I'm exhausted. I just had to say that to a group that gets it. Yes it is regular working mommy and sandwich generation stuff. But it is also parenting a kid that is so intense and asynchronous every single moment. DS5 is an amazing light in my life and I am so greatful he's mine, but wow it is draining.

I'm just deeply deeply tired. Who else is feeling this way today?

I've been thinking about your post since yesterday. I just didn't want it to be hanging out there all on its lonesome, without assuring you that there are so many of us right there with you. I was so tired last night that I got in a preposterous, destructive, useless fight with DH over basically nothing. I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my composure in the meeting yesterday with the director of DS8's after care. ("Really? You've known him for 3 years. Fir 3 years, I've told you "what's going on with him." You may decide to ignore what I tell you about "what's going on with him." But could you please do me the courtesy to STOP asking me, if you're not going to listen to what I tell you?"). And so on.

Wish you could hear DS8 in the next room right now, belting out "Not throwing away my shot!" (In a way I don't think most kids would feel in their gut.) See Hamilton, the musical. It is all worth it.

Anyway, exhausted here, too. Still. Putting one foot in front of the other. Hang in there Mama.

Much love and admiration to you,
Sue

Sandwich generation wears one out to begin with. Add a gifted kiddo in the mix, and then college searches (delayed because as a junior he just couldn't cope with the thought). But now we have to do the Common App and essay. Yes, dear, I think I will have another glass of Chardonnay.

We had a horrible night last night too.

DD6 is growing rapidly cognitively and while that's wonderful, it comes with a unique set of challenges. She is much better in many ways but for whatever reasons, she locks into a meltdown mode on Friday nights. It used to start around Friday afternoon so I suppose that's a progress.

I need a vacation by myself. Even a night away with an open mini-bar would do.

Ocelot, you're not alone! I've got two gifties, one who is 2e and just started middle school in September. Lets just say its been a rocky transition. I think I've had 4 calls home in the last 2-3 weeks. Asynchrony, intensity, lack of social awareness...

Hope today was a better day for you Ocelot!

Ocelot, I will join the chorus of voices telling you that you are not alone! Last week, I was seriously daydreaming about running away from home. DS6 takes us on a rollercoaster of emotions a few times weekly, and it can be absolutely draining. One day he tells me he loves me so much that he's willing to die for me. The next day, he acts like a little jerk. The next day, every little thing turns into a big drama. The next day, he is joyous and carefree. I often feel like I'm on wash, rinse, spin, repeat cycle. Thank goodness for wine.

Oh I hear you on the exhaustion! I had such a tiring weekend I'm taking half a day off today - except it's not really going to be that restful, as I'll be meeting with a psychologist about DS, and still having chores, and driving DD to her activities.

Friday night I had to actually tell DD6 I couldn't answer any more questions for the night. I felt bad about it but I just needed a break.

ChasingTwo - we used to have question free dinners. I just couldn't take anymore!! ;-)

Thanks for chiming in everyone! I unplugged for a few days, so sorry about the late responses. I was definitely reaching out at a low moment and now it is marginally better. School is causing a lot of stress for me and my DS. He is a kid that gets hyper and impulsive when he is anxious, and the fall out from that makes him more anxious. He did great last year but this year isn't off to a good start and I feel like I am holding my breath the whole time he is at school waiting for a teacher phone call. It's just another thing added on to the baseline intensity and family juggling.

Pinecroft are the question free dinners quiet, or is it replaced by a monologue?

Ocelot, thanks for starting this post. It's always great to be reminded that we're not completely alone.

On our end, we're really feeling it right now. DS6 is draining us lately. He's usually an extremely intense kid, but it increases tenfold when he's going through transitions. The start of school, new swimming session/instructor and starting piano lessons have proven to be too much for him and for us.

We thought we'd be able to avoid the explosive periods by delaying the start of piano lessons (their first ever) to the first week of October, but it wasn't enough. DH went to check on him during his very first piano lesson this week and DS6 was curled up in a ball and crying uncontrollably because the instructor had explained to him that he couldn't "play" with just his index finger. He's been off (intense, rude, moody) ever since, and we are just completely drained.

We have a behavioural specialist working with him. So far, we're supposed to work on "filling buckets", help him choose different techniques to calm himself down and so forth. But honestly, we need help figuring out how to deal with the never ending intensity. Nothing is ever easy with him. Nothing.

I know no one will have a miracle cure for us, but any suggestions would be appreciated. Free offers of wine won't be turned down either. But mostly, I'm just venting.

PS - Platypus, I'm in the process of reading The Explosive Child and I have to admit that I'm a bit daunted by how to go about trying to put it into practice. There aren't really any concrete situations that are tough for us, it's a problem that seems to be pervasive and all-encompassing when it starts happening. It's hard to pin down one particular situation that's a problem, because it changes every time. And when he gets intense, it's like he's wild and you can't really get through to him.

It can be daunting to get started, but it is really worthwhile. I found it helpful to also watch some of his videos at www.livesinthebalance.org.

I had a similar feeling, and we never put it into practice all that much, but it really helped me reframe situations so they weren't as draining for me. If it feels overwhelming to get started why not just work on your own end as it were, just reframing things in your own head?

Applying Explosive Child strategies, for a six year old, I'd put formal piano lessons in the green and let it go. I am a huge believer in early music education for all children but private piano lessons can wait until he is ready.

DS5 has a long way to go with self regulations, so I also would be happy to see any tips here. We did just make a decision to pull out of an extracurricular that was getting stressful since school also seems to be a source of stress right now, and I felt like he needed to be relaxed and having positive experiences during his home time. One thing that did work for us was making a deal with him and his OT that if he felt overwhelmed he would use his words and ask for a break (instead of other meltdown behavior), and the OT would honor it without argument. I thought he might abuse that power, but he very rarely used it, and I think just feeling empowered triggered a major turn-around. The other thing that seems to help is keeping his cup full with praise for positive things, although this is remarkably difficult to do when he's in a downward spiral.


ETA: Per the original theme of this post, pulling back on scheduled extracurricular a was also a move to decrease parental stress/exhaustion 😉

@ocelot - glad you are considering yourself a bit in the picture (decreasing stress) -- maybe even a bit more of this would do wonders for better 'quality' time. I know it is extremely hard at that age to carve out time for yourself, but if possible, do consider it - a hobby, exercise, meditation, etc.

Oh my goodness, yes. Exhausted.
I've just recently found this forum and I'm so glad for it. DS4 can be intense with his knowledge seeking and his need to be physically connected to me. Today alone he was elated to discover basic math equations that would lead him to -1. This happened in the midst of electrical engineering play (thank you Snap Circuits!). He insists I be RIGHT THERE. The whole time. Every second. If I walk away, he crumbles. But I have other obligations (DS.5, work, etc.) and can't always be right there with him every minute. We've been working on it... but it's exhausting.

Since I'm new to all of this I feel like my free time is consumed by trying to understand how to best approach learning, trying to understand where DS4 falls in the realm of normal development, and understand the school system here which we haven't even started yet. My head is going to explode.

Thank you for posting this, Ocelot.