Not related to giftedness... But ugh. Remind me never to volunteer for homeroom mom again... My co-homeroom mom is a total pain in the a$$... and these moms all wanting to come and hang out at an hour class party for 7 year olds where the kids eat cupcakes - making such a big deal out of it... and then there are five adults in the room with no one actually helping at all mind you just hanging out chatting... Ugh, Ugh and Double Ugh. They really should outlaw this crap.
And co-homeroom mom is on such a power trip ... which is fine to a certain extent b/c I like taking a back seat on this stuff but, still, at least treat me with some courtesy and respect .. I'm not your minion!
Sadly, I know I'll probably do it again b/c I wouldn't feel right not doing for my younger one after putting in time for my older one... But UGH.
My co-leader and I used to say it would have been easier just to adopt a tribe of crack-addicted monkeys.
Girl Scout leader got easier as the girls got older. The first few years after ever meeting I felt I needed a strong drink when I got home. It made very very appreciative of the teachers.
That's true. Up to a point. 4-H means teenagers, who are rather notorious for their narcissistic, moody, sociopathic tendencies at the best of times.
All of the work and angst of room mom with little of the associated prestige, let's just say, and the same parental push/gracelessness to go with it.
Oh, sure, we'll rearrange EVERYTHING for the other ten kids so that your precious Princess can play volleyball and come to each meeting... of course we will... even though Princess has made it clear that she regards everyone else here as being somewhat below "Road Kill" on her list of disgusting things she'd rather not have anything to do with... but sure.
I'm the PTA president at dds school and ALWAYS there. I make copies, I cut stuff out, I do bulletin boards, I paint, I organize, collate, all of that crap. When dds teacher approached me about being room mother I begged her to find someone else and not make me do it. She was more than a little surprised. Room mom is the pits! Let's outdo each other! Let's worry about sugar but not food dye! Let's get passive aggressive when the other parents don't do things the way you want them done!
A: Because some people apparently lack anything better to do, and feeling this lack quite keenly, would like to force others onto their personal trolley that goes to "Make Believe that I'm Martha Stewart Land."
It's nothing like an episode of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood beyond that, though.
good question. this is a person or people who have been asked or volunteer to help out with coordinating between the teacher and other parents. when a project calls for sending socks and glue, this parent gets to send the emails, at least that's how they do it at the school's my kids attended. I don't recall a homeroom mom when I was a child, however, so I guess it is somewhat new.
the other big one is: end of year or teacher appreciation gift coordination. I am sure there are other duties as well, but just volunteering in the classroom here and there would probably not quite be the same as 'THE homeroom MOM'.
However, I agreed to do it this year, because last year I was questioned about why I volunteered so much. Figured, I'm allowed/ expected to be there if I'm a room parent.
At DD's old public there was actually a list of people begging to be room moms and they were supposedly selected by lottery. Why? Because horrible principal would not allow parents in the school. If you were a room mom you got access, at least occasionally, to see what was happing to your kid 7 hours a day. Of course the "lottery" always seemed to select the parents that were the least likely to ruffle any feathers regardless of what they witnessed. Go figure. 1st grade I entered the lottery but 2nd grade I ran for the hills.
I am glad that room mothers arrange for teacher presents and in-class parties. I never go to in-class events, so my only interaction with the room mother is to write the occasional $10 check, which I am happy to do.
Since room mothers don't have all that much work to do, maybe having a single room mother would be sufficient and eliminate friction.
The mother who leads our Cub Scout den is great. Let's not get too cranky about volunteers.
In my case... it is not the kids... It's the moms! OMG - what a bunch of cliquey, passive-aggressive, superficial $%#@*^!
soooooo true. just one horror story and then i'll leave it, but last year one of the other parents literally said to me, "well, you're the class mom, so i'll text you whenever i can't pick [kid] up, and you can just take both girls home with you and i'll just come get her later."
I am glad that room mothers arrange for teacher presents and in-class parties. I never go to in-class events, so my only interaction with the room mother is to write the occasional $10 check, which I am happy to do.
Since room mothers don't have all that much work to do, maybe having a single room mother would be sufficient and eliminate friction. ... Let's not get too cranky about volunteers.
