I am in desperate need of a cheer-up! Both my kids have "problems" that are being attributed to their high intelligence. I want to hear some positive things about giftedness!

LB, 3.5, is having issues socially at school. After always playing by himself he is suddenly Mr. Social Butterfly but doesn't quite know how to fit in with the other kids. He's had some problems with aggression (out of frustration) when the other kids don't do what he wants. His preschool teacher/director totally "gets" him and says that she feels there is a huge gap between his intellectual development and his social development. She also feels that he is "overintellectualizing" things (e.g., focusing on one thing or person to play with and not being able to let go of that thought.)

Then there's the baby, LC, who is now 8.5 months. She has sleep issues that a $600 sleep consultant with a 99% success couldn't solve. Our pediatrician--who seems to "get" the kids too (he's always saying, "You know your kids are really smart, right???")--says that he thinks LC has an "overly active mind" and that's part of the reason why she can't settle down.

Anyway, let's focus on the positive! Tell me some good things I have to look forward to.

Jokes...lots and lots of really, really good jokes!

And stories...

and plays...

and cute little love letters, full of really big words...

and empathetic hearts, bursting with love for you...

Lots of good stuff!

peace
minnie

PS Hope you get some sleep soon--it's rough always to be tired.

DS7 didn't sleep through the night until he was 4.5 so I feel your pain. We got the same thing ie: overactive brain. But Minnie is right about all of the rest too. The intensity carries through everything. We can't watch the news because he worries himself sick about things he has no control over.

One of my favorite things is my son's overwhelming sarcasm. It's also the thing that freaks out the grown-ups that he runs across that don't know him. As soon as he opens his mouth, any hope of blending in is gone.

Well, starting at the age of 3, you get a kid who can program your TIVO, fix any setting on your cell phone, send goofy text messages to EVERYONE in your address book and pitch the most phenomenal fits in the middle of the night due to sugar imbalance (or something).

And remember that old parental trick of spelling things to prevent young ears from hearing too much? Fuggedaboutit!!!

Finally... if you manage to provide just a fraction of the support/love/challenge they really need, perhaps they'll go off and do wondrous -- and financially rewarding -- feats for the benefit of humanity... and be able to support YOU financially while you dotter away your golden years rocking on your front porch, muttering something about standard deviations, LOGs, or some such nonsense.

yay! esp. the financially support me part. maybe I *should* hothouse my kid to graduate with 2 degrees by the time they're 18 so they can start working sooner.

Sympathy, btdt! I agree with what everyone else says, but maybe the part you'd most like to think about is that in a while you may have insatiable readers who will just disappear and be found hours later, when it occurs to you that it's very quiet, still reading, or children who leave you to sleep in on a Saturday morning while they get busy playing chess against themselves... Hang in there.

I hear you on the sleep issue - I have two sleepless little ones. As a result, my once at least ok mind (I mean it had to come from somewhere right? ) now has trouble remember what I went to the cupboard for

But the good things I see so far are the very sweet things they say, and how much they just want to help so much. Or the amazing things I would never notice if they didn't point them out to me.

I have a friend who says that a kid who slept all the time would be so boring. Well, she's not as sleep deprived as I am, and I always tell her I could do boring. But really, I know what she means.

This made me chuckle. DH and I have our own language... however, DS6 has caught on, and because it's gotten so large, DH and I have no idea what we're saying to each other. DS6 has to translate!

Big hugs, big laughs, and a big heart (well both kids' hearts - even though we're not sure about DD4's LOG, if any) are my favorite things! And I am really appreciating my own growth and self understanding going through "this" with DS6. It's truly an amazing ride.

I've got to second this. For me, the most unexpected and amazing thing to come out of having a gifted kid has been the self-knowledge that I've gained from following this forum and reading every gifted book I can get my hands on. It's kind of shocking to think that had I never had kids, I never would have figured out why I was so miserable as a child, why I still have trouble fitting in, why I feel so underemployed at every job I get, etc. It took just a few months of learning about giftedness to get my son in a good educational placement, but it's taking years to sort out and try to right all that I've learned about myself in the process.

