Dear Ones,
I'm at an interesting crossroad with my son's eduation, and I'm not sure which way to turn, so I'm asking for your advice.
The set up:
DH and I have agreed that academics and social have equal weight. We want a happy kid who is used to the idea that learning takes a bit of struggle. Learning, and not just teacher pleasing, although we want him to learn that also!

DS11 was in public school until the end of 4th grade, age 9, with a summer birthday, already making him one of the youngest boys in his grade. I'm not sure what his Ruf Level estimated level is because I can't remember! He had an amazing vocabulary and was a conceptual thinker right from the begining, but although he had his letter and their sounds from age 2, he wasn't reading until first grade, although from then on he's been in the top reading groups and in fact spent 4th grade with a book open in his desk reading it while he kept his hand raised waiting impatiently to be called on at all times. He has scores that put him in the YSP, and from reading the posts, I would put him with the big clump near the cutoff, rather than on the tail end, so I call him a Level III.

I could still have gifted denial, but he did get a chance to skip enter a pre-algebra class totally unprepared from 4th grade without any help, and tanked - 40s on his quizes, although he was entranced with the experience of trying to work really hard, so all in all, I think it was worth taking the chance. I just wished I had hothoused him a little rather than relying totally on the goodness of gaps!

When he bottomed out back in 2nd grade, we had him tested, and the tester (local, well meaning but....) said that he might have a "relative case" of NVLD. Over the years we've been told he has "50% ADHD." He certainly has an 'in your face' personality, and lots of OverExcitablities, which have sort of faded into the backround. It's always been hard to tell if he has 'other issues' or his 'more than usual giftedness' are the cause of the various complaints that continue to surround him as he goes through life at school like an elephant swallowed by a snake.

Anyway. Socially he's had his ups and downs over the years. 2nd grade was the absolute worst, where the teacher and all the children treated him with disgust. 3rd was wonderful, 4th was good, but his distrust of adults was growing and I could feel him moving into a "total friend-identification" phase that I felt was a premature reaction to total boredom at school, and his disgust that he has to sit there all day with 'good behavior' as his only challenge.

So that summer we looked into private school, and worn out from unsuccesful advocacy attempts, I was willing to believe that maybe the local prep school would be more academically challenging without any gradeskip. He started 5th grade at the new school, and after a few weeks we recognised that the only way to make this work was a gradeskip. Interestingly the school recognised this also, and within 10 days of our request, he was a 6th grader.

He worked very hard to do the work, and fit in, and try to make friends. He had his heart set on a group that never really accepted him. But overall I had the feeling that he just didn't have much left over energy for making new friends. He stayed in touch with the closest of his old friends, but, as DH had predicted, it just wasn't the same without seeing them daily.

This year, 7th has been much better organizationally, and somewhat better socially, (he got elected to be a student representative) and his perfectionism is much improved. Used to be that if he didn't know what to do, he would just "take the zero." Cool as a cumber, at least on the outside. The middle school goes to 8th grade, and we have always thougth that at the end of 8th, he would go back to the public school. Level III kids tend to do well at the high school level, right?

Well, we got the "Please sign next year's contract" and DS said, "Well, I'd like to go the public school next year." We dropped the subject for a few weeks, but I can tell that DS's mind is made up. I think that the only thing that would change it is if some of the boys started really wanting to be best friends with him. And there are only 45 kids/grade at the private school, v. 200/grade in the public. None of his classmates play Magic Cards, or even Yu-gi-oh!

Some PG kids seem fairly oblivious to social situations, and as long as they are academically challenged, they are happy. Some PG kids are acutly aware of social interactions and have amazing powers to blend it. My son seems to be right in the middle of these two poles - wanting to be popular, but having no interest, and little ability, to blend in. Can you picture my 'voice' on an arrogant-sounding 11 year old boy? ((I'm shaking my head, 'cause I know that some of you can!))

Reasons?
His sound like this at various times -
-The private school is excellent at teaching study habits, and has served it's purpose well, so now I don't think it's a wise investment.
-I've got the grade skip, so why not?
-The dress code cloths aren't comfortable enough.
-I miss my friends, and want to go to the same school as them.

