My DS 4.5 is really into human anatomy and physiology right now and I keep running into the reproduction discussion in the books that he's getting from the library. (most are around the 3rd grade level, I think)

At this stage, he knows the various organs and parts but not the how. Nor is he asking the how . . .

Basic question: Do I just spill the beans on the details (even though he is very young) or should I keep tiptoeing around it?

I certainly don't want him discussing it with other kids. He already freely uses the word "uterus" in public which freaks people out! Plus I don't want to take away what little bit of innocence he has either.

What did you do??

I was matter-of-fact about it. It's just parts, and I figure they might as well understand it when they're too young to snicker over it.

One thing I do is to only answer the questions they're asking. If he's not asking about the how, then he's probably not ready to learn about it yet.

Thanks, Kriston.

The "wait until they ask" is my normal MO but avoiding the books that include reproduction (and the act) is severely limiting his reading material.

So, is it ok for him to read about it even if he's not asking? Should I just buy the books and cut out the pages? (ugh! don't know if I can stomach defacing a book though). . .

I was matter-of-fact too, and the boys just took it in their stride. I think DS5 was a little younger than your DS at the time. I don't think it takes away innocence because their view of it is so simple. What I haven't gone near, and would prefer not to for a while yet, is the rampaging hormonal/emotional side of things. Waaay to much for my little people.

They are inclined now to ask if I have any eggs left in me, or if daddy is still making sperm. I've explained quite emphatically that if they want small babies in their lives (which they think they do) they will have to find nice girls some day and take care of it themselves.

my dd7 is really into animals and dinosaurs and reads just about every level text he can find. The other day he was in our community pool playing with another boy. They appeared to be wrestling (not uncommon) but i felt it was getting too much so i intervened and my son yelled, "its ok mom we're playing dinosaurs and we're mating".. i was fire engine red and was not sure WHAT to make of this. We got home and i asked him what mating was and he said "its when a male and female fight".. so i guess he's not getting it all yet..and was relieved a bit, actually.
irene

Personally, I'd let them have the books and not worry about it. If they have questions and you're open to answering them, they'll ask. If they don't ask, it probably means they're ignoring that part of the book.

Remember that kids on the farm know how baby animals get made from a very young age. They have living examples of how babies are made that are out in the pastures making babies! Knowledge isn't going to do them any harm even from an early age. Both my kids knew the basics of how babies are made by 4.5, and they're not out corrupting the neighbor kids. LOL! To kids at that age, it's just more factual info. No big deal. At worst, they'll think it's gross.

If I may make a suggestion, I would recommend that you have a clear idea of where you stand on things like premarital sex and how you want to present your moral views from the start. You don't want to be fumbling through that conversation if a child decides to take it there. And if you start talking about your moral views from the start, the kids will tend to accept them more easily.

If your child is the sort to lecture anyone and everyone about his latest interest, and reproduction becomes his latest interest, you might want to talk about appropriate forums for discussions about sexuality. A kid old enough to talk about it is also old enough to understand that it's not a conversation that the old woman in line at the grocery store or the 3yo neighbor is going to need to have...

Okay, so when our DS was about 5 he was HUGELY into human anatomy. It stemmed from one of the magazines he gets (like Ranger Rick, but focused on science... the name escapes me). That article on the blood & circulatory system was the trigger for 6 - 9 months of intense focus on anatomy. I'll post some of the resources that you may be interested in. We were lucky enough to have the BodyWorlds exhibit near us at the time (www.bodyworlds.com).

When it comes to the reproduction system, we treat it as any other organ such as the kidneys, lungs, etc. (DS is a very good reader.) We had a discussion--reviewed a couple of times--talking about what is appropriate to talk about within the home setting and what is not appropriate to talk about with friends. Somehow we found a good balance with that without making it into a big stigma. But other than that, we don't have a problem with our children reading material that is "age appropriate" about sex. He understands a lot of the process and biology of reproduction, but not necessarily the sexuality part of it. At BodyWorlds, all of the bodies are naked (and the skin is peeled away) and one of the things that he was naturally curious about was "daddy this is a male... daddy this is a female." We're probably a bit more open than most people. But he'd also point out the kidneys, bladder, digestive system, etc.

So of the books that we made available to both DS5 and DS2 (at that time) were books like:

Where Willy Went (still a favorite)
http://www.amazon.com/Where-Willy-Went-Nicholas-Allan/dp/0375830308

It's not the Stork
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_sim_b_4

It's so Amazing
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/07...IKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1PDAB7T230YMQR1E10G0

(We were also pregnant during this time.)

While I am sure that we warp our kids in others ways this approach has worked out very well for us. Like I said we're pretty open about it and treat the subject matter almost like a clinician.

Some online resources we've found and enjoyed:
http://www.visiblebody.com/ (the best and IIRC you can turn off sex organs)
http://www.medtropolis.com/vbody.aspx
http://www.innerbody.com/htm/body.html

Hope that helps and is not TMI...

JB

DS6, then 4.5 asked me what the ducks were doing and I told him... That was pretty much the beginning and end of the conversation. He looked up the particulars on his own.

