WWYD?

DD will join 4th grade this year (skipping 3rd). We were expecting her to 'discover' the Santa Myth this Christmas in 3rd grade because this seems about the age when that happens locally. DD has questioned this before but we have pulled some elaborate ruses ( including stuffing wrapped books up her bedroom chimney) to keepSanta 'breathing'. We don't want to expose her to peer mockery as she will need to establish her 'street credit' with a new peer group this Autumn.

How should we best kill Santa and all his reindeer before this happens?

My DD is going into middle school in two weeks, and as far as I know, still believes in Santa.

I have no idea why. We were clothes shopping over the weekend, and she said she hoped Santa brought her some of the nice jeans she got from him the years ago, but did not ask me to get her some, even though we were jeans shopping. So I think she really does believe. I don't make any attempt to hide incoming packages or anything. I've put the presents under her tree and turned the lights on (our tradition) in the middle of the day when everyone is home and awake, even, and she's never thought that maybe it was me. When asked, she's said it's "pretty unlikely" that we'd have given her the stuff Santa has.

FWIW, I don't think she's ever been teased for that belief.

We are in the same situation, our Davidson DS is Subject acceleration into 4th for half of his day...should be grade skipped but that requires an army here. He has asked if there is a Santa quite blatantly in the last month to which I replied, what do you think? He has had multiple queries about it and his 10yo brother only figured it out last year after Christmas. As long as he is willing to believe, I won't ruin it. I told both of them long ago that Santa only comes to kids who still think he's real, that's been enough as he still wants it to be true. If really pinned down about it, I'll tell him but right now I think he just wants to know it's ok to believe even if some of his friends do not.

Shannon L.

We have long been at the "what do YOU think" stage. We have a younger who's been a skeptic for years, and an elder true-believer now going to middle school. We let them tell us the evidence pro and con and nod sagely. We don't assert anything.

I don't think it comes up much at school, so it hasn't been an issue (yet)...

DeeDee

It's so nice to read that your kids believe in Santa. Earlier this year, a friend of DS6 told him there was no Santa. Luckily, I was able to keep his belief alive using "logic", but I worry there is still a hint of doubt. Otherwise, kids still believe around here until around grade 4 or 5.

I was a bit naughty when I was little and pretended that I believed in Santa to get extra presents...

I think our DD was 6 when she finally demanded the truth. She'd been thinking about some of the various impossibilities for some time, and as she'd explore it out loud with me, I'd be waiting for that epiphany, but just when it was about to happen, she'd drop the subject like a hot potato. As usual, the moment of truth came when she'd heard from her friends, and since she now had peers who knew otherwise, we didn't want to turn her into a social outcast for believing bizarre things (we're quite content to turn her into a social outcast for believing things that are true in our tinfoil-hatted part of the country).

When DD finally came to it, she was not to be distracted by, "What do you think?" Her response was, "NO! TELL ME!!" She was very disappointed, and we could literally see some of her innocence disappear.

A couple of months later, she decided, "I want to believe." She made out her Santa list, and she had the traditional mall photo.

Lovely!

We have also laid some groundwork for the eventual transformation toward "OK, now you know, it's your turn to be Santa's hands for others" (spirit of giving etc.) Not so much "Santa doesn't exist," but "we keep the spirit of giving alive for one another in this way."

DeeDee

I don't have an answer but we are facing the same issue with DS6 jumping into 3rd grade this year. I'm sure that we will face questions. I will wait to follow his lead. Interestingly his K teacher said some of the kids didn't believe last year but DS never questioned it, at least not to us. I hope that DS6 can get it figured out and not ruin it for his baby brother just yet. My older brother ruined it for me when I was only 5, although I choose to continue to believe like Dude described for many years.

None of my kids ever believed in Santa Claus. When my DD10 (oldest also) was 2, we spent Christmas with family away and she really didnt pay much attention as to where the presents came from, but the next year she was 3 and my relatives started really early with talking about Santa to which she replied "that doesn't make any sense" They tried to convince her so she asked me. I asked her my usual first question "What do you think?" She went into a long explanation as why it didn't make any sense and that was that. I wasn't going to lie to her when she was right. From then on, we get a tree. We buy all our kids one really big gift and fill stockings from us to which they are just as excited to wait until morning to see what's under the tree as when I was a kid (mostly because its the kind of gift they would not get any other time of year--like the swing set or ipad). My husbands tells them about why we celebrate Christmas and Santa is put in his historical context and they still love Christmas.

Oh, bummer. That's too bad. My boys, going into 6th, are still believers (I think). Are you sure the kids in her class are all non-believers? And even if they are, would they really tell her? Most of the kids in our group have younger sibs, so they all know it's not cool to reveal the Santa story.

If I were you, I wouldn't say anything until it comes up. If she asks for the truth, tell her.

As a funny aside, my DYS told me part of the evidence that Santa exists is that I would never buy him all the great things Santa gets him!

Doctor Who. Christmas Specials-- 2006, 2007, 2008.


Santa is evil.

That's what we did with DS when he finally decided Santa wasn't real -- I told him that now he gets to BE Santa for his sister. I don't know what the heck I'll do with her, but she's the sort of imagination-heavy kid who will keep it real in her mind forever.

That's been our approach, too. "Santa" is in all of us, and really, how lovely childhood is when one has parents who love you so, isn't it?

We've never told our children that make-believe things are real. They have encountered "Santa Claus" occasionally in children's programs, so they just think of him as just another character in the lineup. I don't think they realize that some people really truly believe in these make-believe characters, but I'm sure they'll understand when they're older.

