when your child says "I should be in 2nd grade not first grade".

He has never expressed this before. School starts in a week. I don't even know how to respond to him.


btdt.. what did you do?

thanks
Sheila

I'd ask him why he feels that way - that's my default answer whenever I'm thrown for a loop when my kids ask a tough question! Sometimes the reason they are asking comes as a complete surprise, or is much simpler than what I would have thought it would be based on the question.

Then if he's asking because he's bored etc and wants more challenging work, I'd be honest with him about things - if he doesn't have an option of moving up and yet he really wants to. Explain that the school won't let him change grade levels, but offer him other ways to put some interest back into his classwork or offer him the opportunity to do some extra studying on something he loves outside of school. It's far from ideal, but it's something. Another tactic I've used with my kids is to take them deeper at home in the subjects they are studying at school. There's a potential to "going deeper" and after-schooling ahead in early elementary if you keep a record of it because you can use it to advocate for acceleration and higher level of challenge as your ds moves up in school. Early elementary was tough for our ds, but as he moved into middle school there were more options for ds, and having the advanced work he'd done after schooling in elementary school helped move him subject-accelerate (at last lol).

The other thing I always do for my kids when they tell me they have something about school that is bothering them is to let them know I'll talk to the teacher about it if they want me to. If they do want me to, I also ask if they'd like to be there when I talk to him/her, and I honor whatever there wishes are re that. Then I follow-up and tell the teacher about how my child is feeling - even if I know it's not going to accomplish anything or fall on deaf ears - the important thing is that I'm showing my child that I tried, and in the process he'll begin (over time) to learn to advocate for himself.

Last thought - have you talked to your ds yet about his ability level? I found it really helpful to have that conversation in early elementary when our ds started getting noticeably bored and frustrated with the subjects he excels in and wanting more challenge. It helped for me to talk about how different people have different talents (sports, music, etc) and how different people have different levels of abilities in sports, music etc; then we talked about how one of his "talents" is being able to understand concepts quickly and I introduced the concept of a bell curve to him and explained where his intellectual ability was on the curve - and that was like a lightbulb going off for him (at 6-ish) because I think he, at that point, was also getting frustrated about friends who didn't understand a lot of the things he was interested in.

I think I'm rambling now - hope some of that helped!

polarbear

We are hoping our second grader ( who works comfortably at a third to fourth grade level ) will not get stuck in the first/second grade combo class. He has said he wants o move to third grade now; he is a tiny kid so we will not do that.

My knee jerk reaction, if it was one of my kids, would be to say "You're right!" ...and then something like: "Everyone has strengths, and one of your strengths is being clever."

Then I'd draw them into more conversation, like why do you feel that way, what parts are boring, what can I do to help, etc. etc.

Can you make class requests? We have that ability. We can submit a form requesting a type of class (i.e. bottom grade of a split, etc) and they will accommodate us if they can. We're not allowed to ask for specific teachers though.

No, you can't make class requests. You can try but they don't honor them. I'm very active as an officer in the PTA, and I hope somehow that will be helpful. Our gifted program, which is supposed to be very good and starts at grade 4, is the only thing out there for him, but he's in second grade.
He got a 165 total IQ score on the RIAS and 99th% on the NNAT.
School starts next wednesday- I emailed two days ago the gifted teacher about my 4th grader who is hearing impaired and starting in the program, about his IEP. No response! Maybe they don't check email until after school starts? Grrr...

I agree with polarbear. This is a great discussion starter. I like polarbear's idea about talking about differences in how people learn. I think it helped my kiddo when we explained that not everyone understood things as quickly as he did (just like he isn't as athletic as some of the kids).

Also, I think this is a good statement to bring to the attention of the school when you are advocating for differentiation or acceleration. Ask them, "What do I say to my child who just told me that he should be in 2nd grade, and not 1st?" (although you'll have to figure out a way to say it so they don't think that you fed the line to him...) I think that teachers do respond to concerns of the kids. E.g., when I told my son's kindy teacher that he cried every day before school and didn't want to go, she was very surprised and then tried to figure out how to make things better.

Honestly, I'd be more worried about what to say to the school than to the kid, because what can you tell him other than, "You're right"?

One thing I'd be careful to do in this situation is make sure your child knows that you hear him, and you're taking his concerns very seriously. If you're opening a dialog with the school about what accommodations can be made, make sure he knows you're doing it.

The reason I say this is because my DD made the same comments in 1st grade, and her attitude was going downhill at home. It turns out she thought we were the ones at fault for placing her in 1st grade. We thought we'd already made her aware that by that time we'd had a few meetings with the school where we were adamantly arguing for a grade skip... and getting nowhere. They were offering instead some accommodations that just weren't making the grade (and still aren't).