Mostly I trust his instincts. But in this situation, I think that the paradise lost thing is active in his mind. I would like to let him choose, as he's the one who has to get up and go there every day, but I want to be sure that he hasn't built up an unrealistic picture in his mind of how great the public school would be. I worry that his current school is more 'accepting' of offbeatness, although for all I know, they could be worse than the public school. I know that this year the begining of school was stressful, and that the teachers who were new to him didn't 'get him' and he didn't 'get them' but then after about 6 weeks something clicked and he's been about to be responsible for his homework and classwork, even with the new teachers.

So, is returning to the public school, one year advanced, 'social suicide' as my son would put it? Is there anything I haven't considered? Does anyone have a crystal ball?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

No advice now, but that won't stop me from giving some later!

From what I've read, gifted children learn at a faster rate. So it seems that a grade skip might only provide short term results before the child feels bored with the pace of the higher level. Does this seem to be holding true for your son? Does he want to put his educational advancement on the back burner while his social skills catch up with the rest of his development? Does he want to explore a more broad selection, and not quite as deep right now? I guess I'm just trying to understand him a bit better.

Hi Grinity. That is a really tough one, and I can't exactly speak from experience as a parent, because my oldest is in 1st grade. BUT, as someone who went to a very small private school from K to 8 - I felt very pigeon holed there the entire time. Groups of kids didn't really wildly shake up the cliques after the first couple of grades. I was a very shy kindergartener. I never felt enabled to reinvent myself until high school. So I definitely understand where's he's coming from. But it is also totally true that expectations at that age can be very different from reality, so make sure you lay that out for him as clearly as you can. But I do know for me socially, a bigger school was always a better school. I chose to go to a huge university for that very reason.

Anyway - keep us posted! Good luck.

Grinity-

Wow, this is a big decision. I think you need to sit down with DS and DH and really look at the school situation from every angle. I don't feel like I know your DS well, but it seems to me that he would not ask to go back to public if he hadn't thought about it carefully.

FWIW, My HG+ little brother went from private school to public with hopes of making it socially as a athlete. His private school was super competitive, and he was a good athlete but a late bloomer and a head shorter than most of the other guys in grades 9 and 10. He played varsity lacrosse but didn't make the hockey team. It was harder for him to connect with the public school kids, and it wasn't that we were wealthy- we were most definitely not. But he was a very sensitive kid and had a lot of anxiety and perfectionism issues that made it tough for him to feel comfortable in the much larger public school. I don't know if this example means anything to you, but my mother has always felt that moving him was a big mistake. It was as if his expectations for himself got lowered as he struggled more with
the social stuff.

Good luck!

For some odd reason, this years 'content' isn't as impressive as last year's.

Science has been great both years.
Last year - history and LA were combined into Ancient Studies, which included India and China, and all the kids took latin.
This year - social studies is "Geography" and LA is has been 'America and Europe in the 1940' which was too scary, and a wonderful little novel that he read in 4th grade.

Big difference in novelty factor, and depth factor.

Math this year is easy peasy, the same math that was such a big challenge last year for 3 months. He isn't bored to the point of acting out, in fact it's his favorite class.

But the whole picture add up to "is this all there is?"

HTH,
Grin

Hi Trinity,

I think that it would be better for your son to stay in private school for one more year then go to a public high school after 8th grade. That way, he only has to deal with a new school once.

If he goes back to public middle school, he has to make new friends anyway because of his grade skipping. The friendship of middle school kids usually won't last unless they see each other every day in class. It is like starting over. Then one year later, he moves on to high school, a new environment again. It is a lot of stress for the kids who are not superbly social.

However, if your son felt strongly about going back to public school next year, he may have some good reasons.

My kids grow up in public schools so I don't know much about private schools. From what I heard, I would agree with kimck. Kids can be pigeon holed easily in a small private school. It could be great or it could be really bad. In public school, you have a lot more kids. Your son should be able find someone to be friend with in a class of 400.

At the beginning of freshman year, there is a short time period that kids are open to newcomers. He needs to make some effort to talk to new people and try to fit in. After a few weeks, groups are formed and it would be much harder to break into the circle.

Hmm. So he'd be going back to public high school either way, right?

There are some variables here that I'm curious about.

Do kids from the private middle school tend to go on to the public high school? Does your ds have a group of friends in the public school that you think would stick around for high school, with an enormous new peer base to choose from? Or are they kind of "situational friends" (that's the sort I had in middle school), who you're friends with because they're the best available?

