My FIL has been fighting leukemia over the past year and just last week he lost his battle. We went up for the funeral and the kids mostly seemed to handle it fine. We are Christian and so we talk about how his spirit is now free from his sick body and that he is happy in heaven. But since we've been back my DS5 has been crazy... Totally crazy. He's lost control of his body physically... He's all over the place, can't sit in a chair, runs into things, flings his body into things, and stands on his head. And he's emotionally flipped - cries easily, whines often, very rigid in his "rules", and throws some good tantrums when upset. It's all stuff that we've seen before, but he's really calmed down and gained control of himself over the last 6 months or so, until now.

So my hypothesis is the is overexcitabilities kicked into overdrive because of anxiety and emotions. But, what can I do? How can I help him? I think he must have so much going on in his head, but I don't know the best ways to get him to understand what he's feeling and get him to talk about it. Once he talks about it, what can I say or do to help him? I sure love my boy. I feel bad for him and I feel so lost.

Oh my. Oh dear, that's hard. My condolences. I remember a classmate dying and playing Tetris alone in my room for a few days seemed to help a lot. If I were you I would watch sad movies, if there's any chance you can visibly cry over them. Also, physical exertion to the point of exhaustion then a good sleep (think swimming all day)is the best way to balance the overexcitabilities, i think, or structured and scheduled yoga classes work well long-term (karate ?)I would take the kid to the whole funeral service. Since you're Christian I'm sure your pastor has had training in counseling. Maybe your son wants to talk to one of the ladies from the church.
There's a lot of good medicine in fresh air and sunshine. Send him out in the yard. Those are my thoughts. Again, my sympathies.

I am sorry about your loss. I offer my condolences.

Hoagies has a list of therapists that specialize in gifted children if you are inclined to go that way http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/professionals.htm; the list is limited, but maybe you'll find there is one in your area. I imagine SENG has some information as well.

when someone is fighting a life-threatening disease, the family tends to rally around and support and give hope. Even as an adult, I am always stunned when someone dies despite all that hope and community; it's a little as if my brain can't prepare for that possibility when I'm so hopeful that it will turn out ok. Your son may be feeling like "the rug got pulled out from underneath him".

You mentioned that you are Christian; he may have been praying that his grandpa get better. I understand that children tend to personalize events. Your son may feel like he didn't pray hard enough, or that he let your FIL down in some other way. I think you probably want to be sure to identify the things your son could do for your father in law, and the things he couldn't do. The conversation may get pretty deep pretty fast.

I would also make sure he knows that your whole family is grieving and that everyone grieves in a different way. Let him know that just because you or your husband may be continuing in your daily routines doesn't mean that your heart isn't breaking.

All the best to you as you navigate this challenging time.

Great advice so far. Try and take it in stride and have faith that he will regain all his growth, soon.

Have you tried praying with him? Sometimes taking deep, slow, rhythic breaths can supercharge those prayers. Do some yourself and make some comments to your DS and see what he comes up with.

For my son, when my mom passed, there was the extra pain that my son seemed to feel that my mom was the most 'like him' in the family, and that without her on Earth, that he had more to carry alone. I could see some truth in that. I try to remind my son that he has every good moment in the past that he ever had with her completely intact and independent of her current location.

Hope that helps,
Grinity