Finding out that her parents were in her corner did a lot to relieve her anxiety about school. Otherwise, she's sitting there miserably in school and thinking about how none of the adults understand and/or care about what a bad time she's having, so she can't trust or depend on any of them. Now at least she knows there are two she can.

Dude - you're so right, and that's such an important point. No matter what happens at the school, they need to know that we understand them and accept them, and are trying to support them. It's so easy for gifted kids/people to feel isolated, and sometimes kids need to hear the actual words, "I understand" or "I'm trying to help" or "I believe you" etc etc.

My experience is that you cannot request a teacher. However, our principal seems to take into account requests for "a quiet, organized classroom," or "a classroom with more older children than younger ones," etc. A friend got an appropriate response in requesting that her son not be placed in a job share classroom (2 teachers) so that they could more closely monitor the effects of his medication.

These kinds of things seem to go over much better than "I want Mrs. SoAndSo because everyone knows she's the best/sweetest/most popular," etc.

Sheila, I'd also be asking him why he thinks so. I know you've not been successful in requesting a skip. Is it possible that he's heard you discuss this? DH and I have taken to emailing each other from across the room to discuss things like this to avoid talking about things like this until they are a done deal.

An open-ended question (as mentioned before) is the best 'beginning' tactic to a new complaint. I'm sure most parents do a great job listening the FIRST time...but kids usually don't stop at once. They complain and complain and complain!

That's when we tend to shut down communication with, "You already told me that yesterday." Or, "Remember, I told you I would talk to your school?". Or, "No you don't. All the kids will be bigger than you."

The best tactic I suggest when working with parents is to stop answering the "why can't I?" part of the complaint and focus on the emotion or motication for re-asserting it.

For example: "Rough day, huh?"
or "Are you worried about being bored again?" or "Did
something happen at school today?" or "You seem really frustrated."

LOL DH and I text each other across the room. I can't remember parenting before smart phones

Don't push your kid too much, there's a difference between having a gifted mind and being an adult, and you don't want him to be in the adult world until he's ready for it, if you follow my reasoning, this means that you should just give him some extras things to learn/do, like playing music, learning some fancy history, reading books, I think even playing games would do part of the trick. That's what you call widening your knowledge, which is sane. But if you push him through time, like skipping years so he can be challenged, you'll just achieve isolation for him. Just my thought.

Don't take this wrong. I hear what you're saying & in some ways I agree.
But.

Nowadays there are several colleges that are for young gifted teenagers with similar level of giftedness. Pushing through time, or advancing through grades until you a good fit educationally, is not the road to isolation. There is a lot of opposite beliefs about accelerating your child's education. If you're still reading this just ask and I'll summerize some of the research and provide links against the belief that "pushing ahead" your child's education is the same as making them grow up too fast. The main thing you need to know is that nowadays there are options for a much deeper education for gifted children who are accelerated when they become teenagers. It's not necessary that they become an adult right away. They get to meet with other gifted teenagers and get a deeper education. The second thing you need to know is that by holding back your gifted child you are not "keeping them from growing up too fast", you are starving them from getting their needs met, in my opinion.

Yes... exactly. Kids with curious, nimble minds need the cognitive growth they seek or they wouldn't seek it.

Denied growth --> boredom and stress --> trouble.

You could compare it to a child who is wiggly with extra energy to burn - he/she needs to go outside and run around The same is true for a cognitively precocious child - he/she needs to learn.

I hear what you're saying, and we each have our own perspective, but... my from own personal experience, not being accelerated in elementary school led to my isolation. I was an alien among my age peers and fit in with NO one.

It wasn't until adulthood when I was able to pick and choose my friends based on criteria other than age that I was able to connect with people.

I never needed to take a book home. I didn't own a backpack. I got to college and had no clue how to study.

I think kids that want more should be given more. No child left behind has failed the gifted child as many more resources are being placed for intervention and those funds are coming at the expense of gifted education. That being said, our district is going back and looking at the gifted program and making some positive (I think) changes. We have accelerated math starting in third grade (which does ds no good yet but dd is participating in with math MAP scores being identical) and gifted pullouts now starting in first grade and going from 1 day pull out to 2 days pull out. They will also be doing push ins.

My daughter is in that district that you're talking about. While it may be good at the "neighborhood" school these gifted services at the Magnet school she's at there has been a step back. When she started there was 96 kids now in 5th grade there is half that. They also "let go" of one of the teachers that teached previously at Quest Academy and hires someone with no class experience with gifted children. They also combined the 5th grade magnet with the 6th grade "neighborhood" kids. Are there MAP scores equivalent? Who knows. Where the Magnet school is housed isn't exactly the top rated school in the district.

Yup. Me too.