My first thought is to say that, if a number of the private schoolers go on to the public high school, I'd probably make him stay in the private school. He'll be going into high school with an entirely new peer group anyway -- his old classmates wouldn't be there for another year, so he'd be starting fresh with high school if he went back to public school before then.

I think going back could be hard socially, yes -- as if your ds "got around the rules" by going somewhere they let him skip (I know that wasn't your intention, but it would be the way it appeared to outsiders). Teacher and administrators might not like that and, horrible as it sounds, take it out on your ds.

Of course, I might be completely wrong and it might go fine -- there may be no backlash from that. I'd just be wary. Are the fourth grade and the sixth/seventh grades in the same building? If so, I almost certainly wouldn't do it, because at least around here, the school administrators have long memories, and I don't think they'd take kindly to getting back a kid who they'd refused to accelerate, but accelerated a year! :-)

Nope, DS isn't calling it social suicide, but that's exactly what DH, and his (MG?) nieces are worried about. For me, big number is always better - look at me here! I really need a whole internet to feel really at home - LOL.

Public High School isn't exactly a given, which makes me think that a year of public middle school might be just what's needed to get us to 'wake up and smell the coffee' if we need to start trolling for a private HS.

Yes - Placement for High School is determined in 8th grade.

No - Private school kids don't go back to public school, and the few that do are spread out amoung 7 different districts. The friends from Public school may just be friends for life, hard to tell.

It's really hard to know what to do.
Smiles,
Grinity

Grinity,
I think you were just borrowing a recurring term from your son in reference to your ponderings as to whether or not going to public school for 8th grade would be �social suicide�. Yes?

I just found your post. We are facing similar questions as to what to do with dd next year for HS and are considering an inconvenient and expensive possibly change for ds.

We are off to BB practice right now, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of your family�s situation and will contemplate any additional pros or cons to add to the discussion.

That's right Delbows,
It's hard to think that a boy who throws around that prase would willingly walk into a situation like the 8th grade public school. OTOH, he has had recent playdates with his old Public school agemates, and he's been getting the inside scoop from them, and getting along with friends of friends who he wouldn't have mixed with back when he was in public school.

Here's how the math goes:
4 elementary schools with 80 to 100 kids per grade funnel into two middle schools, which funnel into one high school. Add in the afterschool sports teams, and the boys have eye recognition of about 75% the kids they met see in 9th grade by the time it starts. (My wild guess)

No magic ball here. And I don't have homeschooling in my back pocket, due to lack of family members in town.

I'm inclined to decide that there is no way to decide. Prayer time!
Love and More Love,
Grinity

Hi Grinity,

I'm still not getting if he goes right to 9th grade next near at public. If so that sounds better than going to 8th next year and then moving to high school, although, it actually might work out better socially since he has that group of friends there.

It's a tought call and you'll never really know if you made the right decision either way. IRL, when working on a project, book, etc, you have a deadline, you meet it and get immediate feedback. You get annual reviews, semi-annual reviews to track your progress, ect. Parenting is so hard because any feedback you get on your parenting success never seems to be concrete. You basically don't find out whether or not you are truly successful until the kid is mid-20's 30's and if you messed it up, too bad, so sad; you can't do anything about it!!!

With that said, If whatever decision you/DS makes doesn't work out, you can always re-group and make another one. I've found when making these decisions that sometimes things become available later that I had never even thought of at the time I was making a decision.
DD7 fits DS's profile in a way and I stuggle with some of the things you are. All the evidence suggests she should be skipped. However, she is unusually mature and says she doesn't want to do it. That is the ONLY reason we are not pursuing it at this point. It's a decision based on gut feeling only, totally contrary to the research.
But, something is telling me not to push it unless she's onboard. I'm investigating homeschool, and we have checked out some homeschool groups. Again, we won't pursue it, unless she is saying it's what she would like to do. This doesn't mean at some point in the future, something else problematic might arise and DH and I would decide we had to take action, no matter how she felt about it..........but right now..........we are following her lead. Right or wrong.

I

I'm unusually quiet, but that's because I'm thinking. (Unusual for me, I know!)

I'll get back to you...

Ha ha ha ha, Kriston,

You're making a funny, right?!?!?!?

I

Incog,
I'm sorry that I've forgotten, but is subject acceleration a possibility for your DD7? That seems to be a somewhat safe way to test the waters of a full grade skip, and there are usually a few others who have the readiness to go with her - so she doesn't have to chicken dance alone.

