Awhile back I purchased "The Survival Guide for Gifted Kids" which DD (just turned 9) dragged around everywhere for a couple of weeks. I had read good things about this book. Fast forward to this week, and DD is begging for her IQ score. This request came out of the blue, and I had no idea where she even got the IQ term. She then mentioned the survival guide, and how kids with an IQ of a 100 have an average IQ, on and on. When I told her that I would give her that information when she is 18, she began to talk about how she probably has a score of 100 because she is so average, etc , etc. She asked me again yesterday, and again I said, "When you are 18." She's mad that I won't share. Sigh. I won't tell her of course, but if I know her, she is going to go search so I need to hide the paperwork! Who has had all this go on?

I don't think I would hide this from her now that she wants to know. Wouldn't hiding this information may do more harm than let her know about the facts in a matter of fact way?

We had that book and didn't it give information about what range a gifted IQ is? Maybe she just wants to know if she fits into this category. Maybe having a discussion about the definition of "gifted" would give her more information about the topic without giving her the specific number.

If she persists, maybe giving her more information about why "she is more than a number" and that effort is always going to be important, or something like that would help.

I apologize for not being able to tell you where this is, but I have heard that kids can take quizzes (or something) online to find out where their area of strength is (the idea of multiple intelligences). Perhaps she would like to explore for herself in what areas she has particular strengths to get a bigger picture.

I agree but understand that there are differing views about this. A compromise could be to give a score range, for example telling her that she was "moderately gifted" with an IQ in the range 130-144 (if that was the appropriate label).

Would you consider showing her where she is on a curve? That way she can know she's unusual without getting hung up on a number.

Our daughter asked what her scores were for the Stanford-10 she took to get into the program. We didn't tell her the score. We did tell her that it was "very high" and that she did very well on the test. Maybe she's looking for an idea a range? I did have a discussion with mine that it wasn't something to brag about to others just in case.

Yes-- and this is a better, more true answer to the (likely) underlying question, anyway-- most of our kids know that they are "different." What they really want to know is HOW different-- and why.

I guess this is one good side for never having tested DS, I can't tell him what I don't know.

As a parent of a teens I tend to dislike the idea of telling a child that they can't know something until they turn 18. Because it's likely they are going to find out on their own, and then won't talk to you about it because it's forbidden. IMO by the time a kid is in High School they should be involved in advocating for themselves and be privy to this kind of information if they want it. That doesn't mean a 9 year old needs to know her IQ.

I am curious what are you worried will happen if she knows her IQ? Perhaps if you think about this carefully it will help you figure out how best to respond. Sounds like you need to have a discussion about why she wants this information and what she is going to do with it. I agree with the other posters that perhaps you can explain what range her IQ is in, rather than the actual number.

If you buy her a book for gifted kids she is probably going to want to know whether she is gifted. Does the book have a table of levels of giftedness? If so you can say which category she falls in.

I'd tell DD if/when she asks - anyone got good examples of bell curves? cos I like that idea

DD was feeling very different than her classmates and asked some related questions. I did not give her any specific info but did explain to her that she had a natural ability to learn easily just like another friend found gymnastics very easy and another was a very good singer etc. I also explained to her that hard work is the most important thing. I just did not want her to feel particularly good or bad about being gifted it just is something that is, if that makes sense.

We googled one to use when we talked to the school.

I think that you need to address a few issues with her. I think that you should let her know why you had her take the test, i.e. Mom wanted to see if you needed a different program in school, and why you don't think that it is good for her to have the number, i.e. I've seen too many people place artificial importance on the number and get into a fixed mindset. I also think you should listen to her about why she thinks it's important to know. Once you know that, it might make it easier for you to address it in a way that you feel comfortable.

I've only had one of my three kids tested and she is HG and dyslexic. The 2e aspect made it easier to talk about how different tests measured different things. We ended up having a conversation about her results to allay her fears. She worried that the test showed that there was something seriously wrong with her and mom was trying to hide it from her.

This may be totally off base. Maybe your daughter is worried that she has disappointed you and that you are ashamed of her results. Her laments about being "average" may be her way of seeking reassurance from you.

This is our DD in a nutshell.

Why are you reticent to tell her if she wants to know? This isn't clear to me.

Honestly, IMO, the decision to have access to this information strikes me as being the child's. She has a right to know important information about herself. If she wants to know if she has a talent, she has a right to know, and I think it's very odd that a parent would deny her this, given that she's asking.

It's hard to develop a talent if you don't believe you have one. Her belief that she's average can hinder her in ways you may not have considered. Gifted students often suffer from underachievement, and it's possible that for some of them part of the problem is thinking "those high achievers are smarter than I am," when the high achievers just know how to study.

