Hi,
DS7 has been accelerated by two years and does all his academic subjects with 9/10 year olds and has games/PE with his agemates (7/8 year olds). We are only 4 days into the school year and academically things are going smoothly and he is the happiest that I have ever seen him at school. Unfortunately, recess is proving to be a problem. We were told that he would be able to choose who to play with, but it has now been decided that he is only able to play with his agemates. The reason for this does make perfect sense - we have been told that it is for his safety as DS likes to play soccer and they are worried that he will be hurt by the bigger children. DS does not accept this explanation and doesn't want to be stopped from playing with the children that he is mostly in class with and that he is trying to get to know. His view is that he will be going to senior school with these children in two years time so he might as well get to know them now! What do you all suggest? Has anyone managed to deal with a similar situation? It all seems to be such a fine balancing act and the school have been really good so far and I don't want to push it, but I also can't afford for DS7 to become miserable. He doesn't particularly like recess anyway and I think that he gravitates towards soccer as it is easiest.

Thanks for your thoughts. X

Will the school allow a trial run? Honestly, if HE is up for playing with the older kids, then I think he should be allowed. While they are right in thinking he might get hurt physically, he might not. I can't imagine that they are allowed to play tackle football at recess, right?

Are the kids allowed to play tackle football at recess? I'm thinking he might be ok if it is just touch. Has he ever played with Kids 9/10 in sports before? How does your child fit in compared to the size of the other boys?

I would approach this school in the manner of here is what he is feeling...any ideas? could we try older grade recess for a week and see how it goes?

I was playground aide at our school last year and with in the grades there is a big difference in the biggest kid to the smallest. The school would not be able to say the smallest kid can't play with the biggest. I think kids have to see how they fit in to the playground situation and can learn to find their place. If he plays football and it's too rough, does he have the judgement to find something else to do?

I do think recess is inportant. Recess time contentment or frustration can carry over to his school day and overall attitude about school. Last year my DS9 was having a very hard time at recess, very sensitive and didn't like all the cheating and bossing in games. I encouraged him to try afigure out how he can make it better. This year he is playing tech decks at school and having a great time. He is still working on how can he make this time good when difficulties occur.

Another suggestion might be to help him figure out how to make playground time better. Can he bring something in he likes to do to get some fun going? Can he learn a game that he could encourage a classmate to do with him. Can the teacher encourage a friendship? Children need to learn to get along with all kinds of people - smart and not so smart.

Good luck.

((happy little tear in the corner of my eye))
I'm so glad to hear that!

It sort of depends on your child - I've always found that my son is 'better' at reading kid social situations than the adults around him (myself included) so I wouldn't dream of not following his lead on this sort of thing. Perhaps you could ask the school to be flexible and allow him to choose for himself. I'm thinking if the neighborhood I grew up in - it wasn't age segragated and we played a variety of games, some of them were physical, but everyone seemed to look out for each other and themselves. If need be, offer to sign a paper 'absolving' the school of liability issues if your child does get hurt. Personally, I'd rather have a broken arm and good friends in a reasonable fit classroom, than be 'forced' to play with the 'little kids' if I was a 5th grader. My DS13 would have been very upset with the indignity of being forced to play with 'little kids' if he had been in your son's situation. Even if he is the same chronilogical age as those so called 'little kids.' Weird, but I think kids see the world a bit differently than adults, who, might work with or marry someone not of their 'agegroup.'

Either way - best wishes,
Grinity

I have no good suggestion but would like to offer an alternative view. When DS9 joined the grade 5 class earlier this year, he has no problem fitting in. However, an incident made the teachers and principle realised that an 8 yr old's social lanaguage is very different from a 10/11 yrs old. That was one reason why they didn't allow him to join the Middle school math Count group with the older kids after school hrs. They were concerned abt the topics and langauage the older kids use in the social setting, which they have no control.

I can see the points about him possibly getting hurt in sports with larger kids and possibly not needing to be exposed to the "older" ideas that the kids in his class discuss. However, my DS7 has always had a hard time with kids his own age because they simply don't understand him and they are mean, as little kids can be. I would look forward to getting him into play situations with the older class, in your place, for that reason. He gets along much better with kids at least a couple years older.

Strange enough I've just been having this conversation with his teacher today because on the way to school I got met with "you know mum after 3 terms of school I'm still really lonely and have no-one to play with". His teacher agreed that the kids are quite tight with their groups and their are a few of them struggling to fit in. On further reflection she felt that things would probably improve as the others forget the age difference and he gets stronger and more able to hold his own on the sports field! If only... His problems with gross motor skills don't help or the fact that he has a teacher aide to watch over him during recess break (look at me getting all US with my terminology )

The other interesting thing on exposure to older ideas is that the other kids are dictating what he can/can't read because "he is too young" - there is a group of boys who are seriously into the Beast Quest books but won't include him even though he has taken his own books in to show he is able to read them. I tried to explain to him that it was his choice and not for them to decide and that led to the conversation about why he was a year ahead anyway! At the end of which he pondered then piped up with - "I think those boys might just be jealous". Nuff said...

sometimes the next skip actually helps the rivalry decrease...scary to contemplate though...just because the older kids tend to be less jealous...best wishes grinity

Some sports are more size-neutral than others. Soccer was one sport I played with much older classmates where we were pretty level once my fitness caught up after a few games. I played pickup soccer every day during lunch as well as during gym time. I did get hurt, but I never got injured if you can distinguish the difference.

Hi everyone - thank you so much for your help! It has transpired that the soccer is on a hard surface, which is why the teachers are concerned. He has been told that he can't play with them on that surface, he can only play soccer with them if they are playing on the grass. Unfortunately they wont play on the grass. In the meantime DS has decided to revert to playing football with his age-mates during recess. I knew that he would slip back into this "comfort zone" and I feel that it is a shame that such a big thing was made about him playing with the older boys as it has put him off! We will have to see what happens in the next few weeks...

Thanks for all your thoughts