I was just thinking ... seeing my two boys being so different ... DS4 wanting to be social but not knowing how to go about it .... and DS2.7 being very anti-social for now. They don't play together, they more so "tolerate" each other and for about an hour a day play in my younger one's room next to each other and actually seem to be having fun. But thinking about the future, I'm guessing both of them will have probably problems finding friends and my one big hope is, being "different" from many of their age mates maybe they will be each other's friends??? I sure hope so! I can see even now while they don't play together, they seem to "understand" each other ... how are your sibling kids? especially if they are close in age? (mine are 1.5 years apart)

My two are 19 months apart, and are opposite gender so that may affect the dynamic. In any case, there are times when they band together and are best of friends because not many other kids understand or can relate to their intensities (for example, they both take "silly" WAY over the top and alienate other kids, but together they have a blast). Other times the intensities work against them and maaaaan oh man do they fight. For the most part, though, they get along really well. FWIW, their personalities are quite different from each other's as well.

I have a 10.5yr old that may (or may not) be MG and has a fistful of other E's, a 6yr old who is HG+ and has a few minor quirks, but is far and away my "easy" child, and 2.5yr old tornado that is almost certainly HG+... The older two are great friends and developmentally the gap is probably closer to 2yrs than the actual 4.5yr age gap. The younger two also have a lovely time together. The eldest loves the youngest but doesn't really know how to interact with her so mostly expresses her love through anxiety over her sister's safety in public places... Basically miss HG+ middle child gets on well with both, while miss 2e eldest child needs the other child to do most of the work, as does the 2yr old (what withraring 2 and all) so they don't have much of a connection.

I have two children, my dd is older by 20 months and my two get along wonderfully.
Dd is high on compassion and patience. Ds is charming and easygoing. I hit the sibling jackpot.

I like the book "Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me" for sibling issues. It gives a great solution to bickering!

I have four. The elder pair got along about as well as any teenaged sisters (which is to say, alternately screaming at each other and being best buds, with a lot of clothes sharing/stealing involved). The two youngest, who are B/G twins, mostly ignore each other whenever possible.

thanks everyone! So, it sounds like chances are they'll be best buds at times but the usual siblings rivalry will be going on as well

If you want a book recommendation, I use the ideas of Siblings Without Rivalry almost every day. Mine are four years apart, so a different set of issues.

My brother and I were less than a year apart, and once we he was in preschool and I was in kindergarten, my mother says it was very smooth sailing, and she loved having us so close together. It made it much easier to plan activities, family vacations, etc., when we were both at about the same stage. So hang on for a couple more years - your reward is coming.

I've been thinking a lot about this since I'm expecting #2 (a girl) in January. My one brother is 2.5 years older than I am, we were not close growing up, and we're still not close. Because I looked up to him, I thought smart = mathy. My strengths are more verbal, which I translated as "not smart." We didn't fight but we didn't spend much time together either. My family moved frequently and my brother was off in his own world most of the time, so I was very lonely as a child. I'm hoping for a closer relationship between my own boy/girl pair despite a larger gap (39 months) between them.

I'm not sure if this is hijacking the thread, but I'm curious about our generation too, if others got along with their siblings while growing up.

not hijacking at all ... it's all part of my initial question in one way or another . My sister and I were 6 years apart (I'm the younger one) and it pretty much took first 30 years of my life and me living 5000 miles away from her and the rest of the family for the two of us to find common topics. While I was the "gifted" one, she was always the one making herself superior to others and I don't think he had one single thing in common at all when growing up. She never even tried to understand me and would always put me down. I remember her remarks telling my parents why did they make me the smart one and she had to be the one failing math. So, gifted or not, I always wanted to have kids really close in age to give them a better shot at being friends. And while the boys don't ever spend time with each other, they have an apparent bond that's really hard to describe but a lot of times my husband and I can really feel it

I have 5, the first 3 went to college at 14. DD16 and DD15 get along famously. They are 20 months' apart and I deliberately put them into the same sport and same classes, so they are very, very close and look out for each other. I was asked numerous times how they become so close. It was a deliberate action over many years.