LOL, so true...DS5 was helping a HS boy (friend of our family) with his algebra last night. I thought maybe he could start a job as a tutor soon as he has been asking how he could make money to buy the list of things he wants (a hydrodynamic plant, a telescope, and a snap circuits rover are the top ones on his list now).

And the spelling was not possible at 2...so I started using sign language with DS (just spelling words in sign language). But apparently DS had already picked up on sign language from a puzzle and some computer game so he already knew it and DH didn't, LOL. Then we tried spanish (but DS knows about as much as DH) and pig latin. We finally gave up and just said "I'll tell you later"

Some other good things is that although my DS isn't a good sleeper we have found things to keep in his room to occupy him in the morning if he gets up early. One saturday morning DH and I slept in until 8am and when we went into his room DS5 proudly announced he had already read a book, cleaned his room, learned how to play a song on his piano and built something with k'nex. He was having a grand old time, and all before I had even had my first sip of coffee.

And they make us laugh daily. My kids say the funniest things. Yesterday DS5 told us a story that started off this way "On friday, the 152nd day of school, during center time in the morning...." So glad he gave me all the details as to the time and location of this event (which by the way nothing at all important happened in the story). We were in the yard this weekend and we caught a frog and DD2 said that the frog was "the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life." She is quite dramatic and funny. They are quite different but they keep life quite interesting and I love who they are.

My daughter (12) has always been an interesting companion. She does not bore easily like most kids her age. When she was young, I could take her to art galleries, museums, or practically anything and she would point out cool things to me and would be totally into it.

She gets really interested in her studies and always looks up more on any subject. I enjoy discussing things with her since she always brings an interesting viewpoint.

My DS9 had a hard time PreSchool. I even felt uncomfortable in his preschool. Many preschools are very loud, and overly active.
We switched to a Monstessorri type of school that was much calmer and wonderful. That made a big difference.

When I have a bad day, I get out a parenting book to help me refocus and deal with it all. I like "Children are from Heaven", This is not about gifted but does offer advice for sensitive kids.

Getting Breaks from the kids will gain you lots of patience.

Try to look for the good in them, ignore the negative as much as possible. They need our love to let them know it's ok to be different. Embrace who they are. I try to frequently tell my kids they should be proud for all their efforts.

It's all still hard for me, but it keeps getting better. Hugs to you. I hope this helps.

shellymos - DS6 cracks me up with this too! Dates, times, etc... the details are amazing.

I think another positive thing is that gifted kids come with manuals and support groups. The explanatory power of all that is known about giftedness (not just the academic stuff, but also the social and emotional characteristics) is so far-reaching, revealing and instructive that I feel like I know and understand my son much better than many parents of non-GT kids know theirs. The availability of all this material that summarizes my son and his issues to a "T" makes me feel more equipped and confident in my parenting.

As an example, you should feel confident and take comfort knowing that many gifted kids (mine included) are terrible sleepers as babies--it's not you, your parenting skill or lack thereof. These kids really are wired differently.

This is one of the favorite things about my son! I heard the other kids during the class trip to SeaWorld saying, "I'm bored!!" all the time and was shocked into remembering that DS7 NEVER says that. How wonderful to love life and always be able to find something interesting in what we are doing. Nan

I love these stories! I think I enjoy my DS6's advanced sense of humor most, but there are so many fun things. You will learn all sort of things along with whatever your child's latest passion of the time is. You may find yourself searching on eBay for a rare Lego Boba Fett minifigure because you know how delighted your 4yo child will be. You will get to know many school personnel very well (which in our case has been a positive). You will enjoy quickly skipping through some of the rather dull young children's books and board games. I love that I could read Chronicles of Narnia to my DS when he was 3. I don't really love that he's loved Monopoly since age 4, since he seems to have a longer attention span than I do when it comes to that never-ending game!

My verbally gifted twice exceptional son is really fun to be around because of his sense of humor, especially his ability with improv and imitations and also his love of music. He is very articulate and teachers and doctors, like the neurologist he saw yesterday, often tell us they notice this about him. He always has interesting things to add to the conversation because he is interested in a wide variety of subjects and has done a lot of reading about a lot of different things since he was 2 1/2. He also watched a lot of educational television. He likes to watch Cash Cab and sometimes Jeopardy to test his knowledge.

