG and that influenced some of our decision making (like when we were moving, we made sure that there were multiple school options in the new place), but not others (our DD was never allowed to read age inappropriate (by our standards) books--we pre-read all of them for a long time. We found that knowing our DD was PG helped us advocated for her, but did not make the decision for us. We found that it was important to remember that although each child is different, even PG kiddos will have strengths and weaknesses and need opportunities to learn and grow in both aspects. Your DD may excel at origami and yet still need to learn to tie her shoes.

Best wishes!

Totally normal- and welcome 😀

You should also know that 145 is the qualifying IQ for Davidson Young Scholars (although I think it's 150 on the WPPSI - I haven't looked for a while, though, so I'm not certain). But there are plenty of people here with kids who do not have qualifying IQs, but do have kids that need something that the school system is not providing. Don't feel like you have to have a certain number to "belong."

145 on WPPSI-IV.

I think WPPSI and WJ were just lowered to 145. But we don't care either way. Welcome.

Thank you all, I appreciate it. I know I have so much to learn still.

The tester did mention Davidson (both as a possible school and the young scholar thing). I've only just begun looking at the scholar program and what immediately appealed to me was the opportunity for resources, consulting, and parents that know what they're doing more than we do at the moment.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, how much chance is there this was a falsely elevated score somehow? The tester is top notch, but as I look at school programs, some of which have a 145 IQ prereq, I can't shake the worry that I'd be setting her up for failure somehow. It seems so daunting, like they'll expect 4.5 gpa and 3 hrs of homework for a first grader, lol. (catastrophize much? lol) I've long assumed Montessori would be the answer for her, whether gifted or ADHD or 2E, b/c you work at your own pace. The tester has raised the possible concern that the 3 yr range may not be enough for her though, particularly when she's in the oldest age group as she is now in kindergarten.

Oh yeah. I was totally in the same boat, not expecting anything even close a PG-level score, feeling overwhelmed in all sorts of directions.

The good news is that it subsides. Welcome to the club!

P.S. Apparently we were the last to know. It came as no surprise to any of our friends we confided in. Funny how that works, isn't it, when you think you know your own child best...

Thank you all. This is all helpful.

Brilliantcp thank you for a tip - as she gets higher in her reading levels I'll be sure to pre-read or maybe check commonsensemedia and make sure it's appropriate content. I hadn't considered that but considering I don't even want to show her half of the cartoon movies that come out these days, it's a good idea.

George C we've had a few say the same. It seems like I'm the one having the biggest time accepting the level. But I keep reading and hopefully it will subside soon.

I'm still figuring out all the terminology. I don't know if she's considered PG or highly gifted or even how big of a difference it is. I only now know they no longer use the "genius" designation in official circles. The neuropsych mentioned the Davidson Institute and looking at the services provided if admitted to the DYS, I think it'd be wise to take advantage of that. The online community and the individual consulting are particularly appealing.

The possible ADHD - yes if she gets enough sleep, exercise, and stays away from screens she's much better. Better yet when she gets enough mental stimulation. I was surprised at her working memory and processing speeds b/c we have suspected ADHD, but who knows? The tester did say there were a couple times when it seemed she almost didn't hear her asking questions and she suspects our daughter wasn't "playing" her, so it's not ruled out.

The stigma of being labeled "gifted" haunted my childhood. I was ostracized b/c I skipped a grade, then stood out even more being pulled out for higher level things. I went from a comfortable bubble w/ lots of friends (albeit some behavioral issues that led to the gifted eval) to a group of kids I didn't know but who all knew why I was there and didn't like it. I worry about things like that for my daughter, particularly w/ her quirks. In the next few years, it seems, kids start to be more judgmental and possibly cruel. I just don't want to screw her up. I want her to continue to learn and most of all be happy.

I've started reading more about the DYS application stuff. So this is really dicey it seems? We need a portfolio or an achievement test?

welcome to the club.

