This is going to be a overly-simplistic post; but I need to know that I am not just siding with my 'only' DS5, and his bad behavior. Background...he has been in swimming lessons for a year now at a local swim club. He went from not wanting to lay on his back to float (for safety) to swimming a lap (slowly). He is currently working on perfecting his strokes and breathing properly. He is not a strong kid; so we like that he likes this and want him to continue swimming year-round. He runs really fast and plays soccer; but his upper body strength has always been lacking. Anyway, he loves swimming; but his current teacher gets stressed easily. He is very sensitive to stressful people (one of the reasons that we homeschool). If he says 'no' to her, usually because he is tired, she automatically sends him to a "timeout," which we don't do at home. He "earns" and is given choices to get him to do something we want; but he is generally compliant. If you act disappointed in him, he cries and the situation worsens. The teacher does this often. She does a lot of deep-sighing with him. He just wants to have fun while he is doing his laps. She just isn't that way. She is very direct and matter-of-fact. He is a strong-willed kid; but a very sweet child, especially now that his behavior is based on mutual respect here at home. The first teacher who got him to do something - which was a challenge, had to have fun with him and give him short breaks of splashing. The next class he was in, he was the best behaved in class. DS needed to be pursuaded initially to learn to swim; but he had to since we have a pool. He has had different teachers as he progressed, some good, out-of-the-box thinkers, and others, not so much. The teachers changed as he progressed through the levels. I want to pull him from class; and maybe switch teachers and/or swim schools. I have had to re-explain his sensitivities every few months with each new teacher (if they weren't getting him). I do not want him to think that he can say "no" to these teachers, and switch teachers to get his way. But I do believe that he is just feeding off of her negativity; and I do want him to have fun AND be respectful. He has had good teachers who he responds extremely well to; so I am thinking that it's just not him. Should I pull him from this teacher/school, or should I just make him bear it. I want him to continue to like it. He used to REALLY enjoy it - now it is iffy. Sorry that this is so long, and not about real school; but I feel like they don't understand that his sensitivites are real. I do understand that he needs to get used to all sorts of teaching styles; but I do want him to continue to like it. I would bring him elsewhere and would have to go through the same thing all over again. Please be blunt with me. Thanks.

I would just wait until the end of the session (if it's not too long) and switch then. Your DS doesn't have to connect his saying "no" to the teacher with the switch at all unless you mention it.

I agree with MoN that you should find a different teacher or program. I don't think that is good teaching whether the child is sensitive or not.

The teacher/student dynamic is vital in something like swimming where trust and respect are such core elements to learning. My son did poorly at swimming until this year, and now he wants to try out for the swim team next year! The difference is ALL in the teacher.

I watched the instructors working with other kids and then picked the who used positive reinforcement. He pushed my son but made him believe he could do it.

I personally wouldn't reinforce the rejecting behaviors by continuing.

He is with a very strong 4.5-yr old girl who is pretty much ready for "league." There are only two of them; so there's lots of pressure to just "work." This little girl has some fierce kicking ability. Her Mom said that she is able to tackle her 6yr old brother fairly easily; and he plays football. But her Mom wants to keep her in this class, and is upset with me that I am thinking about leaving.

This is the first year-long session; and she would be his teacher for the duration - through May. His next step is league as well; but he isn't quite there yet; but I believe he would be had he had good teachers over the summer. I just want him to enjoy it, and be taught to do it correctly. He does not need to be competitive if he doesn't desire to; but all he asks is if he beat the girl - which never happens, unless he has flippers on and she doesn't...poor thing.;)

Anyway, I have talked to the director several times. He asks how we discipline him at home. I told him what I said here. He doesn't get that it works at home. He is the instructor who got him to swim. So he knows my DS and really likes him. He knows that he responds to the right personality; but he sees it as my DS misbehaving, not that it isn't a good personality fit. He doesn't get that my DS's sensitivity is a real issue and not him misbehaving for the sake of misbehaving.

Thank you so much for your input, ladies!!!

That is really hard. I have a kid just like that. It has to be a mutual respect relationship or it will go no where. Sounds like a definite change is needed. I have no brilliant advice, but much sympathy!

Thank you, kimck!

It is good to know that it isn't just me siding with my son again, nor making excuses for him. Since we have been homeschooling, I haven't had to deal with "issues;" so every once in a while, I need to do a self-check.

