Hi all,

Just wanting to cry on an understanding shoulder.

DS7 gets overwhelmed - by noise, sensation, crowds, excitement. So, e.g., he won't go to birthday parties or other events where he might lose self-control.

Our neighborhood tends to be very, very crowded for trick or treating because kids get "bused in." Weird - but understandable if your kid lives in an area where it's not safe to go door to door.

A few years ago, DS got pushed down by some bigger kids that got dropped off and raced up the sidewalk to trick or treat. Then, when we tried to go to a quieter street, a family went by blaring their horn and shouting with excitement. A bunch of other little things happened that all added up to DS saying "I want to go home now."

Ever since, he doesn't want to go trick or treating. Same this year. I feel sad for him, and thought you guys might understand.

Sob,
Sue

So sorry, Sue, and can definitely relate. My DS begged to skip school on Halloween for years (couldn't handle the parading, wearing costumes all day, etc).

Is there any way he can go out early on the evening, before there are som many kids? How about handing out the treats? Or, you can look for alternatives- we enjoyed an open-house kind of event at the police station, outdoors, one year when DS was young. Our area also has several outdoor walks, one in the woods with lighted jack-o-lanterns, one at the zoo, etc- they are much more low-key, non-scary, and were easier to tolerate (though DS would never wear a costume). As he got older, we hosted a few buddies for a Halloween-themed movie and little party, games, snacks, whatever they were into that year. It doesn't even have to be on the big night, if the buddies are planning to trick-or-treat. Or perhaps he has buddies or relatives who live in a less busy area and could tag along in a different neighborhood?

Don't be too sad- it sounds like you are doing a good job listening to his needs. And you never know, next year could be totally different. Though to be honest, my DS never grew to like the holiday and still doesn't really participate- but he's totally ok with that (he's 13, so most of his friends are sort of aging out of it anyway).

We don't really do trick-or-treat ourselves, though the kids enjoy handing out ridiculous amounts of candy (we're also in a drop-your-soccer-team-off-for-the-evening neighborhood), so we don't have to deal with this for our own children. I do know a few kids who are a little sensory defensive who do trick-or-treat, though, and we've been on their shortlist of early visits. They'll go to three or four sympathetic neighbors early in the evening (about 5 pm, around here), before chaos ensues, and then have a little playdate at their or someone else's home, while the rest of the kids go out for the main event.

And I second community (police, fire, schools, churches) trunk-or-treat, mall treats, zoo treats, etc.

Or you could just applaud his principled refusal to condone or participate in extortion.

I know I'm a spoilsport!

Luckily despite advertisers best efforts it is not a huge event in NZ. We read the chapter in Mary Poppins about Halloween and other than i will just tell them that it is not part of our culture. But i think the early tour of selected houses followed by a play date and maybe a themed shared meal would be fun.

Make your own halloween traditions. How about an in house trick or treat?

Sorry to hear that. Maybe you can make the holiday fun for him in other ways. It can be fun to be the one opening the door. Perhaps he could help decorate.

I don't know if it would be less crowded but around my area many stores offer candy to trick-or-treating during the afternoon. Perhaps that might be a little less overwhelming.

ugh my kids are desperate for Halloween to come. Luckily the local library is having a Halloween craft and story day for 2 - 10 year olds so they can get dressed up and get it out of their system.

I too would be going with the low key community event idea, it's likely to attract others wanting less fuss.

My son used to have problems with Easter Egg Hunt. We were in line to get in and he just cried to go home. I make him go in but he still would not do it. I think he was 4. We never tried that again. He is a reluctant participant in lots of festivities. So I know how you feel.

Luckily Halloween has not been a problem. Our neighborhood has lots of kids but no one is busing anyone in. And the draw of candy is strong.

Thanks all for the kind responses and great ideas. His birthday is actually the day before Halloween, so it's a very exciting time for him anyway. And he's not that sad about trick-or-treating. He just says "no" and hands out candy while snitching a few pieces for himself. And lord knows he loves the decorating!!

It was more just me being wistful around just one more way he is just so different from his age peers. And missing one more of those things I imagined doing with my child. Of course I get to do all sorts of things with him that I NEVER imagined Thanks for re-focusing me on that.

Aw - make some of your own traditions to look back on! DD and I always make Halloween foods: frankfurters wrapped in strips of pastry and baked to make little mummies, meringues with little choc chip eyes to make ghosts, etc. And we make a stop-motion movie, with a good camera and a tripod, of us all decorating the xmas tree every year, you could do that for decorating your house for halloween. I actually think handing out the candy and seeing who turns up as what is just as much fun as trick-or-treating yourself

I would suggest going to a church sponsored event later in the evening when most trick-or-treaters are already leaving. Or consider going very early when the crowd is sparse. Most of the church sponsored events we've been to are "lower-key" and not so scary.