I remember the stunned shock when we first got DS's results 4 years ago. I coped by researching. I read every gifted book in the local library, combed through hoagiesgifted.org and hung out here. Eventually all of this helped me put things into perspective and it became just a clue to the puzzle that is parenting for us. Over time we guessed that his first set of scores were actually a low estimate. We eventually had to retest to sort out LD stuff and then came round two of stunned shock. This time because I had a much better idea of exactly what the scores actually meant and that freaked me out even more than the first round did when I was clueless, haha.

Now you'd think after all of this I would have learned but no.... we tested DD a year ago and somehow still managed to react with stunned shock.

So yeah, a period of disbelief sound totally normal to me. Buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Welcome. Take a deep breath...it's going to be fine. I could not agree more with the PP. You are still raising the same child.

Remember throughout this adventure: your child's path, is your child's path. You need to evaluate your child's needs as an individual.

Indeed, enjoy the ride!

chay- That is me!! I research until I could teach the subject b/c until I do, I feel like I'm drowning. Harder to find time to do this now w/ a severe ADHD hubby and a 22 mos old on top of half-day kindergartner...but I'm trying. Currently reading "Mind in the Making" at the suggestion of the neuropsych but haven't gotten far yet. There is a possibility that DD5's score is artificially depressed b/c she hit 3 ceilings in the subtests, although only 2 of them were included in her scores. I really cannot stand the "not sure" parts of all this. I want to know exactly what I'm dealing with and then I want to know everything I can about it. Anything less makes me panicky! I'm particularly unnerved by how to parent/discipline her...but this was a concern prior to the eval.

Loy58 Now I have that song in my mind I just don't want to screw her up. I guess that's every parent's fear.

It should. Though it might take you a few more months.

If it makes you feel any better, I called the testing psych after we got our results back for DS. I was insisting that there must have been some kind of mistake, and she laughed...quite a while...then assured me that this wasn't the case.

There isn't really standard terminology, though there does appear to be consensus that scoring 145 or higher on a modern IQ test lands you firmly in the PG range. From a practical perspective, individual needs will vary so greatly that differentiating between HG/EG/PG is probably not very useful. It's best to follow each child's needs and be ready to do things that aren't typically age appropriate.

OMG. I just called the Gifted Development Center in CO last week and discussed the same thing. She laughed, too, when I asked if it could be falsely elevated. She said- No, but it could be falsely depressed. When she told me they deal w/ kids in this range all the time b/c these are the parents that seek them out, I got teary. So much of this is still so overwhelming. It's like- Okay parent, so your kid will either cure cancer or drop out of school and suffer from depression, all depends on whether or not you can get your stuff together. No pressure. lolol Gah, I need a drink and to get out of my head.

We had a similar reaction when we got our DD's scores about 4 years ago.

Extreme shock followed by a stunned mixture of fascination (like watching something almost obscene that you cannot drag your eyes off of) and denial.

I called the tester afterwards too because she had enclosed a DYS leaflet in the package that we left with after she had walked us through the results. After reading about what DYS is from their website, I called the testing psych to check whether they gave out the leaflet to all testees as a matter of course because terms like 1 in 1000/PG just did not seem to fit our 'normal' (to us at least) child.

I used the DYS application process as another objective confirmation of our daughter's LOG because I still could not accept the result.

We met with her grade school staff to discuss the results with them and the school psych blurted out that she had never seen higher schools (admittedly she was young and we live in a rural area).

It was a funny episode because the rest of the table had been looking at us with the expected blank, stony and borderline bored expressions prior to brushing us off with 'all of our pupils are gifted' canned response. When the school psych blurted that out the whole line of stony faces visibly deflated and looked at her with a 'now why did you have to say that?' expression LOL.

DD being accepted by DYS and that episode convinced me that DD was gifted and further frantic reading confirmed that she was at least HG/EG (I am still not comfortable with PG).