Where we are 6-8th is Middle School. 9-12 is High School in a different building. He's currently doing 7th grade, age 11. You hit the nail on the head, that if he doesn't make the switch this September, he will have to wait a full year for his buddies to make the shift. If he makes the shift sooner, he can be in ths same building with them for a year, while hopefully making friends in his grade to go with him to High School.

Kriston ((giggle)) You always are thinking, this is just a different kind of thinking.

Grin

It sounds like this scenario is what you both feel more comfy with? It sounds really good to me.

For DD7 there is no easy answer. There are a lot of politics at play for any special services in the district.
I absolutely think they are subject accelerating a group of a few agemates under the guise of enrichment. However, it is in an isolated classroom, not with the next grade students. The other kids have a different enrichment schedule.
The real question: Are they just putting lipstick on a pig?
remains to be seen!!!!!

Keep talking through your situation, you will find the right path.

Grasshppper
p.s.- please forgive my typos, i'm super tired today!

"Lipstick on a pig" made me giggle!

Still thinking...Smell something burning?

Here's my two cents for Incog and Grin:

I vote for doing what your kids are asking for, but perhaps with a little negotiating to make sure you get what you want, too. I really think that learning to manage social relationships is as essential a part of growing up as academics. In fact, as adults, more people are successful and happy because of their social skills than their academic skills (that's my experience, at least). Your kids are telling you very clearly what they want, and feel that they need, socially. It seems to me that their arguments are well-founded. Even if it doesn't turn out well, they will benefit from the opportunity to try it and see. We learn from both mistakes and successes. And having our parents honor our perceptions and experiences is valuable.

If the worry is that their academics are going to suffer, then come up with a plan to make sure that they get academic challenge somewhere else. You can even say, OK, we'll do it your way, but what are you willing to do outside of class to make sure you are continuing to learn? Maybe a language, an academic contest, working independently on a project... It seems like a fair trade and my guess is that the kids will jump at it. They like to learn, after all.

What ACS said. She read my mind....

This passage of your original post is what's standing out most to me. The real crux of the issue seems to me to be--far more than the academics--how realistic your DS is about his potential social life at each of the two schools.

Am I reading that right? Or is the academic level of public school of concern as well?

If I am reading you right, then I think it is your duty to make him as sure as he can be that he's not experiencing selective memory about public school.

(BTW, I just typo'd "pubic school," which would be a whole different problem!)

Anyway, poke him and prod him and make sure he's sure...but if the social scene is really the big issue, then I think you do, ultimately, have to let him decide. He is the one who has to survive his social life.

If he chooses public school, then I'd start scoping out kids from public school who are in the grade he'll be joining next year. Anything to grease those social wheels.

Now I'm going to re-re-read your later posts to be sure I didn't miss some vital point...

I don't think I missed anything vital.

I don't think the number of kids in each school matters if it doesn't matter to your DS. I'd raise the point with him, as I'm sure you've done. But if he's thought it through, then I think you respect his wishes and let him live with the consequences. (Within reason. Misery is not okay, even if it's the result of a kid's own bad decision.)

Hi Grinity:

I think you should guide your son through this decision -- and let him make the final decision. Talk to him about aspects of public versus private:

How will he feel about being a grade up from his old friends,
Would he prefer to be at a bigger school with more kids,
What is he thinking will be better about public school, etc, etc.

I think that he's old enough for his choice to be honored if it is well thought through. While every child is different, I made my own decision to subject-accelerate when I was 12 -- I just walked to the counselor's office in the first week or so of 7th grade and said I wanted to go up a grade in x,y, and z. I certainly felt qualified at the time to make the decision and now, in retrospect, I still think I was.

My thoughts are with you and DS!

bk

"You can even say, OK, we'll do it your way, but what are you willing to do outside of class to make sure you are continuing to learn? Maybe a language, an academic contest, working independently on a project... It seems like a fair trade and my guess is that the kids will jump at it. They like to learn, after all."

Absolutely, we are doing that now. I don't even say it to her as nicely as you just stated it!!

"BTW, I just typo'd "pubic school," which would be a whole different problem!) "

Kriston!!!!!!!!!!!-heartily laughing

Farewell and goodnight, until we shall e-meet another day!!

I

Thanks acs,
I'm actually not worried about the academics at all. As you say, if the public school is rediculously easier, then we can demand to add at home, and I will certianly build this into the deal. Either way he'll be an eigth grader.

