DS3 taught himself to read with minimal assistance and encouragement at age 2. He was reading Henry and Mudge books and Frog and Toad books by himself (very slowly) before he turned 3. Right when he was starting to be really fluent (around his 3rd birthday), he stopped reading out loud. He would say, "You read to me." If I say, "I'm kind of busy right now. Why don't you start reading by yourself and I'll join you." He would say, "NO! But I don't know how to read!" I started to worry a little that maybe he has indeed forgotten to read or maybe there's something wrong with his sight. But recently, he was doing something on the computer, I left him alone for a while, and when he snuck up on him, I found him doing a quiz on the computer about the solar system. He was reading the questions and answers almost as fast as I could and getting most of the answers correctly. It never even occurred to me that he could read silently and so well. I was stunned. As soon as he realized I was watching him, he said, "read this to me." I said, "Oh but you're doing such a great job reading by yourself! Why don't you keep going?" And it was the usual response, "But I don't know how to read!" For the first time, I refused to help him (I thought maybe that's what he needed to move on) and he actually quit the game which he was so enthralled by just a minute ago.

What is going on??? He is a perfectionist and has shown some frustration in the past with the slow pace at which he was reading. Does he just want me to read because he knows I can read faster? Is he going through a typical "latent" phase in learning to read that I don't know about? Does he feel pressure from me?? He is cognitively very advanced but a typical three year old in many respects; he is not always conscious of, or able to articulate, his fears and frustrations very well. I don't care whether he can read at age 3 or not. As long as there's nothing psychologically wrong with this picture, I'm not going to push him to try if he doesn't want to for some reason. I just would like to know whether there's something I should be doing to help him get over the mental block or the unreasonable fear of failure or whatever it is he is going through.

I know you are not psychologists but maybe you can speak from your own experience. Have you had a similar experience with your kids when they were learning to read? Do you have any advice for me? Thanks!

Junior

I would get his vision checked, and is eye muscle workings by a behavioral optomitrist, just to be sure.

I wonder if he overheard a babysitter, or an adult or a friend saying something about his reading that he misunderstood. It's not infrequent that he will misinterperet a comment.

My DS wasn't an early reader, but he was an early perfectionist, and would demand to sit on my lap and direct my hands to draw wild pictures instead of his babyish scribbles.

This would be a great time to get some really good individual professional help, although I don't want to suggest that it's an emergency, not so much for the reading, as for the perfectionism and the low frustration tolerance. My son is a very intense guy, and maybe always will be, but I sure wish I had worked out some parenting stratagies to deal with this earlier - you are miles ahead of me.

One idea is that it might be a level problem? What level of books he want you to read to him? I would bring home a book that's many levels above what he was last reading,(( like "Mrs. Pigglewiggle"? or "My Father's Dragon"?)) and start reading it to myself, and see if he sneaks it. Or you can misread a word and see if he corrects you. Have you tried large print Harry Potter? At least when you read to him, what books does he seem to enjoy?

I hope someone here has lived through this, but my understanding is that many have some level of immature eye function, immature relitive to their reading level, that is, not their age, and some are very stubborn kids.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Has your DS started some preschool or similar?

My DD4 did something similar not with reading but with puzzels when she started the preschool at 2yr4mo. Before that she was all hot on them and doing very good progress - she had two 15-pieces jigsaw puzzels and could do them without any difficulty. And then, she started to ask me to do them and if I refused then she would want to play with something else.
I thought this was just a phase and did nothing.
She lost interest in them for a long time and really seemed to have forgotten how to do them.
She eventually became somewhat intetested again but now I have no clue how many pieces she is able to do.

By the way, she does have vision problems and according to the optometrist this is why she does not like puzzles as much, so it worth to check that as Grinity says.