My DD is in swimming lesson and we recently needed to switch days which meant new instructor. My advice is sort of back handed and sly, plus might not work, BUT you could have him moved to another class on a different day and claim his class didn't make due to size. He might see through this though. But I do agree that the situation with the teacher is not a good one.

They actually created this class for him. It is tough to get classes in the morning for school-aged kids. Thank you!

Honestly, I would keep him in it. Let him develop some extra emotional resilience in dealing with a negative person and work with him on ways he can learn to deal with his swim teachers attitude.
However, I think that periodic meetings with the instructor to fill her in on how you know your son learns best and strategies that might help her along would be useful.

My thoughts in this direction have been that it may benefit the next child if the instructor thinks outside the box more; but the director even said that she has a different personality, and way of doing things; so she can't get beyond the way she thinks. Heavy sigh.
I am going to pull him from the class. He really wants to take lessons; but she actually causes him to have nightmares with her acting so disappointed in him. Thank you!

Adding a different perspective here. Maybe this is a case of lopsided expectations due to comparing a gifted (or highly gifted) swimmer and your son, who sounds above average or more to me. Disclaimer: this analysis is based on what I've seen other kids do while watching my three taking lessons.

I haven't seen a lot of preschoolers who can swim laps and who have a "fierce kick," much less ones who are ready for a swim league. Most kids that age (even in the warm climate where I live) are working on getting in the pool or approximating the crawl for 15 feet. I wonder if your son's teacher is expecting your son to live up to the abilities of the other girl. (?)

I mean, goodness, he's five years old, which is a bit young to be focused on "work" in a pool. If the other girl enjoys it, great for her. But your son shouldn't be pressured into misery if he can't keep up and/or doesn't want to. He's just a little boy and this is supposed to be fun. And please ignore her mom; you don't have to organize your son's life to meet her needs.

Have you told the director direclty that your son is unhappy, that you think the teacher is part of the problem, and that you're thinking of leaving the class? It's wonderful that they created the class for him, but if the teacher is being too impatient with him, what's the point? If the director thinks the problem is exclusive to your son, yet he was able to work with the boy himself without the same problems (?), you might not have much luck getting anyone to meet you halfway.

I keep thinking, "He's a little boy!"

HTH,

Val

When I first read your post I didn't register his age, and I assumed he was more in the 8-9 year range. I think making a 5 year old "stick" something out that isn't working just doesn't make sense, not to mention you are spending a lot of money on swim lessons that are not working. I understand having a child who self selects an activity finish that session (particulary if it is a team, unless there is a serious issue), but I tend to see that as a 6-8 week commitment, not full year, and in this case you are asking him to do this activity.

I would go to the director and say that while you so very much appreciate their help in scheduling, this teacher is not working out. Ask if there is any way that one of the teachers who did work out with your son could do a morning class, and if they can't help you, go elsewhere. If they can, thank them profusely and say that you would be happy to speak with the instructor about why you made the switch. It doesn't have to be about her, but you might explain why the fit just wasn't working, and maybe she will think about her methods some.

Cat

Just some thoughts. Swim lessons should be fun for the child but it also is an important lesson to take especially if you have a pool on property. I really don't see how overbearing, disapproving instructors are going to help advance anyone's skills and the risk of this approach turning him off to swimming or not advancing or even back sliding in his abilities is too much of a risk. If you are not getting the director's backing than pull him out. It sounds like you have other options. And if you are worried about what message you are sending to your son just remember that you can vocalize what you want him to come away from this situation with: how about you understand his frustrations and clearly the class he is taking is only causing more frustration for him when your only wish is for him to learn swimming but have fun doing it.

I just joined a SENG group in my area, and they all agreed with me to leave. I have tried speaking with the teacher and the director; so I always try to work things out before just bailing, more for their education.:) I am always thinking that at some point, someone may understand. So, I am happy with our decision to leave. I had to give 30 days notice. Today may be his last day; although I have to pay for 3 more lessons (oh well). He is 5; and he is learning to deal with different personalities; but at this point he doesn't need the pressure; and his emotional welfare is more important to us. I was able to join a great gym this week (for me, finally - that has a great kids area for him with a basketball court, slide tunnels, movies playing, and computers to play games on:); and he is getting a swim assessment there on Saturday to see which group he would fit into; so hopefully that will work out instead. I told them about needing a good personality match; so they will let me view the class prior to joining. Thanks to all for your support!!!