I was just reading another post where someone refered to "Verbal" being code word for smart and I thought it would be interesting to see what other "code phrases" have come into play as we navigate the education of our kids.

My favorite is: Her Family is VERY supportive (code phrase for WATCH OUT! This kid has THAT parent!)

I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but....

I once had a conversation with the mother of a child in my daughter's pre-school class. She very casually mentioned her daughter had been an early reader; I think she said something like my "daughter started to read at 2" and then looked at me really quickly to see if I would get "the code". Well of course I didn't, and said something like wow - that must have amazed you all... Looking back at it, I think she was trying to bring up giftedness, without having to say the "g" word. And of course I didn't get it. I just thought some kids read early, some do division early. Like it would all even out in the end..

How about: "You've provided opportunities and experiences for your child that other parents are not able to provide." (Code for pushy parent or your kid might not actually be that smart.)

Also, "I haven't been able to work with my child outside of school." (Code for my kid is as smart as yours but I dont' hothouse mine.)

Both of these get my goat because they come from people who don't know that my kids learn with almost no help from me!

At our school, there is a weird tension between parents who have their kids in traditional classrooms and those who have their kids in the gt center. I have friends in both camps. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that "GT parent" is a code for "pushy, overachievers who won't let their kids be kids." I even hear gt parents describe other gt parents this way, i.e "Sue has Jane in an 8 week Mandarin class this summer -- doesn't that seem a little much?" Funny though, no one ever seems to think of themselves as a "GT parent."

My dd says that GT class is code word for Nap Time.

We live in a school district that really struggles with parent apathy. 'Round here, "VERY supportive" means showing up for the parent/teacher conference and making sure the kids get their homework done!

Instead of hearing that so and so is "gifted" I've been hearing that so and so is very "able" ...

Resource is still used for kids who struggle but it is applied to kids who struggle to keep up AND for kids who struggle to stay at grade level rather than acelerated!

Where I am, they lament about parent apathy and beg for parent involvement where they can't get it and they try to steamroll the parents that are involved.

Oh I could do with some positive ones of those as I am searching for a niche for my DS. I really don't want to alienate people too much.

I sometimes describe DS7 as "mathematically precocious"; I like this because it acknowledges, for example, that what can be known now is that he's ahead of age peers now, not that he will eventually outperform them. I dislike the "gifted" label and "able" (which is the official term where I am) isn't much better - both seem to buy into the entity theory of ability and I'd rather not have my language implying that I do! (What I actually think is that it's complicated.) That said, most of the time I find it possible and preferable just to avoid set phrases altogether and describe whatever aspect of reality is relevant right then, e.g. "he needs more practise at problem-solving in maths" or "he's read a lot about [topic]".

Every term has its good and bad points. "Precocious" can have negative connotations. Merriam Webster http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/precocious lists as synonyms for precocious "inopportune, early, premature, unseasonable, untimely". Ouch .

That's another part of what I like about it - I know I'm using it as a neutral technical term, but the fact that it has more negative than positive connotations is quite useful :-)

I believe I've come up with a word which places a parent's emphasis on values including originality and resourcefulness, and is evocative of an incremental theory of intelligence at least as much as an entity theory. Additionally, I can't think of a way that this term could be misconstrued.

Jealous parent: Your daughter is advanced. You've obviously given her an unusual number of opportunities.
PGlet parent, demurely: I've really always just thought of her as ingenious.

Not bad, I might try that.

Q, though: if we all try it, how long will it take for "ingenious" to be the new "gifted" with all the same connotations?

See, I say things like that one because DS does it all without me, too! So that one could be snarky or it could be a kindred spirit, you never know. I suppose it depends on what their kid is doing.

Someone once made a strong comment about DS's "intellegence" after knowing us pretty well, but never having had a chance to actually talk before...

In a fit of brilliance I replied "oh, of course! He's BRILLIANT, you know!" in exactly the same tone of voice she'd regularly heard me say "he's my FAVOURITE [hisname]" or "that's my FAVOURITE underinflated ball that just won't bounce!" and similarly accurate-to-the-point-of-meaningless things.

It totally worked. Not only did we never ever ever talk about his intellegence per se again, BUT we talked about our kids, even compairing them directly quite a bit without ever getting into a contest about it. Some of the best toddler-trouble-shooting I've ever had.

I've also found "oh, well that's just becasue he's brilliant" said in the correct tone of voice works wonders even with people who aren't used to my understatement habit.

Not exactly a code phrase, but a tension releaser in the vein of "ingenious type."
-Mich

Love it, Michaela! I might have to try that one!

Don't get mad, get even!
Folks never say stuff like that around me, because they must know that I'd say:
"Oh, do you feel bad that you haven't worked with your child?" or
"Which opportunities do you wish you could provide?"
"you know, it makes me so sad when other parents look at my kid and think that their child is 'behind' in some way. It's understandable, but please don't go there. Your child is just right for the developmental path she is on. My child is just right for his alternative route."

Of course, I've been practicing sincerity for a long time, and have gotten pretty good at it.

If the other parent will let me, I'll start brainstorming ways that they could get their wish, but usually we end up talking about how each parent has their own strengths and that they have probably made the exact right resource allocation based on their family's needs and values.

I mean, I've done plenty of things that look like hothousing to other people, sometimes strategically (typing) but mostly because those activities are near and dear to my heart. I think that the sooner we take 'hothousing' as a pride word the happier we'll be. Why should we let others define the terms of the debate?

I know that lots of Moms here don't ever hothouse, but I'd like to reserve the option for you in case you ever have reason to believe that a little nudge is the next right thing to do.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

For me, homeschooling is a free license to hothouse! *grin*

Plus, if my kids are at a different level in some subject it's easily explained with, "Oh, we're homeschooling."