But I am pretty certain that the preschool played a big part in it

We had this same problem with DD5 this year. She also starting words and books by three, but didn't aquire fluency as quickly as your son.
When she went to kindergarten, the teacher would not send her to enrichment because others were reading and she was not.
The story is on another thread, but long story short, I got involved and the reading specialist assessed her.
The specialist saw she could read, but she really had been given K teacher the saucer eyes and saying "I just don't know that word".
When K teacher got the results, she just smiled sweetly back and told DD she knew she could do it.
Once the jig was up, DD started reading and advanced very quickly to fluency in just a month or two.
A. She thought if she started reading, I would never read to her again. Of course we still snuggle up and I read to her. Sometimes, I'll read a page, then she will, but I'll still read whole books to her.
B. It was a confidence issue.
I'm never sure how they get the ideas they do, but it usually works itself out.
Good luck Junior.
Incog

My son totally had the low frustration tolerance and confidence issues as well. He was comfortably reading chapter books before he would call himself a reader and he HATED stumbling over any word. If he saw a word he didn't know in any book, he'd say he couldn't read the whole book. He never "read" as a preschooler. Although he is easily, reading 5th to 6th grade level now in 1st grade. So I suspect there was some reading he could do before kindergarten, but that was just not where his interests as a 3 and 4 year old were. He much preferred to listen to a chapter of Roald Dahl than to try to read a "boring" early reader.

Anyway - I never pushed it as a preschooler. DS is my oldest and I wasn't looking for highly GT behavoir at all. I just followed his lead. Now my 2nd child, DD3 has some sight words and she more than happily calls herself a reader!

I'd follow up on it and look at his preschool enviroment if he has one, since he was willingly reading. But be willing to let it go for a while if it just seems like his temperment for a while.

I was thinking the same thing as Dottie--it sounds like he doesn't want to be a big boy. The fact that he was reading silently when you weren't looking and he stopped when he knew *you knew* he was reading makes it seem like this is more about your relationship with him than any actual problem with reading itself.

Has something changed in the home? New baby on the way? A friend with a new baby? Something diverting attention from your son?

I could be way off the mark, but that's where I'd start looking if I were you.

My kids have all been early readers. My daughter was not as blatant as your son, but she was very shy about demonstrating reading ability in front of others. Her next oldest sibling was a spectacular reader; using reference guides and reading adult non-fiction at age 2.5. Although we never made a big deal of it at home, others were exclaiming all the time over his reading ability. His Montessori director referred to him as a prodigy during a school assembly, much to my chagrin.

I think she was nervous that she wouldn't measure up, and she does have a spot of trouble with perfectionism. She played dumb so well that she would read entire books to me but then pretend she didn't know any of the words when Grandma came over and asked her to read the same book. She came out of hiding around the time she turned three, and by the time she was 3.5, she was reading Black Beauty. These days, she is a more avid reader than her brother, and frequently reads my books. She's seven.

My youngest is able to read, but doesn't like to read aloud. She's been reading books for almost a year, and does quite well at reading her way through various computer games. I figure as she becomes more confident, she'll be more overt about it.

FWIW, I read bedtime stories to the kids until they decide they are done with it. For my sons, this happened at age ten. For dd, it was six. My littlest one still tries to talk me into reading longer every night! We tend to do about 20-30 minutes per night.

I will just add that we had the same experience with our son who didn't like to read when anyone was around except mom and dad. When he was 3.5 and in daycare, we would send him a note each day in his lunch bag. He announced one day that we should stop wasting our time with them because he wasn't reading them and that he was pretending that he didn't know how. When we pressed him on why he was pretending not to know how to read he simply told us that it was because the teachers would make a big deal out of it and he just wanted to be like all the other children, who could not read.

My 5yo ds taught himself to read when he 3 and now is at a fifth grade level or so. He does the same thing, though to a lesser extent; he claims hes not a reader, but then reads all the time! I dont get it.

For what its worth, I'd guess that its a "big kid" thing too...not quite ready to be independent about it! What sort of reading material do you have around for him? I know with my ds, he could easily read and comprehend most children's chapter books -- but he still likes pictures and large text. Maybe its a problem with the combined level and layout of the books he *wants* to read?