Grinity

Yes K!
You found the key.
The other worry is "will he fall apart, organizationally, without the special care that he is currently getting as a 'matter of course'" But that is something that can be dealt with as the time comes.

Problem is, I can't really figure out how to poke and prod productivly. My initial pokes have lead to growls. But I do like the playdate idea, and have one lead at leasts. Maybe I should insist on 3 good playdates with the recieving class before his is allowed to make the jump?

Thanks to all of you!
((thinking face))
Grinity

I'm pretty down on public schools right now, primarily because of all the NCLB stuff. Low morale among staff, burdensome paperwork, spoon-fed curriculum, etc. ESPECIALLY what I'm seeing in high school. My DS is staying at his public HS specifically for SOCIAL reasons and it really depresses me. His friends aren't even in many of his classes! I think by the time the kid hits HS they do get a vote because they have to be vested to perform well. DH & I have already warned DS that if grades slip, changes will be made.

Are there other options? Charter school for high school? I guess I like the idea of fewer changes (staying at private school one more year) if your son will only be there for a year and then move to yet another school. However, as I say that, I know that if my son felt strongly about it, I'd accommodate him.

My son, as Grinity knows, is very close in age to hers. I am dealing with a twelve (soon to be 13!!!) year old seven grader.
From pre-school through grade 4th he was at a private, religious school. Considered best in our little town. Had some great teachers, had some awful ones too. The absolutely worst one was his third grade teacher.But we stayed around one more year.
Ghost always "hated" school. He never put it into words, but there was this constant anxiety in the evenings and some mornings, sometimes he would cry for no reason at all, the anxiety was so overwhelming to him. But at school he was always a proper boy, no behavioral problems, always getting highest marks for his conduct. Looking from a perspective , I believe that the anxiety was caused because they were trying so hard to put him into a box and the process of fitting in was so very painful to my son.
Angry sounding young boy - I can relate here totally Grinity, althought my son is not as verbal as your seems to be .
I agree that private school has given my son good study habits, he is used to wearing a uniform (current public also requires them), used to turning his homework in, finishing assignments etc. Yes, there is no "hand holding", but it is probably giving him more independence and forcing responsibility on.
As you know from previous posts, my son is thriving at the public school. He has been allowed to be himself, and his social site has been blooming. One notable difference in our stories is the fact, that for us it was a public school that has recognized my son's ability and offered above grade level work. Our private school was just patting me on the back saying that I have a great child. For you the reverse is true. Please do not forget that!
Middle school is a very difficult time. I agree that listening to your son is a good idea. However, is moving now, just for one year, the best idea? How likely is it that if you choose public HS, he will stay with the friends he is going to make in 8th grade? Will the middle school allow for above grade level work in school?
Grinity knows very well, that you have to take it one year at a time. Last year was great, this one not so. Is this the main reason you are considering the move? Do you know what the curriculum is going to be like in public?
Every situation is different, but from my perpective here is a little comparison:

Private School
+ uniforms
+ discipline
+ school was religious, did not have to take son to religious classes in church like we have to now.
- too much time was spent on religion, taking away from core curriculum
+ my son's handwriting was great, teachers were really paying attention to details
- too big emphasis on sports
+ parents cared a lot about their kids education
- kids from very affluent homes, some hispanics at school but they were not really treated equally
- principal was absolutely "non approachable", anything you said might have been taken against your child
-not recognizing the need for differentiation and acceleration
-my son was bored
-no foreign langauage


Public School
+ immediately recognized that "something needs to be done with this child" in terms of acceleration and differentiation. They offered an immediate grade skip which we declined - he had a great 5th grade teacher with G/T experience.
+ uniforms
+ foreign language
+ teachers from all over the world, speak with accents (important to me as I also have one)
+ kids from very different backgrounds, very different financial situations
- parents less involved in their kids education
- my son's handwriting is horrid :-) I have actually started looking through his notes and am assigning him things to re-write. I know he can do it, because he used to do it!
+ school rewards academics, difficult to have straight A's
+,+,+ - my son is thriving, he is very popular, vice P of student body.
+ principal and therefore teachers listen to parents.
+ able to provide in school acceleration.

