Are there any gifted parents here with non-gifted children? I am a gifted parent myself and my toddler doesn't seem to have inherited my intellectual abilities. To me it's seems as if her IQ is even below average and I don't know how to cope with it. Any advice? Thank you in advance for your responses.

1. I'd think about where you bar is set. If you (for example) hang out with lots of other gifted parents and are looking at their children then your view of average is likely skewed.

2. Lots of kids can be asynchronous and I know a few gifted kids who are VERY asynchronous. My DS for example was very speech delayed (as in under 10 words (and I use that term loosely) at 2.5 after several months of speech therapy). There were definitely some gifted traits if you looked closely but I'm sure most would have laughed at me if I had called him gifted back then. He is now 12 and scored well above the DYS cutoff. You'd never know he was delayed all of those years.

3. regardless of IQ, my goal was to expose them to a wide range of ideas, activities, experiences and hope for the best. An IQ is only a piece of the puzzle of who they are and what they might choose to do with it.

It is too early to tell, if your child is a toddler!!!! Giftedness manifests in different ways in different people. So, don't jump to conclusions so soon!
My husband is very gifted and he is one of those individuals who appears gifted to any person who interacts with him for a very short duration of time. He was of the opinion that our toddler hadn't inherited his parents' intellectual abilities - mostly because the toddler wanted to play non-stop and was always moving around instead of showing interest in traditionally intellectual pursuits. His lack of fine motor skills as a child also made him look clumsy and lazy to my husband. But, I had a different opinion about it and we eventually did an IQ evaluation and found out that I was right after all. My gifted child does not appear to be outwardly gifted to anyone and only shows his natural abilities when he is challenged and stimulated and displays great disinterest and apathy towards unchallenging things. So, each child is different and you have to wait and see how they develop!
Keep your child engaged, read to him, help him develop his curiosity and encourage him to appreciate new things and experiences. Don't worry about giftedness yet!

You remind me of a friend of mine. When his son was young, he asked his son's teacher whether the child was slow. The teacher looked at him as if he had two heads. That child I believe graduated from MIT.

How big is your sample size? Do you have good records of your achievements at that age? What sort of intellectual abilities are you expecting her to have?

There's another thread around here ( Did you know?) about the opposite question--whether gifted parents were able to predict giftedness in the kids. And it looks like gifted kids come in a very wide range of developmental patterns. In fact, a lot of people seem to just assume and never worry about formal identification.

Can you give an example of what you're trying to cope with?

You've received great replies above.

I agree with others that your child may be gifted and you may not be recognizing it.

It is also possible that your child may be gifted and have a diagnosable learning disability or learning difference. Being gifted does not preclude other conditions.

Thank you so much for your responses. It helps a lot. Of course I encourage my toddler to do things and our little girl is a very outgoing and social little human. I just have to wait and see how she develops. I'm just worrying that she will be left behind by her peers.

Thank you for the link. It's interesting to read.
Our toddler is 15 month of age and I would expect her to say a few words. But the only thing she said until 2 days ago was "this".(This would be the accurate translation - we are non-English parents).
She said "this" and pointed to the object of interest. Yesterday and the day before she said "This mama" a couple of times.
Our litte girl doesn't like to be read to. There is just one book she enjoys at the moment. She even starts to cry if we don't stop reading.
She is not interested in stacking blocks and doesn't seem to know how to use a form fitter.
Furthermore, our toddler can't walk yet and it seems as if it won't happened in the near future.
She seems to be behind her peers.

All the above advice is valid, but consider why you are having trouble coping with the idea that your child may have a below average IQ. Do you believe that IQ = value? No matter what score your toddler might eventually get, s/he is going to be the same unique child that you love.

I agree with chay’s advice, #3, above.

One of my three children is significantly less academically-inclined than the rest of the family. I think it's natural to have a little bit of trouble coming to terms with it, if your intellectual abilities are a large part of your identity (which tends to happen if it's what makes you unusual), so don't beat yourself up. The extreme amount of love you have for your child makes it a lot easier! From my perspective, it's helped me to appreciate that people can have astonishing gifts without being good at taking tests or without being able to learn things super quickly. I am just as amazed by that kid as the other ones (he is hilarious, thoughtful, passionate, hard-working, creative... I could go on!). And my other two kids have learned the same thing from the beginning.