Okay, I've told this story before, but it's one of my all-time favorite stories about our DS8, so please forgive me for repeating it.

When Son #1 was about 2.5yo, I was pregnant with Son #2. Son #1 was learning body parts at the time, including some of the official medical terms (clavicle, femur, etc.). Rather than telling him that the baby was in my "stomach"--which seemed like it would lead to confusion about why Mommy ate a baby--we told him that women have a special body part to hold a developing baby that's called a uterus. He accepted it easily.

At the midwife's office some weeks later, the kindly nurse knelt down to him and said, "You know, your mommy has a baby in her stomach."

He was reeeeeeally skeptical. He looked to me with uncertainty, as if to say "Dude! You're going to trust this crazy person with your medical care?" then he gently (but firmly!) corrected her: "No, she has a baby in her uterus."

The poor midwife laughed so hard she almost fell over. "How soon is he going to med school?" she teased.



I really think that the earlier they figure it all out, the less of an issue it is to them. He knew the basics (including how babies are made) at 2.5yo. It has just never been a big deal to him. Funny though!

That's a great story.

Thanks. I laugh every time I think about the dubious look on the kid's face. 5.5 years later, and I still laugh out loud when I think of it!

I want to make a quick plug for early, basic disclosure. I tend to think that the more casually you talk about it, the better--and being able to talk about it casually when they are older starts by being able to talk about it casually when they are younger. You don't have to dump the whole thing on them, but IMHO a child should at least know the very basic facts of life as soon as they are interested in learning about other basic bodily functions. It is a normal, natural function, and tiptoeing around it or hiding it doesn't preserve innocence, but does introduce the concept of shame once they figure out that you've explained everything else but that.

I agree with everyone else about not tiptoeing around this - no way would I avoid books or pages about this! Your DS might find Mummy Laid An Egg too babyish, but if not, I recommend it. Actually this is one of the many areas where David Attenborough Life series DVDs have been very helpful - having DS know about how sexual reproduction evolved and e.g. about how scorpions do it is useful background for talking about humans. Life on Earth and Trials of Life are both very good for this (and lots else).

my dd, by poolside, looking intently at a ring and torpedo toy.

"Oh, now I get it"

I have been wondering about all the birds and bees stuff. In a year or two my son will be taught about it at school. It doesn't seem right to me to just leave it to the school. I have been avoiding books with such discussion because I've been thinking they are too young. But recently, I'm rethinking this.
I recently came across an osborne book on butterflies that I had tucked away. It discusses mating and that might be a nice thing to leave around. I am also going to let my kids know they can talk to me about anything they see in a book.

Has anybody found any books on talking to your kids about the birds and the bees? or websites? I want to try and stay one step. ahead.

Another funny...We were at a new produce market last week, and the clerk, while friendly, was one of those people who think they need to give everybody unasked-for personal advice: "Oh, three boys--you need to have a girl next! Everyone needs a girl...etc etc etc..." (though I think anyone looking at me would realize that the clock has obviously run out on any more children--I get mistaken for their grandmother nine times out of ten)..."and the way you have a girl is to eat lots and lots of avocados and carrots," says she.

Says Chico (4), "no, no, the way you have a girl has nothing to do with what the mother eats, since she has the eggs. It's the daddy's sperm that makes the baby either a boy or a girl." Clerk falls silent, I pay for my fruit, and off we go.

peace
minnie

LOL!

JB

minniemarx - great story! My kids take lots of stuff so literally too.

Niece, 6 years old, comes to visit.

She sees bulls doing what bulls do.

"What is that they are doing?" she asks a female friend who has graduate ag degree.

Female friend goes into long explanation.

A week later I get a call from my sister, asking "EXACTLY what did J tell K?"

Turns out niece got home, mom was preg, and proceeded to ask her "Mommy, did daddy mount you?"

I second JB Dad's recommendation of It's So Amazing. It goes through anatomy, the sperm-meets-egg bit, fetal development, birth, etc., but totally glosses over how *exactly* the sperm gets into the egg's neighborhood, so to speak. There is one drawing, IIRC, of a man and woman in bed under a blanket, and that's it.

Another aspect of the book that I really appreciated was its openness to *all* kinds of love, and pointing out that that kind of relationship is different from a sibling relationship or friendship, etc. The illustrations also include people from all walks of life, not just healthy white beautiful middle-class heterosexual Christians.

Ok, this was my approach, and we started with DS around age 3, hanging around on the toilet seat waiting for the poop to come out. The waiting around and then pushing really hard always put me in mind of his birth, so the topic of conversation came up - alot! I was sure to explain that it wasn't the same tube, but DS at 3 was well versed in how most body systems were basically fancy tubes, and could recite the journey of food. We also used to roll up Daddy socks and then unroll them to make a 'baby' pop out.