Hmm. But then the computer thing... I'm gonna go with "big kid" issues.

Good luck! Its not easy, is it? :-)

My guess would be that he wants you to read him. BTW He is an awesome reader!

My younger one started reading before the age of 3, he can read easy reader books but lately he doesn't really care for reading Where 2 months ago he was proud to read a book to us now he wants us to read him all the time.

You guys are just awesome!!! Thank you so much for all your ideas and support. I'm relieved to hear that my son's behavior is not completely unique. I also just love reading about your children. They're all so special.

After reading all your posts, this is what I'm thinking. It doesn't seem like there's some weird latent phase in beginning reading that I was unaware of. His vision was better than 20/20 at his three year check-up, so I don't think that's the problem. I don't think he is motivated by wanting to fit in like Zia's mom's son because my kid is just not that socially aware, at this time anyway. So I think maybe it is a combination of fearing that our mom/son reading time might come to an end (he really dislikes change like most 3 yr olds), and just wanting to relax and get into a good story without struggling to figure out each sentence. He does get frustrated easily if he doesn't understand what he had just read because he was concentrating on reading every word. Maybe that's why he prefers to read silently. Also, we did move to a new city last summer and I am pregnant. Maybe these changes have affected him in ways that were not obvious to me.

I think once he becomes a more competent reader (by his own standard), he will probably get over it. In the meanwhile, I will assure him that I will always read to him as long as he wants me to, and I will also try introducing some books of various levels and types he hadn't tried yet, just to see what happens. I'm actually really excited at the possibilities.

Junior

Jr.
I would add that a vision check is good, but it has nothing to do with a field called "behavioral optometry." This consentrates on how the eye muscles move, and is highly controverial, and basically poo-pooed by the Opthomologists. Yet for at least 50% of the families who try it, they see big improvements. Not sure if you want to follow through with the therapy, but I do reccomend you contine to at least get the evaluation.

2nd, I have read outloud for many years to my son and DH at bedtime. Sometime I notice that I've been reading for 5 minutes, with experession, but Zero comprehension. I just stopped paying attention, right there in the middle!
Don't you? Reading aloud is just not as engaging as silent reading.

Also, I would hope that the books you read to him are much much higher level than the books he reads to himself. My friend reads "Magic Tree House Books" to her 7 year old, and I turn purple over it. Sure, he has to read easy stuff to himself, but can't he at least hear some interesting stuff when you read?

She looked at me blankly and says that he isn't interested in Harry Potter, she tried. So I learned that there are readiness levels for decoding, and for story interest. Those readiness levels might be similar or 5 years different. It doesn't mean a child is or isn't as gifted, it just says: "Here is my readiness level. I'm a kid, so I can't tell you, or I might try and you might not believe me. So you, the adult has to figure it out."

UG. I'm guilty of this too. DS11 wanted me to read "Animorphs" to him as some crazy age - 3, 4, 5? I objected, as the themes were "too dark." LOL! I thought that he just liked the pretty covers. Every trip to the library, I would allow him to choose one, only one. When we got home I would "read" it to him, skipping whole disgustion paragraphs, and them say, let's choose a different one for tommorow. The Animorphs book would go "up high" until the next library visit to be returned for a new one. I guess the first time I did give it a more honest try, and Science Fiction fan that I am, I still couldn't stomach these books. I wish I remember when we scooted over to the Young Adult section, but he was so young that I remember feeling embarrassed. We found lots of interesting SF there that we both could enjoy. Was he 5? Maybe, since he wasn't reading independently at all at that age. Except a few word from playing the computer - "EXIT" "START" and "QUIT"

Sorry if I'm a little weird here. We all think that our kids strenghs are "just a little advanced" and the fact that they forgot to clear the table shows their true mental functioning.
DS11 is kind of unusual even amoung the YSP kids. He fits nicely amoung the more mildly PG, but his areas of interest just seem different. He's taking Pre-Algebra and coasting along, but last year it was really too hard. He is much more the 'walking and spouting encyclopedia' and 'I need you to explain what you are talking about, right NOW' kind of unusual. He likes fiction better than non-fiction. A story boy.