But you can imagine that my kid's experience has been difficult. Kids naturally compare themselves to their siblings. That part definitely sucks.

Anyway, all that being said, I agree with everybody else that it's too soon to tell with your kid!

My early attempts with reading to my daughter, were how long can I read before she starts to cry. I used to have the impression that I should follow the advice to read every day to her, but the more mobile she got, the harder it was. A lot of days she's just not in the mood, but every few days she wants read to, and insists we 'read again'.

My girl's main solution to the form fitter was either just take the lid off and put in the blocks or try all the holes. We would coach her that sometimes you have to turn the blocks since that didn't occur to her at first. She gets it out on her own now and then and plays with it.

And I was convinced she would never roll over, crawl, or walk until she did. We're currently all obsessed with how do you jump?

The first word and first steps seem to take the longest. What does she take interest in?

Just to parrot everyone else, my oldest was always ahead in developmental milestones, and extremely verbal at a very young age. My youngest appeared like a slug, and I worried so much about how she would feel compared to her brother. To the point that I argued with her incoming kindergarten teacher (who also had her brother) that she is NOT the same, and she needs not have too high of expectations for my daughter. She ended up surpassing her brother, making me look/feel like an idiot. She is just introverted, and more of an observer than a do-er.
My husband's brother was/is gifted, and he struggled in school. His parents focused on each of their individual strengths, for my husband it was sports and construction whereas his brother was academics. They also had different expectations for their abilities, and focused more on effort.

First, if you have ongoing concerns about developmental delays, then I would suggest that you take those to your pediatrician, who can make referrals to Early Intervention, should that be warranted, or reassure you, should that be more appropriate.

Second, the range of normal is very wide, especially for language development in children growing up in dual/multiple language learner environments. In terms of language cognition, I would be less concerned about expressive language, and focus more on receptive language (comprehension). It is well established that typical dual language learners have later early language milestones, but more than make up for it by school age.

Third, everyone's first parenting experience is unique. For some, the intensely child-focused nature of this first experience may mean that the child has less functional need/incentive for communicative or problem-solving behaviors at the beginning, because so much of the environment anticipates or is instantly responsive to her needs. So it may be that there are tasks she doesn't attempt because she knows that her needs will be met without her doing anything.

Our little girl gets easily bored. That's why we are very active.
She likes to listen to music and to dance.
She loves to climb up the slide (not the stairs of the slide) and to tease me. First, she will sit at the top of the slide and will wait till I get behind her, to make sure that she doesn't fall of that thing. Then she will start to smile and will move forward to make me believe that she is ready to slide down. So when I'll walk back to support her, she will turn around and will crawl to the edge on the other side. And that will go on and on and on until I'll have enough and will get her off the slide.
Our little one pays attention to details. At the moment she likes to touch my eyelashes and is obsessed with the screws in the door handle. She also tries to put the plugs in the sockets, which she can't, because they are baby-proof.
Oh, and she likes swimming.
And that's it for the most part. She was never really interested in toys. She never put a single toy in her mouth. It's the same with food. If we wouldn't feed her, she would rather die than putting something to eat in her mouth.
Our girl just wants to see as many things as possible. She like to meet new people. She waves at them and even laughs very loudly to get their attention.

Sounds pretty familiar to me. I look forward to the day when I don't nervously ask how she ate at breakfast or lunch. She never went through the "let me put things in my mouth to explore" phase. She did just enter into the "let me eat Play-doh and put tiny toy cupcake up to my mouth because I have an active imagination" phase.

We use Sesame Street to give everyone a break from the whirlwind of toddler activity. She definitely gains language from it (she said "six sides, six angles" the other night).

Do you do any activities with other parents/toddlers? (It's great way to snoop on development). We are lucky to have an amazing public library and if there isn't a formal kids program going on we can go just play and there's a wide variety (ages and cultures) of kids there to interact with.

Sounds like you've got it covered. I sympathize with you in having a lot anxiety about milestones. I don't think there's anything you can do to speed them up, any more than you can make the teeth come in faster. So put on some toddler music and boogie down.

My son when he was a toddler had a phase where he barely sat for books. I read them anyway in his general direction or sometimes to his stuffed animals. Storytime was good at the library because of the other kids and they had movement activities and listening activities.