Anyway, I've now softened my stance as DS was a great 'informer' of agemates. When ever school folks would inquire wasn't I afraid that older classmates might tell DS something he didn't know, I could honestly answer that that might make a refreshing change of pace from sitting at home fearing the angry calls from agemates' parents. DS13 is currently a freshman in High School, and knows all the 'hows' and 'whats', although my guess is that he doesn't have much firsthand understanding of the 'whys.' This seems like an advantage to me - who wants to go through mass hysteria, when one could have own individual hysteria?

((shrugs))
Grinity

Also the intro to 'look who's talking' was very cute!

Really great suggestions, everyone. Thanks!! Plus, these stories have me in stitches. I had to read them to DH last night because I was laughing so hard.

DS does spend a lot of time studying anatomy sketches so he is already familiar with the names of all of their parts and their functions. Now I just have to make it clear about when it is appropriate to talk about these things. He asks me about my eggs with some regularity now. Knowing more about the details is only going to make him talk about it more. He's one of those kids who is always thinking out loud so appropriateness is often challenging.

Now it's time for my own little embarrassing story:
This is part of what prompted this discussion.
Two(ish) weeks ago, I was sitting in a crowded, but quiet waiting room with both DC. Out of nowhere, DS suddenly exclaims (in a fairly loud voice), "Oh, I thought the mom of the octuplets had WAY more than one uterus!"
You can only imagine the stares I received after that!

Don't know where that thought came from or why . . . Hmmmm??

LOL @ that story sittin pretty!!!

DS5.5 has never really asked how. He knows formal names for anatomy, but chooses to use words like "privates" instead. He knows that he and his sister were in my belly, but he also knows that they came out through my belly (c-sections). We discuss how animals attract each other - he especially likes the really weird ones - and I tell him that is how the male tells the female he likes her, etc... but he never really asks about the baby making/birthing process itself.

I have a degree in health education and was very fortunate to take a sex education class in college that tailored teaching sex ed to different age groups. I actually have a book (if I can find it in the madness called my attic) that has worksheets and lesson plans to guide me when he does ask - not that we need to have a lesson, but it is nice if *I* have any questions!

My son caught me off guard with some of this when he was 3. While we were exiting the zoo, he noticed that there were a lot of couples there who didn't have kids. At this point, he still thought of couples in terms of the "mom" and the "dad" and didn't know what to make of a "mom and dad" with no kids. He told me he thought all "moms" had kids. When I told him no, not all people want to have children, he asked something along the lines of "don't their bodies make babies anyway?" Not knowing what else to say, I told him that if women don't want to have kids they can take a pill and it stops their body from making them. Within seconds, he got a huge smile on his face, stopped in his tracks and said (a little too loudly for comfort), "Now I know why you take a pill every day! You don't want to have any more kids!" Looking over my shoulder for anyone who might have been within earshot, I quickly ushered him to the car, feeling like I'd been outsmarted by a three year old.

I also agree just to treat it as any other anatomy/physiology question.

At the same time I'm happy nobody understands what DD2 is talking with us when we are out in public. She has not asked yet those questions but she is very interested about different genders. She knows there are boys, girls, men and women and so sometimes at the playground she might comment "Mommy, boy is coming, he has a penis, he is a boy" or even worse she sometimes thinks some more manly looking women are men and tells me "He is a men and has a penis like daddy, I'm a girl like mommy and I have vagina" You can only imagine how embarrassed we would be if that WOMAN would understand that our little girl thinks she is a man with penis .

She is also really interested how you eat food, where it goes from your mouth and how poop comes out. She is constantly wondering (and commenting) what happens to ppl's food.

Like I said, these are the times we are thankful she is bilingual!

Be reassured that ALL kids go through that sort of "boys have pen1ses" phase. More than once I've heard it at the playground and I have reassured an embarrassed mom that it's normal and doesn't bother me at all. Personally, I think it's probably easier if they go through it younger rather than older, since it's easier to laugh it off when they're 2 or 3 or 4 than it is when they're in school.

Oh, and LOL to all the stories! Love the pill one, MsFriz!

My MIL tried "correcting" DS when he was about 3 when he told her that he, his daddy, and his papa had penises. She was even more "horrified" when I explained to her that we are teaching the kids the proper terms. And they cannot get in trouble for stating the correct terms... only if they use those terms in the wrong sense (like calling someone a penis - ha). This is the same woman who won't even say "poop" or "bowel movement", but says BM instead (I can understand in public, but she does it at home). Thankfully DH is on board with using proper anatomical terms, and I think that his mom is slightly less embarrassed these days!

Some people don't let their kids use the appropriate words, but in our house the slang is banned! I'm constantly reminding DS "You do not have a wiener- those are hot dogs, you have a pen1s."

It's odd that at 6, he's never asked. Not once, not even when my SIL who lives 4 blocks away was pregnant. He just knows babies have a special hole to come out and they aren't "pooped" out. Never once asked how they got in there and I've never offered.

Recently he saw two hamsters "fighting" at the pet store. I suppose I could have corrected him at that point but I think I'll wait until he's asking for more info. It's possible he's already got it all worked out in his head and some day I'll get the "DUH mom, I knew that when I was THREE!"