I still don't get it. A "Homeroom Mom" volunteers for what?
In my case... it is not the kids... It's the moms! OMG - what a bunch of cliquey, passive-aggressive, superficial $%#@*^!
soooooo true. just one horror story and then i'll leave it, but last year one of the other parents literally said to me, "well, you're the class mom, so i'll text you whenever i can't pick [kid] up, and you can just take both girls home with you and i'll just come get her later."
uhhhh, right.
I hope you also offered to help her pay her bills on months she is short of money. /snark
we were in charge of teacher gifts (collecting money/deciding on the gift/presenting it), organizing fundraising, apparently going on all field trips (which NO ONE told me about - and i work, so... that was amazingly convenient,) sending all email communications from the admin/teachers (and fielding questions) about uniforms/homework packets/event RSVPs & reminders to show up/early dismissal days/workshop signups/etc. we had to attend a three-hour meeting once a month (during business hours, also awesome!) to get a briefing on school things and present any "class issues" to the SuperMom Overlords - i mean, the Mom Co-Ordinators.
and ha, daytripper75! honestly, the level of entitlement was surreal.
I still don't get it. A "Homeroom Mom" volunteers for what?
To host class celebrations. Halloween party, Valentine's party. To bring together donations when there is a class project. Right now my daughters school is doing Marble Runs in the hallway. The room mother asked us to bring in toilet paper tubes, marbles, and masking tape. It's a once a month for a couple hours type of job here.
It used to be that room mothers would bake cupcakes and bring them in on special days and the kids would eat a cupcake at the end of the day and they'd call it a party. At Halloween, dd's school had 4 rooms of activities, a buffet line, crafts, mad science type experiments and I don't know what else. Everything is bigger, Bigger, BIGGER now...
I'm a little fuzzy on the details myself, but my impression was that a "homeroom mom" (homeroom wasn't a thing, since we did everything in one room, so she was "class mom" instead) just pitched in on special occasions back in my days. I certainly saw mine maybe twice a year.
My DW currently fills a similar role in DD8's gifted classes. She almost never goes in, and when she does, she's called in by the teacher to help on a special project. It just so happens that they're baking tomorrow, and DW is going in for that.
However, DD8's homeroom has a class mom that seems to be there every time we go by. Again, I'm fuzzy on the details, but it's my impression that she's doing a lot of the things that an assistant teacher used to do in elementary school... because the state is too cheap to pay anyone to do it.
... Whatever the teacher needs-- Kleenex? glue? These women send out emails to get it.
Yes, some have called this achieving results through others.
Originally Posted by master of none
Why it is such a sought after position, I'll never know. It really isn't a lot of work, but it gives you direct access to the teacher and you can wield control over the parents-- at least the ones who care about social standing.
Ah, yes... the Kleenex and glue purchasers are rarely acknowledged but those who achieved results through others... THEY are the recognized heroes.
Originally Posted by master of none
Our school board often remarks about the disparity in schools being represented in the difference between 30 candidates for room mother in affluent overperforming schools vs 0 in underperforming schools.
Sadly. On one hand, there is no prestige in sending out e-mails which may not result in free donations from others. On the other hand donations are not the real parent-teacher collaboration which centers on finding the child's challenge level, developing an internal locus of control and sense of ownership of one's education, engaging the child in the classroom, making school work meaningful by relating it to the child's hopes, dreams, and goals, uncovering possible paths to careers which may be of interest, encouraging curiosity, supporting reading, etc.
I don't see anything wrong with what room moms or the PTA do, but if parental involvement is defined as
chaperoning field trips raising funds organizing in-class parties buying presents for teachers
it may be forgotten that some parents have informed opinions about curricula and educational practices such ability vs. heterogeneous grouping. I wonder if schools want parental input about substantive mattes.
