The discussion below is very interesting. Do other people think I work the kids? Absolutely! It's incredibly annoying. It comes from other parents (so what's your evening schedule? What workbooks are the "secret"?), even after I tell them over and over that we don't do workbooks they just ask again next time they see me. It comes from teachers. DS8's violin teacher always, always comments on how busy DS is (she doesn't mean that DS doesn't have time to practise, it's really just "oh how does he handle all these he is still so young"). Yes he has a lot of activities going on, but given that he feels that everything is easy, it actually doesn't take him much time and I think he ends up having more free time than most of his friends. Plus, HE WANTED TO SIGN UP FOR ALL THESE HIMSELF! He truly enjoys all of these activities. And it could come from schoolteachers, too, but fortunately this year we are having an understanding teacher.

So my question is, for you guys out there with older kids, do you find this simply annoying, or does it actually hurt the kids? I think people might underestimate the kids' talent and self motivation if they believe that pushy parents are behind the kids' success. And this in turn will have impact on what opportunities the kids might get. So I sometimes go out of my way to explain that DS is truly this good, he is not the work of some flashcard system. Am I just paranoid?

This kind of falls under the category of "it is, what it is". It's going to happen and it doesn't matter what you say. People believe what they want to.

I think this comment was said to my son in 3rd or 4th grade. His teachers asked him if his mother helped him with his work or if he worked on it all by himself :S

Quite frankly, he never really liked any help and after this comment, he was determined never to ask me. He wanted to figure out his work on his own and thought his mother helping him was "insulting". I wonder if these teachers had not said these things....my son would be more accepting of my assistance.

I learned early on... my son had to do things "his way" and couldn't be pushed to something he didn't particularly enjoy easily... so I had to be careful to pick my battles.

An aside:
You just described my son to a "T"! He's only 3 now, but as he ages "his way" becomes more firmly grounded. He will try things he doesn't like if he feels there is a "challenge" (dare) component - i.e. I'll show them! But! It *has* to be "his way" or it's an all out battle.