DS18 and DS12 do not get along. DS18 has graduated from college and DS12 is my brightest child. These two are the brightest and have conflicting views all the time. According to my girls they are identical, though they do not see it.

DS18 and DS9 get along very well again! DS18 fetches DS9 where he needs to go.

DS12's best friend is DD15. Opposite gender but get along really well. Their personality match.

DS12 and DS9 bicker all the time over petty issues. I'd like to think it is just a process and if I am successful, they will get along like DD16 and DD15 in a few years. I recall the girls were like that too.

In short, this is just a process, I think they will ultimately get along and love each other, gifted or not, as long as we model how they should live together.

I really do hope my sons stay close buddies! Right now with their birthdays, they'd be 2 years apart in school (DS4 is late August birthday so will be probably the youngest in class) but I have a feeling that DS2.7 will be skipping a grade or three, so there's always a chance they may end up together too. I'm pretty sure the younger one will be able to defend himself against everything and everyone, it's in his personality. But my older one being my sensitive trusting autism spectrum science geeky kinda kid, he'll need his "big" little brother to cover for him . So I really do hope they get along. They can fight at home just like siblings do, but I want them to know they need to stand up for each other when out in the wild

All four of mine get along quite well, and I also think it was due to a lot of deliberate actions on our parts over many years. We pretty much have always required the kids to be nice to each other. We don't tolerate rudeness, name calling, physical fighting, or put-downs. I cringe when I see those t-shirts that say things like "brother for sale." It's not like we talk to our kids about this all the time- it's just been that way for a long time. If we hear an occasional sarcastic comment, we'll pull them aside and ask, "how do you think that made your brother feel?" Or say, "I think your sister was hurt by that comment; I would have been." We don't do the "you must come to every game or piano recital or art show" by your sibing, but we do expect them to be supportive. We also are very much into the "life isn't fair," philosophy, so we make sure they realize that sometimes one child needs attention and sometimes another child needs a new something, and we aren't going to do the same for every kid just because (impossible with four anyways) and I actually think that cuts down on the jealousy. Our kids are fairly different, but it probably helps that the two older ones are both girls and two younger ones both boys (each gender set two years apart). I will say, though, that even the older and younger ones get along quite well. Ds10 just learned his first song on the violin and immediately wanted to call up dd20 at college to play it for her. She was appropriately "wowed," as required.
I didn't and don't get along nearly as well with my siblings, although I get along best with the one who left our dysfunctional family early on, as I did (the other three stayed fairly close to our hometown). In my mind, mom and dad set the stage for sibling relationships and dh and I were really committed to modeling healthy relationships and guiding them.

I have two (and we're done) who are 4 years apart. They are pretty close, but also fight a lot. I don't worry about it too much--having read the literature, fighting isn't a big deal as long as it doesn't turn into abuse, and fighting plus playing is more likely to lead to long-term closeness than little fighting but little playing.

One thing I notice is that my youngest does his damnedest to keep up with the elder, which sometimes can be threatening to her. She would like him to be more firmly in the role of little and incompetent than he is. He pushes himself so he can do what she does. I suppose all siblings are like this, but he has the ability to make it work even more. So, when she learned chess through school at 7, he also learned chess...at 3. He even tries to read her chapter books, though he puts them down pretty fast.

My kids get along pretty well, too, and we do exactly the same thing. We rarely let them "figure it out on their own," when they were younger, as some books suggest. IMO, they just didn't have the skills to know what was appropriate, and they needed help with that. My kids are also all very different, but I think they're compatible. They go off on their own with their own friends, but do look forward to the time they spend together.

Mine are 3.5 apart and are great buddies right now, but they have their moments. They really love each others company. I hope it lasts! I think DD's generosity helps and their verbalness, it gives them ways to deal and entertain each other.

Mine are also 3.5 years apart, and they do great. My ds6 is a very protective big brother - he hates if the neighbor boy (at the bus stop) picks on my dd2.5. Of course, she handles herself quite well. They argue but don't get excessively mean. When they have issues, we don't take sides (unless it's very apparent) and emphasize that they prolem solve. However, we won't tolerate cruelty on either's part. My ds has started reading books to my dd recently. I've got to sneak a video of this...it's so sweet.