This is for venting...
Please don't anybody pick on me I might cry.

I've been going to the library every week checking out huge stack of books for DS9 & dd6 every week. The Libraians make wondering comments and keep asking if I home school my kids. I don't homeschool. this has been a little weird but Iv'e been laughing about it with my DH.

So I go in again, by myself, a little stressed. I ask one of the librarians if they have a resource I could use for locating books for kids that read ahead level but don't want unapproriate content. She asks if I homeschool? I blurt out no it's just that my ds9 is gifted and tested 9th grade level and he needs to read alot and that's why I'm so exasted all the time this is so hard to find these books. She gasped OH wow 9th Grade! No we don't have something like that and helped me find some books.

Why did I have to do that???????? I could of just said he likes to read alot and he is ahead in his reading level. That's what I would usally say. This was a very nice lady but I didn't need to share all this.

Well, I don't see anything wrong with saying that--if the librarian can't help, who can? But then, we have never had the kind of negativity about our DS that so many people seem to have experienced regarding things like that--everybody knows how he reads, because he did it out loud in public from the beginning!

It may just be me, but I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe she'll be inspired to come up with some resources for you now!

Oh, boy. I've said plenty of things that I've wished I could unsay.

You are not alone, this happens to everyone.

But I don't think what you said was so bad either. And it was the truth! Don't beat yourself up about it.

Oh, don't worry at all--the librarian needs information in order to help you find what you need--that's her job!

As to finding books with appropriate content and reading level, I could make a couple of quick suggestions, if that would be helpful:

--TH White, "Mistress Masham's Repose" (more fun if he already has read or at least knows in general outline the plot of the Lilliput part of "Gulliver's Travels"); "The Sword and the Stone" (save the rest of the series for later--the sequels are heartbreaking, but this first one is perfect for a young advanced reader)

--try the Victorians: Rudyard Kipling, William Makepeace Thackeray (specifically the Xmas pantomimes), Lewis Carroll, Kenneth Grahame, George MacDonald, Robert Louis Stevenson, Edith Nesbit...

A couple places to start, anyway.....Take care, and don't worry,

peace
minnie

Oh dear, sounds like you've had some real negative reactions to saying something like this before...but really really really nothing at all wrong with what you said. Like other posters said, it's a fact, and it will help the librarian to hone in on the right books faster, which should be his/her goal.
I hope they really were pleasant, sometimes body language can make all the difference in whether I end up regretting having said something...

(At least you manage to get your books back on time!! That is forever my source of red-cheeks.
)

thank you , I felt like it was bragging and being too dramatic.
I do feel better now

We have great librarians overall, but we have had some comments. I have felt like I have to tell them about DS as well at times and felt the same way when I did. I was just too tired of getting reactions like "well how old is he?....that will be way ahead of him" and I even got one say something like "well if he is reading 4th grade books and he is only 4...what is he going to read when he is in 4th" and also a "I know that he can read some of these books...but is it appropriate for him to". That last one I was kind of glad to hear actually. He is capable of reading pretty much anything....but that doesn't mean he should. I knew that but I still didn't mind hearing it. Anyhow, I just want to say that I said a similar thing and felt the same way. But it's the truth and we are just trying to get books that are good for our kids. They should be understanding of that. Our librarians seems to be good about it.

I had this same type of experience last weekend, during a playdate between DS4 and the neighbor's ND 5 year old. Things are a little strange right now because both boys just started kindergarten, although the neighbor is nearly a full year older than my son. Somehow I managed to make it through nearly two hours without saying much about DS4 and school, but then, just as I started priding myself on that, the conversation turned to "potty humor," and I let it slip that DS4's idea of potty humor is "Hey, 'poop' is a palindrome! Ha! Ha!" It didn't help things that the neighbor mother had to ask what a "palindrome" is. I kicked myself for that one the rest of the day. Sometimes you just can't help yourself though!

For what it's worth, our librarian is the only one who knows how truly gifted DS is, aside from my family! She has been a brilliant resource for us and never says stupid things like "you can't read that, you're only 6!" She pulls new books and holds them for DS and keeps a running list of ideas for him whenever she sees something good go by.