The community on this forum has been and continues to be tremendously helpful with posters like Aeh, Portia, Val, Polarbear and HowlerKarma being particularly pithy posters. I also scan for posts by loy58 because our DDs are of similar age, potential and personality - I am convinced that you will find similarly well matched parent/parents here.

It steepened the curve on my ability to accept my DD's results and more importantly gave a ton of useful information on how best to support her.

As others have said; welcome and enjoy the ride!

Again, I can totally relate. For me what helped was to sit back, breath and look at the bigger picture. For me my main parenting goal is the same as it was before I knew their IQ's - to help them become happy productive members of society and to encourage them to set the bar higher than living in my basement playing video games lol. It is up to them to figure out what is important to them, pursue their version of happiness and figure out where their passion lies. I can only hope that DH and I lead by example and help them keep as many doors open as possible and encourage them to make some decent choices when they choose which ones they want to go through.

For the depression/dropping out side of things I look back into my family tree and friends and see more than a few cautionary tales so even before we had scores this was always high on my radar. Not all were gifted so it helped me to realize that it can happen to all types. I also feel confident that we live in an age where there are more alternatives than ever to traditional school if we ever need to explore them. I have no idea where DH and I fit on the gifted curve but we both learned from our experiences and hopefully our children will benefit from that. I figure we are both miles ahead of our parents when they sent us off to school. My mom still tells the story about being shocked that I was on the honor roll in junior high

On the cure cancer side - yes PG kids are rare but when you look at the population of a country or the world there are still a lot of them. Not all of them are going to cure cancer or change the world and that is ok. Yes my kids often stick out in a crowd locally but then I come here and read the wonderful stories about kids here that make them look like they are in the slow lane and it helps give me some perspective. It will be ok if my two don't end up being the ones that cure cancer because there are lots of kids here that just might

Finally, I will add that it seems to come in waves for us. Sometimes parenting my intense kids is completely overwhelming and it seems impossible. Then we somehow get through it and have smooth sailing for a while until it swings back again. Over the years I've figured out who I can vent to and confide in and who understands that gifted isn't all a gift at times. Whether IRL or via some anonymous forum these people have been a lifeline (and in many cases great drinking partners haha).

I totally understand this

I think you do have to up your parenting, but it's more about supporting their abilities and their interests, listening, and not assuming there is only one way to do things. If they feel valued and can pursue goals, depression and dropping out is probably less of a problem (fyi I dropped out of school in 9th grade, then went back and got my GED at 16, then went to college and got my degree - this stuff does happen. In fact my grandmother graduated high school at 16, and my mother as well, so I was doomed, right? :)). Anyway my DS was begging me to homeschool him in 3rd grade- he hated going to school everyday, even though he was at an exceptional elementary school. He is now at a highly gifted middle school and he told me the other day he loves his school. He doesn't feel weird anymore, and it's okay for him to be smart. I purposely chose a school that didn't feel super competitive (there was another school for highly gifted that was also very much about high achievement) because I didn't want him to be under too much pressure to perform. Now he is saying to me "this boy did better on the math test, I want to work harder at math so I can do as well as he did"…so he is pushing himself (setting his own goals) which is what I want him to do. Situational depression comes from feeling helpless and trapped. If you can keep opening windows and doors for your child when they are ready for them, they will learn that they can keep flying. Teach them how to open them themselves too I think these kids have minds that don't stop. They aren't happy when their minds have nothing to do. That said, my brother finds meditation is very helpful as well. So learning how to feed the mind and quiet the mind are useful tools.

And regarding the cure cancer thing…. I have explained to my kids that being gifted is like being a tall kid that likes playing basketball. They have a genetic advantage over other kids, but they can still be outplayed by a shorter player that has better skills, teamwork, etc. Plus, there's an element of luck and being in the right place at the right time. AND if they grow up and don't want to play basketball anymore, that's okay too, as long as they continue to be productive and well adjusted people.