I don't see anything wrong with what room moms or the PTA do, but if parental involvement is defined as
chaperoning field trips raising funds organizing in-class parties buying presents for teachers
it may be forgotten that some parents have informed opinions about curricula and educational practices such ability vs. heterogeneous grouping. I wonder if schools want parental input about substantive mattes.
many times last year i wondered if all this "involvement" was designed to lull parents into a false sense of school-responsiveness and that if, as class mom, i might actually be a pawn in that game. Look all these events! Look at how many emails we send! Look at everything the school is doing for you!
i genuinely did want to be a part of the school community, and at first blush it did look like a caring, responsive place. given all of this "for-the-students" activity, it came as quite a shock when any discussion about academic adjustments was rebuffed in no uncertain terms - even when my 5 y/o kid sank into a clinical depression. and fwiw, my "status" (ha/whatever) as a class mom bought me exactly nothing.
as far as our experience goes, i think you've hit it right on the head, Bostonian.
Well, that clearly isn't the kind of input that schools want, Bostonian.
Honestly, we've had such hideous experiences with other parents in these kinds of positions that I find it difficult to be unbiased about them. I hate doing this kind of thing, but the alternative has most often been that my kid winds up being completely unable to participate at all if I don't. Strange, I know...
My own view of Room Mom is that she's some kind of grown up Queen Bee acting as social director for the classroom, and often as not dictating to other parents and the teacher about non-educational activities, most of them involving copious amounts of expense and food.
The other kind of parent volunteer? The one that asks the teacher "how can I help?" rather than "I have this great idea"? Well, THOSE parents I have no problem with-- they aren't the ones that make my life a nightmare.
Sadly, even the fairly innocuous cupcake-wielding room moms tend to be a serious problem for us personally. That nonsense is a very real reason why we've not been able to put DD14 into a classroom setting. I know that most people don't like to hear that, but believe me, if your child has dietary restrictions that result in life-threatening problems, those cupcakes/cookies are a HUGE problem. Bottom line? They simply have no authentic educational purpose in a classroom. That doesn't even begin to touch upon the kind of unbelievable OTHER uses of food that get promoted by the more over-zealous type of Martha-Stewart-wannabe Room Mom.
I've often wondered why it seems that so many B&M schools now apparently double as full-time party venues, and why so many parents seem to have a deep-seated need to act as social directors worthy of a luxury cruise ship or top-notch wedding planner. What is that?? Furthermore, why on earth are teachers not more empowered to tell them to pound sand?? It's not like most teachers are thrilled about losing that much instructional time either.
In our school, the homeroom moms do not assist the teacher in anything educational (honestly thank God - I don't want these nasty women "working with" my son in the classrooom). We do party stuff and chaperone field trips...We coordinate supply donations for the parties. We collect money to buy the teachers and paras gifts. It's not bad to have that kind of help, I know. I assume it can be quite a help to the teacher on party days if she knows how to use us (like the teacher has the other homeroom mom bringing in hot coco for the the kids polar express party - HRmom has to make it and put in in some sort of cooler to keep it warm/hot, birng it and set up, and hand it out to the kids and then clean it up... Nice that the teacher doesn't have to do all that!
Also, I should count my blessings - from what I understand our principal and some PTA member got together put a number of limits on what the parties could have in terms of baked goods and food spreads, etc. because, apparently, it was getting a little crazy with homeroom moms sort-of out-doing each other. For example, there is a list of food items that we have to adhere to and we get the other parents to contirbute those...and it is kept the same across the board so no one class' food spread is particularly more elaborate than another's.
It's just that the women who volunteer in my school tend to be cliquey, gossipy, mean-girl types. All the same women pretty much volunteer for the same things, they're all on yearbook and PTA and such ... And of course they all talk about each other, etc... There is drama and power spats. The other thing they tend to do is volunteer for everything - so they are homeroom AND library mom AND yearbook mom, etc...
My co-homeroom mom seems quite keen on having her buddies at the class parties which at the holiday party resulted in like 5 adults being there (there is a "rule" against that too but she seems to be doing anyway). I find her really pushy about it and when I kind of protest alittle she acts like I am purposely trying to exclude people. She's also a bit control-freakish or maybe it's a power thing - but she just takes right over ... Which is fine with me until it becomes insulting. Our PTA does a lot of fundraising, the parents are all very involved, etc. The downside it it can get ... well... gossipy, cliquey, yucky.
