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I have no advice, just sympathy. Assuring just isn't going to happen, so don't try and stand on your head over it. I don't think that there is a right answer here, just try and be who you are, mentally thank the other mom for showing you were you are still insecure about how others might be judging you, and keep on as usual. Eventually the mom will calm down or stop the relationship.

I will say that it's possible that the daughter waits because her mom totally helicopters her, but it is also possible that the daughter waits and the mom helicopters for the same reason - they both have cautious temperments. Or maybe the mom got into a habit of helicoptering because earlier in the girls life she was prone to falling apart and seemed to need her mom's micromanagement. If you stick around and keep an open mind - you'll find out!

Smiles,
Grinity

I'm confused about what the issue is here. What kind of "activities" does the mom want planned in advance? Are you talking about her wanting to know that they'll be playing Scrabble in your DD's bedroom between 3 and 4, or that you'll all be going to the local museum, or what? To my mind the former is unreasonable but the latter isn't - I'd feel some anxiety at not knowing where my DS was going to be while not under my supervision. (I mean, I deal with this if there's a good reason why I might not know in advance, and I dare say that will happen more often as he gets older, but still, if he were spending time with someone I didn't know well, I can imagine probing if the possibility of going out were mentioned.) If going out is the issue, I think I'd just get the girls to make a list of all the places they might want to go, and tell the mom that they might or might not go to one of those places. If you don't already swap mobile phone numbers as a matter of routine, that might help reassure her too.

You Rock MON!
It is hard when you feel that 'beggars can't be choosers' about your kid's playmates - but there isn't much to do about it.

I would be so intimidated if a mom wanted to know how many glue sticks would be needed for a playdate at my house! Sometimes I resort to saying "I have a lot of good qualities, but XXXX just isn't one of them." That way I let the other person know that they are acting in a way that sets people (me)on edge without making too big a deal over it.

Smiles,
Grinity

I understand your stress. We have family members who do not want their 9 year old to leave our yard when she comes over to visit. Our DD7.5 is allowed to ride her bike/scooter outside our house (its a small dead-end subdivision) and walk to her friends' houses (up to 10 houses away). These family members are aghast and were really upset when we let their DD play outside the front of our house with our DD when we were not right out there with them (I was in the living room and could see them out the window!). The last time she came to visit the first thing she said was "I'm not allowed outside unless you are with me." Like it had been drilled into her head.

Honestly, it is one of the main reasons we don't arrange play dates at our house. I have a toddler and I can't sit in the front yard constantly.

This all sounds so strange to me like we are missing something her with this friend's Mom. Maybe you could just come right out and ask her what her concern is. I think it ok to have question what is planned for a playdate but this seems a bit much.

I would just reply "No thank you we don't need any supplies, I am sure the girls can make do with what we have" And maybe reassure her that the girls will playing in the house or close in the yard.

On a positive note I'll mention that my BF and I are very different in our parenting styles and our kids have successful play dates and sleepovers every week. We compromise and respect each others rules and ideals which is the key. One example: My children are not allowed in a pool with out an adult there at all times, she on the other hand, is comfortable with her kids in the pool adult-free when her DD13 is poolside, I am not. So when my kids are over she accommodates my swimming rule. And I accomodate her no trampoline rule when her kids are at my house.

Getting know someone takes time, this lady may be a heli-mom but she may also just be uncomfortable with a new situation, give her a chance this awkward phase may pass.