My DS2.7 seems to possess a skill that neither DH nor I share--the ability to talk (loudly, and often effusively) over someone and simultaneously process everything they're saying.

Case in point: I was reading DS a book just now and he, while totally engrossed, was also talking excitedly over me about something completely unrelated. I usually stop reading when he does this, as I want to teach him to be respectful of other people talking, but tonight I asked him if he wanted to keep going. When he said yes, I continued. When I finished, I asked him an obscure question about the book, which he answered confidently, followed by "of course". He then proceeded to make jokes and puns about the material with a devilish grin.

Can someone else who experiences this--or whose child does--please explain to me what the auditory input sounds like when you can understand simultaneous conversations? DS could literally talk to me as I talk to him and pick up 100% of both conversations, but I'd be a sensory overload disaster!

Thank you!

My own experience is that I don't really understand conversations simultaneously, but I have a very large auditory buffer (auditory working memory, I guess). So I can keep talking while listening to someone else, but what I'm really doing is spooling what they said into my buffer, that I then "play back" when I'm not talking or concentrating on something else. This is also the skill that allowed me to be a highly skilled scrutineer for ballroom competition, back before everything was done by computer, because I could listen to someone reading a list of numbers and find them on a sheet of paper, continuously rolling my "buffer" if I got behind by 4 or 5 numbers.

Ok, thanks ElizabethN! That gives me some perspective on what DS might be doing.

The closest I can achieve is simultaneous translation, which is really only following one conversation in real time and with a lag (so not comparable), or being able to listen to an orchestral piece and then later hear the separate parts in my memory. The first is really just an auto dump of content from my working memory, the second just comes from the experience of knowing the different sounds of instruments and identifying them.

I'd like to understand DS' perspective to know how to treat the simultaneous conversations. (I've asked him and don't think he has the meta-knowledge to understand and explain what he's doing yet.) If he's getting value from multiple streams of input (and I'm not going insane in the process), I'll facilitate it at home while teaching turn taking with others.

At the moment, I stress the need to maintain eye contact with his interlocutors, which keeps him focused on the fact that the other person is focused on him. That way, he's also learning that if someone isn't making eye contact with him, they aren't guaranteed to be listening. But boy, is this an exasperating exercise, because I think DS thinks I can do what he does! That and a bifurcated tongue would massively increase my productivity!

Oh, I can definitely do what you're describing, aquinas-- but NOT what EN is describing, not at all.

That is, for me, speaking is on a different "track" than listening. I don't really hear my own speaking, per se, so much as script it internally before engaging the mouth, if that makes sense.

So it's no problem to release the brake and listen at the same time.

It all goes into the same transcript. Complete conversation in my head-- no problem.

I can do the same thing with auditory information in, say, a large group of people-- be following script entries from a variety of persons at once, that is.

With numbers, though, or a delay-- egads. Never.

I'm sure I'm not as skilled at is as I was 10 or 12 years ago, when I was doing it regularly. Back then, I could be listening to someone read me a list of numbers and typing them into a computer, while simultaneously listening to the MC read a different list of numbers that I had handed him previously to check that he hadn't missed anyone. 100% accuracy on the typing, probably 50-75% on the listening, but it was a pretty good backstop. Or when I was scrutineering on paper, more like 15 year ago, I would have my assistant read me the numbers written down by the judge while finding them on my sheet to tick off, and I would usually be about 2 numbers "behind," but never falling more than 4 behind and almost always able to catch up without missing anyone. It sometimes took a little work to get an assistant trained up to the idea that they could get 2-4 numbers ahead and I would still be with them, but it was a very efficient system. I couldn't also be double-checking the MC, though, the way I sort of can when typing.

It's not a skill I get to use very much any more.

Thanks HK, that's helpful, too! Do you experience both sides simultaneously with full comprehension, or does it come in parts on a lag? I'm thinking of a conversation that goes like this (where columns across people correspond to simultaneous speech):

Person 1: A B C
Person 2: D E F

Does this just process as ABC and DEF to you? Or does it come in as ABCDEF? Or some other combination? (ETA: removed obviously impossible case)

I wonder if we have any neuroscientists here who know of a basis for why some people are able to process simultaneous conversations...do they have a larger working memory, use separate types of working memory for input v. output, etc.

I'll say! That's definitely an ability I don't have. How long were those strings of numbers you'd be cross-checking?

If I had a short string of numbers to check from the MC (say 5) and his voice and the assistant's were dramatically different, then maybe, just maybe with a lot of caffeine I'd catch some errors. But I wouldn't bet the farm on my noticing them!

By the way ladies, thanks so much for these insights. You rock!

Most of the competitions I scrutineered started with recalls of 24 or 48 numbers, and 3-7 judges. Each judge writes down the numbers of the couples being recalled (so 24 or 48 of them in a typical first round), and then those are combined with the couples being marked by the greatest number of judges being advanced to the next round. So I'd enter the marks for each judge on my summary sheet, add up the total received by each couple, figure out what the "threshold" should be to advance, and then write down the couples to be recalled for the MC to announce (and also on my own next sheet for dancing the next round). Typically there would be about 2-3 competitions going at a time with the rounds interleaved. (So we'd do the newcomer latin first round, then the bronze latin first round, which might or might not have some of the same couples in it, then the silver latin first round, then back to the next round of the newcomer, etc.) During the bronze latin first round, I'd be entering the scores from the newcomer, then during the silver, entering the scores from the bronze, etc.