So, although I've come a long way at getting less "denial"y, I still have a way to go.

Isn't every child a lovely puzzle?
Grinity

Grin-

I think that the words typical and PG are not meant to go together! LOL, every child IS a lovely puzzle. Think about it this way, if a PG kid is learning years ahead of age-mates, he can cover years worth of specialization or esoteric knowledge by the time he is eight or ten. Typical kids just don't have as much time to get into things, and they don't end up so far from where they started. The further they get from "start", the less likely it is that they will follow that well trodden center path that gets most of the traffic.

So true, Lorel

I respect what you're saying Grinity, and I don't think vision is something to take any chances with, but the child showed that he is capable of reading when he was playing the computer game, no? Or does that not count? (Not my area of expertise, so I could be wrong there...)

Still, I think the fact that she's pregnant (I knew it!) is the big key here. This sort of refusal to do "big kid" things is SOOOOO common in all kids expecting a sibling, not just GT kids. Some backslide on toilet training because that's what they think of as a "big kid" thing. Mine wanted me to carry him around again when I was pregnant, and once his baby brother was born he wanted to sit on my lap and pretend to breastfeed a couple of times a day. These faux-regressions were just a sign that he understood that he wasn't the baby anymore. No big deal.

My advice, FWIW:

Read to your DS whenever he's interested and you can make the time, as often as you can. Don't make reading to him an "either/or" thing with his reading to himself. Treat them as two separate types of activities.

Reassure him often that you love to read to him and that you will read to him every day for as long as he wants you to. Make sure he believes it.

In subtle ways, reward him for any reading he does do, like letting him stay up later if he reads to himself in bed (assuming that's not going to cause more problems than it solves!).

Tell him how much you like to hear him read to you while you make dinner or drive, and then use the reading as a way to pay extra attention to him at a time when he would usually be mostly ignored. Fuss over him a little when he does this so he feels special.

You may already be doing these things--certainly they're not rocket science!--but I thought I'd give you what I had. Maybe there will be something useful there.

I'm betting that soon enough, he'll get bored with playing baby and will get over the reading hump.

My son read his first easy reader book at 2 1/2 without being taught to read, could identify words that were spelled out for him orally, and he liked to spell words like boy, girl, and stop instead of saying the actual word, just for fun, at age 2 1/2. He would read for me a little and he would read for other kids (he loved doing this because he got a lot of attention from them by reading or naming words they spelled for him) but he still would tell his dad and other adults he couldn't read.

At three he loved Aesops Fables and Grimms Fairy Tales and the dictionary. At four he loved "how it works" type books and encyclopedias and the adult National Geographic.

We also watched him on the computer before he turned three and we knew there was no way he could do some of the things he did without being able to read, so at three we bought him Reader Rabbit First Grade and he really seemed to enjoy it and had no trouble at all doing it.

But he wouldn't read much for me, maybe a sentence from each page and that was it and he wanted me to read the rest to him. He would name the words if I spelled the words out loud while he looked away from the page so I knew he could read them if he could do that and I thought it was strange. The month my son turned four, I told the doctor about this and he listened to me spell out the words from a book. My son instantly identified the words but still refused to read from the book. The print was kind of small and there were a lot of words on each page. I asked the doctor if there might be something wrong with his eyesight but the brief vision test they gave my son didn't show any problems. At nine, he still doesn't need glasses.

At 4 1/2 he started a musical theater class and he had no trouble reading the White Rabbit lines from Alice in
Wonderland (maybe 5th grade level?) and songs from Babes in Arms, but all of it was double spaced and he had to have a finger under the words as he read or he would lose his place. He was the youngest kid in the class by several years and all the other kids were reading, so he read. Nobody had told him that he wasn't supposed to be able to read yet. He hadn't started Kindergarten and he didn't go to preschool, so probably assumed all kids could read.