But I hear ya! I've stopped talking about it after we were kicked out of a MOMS club group when DS was talking in full sentences at 14 mo. It made the other moms question their own parenting or something. Oh and it might have been that I told one mom that I didn't do any flashcards, DS just came this way....

last summer, I was calling some of the smarter friends' parents I wanted to promote a free weekly chess class. I thought it would be fun if some of his freinds would go. My ds9 was playing chess since K so I didn't think anything of calling others. After about 4 calls, I expressed to one mom I was suprized no one played chess. It's such a great game. She let me know she didn't think most boys this age do that. I had a big Oh moment once again.

I've definitely suffer from the "open mouth, insert foot" syndrome too!

I'm still embarrassed about this one, nearly three years later . . . We had just moved to an area and I was attending a mom & me playgroup with our DS (who was about 22 mo old at the time) for the first time. This playgroup happened to have a lot of bright children and their slightly pushy, proud parents (very much the hot-house variety). Desperately needing mommy-friends, I was on my very best behavior.

The "Stepford-mommies" organized a game of hide & seek for the toddlers and I eagerly encouraged my DS to participate. He'd never played the game before so I explained the rules to him and sent him off to play. (By the way, I think the game was really a ruse for the Stepford-mommies to show off that their toddlers could count to ten!)

When it was my DS's turn to count, he didn't understand that he was supposed to count TO ten and instead began counting BY tens to 100. The collective jaws of the Stepford-mommies dropped.

Blushing and desperate to fit-in, I stammered on and on about that how my DS was really a fast learner . . . and was way ahead in math . . . and how I had a lot of time to work with my DS, blah blah blah . . . which managed to offend the Stepford-mommies teaching ability (because they, indeed, did spend a lot of time practicing counting), diminished by DS's natural math affinity and made the other toddlers appear stupid. Ugh! Needless to say, I found other mommy-friends and I now embrace the idea that DS may never "blend" with the crowd.

Don't stress the conversation with the librarian. She may turn into a fabulous ally!

I've had similar moments too. I don't think it was bad at all to say it to a librarian! I've had to disclose DS8's similar reading level to several people too. If you're going to disclose, someone like your local librarian is a good person to let know! Who knows? Maybe her wheels are turning now and she'll come up with some good suggestions.

I actually had a similar and embarrassing experience with chess onthego. Who knew all kids didn't learn all the chess moves in kindergarten?

Yes, I remembering having to stop a fight once between my ds and one of his somewhat prickly cousins (both about 8) over the idea that ds was doing something illegal in chess...totally normal move for the 'horsie', she just wasn't familiar with it.

CAMom - love that "DS just came this way..." I'm kinda going through that a bit at school. I've been asked to help out with reading to a boy that is struggling with his reading and to be honest its proving a lot harder than I thought it would, I've tried to explain that maybe as volunteers go I'm probably not a good match because the only thing I'm used to is one that came ready assembled, able to read and count and spell before hitting school and I actually have no idea about the process of learning to read. I'd love to drop it but would feel really bad as I think they struggle to find volunteers. Plus it does tie me up at the time all the parents hang about waiting to pick the kids up and I get to avoid all those - how old is he? questions.

Funny thing with the flashcards too - we're selling our house so while doing the whole clear-out thing I came across a whole load of box sets of flashcards still wrapped! Had to think hard then remembered a book club evening when DS was about 3 and I thought they might be a good idea!

"Stepford Mommies" -- I like that.

Not that it would be polite... but if you are ever in the mood to tweak with them a little... have your son count to 100 by primes.

Nah... that wouldn't be nice. Funny as all get out, but not nice.

Oh well.

We gifted Mommies seem to have 2 choices: Learn to never speak beyond a superficial in public and constant watch our backs OR make one social gaffe after another. I was one of the gaffers. I just couldn't believe that I was 'different' in a good way, and just 'had' to believe that everyone else was like me when they got home and took off their masks.

My big moment came when trying to arrange an afterschool playdate with a Mom who used the same daycare in 1st grade. We were both picking out kids up around 4 and trying to set up a weekday to get together. Ok, I was trying and she was trying to dodge me. I asked if they wanted to get together on thursday. She said: 'Oh no - James has too much homework every day after school!'