In spite of some sensory issues and a mild disability that affects motor ability and endurance, he seems more mature than kids his age because he can also see the big picture and even the positive things about having his disability. Because of his intelligence he can be an active participant in getting an accurate diagnosis for his disabilities because he has done a lot of reading about neuroscience and now microbiology. He often knows a lot of the material in his science books before we read them.

He often wonders out loud about things and whenever he does this we look it up. Because he wondered if his grandmother's disability might have been caused by an allergic reaction to anesthesia, we read about malignant hyperthermia which can happen if you have central core disease, a myopathy with some symptoms that sound similar to some of my son's symptoms. The neurologist that we went to for my son's migraines ordered tests to see if he was possibly misdiagnosed with motor dyspraxia because there are so many things that don't fit. The neurologist told us myopathies can sometimes be caused by genetic mutation when we told him there was no family history of my son's difficulties. I think my son was 8 or 9 when he first asked me if his disabilities were caused by genetic mutation. He had been reading about genetics and he had observed that none of his family had the disability.

He is very intuitive and very observant, but also has a good sense of aesthetics, good at knowing what colors look good together. My daughter emails pictures of different outfits when she is trying to decide which would look better on her and she does it because he gives really good advice. My husband and I value his opinion when selecting new furniture and tile and just about everything else. This is one of his gifts that I find a little ironic since he didn't like to color and couldn't or wouldn't color in the lines in Kindergarten.

I love reading about your son. From previous posts I'm aware of the difficulties he has to overcome and am always amazed by his and your upbeat attitude. But I really got a kick out of this last paragraph. What you described is truly a gift. One that I took for granted most of my childhood into my adulthood. It wasn't until an art professor actually talked about it with the topic of people taking advantage of it that a light bulb went off. It just comes so naturally that I never thought twice that most others don't have this ability. I know for me, when I see outfits put together that don't quite work I have this biological reaction to it. My stomach churns. LOL As for coloring in the lines or even coloring ... I don't think it has anything to do with it. Your son is an artistic person ... I know this from your wonderful posts about his acting and singing. He might not choose to be in the visual arena at the moment, but make no mistake about it ... he is a creative being and will gravitate to the art side in some form or fashion.

So many positive things, but what comes to mind quickly is when my dd5 was 3 she starting writing stories, books (about 10 pages stapled together) complete with her drawings,which are just amazing. My brother in law started collecting the drawings and putting his favorites on T-shirts then proudly wearing them when he goes on trips (he's retired so he travels a lot) She also writes me sweet little notes and puts them on my work desk at home, makes my day everytime.

My DS9 is a project guy. It's amazing he has been creating his own card game for 3yrs. It's simiar to Pokemon.

He loves to sing(loud)everyday while he is in the playroom to Kids bop and doing his legos.

He is amazing in what he can figure out.

I think if he didn't have his gifted challenges in the toddler years, we wouldn't have learned so much and I may not of known he was so gifted. Those difficulties lead us to a whole different way of understanding my children.

I too have periods where I wonder what the positives of parenting a gifted child are, but here's what I love:

- DD4's humour, which often comes out of nowhere and when you least expect it.
- I think it was mentioned earlier, but that you get to skip some of the less interesting books and games, or at least do them for a shorter period.
- Her kindness
- That she is really good company (as I am sure many 'normal' kids are too), and we can chat about interesting things.
- That I know she knows more than she lets on (sometimes we get to see just how far ahead she is when she forgets we're in the room), which makes me curious and excited about the future.
- Her intense, intense love for her dad and I.
- The look of satisfaction when she's really had to think to figure something out, it's like a light goes on behind her eyes.
- That I have learnt so much about me in the process of learning about her - it's been very liberating.

Good luck with the sleep! Is it possible that your DS is not so much lacking social skills as in the wrong social group? I've always thought it must be such hard work trying to learn how to interact socially when you're very different from everyone around you (it's hard enough as an adult!). Wish you all the best,

Ari

LOL, same thing here. Monopoly is still DS10s favorite game for game night. Somehow, he always ends up bankrupting DH or me with only two properties (we have the Star Wars and World editions, so the two that correspond to Boardwalk and Park Place in the original). Sometimes, I really wish he would have enjoyed Monopoly Jr, but he was over that after playing it a couple of times.