I never bet the farm on noticing MC errors - but I did catch them from time to time. I don't think there were a lot of them that I missed, because I didn't have to field many complaints from couples who looked at a sheet and saw that they weren't announced when they should have been.

If your DS is doing it like I do, one telltale is that if you ask him a comprehension question immediately after you finish the book while he is still talking at you, there should be a short delay while he "reads back" the auditory stream before he gives you the answer. If he stares into space for a minute then comes up with it, that's a clue. If he gives it to you immediately, then I think he is comprehending it as he is listening, so he's doing something slightly different.

That's really impressive, ElizabethN! Off-topic, but have you competed in dance too?

That's a helpful diagnostic trick. There was zero delay in his answer when he was chatting to me, so I have to assume his comprehension is immediate. He literally broke his sentence, answered my question, then kept going on his original train of thought as if no interruption had occurred.

Next step: DH and I simultaneously ask questions while he chats!

My mum was the first person to notice him doing this when he was a very young baby. At times, he'd be engaged with a toy and talking--often while wiggling around-- while I read to him. Others, he'd be rapt and laser focused on the book. One time when he was particularly multitasking I said, "What the heck am I doing? This is silly! I'm pushing this on him." She said, "No, he's listening. He loves it! Stop and you'll see." Sure enough, I stopped and he balked.

Yes, I was the New England American style smooth champion for several years. It's less impressive than it sounds, because American style isn't all that popular in New England. I think my peak placement nationally was eighth (amateur division), but the last time I competed at Nationals I didn't even make the top 24. I haven't danced for almost ten years, though.

I'll be curious to see what else you're able to figure out about your DS!

Neat! I'm not a dancer, but I've come to appreciate ballroom through an aunt who has placed quite competitively as an amateur. I had never realized the distinctions between classes before.

Thanks for the help decoding my son! I've been fascinated to hear about your experiences!

DS 6 does it too with no delay. Last week I found him simultaneously listening to an audiobook, reading a different, complicated chapter book and singing a 3 times table song. He could answer questions about both books. Made my head spin as my brain definitely isn't wired this way!

I do both what aquinas describes and what ElizabethN describes, but it had never occurred to me to think of them as the same thing! I suppose this means I fill my buffer but typically also comprehend its contents as they go in. DS can also do both, I think, but often (as recently discussed) does not actually pay attention to an auditory stream directed at him if he's reading. I have sometimes reacted in annoyance to his claim not to have heard something he should have heard by telling him to replay it - I assumed he'd be able to do it and indeed he could.

I do the *opposite* of what is being described! I cannot process two conversations, I can't process one conversation with a moderate amount of background noise.
In fact, in my house, the way to irritate me quickly is to have two people talking at once. I go into sensory overload, have to cut everyone off, and start again with one conversation at a time.

That's a helpful diagnostic trick. There was zero delay in his answer when he was chatting to me, so I have to assume his comprehension is immediate. He literally broke his sentence, answered my question, then kept going on his original train of thought as if no interruption had occurred.


That's how I am. The visual script is constructed in real-time for me.

I don't really consider this "two" conversations, though-- not really.

It's a personal monologue overlaid with another (outside) monologue. And I can't do it with two other people doing a monologue. Well, I can, but not as accurately or as fast.

The personal monologue for me is processed differently than the external data, if that makes sense.

For me two conversations I'm in and one with background noise of others talking are very different experiences. I have trouble with the latter which feels as though I'm distracted by trying, and failing, to listen to all the other conversations.

That said, I clearly can filter out speech in some circumstances. I can go to sleep with speech radio or an audiobook on, far more easily than with music. I find it difficult not to attend to music, and to attend to both music and speech simultaneously. Music in restaurants bothers me for this reason. DH is the opposite - he'll sleep or work with music on, but not with an audiobook.

Our eldest DS would often read / do homework while a teacher was lecturing. That often didn't go over well with the teacher as they assumed you can't do two things at once and doing anything else while they're lecturing was rude and disrespectful. At one point DS said he'd heard everything the teacher said which the teacher said was impossible.....until the teacher quizzed DS who responded accurately to each question. The teacher just fumed.

I guess my message here is, while we've seen the ability to focus well enough on multiple conversations or tasks at the same time, it's probably a good idea to teach our children that it's generally not well received to do so, especially with authority figures.

I haven't had the nerve to even ask for the accommodation that I know would help DD10 in class. I used to knit in all my classes in college, and found that it dramatically improved my ability to follow the lecture and my retention of it. (I asked permission in small seminar-type classes, but just did it in the big lecture classes.) It provided just enough stimulation to keep my mind from wandering from the topic. I've had conversations in the car with DD when she was working on a craft project, and found that she is much more able to think and attend. But it looks so rude in an elementary classroom, I can't see them going for it. One actual failure to pay attention and it would be tossed on the scrap heap, with DD in trouble, whether or not the accommodation had anything to do with it.