I think it is important to explain it to them that way because no one explained to me what gifted was, and even though no one put pressure on me to cure cancer, that does hang in the air and will make you feel guilty about "not fulfilling your potential."

And these forums have been a lifesaver for me. When I first found out my kids were highly gifted, I didn't believe it. I had to talk myself into it by looking at the facts (dad went to MIT, mom went to Stanford etc., both my parents extremely intelligent plus tester had been doing it for 20 years)… and I had to lather rinse repeat because I kept going back into denial. Plus the folks on here really helped me to understand what it all means.

So hang in there, I can tell you will do a great job because you are out there learning how to help YOUR child- not some generic child in a parenting book - that in my opinion is the cornerstone of great parenting.

Brand new to this group too. I'm also excited and relieved to find a group that understands! Hopefully I don't ramble too much

One of the previous commenters talked about looking for confirmation. My son was just accepted into YS so there's one more thing to help me verify his giftedness. I've had doubts all along, even though my son's pediatrician insisted he was gifted. Even after his psychologist, who specializes in giftedness, showed me the results of the WISC, I doubted. She looked at me perplexed when I questioned the scores.

I've been going through the same whirlwind of emotions. I go back and forth from disbelief to belief. My 8yo son is all I have ever known. Everything to me seems like normal behavior. I'm an older Mom with a child that was not supposed to be (his father was not supposed to be able to have kids), but here I am...SURPRISE...a mom to a gifted 8yo. I am an only child so I have no children around to compare him to. Playdates are so brief. There were odd moments when he showed his giftedness but I didn't think anything of it. Comments like "he's so smart" I equated to him being an only child.

His pediatrician recommended I have him evaluated when he was around 3-4 but I blew her off insisting he was an only child and that was why he spoke like a little adult. As he grew older I shared my fears with her...he doesn't fit in, he's being picked on, he's not interested in what other kids enjoy, he's sooo emotional. Finally around 6yo she insisted I take him to be tested. She told me she knew he was gifted. She informed me he was going to be different then other kids and he was going to have struggles; but that there are groups and schools that understand giftedness. She told me opportunities would be available to him that could benefit him tremendously. So I had him tested at 6.5yo...it blew me away, she was right.

School has always been an issue since pre-K. He's had 6 teachers and been in 4 different schools. Only 2 of those teachers understood him. His K teacher was the last and she was marvelous. 1st grade was a disaster after 2 separate schools, both acclaimed for their gifted programs, we were done. Now I homeschool and my little boy is back. I hadn't realized I'd slowly been losing him. Once we started homeschooling in March in about 2 weeks the change was dramatic. Now he is happy again, his imagination is overwhelming, he's constantly building or drawing some odd contraption. The questions come flying at me...Thank God for Google Home! He's reading at the level he wants. But now that I'm homeschooling, how do I deal with him once his knowledge gets beyond my comprehension. He's already wanting to make things out of broken electrical devices and I have no clue how to help him.

But I'm still second guessing, even with his pediatricians insistence he is gifted and his high scores on the WISC. Now maybe I will stop second guessing with the YS acceptance...I doubt it. My son has issues with psi and wmi, possibly ADHD. So writing, concentration, memorization, emotional control and other areas can be difficult for him. Then there's the fact I'm not gifted nor is his dad. I'm one of those "I don't know what I want to do people". I went to school for engineering and after changing my major 4+ times I finally graduated with a BS in Art photography and Ceramics. What can you do with a BS in Art Photography and Ceramics when it comes to homeschooling a gifted 8yo?

The doubt and second guessing continues but now my main concern is how am I going to teach this little being? I hope I will figure out this huge journey ahead of me...I was a flight attendant at one time maybe that will help


Good Luck! I'm with you.

Thank you all for your insight and tips. A note- I don't actually expect DD5 to cure cancer, just trying to illustrate the extremes in the spectrum and how overwhelming it all feels.

We just got acceptance today into the DYS program so I'm eager to find her a tribe that gets it, all of it.

Thanks again!