The thing is, imo, our school does all of this fluff stuff - grandparents day, american education week, class parties... But you're not really getting a look at what is going on at the school b/c that is not when you see the real day.... It's fluff - an hour of arts and crafts. I guess one can see what goes on socially a little bit. Really, a little less homeroom mom and fluff stuff and a little more education would not be a bad idea.
I liked being a library volunteer the best. It was really a help to the library b/c the librarian and the assistant get overwhelmed helping kids find books. I would check in and check out the kiddos and shelve books... I could watch how well my son listens and behaves during the story, how well he found books, how well he interacted with other when it was time to sit and read and talk about your book quietly with friends, etc. I could also see how the teacher handled things.
Well, that clearly isn't the kind of input that schools want, Bostonian.
Honestly, we've had such hideous experiences with other parents in these kinds of positions that I find it difficult to be unbiased about them. I hate doing this kind of thing, but the alternative has most often been that my kid winds up being completely unable to participate at all if I don't. Strange, I know...
My own view of Room Mom is that she's some kind of grown up Queen Bee acting as social director for the classroom, and often as not dictating to other parents and the teacher about non-educational activities, most of them involving copious amounts of expense and food.
The other kind of parent volunteer? The one that asks the teacher "how can I help?" rather than "I have this great idea"? Well, THOSE parents I have no problem with-- they aren't the ones that make my life a nightmare.
Sadly, even the fairly innocuous cupcake-wielding room moms tend to be a serious problem for us personally. That nonsense is a very real reason why we've not been able to put DD14 into a classroom setting. I know that most people don't like to hear that, but believe me, if your child has dietary restrictions that result in life-threatening problems, those cupcakes/cookies are a HUGE problem. Bottom line? They simply have no authentic educational purpose in a classroom. That doesn't even begin to touch upon the kind of unbelievable OTHER uses of food that get promoted by the more over-zealous type of Martha-Stewart-wannabe Room Mom.
I've often wondered why it seems that so many B&M schools now apparently double as full-time party venues, and why so many parents seem to have a deep-seated need to act as social directors worthy of a luxury cruise ship or top-notch wedding planner. What is that?? Furthermore, why on earth are teachers not more empowered to tell them to pound sand?? It's not like most teachers are thrilled about losing that much instructional time either.
Originally Posted by 22B
Less Homeroom Mom stuff, more education, I say.
{LIKE} ^
OMG - TOTALLY AGREE with this. But sometimes I feel like I must be a 'stick n the mud' to feel this way LOL
I'm co-class mom this year. I like it because I can help by doing emails mostly (organizing voluntary group gifts for teacher, chaperones for field trips, etc) and I can be useful occassionally while sitting in bed for an hour every night with my toddler :p
Also I get first dibs on chaperoning the big field trips and picking the driver for my kid for the others, because I've seen how many parents don't even buckle their kids or use seats incorrectly. This was my main motivation, after seeing some parents letting their kids run through the parking lot where SUVs were backing up, and hang out the windows of their own SUV.
I'm so oblivious to catty politics, I'm sure I'll step in it someday. Ah, middle school all over again!
I'm glad we don't have anything like this here. The teacher puts out sign-up lists for the class parties (Halloween, Christmas and Valentine's), generally on the first day of school or at the first Open House a few weeks into the school year, and we can sign up for what we'd like to bring, or not. Someone signs up on that list to be the one to call everyone and remind them when the party is near. If your kid needs more glue or pencils or something, the teacher sends home a note (hardly ever happens). There are moms who volunteer and go in to help with things like cutting and copying and stapling, but as far as I know they aren't organized into a posse or anything. They are, of course, the PTA types, which is the "clique" and I avoid them as well as I can. I work and don't get to the school much, so I don't have to worry about all of that. Thank goodness.
We don't have any organized teacher gift thing, or if we do, nobody's ever told me or asked for money.
I am beyond happy knowing that I haven't had to deal with any of this stuff during my son's elementary school years. Maybe because it's a Title 1 school, and the parents are all pretty normal ?? We have never had to send in money for ANYTHING - if the teacher or school need nything, then the teacher or principal sends out an e-mail. I happily buy my son's teachers gifts at the appropriate times, without being told what I have to do. I guess the closest comparison I have is my son's soccer team manager, who has similar responsibilities - and, knowing how I feel when she tells me we have to do this, that, or the other - I'm even more thankful to be homeroom mom free !