Oh come on, I continued (cringe) their homework is so easy, just tell the daycare ladies to have him do his homework at daycare. What does it take, 5 minutes?

She looked at me like I had grown to heads. 'oh no, it takes James 45 minutes to do his homework every nigh, and it's much to hard for him to do it without me sitting right next to him.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Luck for me, I knew this lady enough to know that she wasn't the helicopter mom type, and that if she had to sit for 45 minutes, then it was because the work was tough for little James. I made a few inquiries to confirm this (more discreetly) and sure enough, this was how many families were operating. (we live in an oddly 'competitive' district)

((shrugs))
Grinity

I've talked to a few Mom's that talk about their Kids struggling with HW. It usually takes my kids 5 min. too and I'm glad. They need the time to play.

Hi Spook, Welcome!

I think it's great that you are trying to help this boy. Also that it gets you out of that superficial adult interaction. I would encourage you to persevere, even if it's totally a new experience.

1) because it really gives a great insight into what the teachers are dealing with
2) because you are probably doing a great job, and just don't realize it because these things really do take time. My hunch is that even if this child doesn't improve his reading much at all, that just you being kind and interested will add to his life in many ways.
3) Everyone else is probably just as frustrated and helpless feeling with him as you are.

Anyway - good job to try it!
Grinity

I understand how you feel. I watch my neighbors son afetr shool and I help with his reading/homework every afternoon. It makes appreciate parents with strugglers, a lot more. It is very challenging to teach a child who who does not get it fast. His mom thanked me with tears in her eyes because it was so hard for her last year to help him when she didn't get off work till 5:30
I encourage you to keep it up. Some kids make progress slower than other. And who knows you might learn something as well.

Unfortunately, this still applies to me talking about stuff I'm interested in too, sigh. Just today I was at a nice big petting zoo on a ride around to see the animals up close with dd3. The ride was packed with about 30 people. We stopped at the large birds, and the tour person stated they were Rheas, come in two sizes, not ostriches. I said, before I could stop myself, "Oh, didn't Darwin discover the smaller one?". Immediately I realized I certainly should have kept my mouth shut as about 20 heads swiveled my way, stoney silence.
She said, 'Oh, I don't really know.'
Thankfully these moments have gotten pretty rare; if ds9 is around I usually just whisper these questions/factoids to him, (he mostly seems to ignore me) and life goes on.

Hi Grinty

Thanks for the words of encouragement - I do hope that he is getting something from it, he is so so shy that it really is hard to judge what is going on in his wee head. I never really appreciated how parents at the other end of the scale must feel with their struggles. I guess I just assumed that all kids loved books as much as DS who would have me read and read until I was hoarse. When I read to this wee lad he is just not engaged at all. I'm going to try The Gruffalo this week, DS could not get enough, still can't when he's doing his 'baby' routine. Oh and DS never did shy unless it was a manipulation tactic so I'm not too sure how to tease the words out when I'm more used to trying to get DS to shut up, like that's possible ;)(had a whole 12 hours today of non stop questions! - now that's what I'm used to :))

OnthegoMom

Would you have felt embarrassed or worried if you told the librarian your child had reading difficulties and was reading at a first grade level in fourth grade and could she please recommend books for him that were not too young in content but still easy readers?
We have to wonder why we feel like stating a truth about our children is so terrible. I feel the same way. I try to not say anything and then I do and then I feel guilty or wonder if the other person thinks I am bragging...sigh........

Breakaway - you have a good point. It seems like since we had the testing, which exceeded my expectations in ability, I feel even more careful to be modest. This is new for our family and I'm so glad this discussion group is here to help deal with this.

Too cute! I feel you on that one. I also 'dance around' more than adults are supposed to. Actually more than anyone over the age of 6 is supposed to. But I'm overweight from holding myself still, and I really need to, so now I'm trying to get over it and let myself wiggle. Then there is the singing at every spare moment.

BTW - my DS13 quotes back these factoids (mine are not always factual) as if he was the one who thought of them, and get himself in trouble. Now he asks: Are you really sure, or is your imagination getting away with you?

((shrugs)) and more ((shrugs))
Grinity