At five, the Kindergarten teacher let him read one page double-spaced reports that I typed for him to go along with his letter-of-the-week show & tell. I did not worry about the reading level of the reports because there were usually only a few words that he didn't know, if any, and he only needed to see them once to remember them. I later typed one of them using Microsoft Word and it showed 12th grade Flesch-Kincade grade level, but most were probably 6th grade level.

I did not think he could possibly have a problem with vision since he was able to read at such an advanced level--but he did. He had trouble with tracking and his eyes would tire easily. We didn't discover this until he was seven. Vision therapy helped with some of it but I still don't think he can read as much as other kids without his eyes getting tired, yet I think his reading level and comprehension are probably better than his gifted friend who is several years older who reads all the time. This friend, who is in the public school gifted program, used to ask me about my son's IQ and wanted to know how my son knew so many words that he didn't even know.

I have thought a lot about this. Maybe it is because I continued to read to him. He still likes the adult National Geographic and I have noticed that some of their writers use metaphor and advanced vocabulary and he picks up a lot of vocabulary this way. He also got in the habit of looking up stuff on Wikipedia and since one link always leads to another, I think he might end up doing more reading than I think he does.

After reading the thread up to this post, it sounds like the changes (especially pregnancy) may be the cause for this behavior. A child may feel like they are replaced and they may regress (or want to appear regressing) in areas such as potty training, dressing, feeding and for GT kids reading and writing. Since he is clearly still reading in secret, he may want that alone time with parents through reading. I would certainly spend time with him reading but also other types of play. If he feels her gets attention through other activities, he may resume reading by himself.

LOL. This is so me.


I think I have quite a long way to go.

Regarding vision and reading early. You could see the difference when my older one moved from big font in easy reader books to chapter books. At the beginning he had hard time reading the smaller letters and got tired easily.

Just to give you a quick update... DS has gotten some new books for Christmas that are at his age level or below age level (I think) and I've been reading them to him. He seems to enjoy those as much as he enjoys chapter books and advanced non-fictions. Today, when I was done reading to him, he said, "OK, my turn now." I thought he was going to read the book from the beginning, but instead, he took the book from me and started reading the back cover, which is intended for parents (you know, summary and praise for the book). I had to stifle a surprised laugh. He doesn't even know how ridiculously unusual that kind of reading is for a three year old. There were some difficult words he had never encountered before, but he pronounced them the best he could (very cute) and did not get frustrated like he used to. He just moved on and kept up the comfortable flow of reading speed just like an adult would. I was so relieved to see that he has regained his old confidence in reading and has initiated reading again when he felt ready. That's how he is. He always does things in his own good time.

I think the advice from some of you to explore different reading materials and to read to him without pressuring him to participate has paid off. Thank you!

Junior

Good! I'm glad!

Oh, good! So glad that seemed to help. Ds has little interest in books that he considers "too long" or "too hard", even though his reading level is such that he could read longer chapter books ... he just doesn't have the interest yet, for the most part. Sometimes he does ... but often he doesn't. Picture books are still huge, because although he's a fabulous reader, he's still 5!

Sounds like your ds is doing great!

DS7 STILL would love books covered in pictures. I just had him start the invention of Hugo Cabret, because I'm sure it's 2/3 pictures, but there's still plenty to read in there. Wow - great book. I wish we could get illustrated Harry Potter. I know he would love those books if I could get him through book 1, but he refuses based on size and lack of pictures.

I know a woman who reviews children's books for a living and she said it is a new trend for more difficult books to now have illustrations/pictures. I hope she's right!

And I've come to the conclusion - I have no idea what DS's reading level is?? The lexile numbers I get when I look up books he chooses are anywhere from 3rd grade to high school. They have him assessed at 4th grade level at school, but I'm quite sure that's too low. Actually - I think that's just where they stop assessing 1st graders. It's probably time to keep a log of what he's reading.