LOL... I mentioned before that DW was going to the school to help DD8's gifted teacher with a baking project. All went well, and DW had a great time.
Then she left... and was intercepted by DD's homeroom mom, who surprised her with, "You're going to be there for the class party, right?! Oh, we need you there!" Etc.
DW relented, even though she had been on the go all day and hadn't even had breakfast by that point.
There were five other moms in the room. She barely contributed by picking up a little trash.
LOL... I mentioned before that DW was going to the school to help DD8's gifted teacher with a baking project. All went well, and DW had a great time.
Then she left... and was intercepted by DD's homeroom mom, who surprised her with, "You're going to be there for the class party, right?! Oh, we need you there!" Etc.
DW relented, even though she had been on the go all day and hadn't even had breakfast by that point.
There were five other moms in the room. She barely contributed by picking up a little trash.
Ha ha... totally what happens in our school .. Your DW must be part of the clique
I think it is about giftedness. We always feel differently, think differently than the majority of the population. That's why we can totally relate here. We are in the same small percentage.
As a full-time working mom, I just say no a lot. I'll admit to using it as an excuse too. Because even if I could duck out of work for an hour for yet another class party, I didn't really want to. The one time I ended up on the hook to bring something for a class lunch I had pizza delivered (and became an instant hero to the kids). That said, I appreciate that some parents have the time to help out and they have my thanks... as long as they aren't trying to teach anything.
At her last school, DD ended up with PTSD about art of all things (and I ended up with a call from the principal about her behavior) because of the horrible controlling "volunteer art teacher." How can you do art wrong as a kid? Why would anyone even think that making a 4th grader cry because she wasn't following your lame controlling "creative process" well enough is OK? /rant
I was a "deputy homeroom mom". I went in once a week when I had time in my schedule and helped the teacher with the instruction. I am not interested in fund raising for the PTA and things like that. But, I could tolerate class parties and making crafts and decorations. I helped with "activity centers" where math time was spent playing math games. I helped with computer lab instruction and I helped with reading groups. I also helped to make 1 million crafts (that is what it felt like to me, a non-crafty person ). But, what it provided me was a clear picture of what my son's school could provide for my son in the early elementary years even when "differentiation" and "acceleration" are involved. And I saw first hand how my underchallenged son was enduring instruction time - conflicted between his instinct to be compliant and bored out of his mind and trying to entertain himself. Long story short, my son does not attend that school anymore. So, I am thankful for the chance to see what the school day for my son was like. I will do it again if I ever put my son back in the PS system.
We are in CA so parents are responsible for many things that used to just happen in public schools (because there is so little money coming from the state).
Being homeroom mom is hard at our school because it is dual language - so everything you send home has to be in two languages and many people may be bilingual but not biliterate. We also have to send notes home in both paper form and in email.
So parents are around all the time and are very needed - both because we need fundraising and because we need volunteers working in the art and literacy programs and to help in the computer lab, etc.
I avoid being room mom because I hate coordinating the teacher gifts and parties but at least at our schools the parties are great. We have a wealth of cultures represented and parents will send in amazing food for the parties. Our school likes to party! I think each class has two potlucks per year. The school culture is very warm and welcoming which helps.
There is a group that advises the school on curriculum and policies, and that is made up of a few parents (elected) and a few interested teachers and the principal. Good changes have come out of the group. I think sometimes it is called SIP or SSC, they can have different acronyms depending on your state.
Reading these posts makes me feel really good about my ds's school because socially there aren't parents being mean about art (we have art volunteer training) and no room parents are on a power trip. I wish we had more funding from the state so that the PTA didn't have to fund buses for field trips and the salaries of the art, music, computer teachers for the school to have those classes. Fundraising sucks.
I feel better
That is GREAT! Very funny - I'll think of that at the party on Friday ... it'll keep cheered-up 
). But, what it provided me was a clear picture of what my son's school could provide for my son in the early elementary years even when "differentiation" and "acceleration" are involved. And I saw first hand how my underchallenged son was enduring instruction time - conflicted between his instinct to be compliant and bored out of his mind and trying to entertain himself.