Positive thing about it - DS could be the banker because he was able to add/subtract large numbers in his head. That still baffles us sometimes when we think back on it.

from DD10
- her amazing photography
- beautiful poems that she writes (the best presents ever)
- her creativity
- her goofy sense of humor
from DD8
- her ability to think of questions that never would have occurred to me
- her ability to hear music at a depth that is beyond me
- her empathy
- her charisma
from DS5
- his fierce independence and ability to work around almost any "no" (this can be exasperating too).
None of them slept well in the early years -- who would have thought that "Horton Hears a Who" would have led to a nightmare about the mean monkeys and the great injustice in the world? that we would still have to watch the end of the movie first so that we would know that all the stressful stuff will turn out alright?
Try to grab hold of those good moments. It will get better.

I'm in awe of my children's idealism and strong ethical concerns. It makes the challenges of their early years well worth it!

Keep these coming! Thank you so much for making me feel better. I just realized that I didn't say something positive too! I have the most fantastic conversations with LB. Life is never boring with him. His enthusiasm for learning matches mine. LC amazes me everyday. We just figured out that she knows the color yellow--if you ask her to get the yellow object she can pick it every time!

I spoke with a wonderful sleep consultant/psychologist (who didn't even charge me!) today about LC's habit of waking up at the 40 minute mark and screaming for an hour every night before falling asleep (if we go in she literally won't go to sleep AT ALL and gets into this weird wired, overly tired state). She said that some crying is actually GOOD for intelligent, sensitive babies like LC. Apparently they receive so much more sensory input during the day than ND babies that some need to cry at night to help them process everything that happened during the day. Basically it's a way of letting off steam. She said it should eventually stop once LC is talking. She said to ignore Dr. Sears and stop feeling guilty. I hope no one flames me for this...I was really against crying-it-out until we were confronted with this situation.

You will always have to be learning and investigating new things just to keep up. I am considered smart but some questions involve getting more info. Unfortunately my DS is a robot man and I am a complete zip at electronics and computors. Well at least he can teach me.

LOL! It is kind of funny that I had the same problem but Dr. Sears actually helped me deal with it - his fussy baby book made me realise that IT WASN'T ME!

I always say go with your instincts. My particular children got very upset and overwrought if I wasn't there, so I used to just sit with them while they cried, until they calmed down and were ready to sleep. But I have heard some people say that their children found having the parent there too stimulating, and it made it worse. To me that's different from cry-it-out because your not really trying to train them, your just letting them go to sleep the best way for them.

I watch my kids, they will let me know what they need. If they get stressed out, something isn't working. If they are happy, it must be alright.

Actually, I love Dr. Sears too! His information about high-needs and reflux babies was so helpful with my first child. I'm just ignoring his statements that crying will horribly damage my second child.

If we go in to LC or give her any sort of stimulation she will wake up every 30 minutes or not sleep AT ALL--leading to MORE crying. So you can see our predicament? If we allow her to work it out off and on for an hour she gets 10 hours of sleep. If we respond she cries in total more than an hour and gets little or no sleep.

Before the sleep training LC was so sleep-deprived that she was in a constant aggitated, wired state. Now she wakes up squealing and giggling and full of energy. The psychologist said that in the context of a loving environment like LC has (she pretty much does ZERO crying during the day), a little bit of crying at night can be "optimal" for her development.

Sorry LBLCMama, that's what I was saying. I hope you didn't think I was criticizing. What I meant was that I can't follow any one method blindly, and to tell if something is working I should look to the kid, not the method. YKWIM?

It must have been extremely stressful for you all!

Yes, this has been the most stressful thing I've been through...and I was a trial attorney! Last night she only cried a couple of minutes so I'm hoping she'll continue that trend.

I'll be hoping for you too

Another good thing about gifted children is that they grow and change so quickly that the problems of today will change very quickly. Though sometimes it doesn't feel like it at the time!

DS4 knows calender/time very well

If I don't know what the date is , he will tell me

Also he remeber's me family mememer's, his friends, teacher's birthday, so I won't miss the birthday card

He remeber me the bus coming in a few mins, so I won't miss it

He tell me how to get to friend's home when I got lost

He tell me where to get eggs in super market and how much are they...or something on special, cause 20% off..

