We recently pulled DS(4.5) out of his preschool where he was having all kinds of issues, and we are currently homeschooling. We are seeing in spades how much "damage" has been done over the last few months. One of the issues that is paining us right now is that he has a REALLY hard time making friends - or being a friend. At his last school, he wanted to play with the big kids and they wanted nothing to do with him. The kids his age thought he was wierd and bossy because he would try to create games for them all to play that had all sorts of rules and requirements. The other kids had no interest, and it would really, really upset him. Eventually, he started playing alone, but not necessarily in a good way - he'd be loud and obnoxious, as if to let the other kids know that he was still there, even if they didn't want to play with him. Now that I have him at home, I have sought out other highly gifted kids his age for him to play with, but the playdates haven't gone so well...he just assumes now that kids don't want to play with him and that they will think his games are "dumb." He won't even give these kids a chance. I know he would LOVE to have friends who would excavate for dinosaurs in the backyard and debate the relative merits of the various "fossils" they found, but he doesn't seem to think anyone wants to play with him and therefore he's just proactively shutting them out. Any advice?

I would suggest looking into some of the Saturday kid's activities at local museums, art institutes or such. Many times the guided group activities can help form a friendship that can be continued in playdates. My experience has been that these programs pull a high percentage of above age/grade achievers. Additionally, Hugs to you and your son. It is really hard to experience the situation you descibe. Our family is still working through some of those issues.

NTT,
Everything you are discribing, while heart-breaking is "to be expected" considering what he has gone through. For now, You be his best friend. Hire bright teenagers to "babysit" him and be his friend. Recruit every Adult who is in the picture to do one-to-one time. You tried the playdate route, ok, it's failing, he's still mourning, that's ok.

He isn't being abnormal in anyway. This will take time. I am sorry it's bad, but relieved that he's out of there. We still think that they are too young to suffer so, but they aren't.

Love and More Love (because that is what this will take)
Trinity

actually, this is a good idea!

I am going to check right now if our local science museum has some.