I am in the process of deciding whether our current school is going to work out well for our DD and in having a chat with a (recently departed interstate) parent of an older gifted child she commented that "The gifted co-ordinator was not very "gifted" herself and that was a problem". Which was kind of an "Ah-ha!" moment for me. I am guessing this may often be the case, my question is - does it matter? Is someone that has never not had to work to understand their age appropriate class word, never been isolated by their intellect going to actually understand our kids? And why are they so interested in the first place (our gifted ed teacher has masters or is doing a PhD in gifted ed, I can't remember which)?

Well, gifted comes in all flavors and LOGs (levels of gifted)
A moderately gifted professional might look very rigid and 'not gifted' to a higher log person, and yet that person might feel that they very rarely come in contact with others who are anywhere near their own LOG. Both perspectives are true.

We get in trouble interacting with medical doctors sometimes as well. We've always been told how amazingly smart one has to be to be a doctor, and might still be expecting that. It's just a thing to understand about the world.

I also think that people are deep and wide. So if you ask your GC in a friendly way what inspired him or her to choose this line of work, you may come away with a totally different impression than your friend did. If you come towards people in an open hearted way, ready to appreciate them and ask for help in a non-whiney way you may find a totally different person waiting for you on the other side of the table.

Or you may be squashed like a bug on a windshield. I've had it both ways - LOL!

I've realized that if I stick to my integrity, and keep my eye on the big picture and keep acting like I expect everyone to act from their best selves, that I may or may not get what I thought I wanted, but that being squashed like a bug doesn't hurt any worse than if I went in trying to protect myself. There is no protection from the kind of power imbalance that goes on between parents and school folk.

Hope that helps,
Grinity

What a lovely and thoughtful post. I do try to go into my interactions with the world with an "assuming the best" perspective. But this whole process really is dredging up all my issues from my own dreadful schooling experiences and I am having to take many a deep breath and remind myself that my kids are not me, their school is not my school, and we are not my parents, etc.

Interestingly enough I ended up having a chat with the third party parent mentioned above this afternoon (I am in Australia) and she raised no such concerns herself and is actually very happy with the academic support her daughter has received s far. Which was lovely to hear. And a reminder of how Chinese whispers work :-).
Yep, been there, done that. Sometimes it works in your favour though.

So true!!!

Isn't that a lovely side benifit of this whole advocacy process? ((I mean that both sarcastically and sincerely - I feel both ways about it, depending on the day and moment!))
Good for you for not being your parents! And good for you for finding us here! Having a good audience makes it all go better, I've found. My son is 14, and doing really well, and I'm slowly starting to get over my early childhood and his!

Grinity

Slightly off topic, but I've had very good success hiring tutors and caregivers for my children. I look for evidence of general intelligence and ignore specific qualifications / experience.

Right now I have a math grad student who says she "kinda" knows grammar tutoring my son. She is excellent. I also got emails from professional educators with advanced degrees in teaching that had so many gramatical errors it would make your heads spin.

Hi Mumof3

To me this is very much like any question of representation - do you have to look like me/be like me/walk in my shoes to be able to advocate for me. The answer I think comes down to personal preference - do you need the person to intuitively understand where you are coming from or simply be open to and educated about where you are coming from. But also the attitude of the individual matters. For example, someone who is gifted and had their experience might then use their experience to guide all decisions despite LOG or any of the other factors that might influence placement. Someone who is not gifted necessarily or is optimally gifted might be open to all ranges and all levels because they have no presets regarding experiences.

I think actions matter more than innate understanding - 1 gifted coordinator might refuse to 'see' your daughter and then deny, obfuscate, etc while another might be open to anything you want.

DeHe