How handy is THAT!!!:-)

LOL! Elder dd cannot stand shopping with ds too. He is too practical and he is knows the real value of stuff!

Dottie, S-T

I found that GT kids are so different in life compare with other normal kids, but they are so similar with other GT kids.

Everytime I read stories here, I would think, How amazing are them!!


^_^

mathboy,

This is sooo true.

I can't find anyone really to share these stories with and who can relate to them as well as other GT parents!

This thing about cheaper groceries, kids having sarcastic humour, making up experiments to test for God (yes, that's mine) etc can be interpreted so differently by well meaning but un-clued-in folks. I really don't mean to be snobbish about things. I just want understanding and someone to laugh with!

Love these stories too!

If I cannot find something, I ask Mr W (26 mos) where it is. Most of the time he has picked it up and played with it. Sometimes, not, but he knows where they are.

Like this weekend, I saw him with my phone. An hour later, I asked him where it was, and he showed me. Same with my keys, which he had been playing with.

Then DW was looking for her keys and he showed here where I had put them!!

A few weeks ago we were at the park. A family was looking for the dad's keys. We asked Mr W if he had seen some keys and he walked over to where they were.

Mr W can unload the dishwasher by himself. He can sweep, swiffer, and mop, too. He can load the clothes washer and move clothes to the dryer. Brings in the groceries and takes out ( drags out ) the trash. He can also cut up soft foods and will stir a pot.

Another fun thing is his singing. He can do on key or change to a gruff gutteral Johnny Cash rendition. Sometimes he will bang away on his kiddie piano and belt out a song.

Another fun thing is when he wants something and tries to use charm. He will look us in the eye, smile, ask for it, then smile bigger and wiggle his eye brows.

The darkest days were when he would not sleep through the night. We had to make several adjustments as well as just let him cry it out.

LOL! This would be a good youtube vid.

I am looking forward to this. Thanks for bringing it up. He already points out stuff we do not see and is starting to ask questions.

I love these stories!

Our ds8 leaves me little notes all the time. I commented on them once, and he said he was going to beat the Guinness world record for love notes to his mom. (melt)

D15 is the BEST companion at museums, especially history or science museums. Like me, she likes to read every sign, study every exhibit, and really absorb all the material. We take forever... and that is the way we both like it! She and I had the greatest time at the Newseum in DC last year doing this, too.

My daughter, 12, on her People to People trip to DC, loved Newseum. I don't remember this being there when I was in DC in 1986. She still talks about this place. It must be special.

Yes, we went to the Newseum because D went on her 7th grade class trip to DC. When we went there on vacation last fall, I asked if there was anything she wanted to do again. The Newseum was at the top of her list! It is a museum about... news. It is a VERY robust multi-story museum full of info on news stories and news media. It is a little pricy (or just seems so, since all the government-run museums on the Mall are free), but we got a solid half day of entertainment out of it, and honestly could have stayed longer

D15's older sister (in college) just made her first visit last week. D15 told her to "say hi to the First Amendment exhibit for me"!

It is worth all the sleepless nights. Hang in there!

Oh my goodness.... my favourite thing is the amazing empathy and HUGE heart. She just loves so much. And she wants everyone to know how much. She worries that they may doubt it or not understand it and that upsets her. I really love how she 'gets' things. Picks up on people's body language and tone of voice. She just seems to know when someone needs a hug or needs some space. I feel humbled on a daily basis. When I grow up, I want to be just like her.

I also get a kick out of being asked thousands of questions each day. I long ago gave up trying to appear smarter and now her smart alec saying is, "Never mind, I'll just check with Magic Google... he knows everything." Wow, wish I had a magic eight ball like that when I was little.

I want to add that she was a horrible sleeper. Up six to eight times every night until she was over a year. I felt like she was sucking the life out of me. Even now, at 7, she never stops and sleeps little compared to others her age.

~Sensitive (in the good way)
~Kind-hearted
~Very, very, smart (I learn things from my sister every day)
~Helpful
~Funny

That's all I can think of at the moment--trust me, there's much more. I hope this helps--and I hope you'll be okay.

I don't have to let her win at board games and we threw out candyland when she turned 2.