Hi all,

I haven't posted in a while, but have yet another question for all you wonderful folks.

My 7yo DS (likely gifted -- being tested this summer) appears to have several OEs, and recently his teacher mentioned that she's working with him on making eye contact when he talks to her. I hadn't noticed DS7's "issue" with this until the teacher said something. Then I started noticing how DH and DS5 and both look right into my eyes when we are talking. I, personally, have always had trouble making eye contact when I talk with people -- it's like I can't hear what they're saying because I'm focused on their eyes, so I look at people's mouths instead. It used to really bother me, but I guess I hadn't thought about it in a while. Now, as far as DS7 goes, when he wants DH or I to listen to him, he has no trouble getting right in our faces and staring us in the eye *lol*. But he generally doesn't look any acquaintances in the eyes when he talks to them.

So, I'd seen something online recently that many gifted people have trouble making eye contact. Is that your experience as well? I'm really not worried about other issues like Aspergers or Autism. Sometimes DS7 is a bit obtuse about how what he does affects others, but in general he seems a little overly-sensitive to others' feelings.

Thanks!

Hi, not sure if this is much help but we have noticed that DS6 avoids making eye contact (even with us, especially if he is in trouble). In terms of looking at teachers this is also something that the school have noticed and are "working on" - when he says good afternoon to his teacher at the end of the day he has to shake her hand and look at her - it always makes me laugh because he makes his eyes really wide (exaggerated) and looks like he wants to eat her! So yes, in our experience DS6 does have trouble making eye contact - he can do it, I think that he prefers not to!

X Tiz

If DS5 is uncomfortable, whether it be the environment or what is being said to him (i.e., when he's in trouble), he tends not to use as much eye contact.

I am the same way, as I don't want to look at anyone's negative reaction towards me (if that makes sense). However, neither of us have the issue if we are comfortable unless something distracts us.

Our DS doesn�t make eye contact when he is feeling dejected, which was a frequent occurrence at his previous school. It was one of the concerns that we heard about early on when he was suspected of having ADHD. The developmental ped who evaluated him at 6 or 7 did not observe this, however, she found him charming and engaging which may have been the difference.

Recently, DS (12) met for an interview and evaluation with a teacher he had never met. He really liked the man and found him quite interesting. He mad me laugh, because he was really proud that he maintained eye contact even though he was a bit nervous. He mentioned that the teacher looked away first and he wondered if he had �intimidated� him.

If I am really listening and thinking about what a person is saying and also thinking of how to reply, I have a habit of looking down. As a child I was very shy and had difficulty maintaining eye contact for any length of time because it caused anxiety. I thought I had outgrown this habit until my son started asking me what I found so interesting on the floor whenever he talked to me.

My son has never had any trouble making eye contact and he is much smarter than I ever was. He is even able to look his acting teacher straight in the eye when she is yelling at him and then calmly explain why he did what he did.

Hi. He sounds like my 4 yo son. Although his teachers have not said anything to me, I noticed that he doesn't make eye contact when there is nothing in it for him. I just always call his attention to it and we sometimes play a game where we look at each other's eyes and the first one to look away loses. We also try to beat our record where we go up to the count of 100 if we did 80 the last time, etc. Hope this helps.

Thinking and taking information in at the same time, especially in gifted kids, is a very difficult combination. When a child (or person)is ideating for conversation, formulating their thoughts to comment, they will look away from the face of the other party because the face is so information rich it is distracting to the ideation processes.

Unfortunately, years ago some good soul, made notice that kids on the spectrum have difficulty making eye contact. The education professionals have latched on to that as something to focus on with kids with learning disabilities. All through the school day you will hear teachers telling kids to look at them when the kid is talking to them.

In actuality, when conversing, in American culture, it is polite to gaze on the face off-and-on, not constantly, when being spoken TO. It is common and acceptable, and in gifted and learning disabled kids necessary, to look away when being the SPEAKER rather than the listener.

So, tell the teacher to lay off and focus on whether or not he is comprehending or able to communicate his ideas.

DD13 (gifted) has extreme difficulties looking at people in the eye. When she is walking by in the hallway after school, she has told me, she always has to look away because it makes her uncomfortable to know that people are looking at her. In fact, she can barely even look at a person when they are speaking. I don't know if that is unusual or what.

ask her if she wants to be more comfortable with it.

people generally do not look at the faces of others when they are in crowds or walking by eachother in the hallway or in similar situations. It is considered polite to quickly glance up and the quickly look away unless the parties know each other.

So, if she is comfortable and others are not complaining about it, then it is probably within normal conventions. If she is not comfortable, or others make note of it, ("why wouldn't you look at me in the hall? are you mad?") then it is not normal.

Bassetlover- I don't know if this just being 13 or not, but you also mention she doesn't like to talk abou much even with you...maybe there is more to it? Does she have people she is comfortable with?

Yes, Yes, Yes. I have always had this and my daughter does as well. My husband complains all the time. I cannot think as well when I maintain eye contact. I have had to practice faking eye contact when I interview or other important "people times" while trying to think. However, I still cannot answer a question quite like I would if I were not trying to put all this effort into pretending to have eye contact.

Not really, she's pretty comfortable with me, and it's mainly illness that she does not talk about, she tells me about some other things. (I worded the other question strangely). I think it might just be her introvertedness that makes her feel uncomfortable around people. (mainly adults and some kids)

Well, I think I have the classic shyness, or maybe it's wariness. I won't talk much at all upon being in a completely new setting or a lot of new people, and I do have some eye contact oddness that I always think is other people, lol!
But later in a relationship I open up almost TOO much..but I guess that belongs in some other thread

Basset - Glad to hear I was probably reading too much in!