Don't get me wrong, I think I do an okay job advocating for DD's and attempting to meet their needs. Actually, this board has been key in identifying resources to help me do that.

BUT, (please no one say I have a big but) sometimes I feel like I spend a lot of my time spinning my wheels, exhausting options that aren't a good fit.

By Golden Ticket syndrome, I mean, sometimes I feel like Verucka(sp?) Salt's dad -in the Johnny Depp version of Wonka- having all those people digging through millions of boxes of to find the bar with the golden ticket. And didn't she end up turning into a blueberry, anyway?!?!?!?!?

I

I do think some of what I do here is not so much about finding the right thing for DS. Much of it, actually, is about communing with people who understand the experience of raising a kid like mine. Community. I also find that reading people's stories and ideas helps me understand myself better. So maybe it was DS's needs that got me here, I don't think that the is the main reason I stay. But I may use him as an excuse.

Interestingly, DS has taken to reading these posts over my shoulder. He's gotten interested in everyone's kids and it's been an icebreaker for him. He tells me a lot more about his own experiences once he's read about others. Interesting.

And thinking about the Golden Ticket, I have to remember what my mom said (maybe I shared this before, I don't remember.) Anyway, I was wondering about some small detail of parenting a toddler and my mother said very cheerfully, "Well, I've tried it both ways and what I remember was that no matter what I did it was wrong!" She is not a pessimist and her kids all turned out fine. I think her point was, don't get too worried about details, kids are resiliant. I find myself repeating this phrase when I'm getting caught up in the details. Even it it's not great, we can recover. I mean, even Verucka got dejuiced, right?

I know what you mean about always looking for the perfect fit. But I rest easier after having read the article on the Hoagies page about "least worst options" for educational needs. Sometimes you just have to realize that there is no "golden ticket" and that what you work for is what is the best fit with least ill-fitting parts. We are only human.

And, BTW, it is Violet Beauregarde, the gum chewing child, who turns into a blueberry! Depending on the film you prefer Veruca Salt is either a "bad egg" and goes to the incinerator (where all bad eggs go!) or she is taken away by the squirrels! That's where greed gets you!

didn't she go down the garbage dispenser?

either way, it ends badly

I'm with acs about my child leading me to find myself. Interestingly I had a premonition that though parenting I would grow to understand myself. But I had no idea what that magic missing puzzle piece would be!
Grinity

I am a single parent and my DD is my only child. When she was born I was completely obsessed with giving her the best of everything and being a perfect parent.

After seven years, I think I have learned to ease off a little bit. If you try to be the perfect parent and always make the perfect decisions you only teach them that THEY need to be perfect (which is obviously an unreasonable standard).

One of the most difficult lessons I have tried to teach my perfectionist daughter is that sometimes GOOD ENOUGH IS BEST.

So we make mistakes, we get up and try another way. Once a decision has been made, whether the results are what we expected or not, we need to learn to let it go and make adjustments as needed.

My point is, don't be so hard on yourself. Our kids are by far some of the most fortunate kids there are. Every parent on this blog is here because they are invested in their kids welfare and are doing everything they can to make sure their kids are happy. Our kids cannot ask for more than our best.

Thanks Bianca,

I like this forum cause we are all trying to support one another. My post was supposed to be a humorous look at the futility of perfectionism.

It's interesting how we all relate differently to posts based on our own personal experiences.

With HG/PG children we're all out on our own in the woods sometimes. I've had some major epiphanies here reading perspectives different than my own. I love that.

Peace,
Incog

And the hard thing about these kids is that just when you think you've found something that works, something clicks and they change again.

But it is a journey. I agree with acs and grinity. Through this journey, I know myself more fully. And I even like to think of it as an adventure! Like journeying through the chocolate factory (which would give me a big butt). It's ok if it doesn't all go smoothly. You learn from your mistakes and move on. I think just having your kids know you are doing your very best for them is huge.

You put my thoughts into intelligible words, kimck, thanks!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm not all the way caught up on this thread, but I loved this story so much and thought it was so true, that I had to interrupt my reading and comment...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I want to meet your mom! She's brilliant. I think I have a mom-crush on her.

These statments and acs's mom's comment sum up my parenting philosophy in a nutshell.

This is definitely true of me. I came here looking for answers about my child and his situation and have ended up staying because I have found people that have helped me grow personally and learn things about myself as well as about my child. And I even made someone else feel a little better!!!! (I'll have to say "hi" to my sister for ya acs!)

It's great getting all the different points of view and differing thoughts. I feel like my brain stagnates so much of the time with the mundane day to day routines. But I feel like my brain gets stimulated here and I like that. So maybe I have found a Golden Ticket here!! LOL!!!!

Hi Incog,
I think that the work of figuring our kids out, and the work of making actual changes to help met their special needs is big strong work. I've never faced a challenge of this magnitude in my life, so even though I've overcome my "smart=easy" confusion to a great degree, there are still a few lingering cobwebs that keep me from seeing exactly how big a job this is, at the present time.

So I get impatient with the wheel-spinning, and 'trial and error' approach, and worn out by my OverExcitable reactions to each of the above. But I suspect that if any of us had been raised with big-enough challenges on a regular basis, and the scaffolded support to overcome them, then we would feel exhilarated by the challenge, instead of exhausted. Aren't we always wringing our hands that our kids don't know how to bear down and keep plugging when things get the hardest? Is it just me, or isn't this what we mean when we say we want them to learn how to learn?

Example: I sat in meetings about "what to do with poor DS" for 3 years at school 1, and was denied even subject acceleration. At school 2 the full grade skip went through in 10 days. I feel that every failed attempt at school 1, helped build the conditions for the success at school 2. Plus, Luck and Prayer, and many many things outside of my control.

So my guess is that things are going just as they should be, and that the feelings are lagging a bit behind the actual progress being made. The feeling, and the complaining, are part of the process. Have you noticed all the "Yippee!" Responses I've been posting lately? As a group at least, there is quite an amazing forward movement going on, right now. So complain away, be dissapointed and angry. Because you are so right that in the big picture, this isn't the way things should be! For the Grandchildren!

((Hee Hee - Dottie, is there anyway we can challenge the YSP email list to a friendly competition over %advocacy success? I think we'd hold our own pretty well, don't you? I'd let you be the number cruncher and judge.))

As an aside, you have us, digging through the millions of possible ideas and suggestions to find the bar with the Golden Ticket. And you don't have to pay us minimum wage like that factory did.

We do it for the amazing pay off of actually being of use to each other. What a thrill to be able to use our gifts for good! Every child deserves to be 'thought about well.' And we here know things that make that possible for this little segment of children. Being able to use what we have learned is so gratifing and such a relief to me.

Smiles,
Grinity

POWERFUL

If I ever need to put my kids in school, I like to think that I will be a better advocate for having watched others pave the way. I look back at what oldest DS had in school and I cringe at how pleased I was with the slightest attempt at accommodation. He needed so much more!

Thanks to all for sharing your stories. They really do help us all to see the possibilities.

:)That is so nice to say Lorel! Thanks!