Grinity, if your son insists on public and you are leaning towards it, why not try it for a couple of weeks? If you are dissapointed, I bet the private school will take your son back one month into the school year?
I know those are very gut wrenching decisions and as I have said
every situation is so different. In our case, changing for the last year of middle school would not be a good idea, since most likely Ghost will go to HS in another city.
Good Luck!
Ania

Thanks Ania!

I love lists.
Actually, compared to the changes that have gone before, I'm not 'that' gut wrenched. I'm thinking more like we have two good options and isn't that nice. The public school happens to have an Algebra I for a few of the 8th graders, and there is French for him to move into.

I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the very weirdness of leaving a school one year before the normal transition. I don't want him to have spent two years cultivating social relationships that are about to flower, and then missing the glory. I spoke this idea to DS this morning in the car ride.

He didn't actually quote Spock, raise his eyebrow, and say 'Indeed, Capitan?' but he make it clear that his odds were unlikely.

As for the school accepting him back a few weeks into the school year - I wish I had the belief that that would happen. This school has a waiting list! I'm even worried that if we don't make the deposit and sign the contract in February that the rest of the year will be 'cold shoulder' from the teachers, who have really given 110%.

I do love love love the tight discipline of the private school, really helped DS, although I think he's got the hang of it now.

Lots to ponder,
Smiles,
Grinity

Love the Spock reference. In the name of personal disclosure I should tell you I was hot for Captain Kirk when I was a child- Sick!!!!!

I liked ACS's list. Our public school is similar, in light of NCLB. I see the school making an effort to meet everyone's needs.

Is it the perfect educational environment for a kid like DD. No. But it's pretty darn good, which is why the research doesn't panic me at this point.

You've got a tough decision to make, It's clear it's wearing on you a bit. You have our support.

I

No real advice from me since DD is only 4 and therefore I have no relevant experience.

Only, to help you see things more clearly imagine that you are someone else and that you have to advice Grinity what to do concerning her son.
Usually this helps a little to put things in perspective.

Hope this helps a little!

I just wanted to wish you luck since I don't think I have relevant experience.

DS may be hoping for more than he can get in the PS, but if he stays in the private school and things don't go well he will always feel like he missed a great opportunity to go back. He is old enough to have a big vote in the final decision. I say make sure he has realistic expectations about going back to PS and hope for the best.

Good luck

Ok Isa, I went back are re-read. Here's what I found out.

Dear Grinity,
You sound tired of fighting, and tired of shielding, and propping up your fledgling. I'll bet that you love having your boy at a school that 'gets' how bright he really is, and is willing to take some responsibility for 'thinking well about him.' Of course you feel like you can't face going back to the 'what's wrong with him?' that was your old feedback from the district. I'm quite sure that you can face it, and suspect that it will not be the same. "One can't put one's foot in the same river twice." You know that his private school is drooling over his future test scores, and you feel this gives you some sort of power. Don't settle for the feeling of power, go for the reality of the power of doing the right thing. You know that the public school has nothing to gain by keeping him around, except whatever satisfaction their sense of integrity gives them for a job well done, which will vary.

But look at it this way. Your DS knows all of this on some level. He's willing to step forward and see what there is to learn. He is motivated to be accepted socially, and no matter what the response to him, he will certianly learn much in the process. Maybe this is his next challenge that he is setting up for himself? If he does this 'crazy' thing, and needs help, you will know or find out how to help him the best you can. And it will be enough. Maybe life is like Math, you can't learn how to go slowly and carefully unless you are working at your challenge level.

Anyway, I'm sorry that this is going to look like an weird choice, or worse, that you'll look cheap. I know that you really don't want to face the inevitable questions, but I know someone who is great at spin who can help you develop an 'elevator speech' for those awkard social moments. People are only trying to make contact. Your DS is already planning to use, "It was too expensive."

Now, how are you going to explain all this to dear, conventially-boned DH?

Hee Hee, that was fun!
Grinity

Thanks for the advice LMom, see how I wove it in? Very helpful!

Grinity,
Thanks for the advice. I did have a thought for dear DH. How does this sound?

"He really really wants to go to the new school. Do you really really want to get into a power struggle over this with him?"

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Ha! That was great fun to read too.

And the last line about DH definitely desrcibes the DH at this house too! I got him to mention homeschooling as an option this week without choking. Baby steps!

Love it! It seems like a very good exercise for clarification.

Heaven knows we all give good advice to others here; maybe, as Grinity shows, we need to be giving good advice to ourselves!