I know that some people on this forum have said that they wished they didn't know their IQs, but none of you are this girl. Knowledge about something like this isn't necessarily damaging; it's how the grownups deal with it and teach the child to deal with it that causes problems.

You may want to consider if she'll resent you for not being honest with her, as well.

Everyone had responses that were helpful. Let me state that we have had talks with her about her "giftedness" - thus, the book that I bought her so that word "gifted" could get fleshed out a bit. The woman who did the testing talked to DD about her results. I have talked to DD about her her "fast brain". I didn't feel like I was withholding information; I just wasn't keen about mentioning a number. I had read quite a few people mention here that that wasn't a good idea. I really like the ideas of showing her the bell curve as she is very visual. I will see if that satisfies her curiosity.
Let me state that DD is very convinced that she is not as smart as her sister(who is one of those MG kids who is a leader and super organized). We are really working on DD's self-esteem issues. I am trying to figure out how doing more explanation could help her see herself in a better light. This is very tricky for us - we have just started navigating the gifted world, and we are not very sure of what we are doing.
I hope that we really don't come across as not being honest with her - perhaps just not knowing how to handle this very new information about DD?

My ds 11 asked me this just a couple weeks ago. He is in his first year of middle school 5th grade. I asked him why, he just shrugged. I told him he would have to give me a good reason why (I figured it was kids at school comparing or something). He said he was reading an article on the top 10 IQ scores. He commented that his birthday was the same day as Stephen Hawking so he was just wondering. So I gave him the range answer, I got it from the Hoagies website. That seemed to be good enough.

He read A Brief History of Time about a year ago and did some Googling about Hawkings bio then. I think that got the wheels turning.

Update:
I pulled DD over to the computer a few minutes ago, and showed her the IQ bell curve. It had a little picture of Einstein over to the right. I explained that I was showing this curve so I could answer her question about her IQ. I pointed out where the 100 is and how a bell curve worked. Then I pointed to her general area. She got this big smile and a new awareness crossed her face. I hope that she understands - really takes it in.

When I got my IQ score in elementary school it was explained to me in quotient terms -- if your IQ is 150 and you are 10 years old you are as smart as a 15-year-old. Mental age stops increasing after the midteens, so this definition of IQ is not universally applicable.

Once I had a discussion with a school counselor where he said "we usually don't let kids of age X do Y", and I replied, "given my IQ, my mental age is actually much higher than X and I should be allowed to do Y". He thought this was arrogant and did not agree.

So if you tell your child she has a high IQ, she may decide that is able to learn things and make decisions usually reserved for much older children. I think this attitude is generally valid, but it could have drawbacks. My 10yo son has not taken an IQ test, but his SAT math+reading composite score overlaps with the scores of students at good 4-year colleges. I think he can study some subjects at the college level if he puts his mind to it.

I don't think showing them a normal curve is a very good idea at all. It does not represent them as a part of their immediate peers and community at all, and it exaggerates the rarity of the high scores.

Assuming my family is similar to yours, then our children, as relatively affluent children of highly educated parents are going to be surrounded by relatives, family friends and classmates who are largely affluent and educated - these correlate with higher IQs. I doubt any of my friends children have an IQ much below 120 or 130. The real balance of the curve, the people with IQs below 70, are not going to be in your children's classes. And for a PG, their counterpart at the other end of the bell curve with an IQ of 55 would not even be at a public school (I assume, don't know that much about special ed).

But the kid you're showing that bell curve to doesn't understand that and would get an inflated sense of their own brilliance.

this pic illustrates it better than my words do
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_NTpL_Vt8y...iAbNLCBA/s1600/100622+IQs+compared+2.JPG

This is very good self-advocacy!

Is it possible that he had an anti-intellectual attitude and therefore would regard any high-IQ individual as arrogant? Unfortunately this runs rampant in our society.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained...!

Absolutely! Every kid's readiness & ability should be met with opportunity to continue developing their skills & talents at the next level in a manner which suits them, helping them develop internal locus of control.

Well, it depends on the extent and nature of the discussion. For my DD, it definitely included a discussion of comparisons with people she DOES know, and an appreciation for the fact that look, this is the slice of this curve that you live in day to day, and this is where you seem to be...

If anything, that discussion failed to prepare her for what her SAT scores at 13 suggested statistically within the TIP cohort.

(I posted about that moment earlier this month, I think).

So no, the normal distribution discussion, handled carefully, was a means of granting her the gift of understanding that she IS different from most people she knows in this one way... and not so different in some of these other ways. See, we didn't stop with cognitive ability in terms of a normal distribution-- but also talked about artistic ability, athleticism, height, etc.

Actually, the growth curves are a great jumping off point for older gifty children-- because it helps them to understand that their developmental ARC is different.