I have to give a nod to 22B on this front.

We're debating whether we'll adopt the Santa story for DS21mo. I'm on the fence. The magic of the fantasy is quite fun while it lasts. However, I remember being devastated at 5 at having been lied to by my parents. I had, the day before, defended my beliefs to older children and analogized belief in Santa to belief in God. Cue 5-year-old existential crisis...

Christmas holds deep religious meaning for us, so I'm considering a more ecclesiastical Christmas narrative for our family with a possible St. Nicholas and/or Epiphany tie-in.

I do feel bad for lying about Santa. And, I guess, being atheists makes it harder to not believe in one magical being, but then encourage the belief of another (no offense!).

For me, Santa (along with his magical friends, the Easter bunny, etc) is something special. Allow me to get out my violin: my childhood wasn't...the best. The three things that made me happy were Tintin, animals, and that euphoric feeling of waking up on Christmas day and finding presents in my stocking.

I will probably have Santa visit my house when my babies are grown men

Santa was the only thing we ever taught DD8 that wasn't true, and drawing those lines between fantasy and reality has always been a help to her in enjoying sci-fi/fantasy/horror content well beyond what you'd expect for her years (last week, for example, she enjoyed The Omen). It doesn't scare her at all. Current events have the kind of impact you'd expect on an 8yo, because that's real. DW and I have to be careful what we discuss with her in earshot in that regard, and if DD hears something she doesn't like, she'll demand we stop talking about it.

My own DD had the opposite of your existential crisis, though... she had an epiphany on a topic she'd been bothered about for years. We're a nonreligious family in a religious area, so we had to address the subject with her at an early age, from our perspective. This was leading to some intolerance on her part, and some rather pointless arguments with her playmates, because she couldn't understand why some people chose to believe. When she decided "I want to believe" in Santa, I analogized that attitude with religious beliefs, and that was something she could understand and respect.

We never introduced Santa to DS, the rest of the world did. So we rolled with his version, his expectations. Interestingly at 6, he decided that the tooth fairy was not real, that was just parents and why give away teeth when you can look at them under the microscope - so his teeth are now in a bowl in his room, yea? But the epiphany about tooth fairy didn't translate into Santa. I think the fact that his older cousins believe allows him to suspend disbelief.

The Santa thing has been much easier than the day I inadvertently destroyed his childhood - the day I pointed out look see that Klingon on Star Trek iv, close your eyes, who does it sound like, yes it's Hacker from cyberchase - cue massive tears, shattered belief system - he thought cyberchase was a real place and had planned on going so he could fix motherboard and save the day. Wow, I felt so bad. I think Santa will be easier on us.

About the tooth fairy thing, I do tell DS that others believe and we need to respect others beliefs and not challenge them about it. Fortunately, he doesn't seem to remember the wrenching cognitive dissonance of several years ago so ignores the irony in my parenting!

DeHe

DS asked about Santa right before he turned four (he has a December bday). At that time I didn't want to tell him the truth right before Christmas, and he seemed so young. But this year right after Christmas he was still talking about it, and I decided that for a kid like himself, it would be better for him not to keep lying to him even under the guise of, "just a fun tradition". Knowing him, I know he would not take it well, and it would call into question everything else I told him - including religious beliefs - and I didn't want those to get tangled in his mind with fairy tales, myths, etc. I still feel really odd about having to break it to him so young...he didn't even make it to his first "Tooth Fairy" visit. On that night, he told me to go dress up in my fairy costume and get my wand so that I could trick him. BTW, he still wants to believe and pretend in it - just for fun.

Well, has she read Superfudge? (That book thoroughly debunks Santa. We had to turn the tape down in a hurry when listening to it in the car with DS4!)

DD reacted sort of like Dude's DD. She had been pestering me about it for YEARS and I'd said "What do you think?" and blah blah. Finally she INSISTED on the truth, and seemed kind of disappointed. She now has decided it's mre fun to believe, so she goes along with it, also for her brother's sake. She doesn't seem to really care about the tooth fairy anymore, though.

I will say that I am not a huge Santa fan and never made a big DEAL about it like some people seem to. Yeah, okay, Santa, but he's not the be-all end-all of super-magic wonderland JOY! He also does not SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING. My unscientific theory is that sometimes it's the kids who get a HUGE thing made of it to them who get disappointed by the truth.

Agreed, ultramarina. In our house, Santa doesn't watch anyone sleep, and doesn't write a discriminatory list of kids' names. He is simply a saint of children from the 4th Century who magically lives forever and gives presents to kids lol.

In our house, Santa and his elves are the displinarians. Anytime dd3.9 misbehaves, I use Santa's negative points and bags of coal as a stick. I am in no hurry to kill Santa

LOL - this has been an ongoing argument at our house for years! Interesting, it is my brightest and most logical child (rising 5th grader) who persists in believing in the miracle of Santa claus and in giving the tooth fairy the benefit of doubt. His twin has spent the last two years trying to argue him out of his belief. If it helps, there were some other 4th graders who shared my DS' faith in Santa and none of them have suffered any particular ridicule. The funny thing is that I never set out to create the santa myth or take any extraordinary efforts to "trick" the children. I think that it is somewhat related to the suspension of disbelief required to enjoy certain literature and movies.

Our son 10 keeps Santa alive for the fun of it.

He says something like I hope Santa brings me this or that and gives me a cute smile. He has had to know for some time with the crowd he hangs around with.

I think he keeps Santa alive for Mom and Dad.