I had one professor who didn't notice right away that I had been knitting. I hadn't been getting particularly good grades on homework, either. When he noticed was right before the first quiz. I think he decided to wait for me to bomb the quiz, then forbid it. When I got the highest score in the class, he was stuck with it. I don't think I ever saw him in the halls after that without him muttering, "Knitting and taking notes at the same time! I don't understand how she does that!" But he became one of my best friends in the department in grad school.

This! This!! My son and I both do that, and an auditory buffer is the perfect way to describe it!

Also the simultaneous talking and listening that HK describes. It's quite interesting sometimes as we make logical leaps that can confound someone who is listening but are perfectly understandable to us.

My sibling and I do this with each other so frequently that our respective spouses have commented on it. Oh, and while simultaneously responding to children.

my gifted DH has the opposite problem...I talk to him, or ask him a question, and after several minutes of me blathering on (or silence on his end) I realize he was somewhere in space (literally, he's an astrophysicist, lol) I often find myself having to repeat things or stopping to 'check' if he's tuned in. Talk about frustrating! Maybe you simultaneous conversation havers could give him a little advice so his DW doesn't brain him with his laptop??

As for DS4, I see a little of both sides. He can be so immersed in something that it's hard to pull him out of it - other times, he has picked on stuff that was said while he was clearly playing/focusing on something else...which, early on, made us wary to talk about him (or things that aren't necessarily appropriate for him) in front of him, regardless of what he is doing.

I wonder if there is a gender bias here...do you think females are better at processing multiple conversations in the way that they are (anecdotally) able to multi-task?

Actually, there really is some (not definitive) research that suggests that males are better able to tune out additional conversations and focus narrowly on one conversation, while females can attend to multiple conversations at once, but typically capture slightly less detail than a man focusing on his one conversation. Google "gender differences dichotic listening test."

Flip side: My DW frequently enters the room to shower me with an avalanche of information before having established my attention first, where I'm probably already focused on something. As a consequence, she gets to repeat it all again. And then she acts like I'm the problem for being a poor listener. What's wrong with a simple, "Hey."?


In my experience, tuning out is a learned skill, and it's taught through play. Think of all the chatter Little Leaguers throw at the batter. Boys do this sort of thing to each other in various sports ALL. THE. TIME.

Can't make a play on the ball because you're out of position? Shout. The other guy will probably fail spectacularly, and everyone gets a good laugh.

After you're that guy a few times, you start working on shutting out distractions.

Hmmmm-- it might be a thing that males are biologically SUITED to learning, that girls are less able to do.

There are perfectly valid evolutionary reasons why that could be so, in light of non-precocious offspring and extended maternal/tribal caregiving in primates.

It would be a serious disadvantage if women COULD learn to 'tune out' human conversations, yes? I'm completely incapable of tuning things out that way-- and I spent years and years playing team sports and also teaching labs (where there is a TON of student chatter). One interesting observation from those years of teaching is that female TA's and instructors tended to have fewer lab accidents happen than their male counterparts-- anecdata, of course-- but I think we were just more "attuned" to small shifts in "hey-- look at this-- is this right??" even when it was a student across the room from us.

I think that there is similar evidence for males being less able to "tune out" extraneous movement in a visual field than women are. Again, this makes sense evolutionarily speaking.

You may be interested in this sidebar on maternal/paternal caregiving and brain activity in today's news, which indicates we're not so different in this area: article.

Thanks everyone for the feedback on your own experiences! For those who can process simultaneous conversations--or those whose children can--how did you navigate the social implications? At what age did theory of mind around this ability begin to emerge? As of yet, DS seems to believe everyone can process two overlapping conversations.

When he talks while we read or watch a video, which he does about 20% of the time, I just keep going as long as he shows interest. I'm also starting to enforce a one conversation at a time rule to teach proper manners at other times. Let's face it, unless your interlocutor shares your ability, talking over someone is bloody rude, and it will be most painless for him to learn that lesson early.

Well, I'm afraid that some adults I know haven't yet learned this particular lesson very well, actually-- and I can recall quite a number of students who didn't know it even in post-secondary...

(and to those students, I tried to gently and privately point out that such behavior in a GROUP setting was rude not only to the instructor {me} but also to one's classmates who do NOT possess that ability).


We've emphasized to DD that eye contact is an important cultural signal that one is "attentive" to the other party-- as is an interested silence while the person is speaking. DD and I both tend to avoid eye contact with others naturally if we are processing what they are SAYING to us, and I suspect that this is because their facial micro-expressions can prove quite distracting as a secondary information stream for us. This is particularly crucial when those context clues may make it more challenging to understand the SENSE of the person's intended message, or where emotional content could hinder the ability to understand.

DH doesn't have that problem, but he's not the in-person empath that she or I are, either.


Yes, this is one of those things that goes along with "this is how NT behave."