Thank you all for your replies. A couple of days ago we went to the pediatrician. She said, that our girl seems fine to her, but that her speech is maybe delayed. However she wants to wait until our girl is 18 month old before taking any actions. The pediatrician pointed out, that it is unusal for a toddler of 15 month to know what "above" means, but after she asked her "where is above?", our little girl pointed upwards and after I said to our lo, that we are going home know, she crawled towards the door and tried to open it. So maybe, not all hope is lost. 🤣

Good to hear your pediatrician is not concerned, but is monitoring. She sounds like a pretty perceptive and thoughtful doctor (most pedies probably wouldn't have either tested your DC with that question, or noticed how strong her receptive language is). Notice that your DC is exhibiting sophisticated receptive language in her L2 (not your primary household language). Her skills are probably even stronger in your home language.

Also, the average toddler takes her first steps at 15 months, so being a non-walker right now is well within the range of developmentally typical.

And, as always, remember to spend more time and energy on treasuring each fleeting moment of discovery with her than on worrying about her progress!

My wife, who is one of the cleverest people that I have ever met, didn't speak a single word until nearly 2 apparently. But when she did speak, it was in complete and grammatically correct sentences.

You just never know.

Hmm. I think that you really need to sit and do some major reading and evaluation on what intelligence actually is. I highly suggest you do some reading about the 2E sphere, non-verbal Autistic individuals who have written multiple successful books and more. Let me tell you about my unique situation that gives me very valuable insight..

My first child is a typical high achiever. Hit milestones early, reading fluently by the age of three, currently 2 easy grades ahead across the board and can read at a college level with good comprehension. She's 7.5 years old. Of course, she has other challenges - intensity, etc.. but otherwise, more stereotypically gifted.

My second child is almost completely opposite from this on the outside. He is five years old and still mostly non-verbal. He has low muscle tone. He did not walk until 22 months old. He had multiple mild/moderate health issues in his toddler years. His school wants to call him 'intellectually disabled'. But, I can also tell you this - he could hum a tune back to me at 9 months old. He knew all his alphabet by the age of two, which is still far ahead of 'average'. He knew numbers. He's very perceptive. But, the thing is - people who do not know him intimately, struggle with seeing the things he knows because he has almost non-existent speech. Really, it's super inconsistent. He does not test well at all. He simply does care what random psychologist strangers think of him. He wants to do what he wants to do.

My son is not slow, stupid, 'behind', etc. My son simply has a vastly different brain. He is 'autistic' or whatever. I have no idea what a 'real' IQ would be, because he cannot/does not follow typical testing rules. But I know he's very 'smart' because I witness the unique ways he displays his intelligence. It is my job as his parent not to fit him into a mold that someone else defines as intelligent, but to help him reach HIS full potential. My son has just as much worth and value as my daughter, even though they show their brains in different ways..

Honestly, your child is far too young to make any assumptions about her intellectual abilities. Give her the support she needs to grow at her pace. Do not assume she does not or cannot know things. Leave her doors open to be her best self. My son's differences are a gift to me. They have given me the opportunity to see the depth and range of the human brain AND of the concept of 'intelligence'. I am thankful everyday for being part of the 'disabled' community and find that Autistic and so-called 'Intellectually Disabled' people are simply some of the best people on the planet.. and yes.. many of them are incredibly intelligent.

Keep an eye on things, but it doesn't sound like your daughter is behind. My eldest clearly demonstrated what she knew as a toddler, and she appeared to be ahead of the average kid from very early on. Middle kid didn't say much or outwardly display advanced skills. I declared her "not college material" when she was four.

Fast forward 17 years, and middle kid is a junior in college. She was NMF, national awards in foreign language exams (two languages), other academic awards, full tuition merit scholarship to college, etc. The typical bright kid profile we see on this forum.

She did go through speech therapy twice (at ages 3 and 8) for articulation issues, and didn't walk until 15 months. You would never know now that she went through speech therapy, and she played two varsity sports - one sport she played travel for six years - and was recruited by some D3 schools for one sport.

So perhaps I judged things a bit too early with middle kid. I wouldn't worry at this point. And my eldest kid turned out just fine too. She has two undergrad degrees and a very good job at a small company filled with Ivy and elite school grads (though she did not attend one of those schools).

Youngest just started HS, and while we never had her tested for the gifted program, she is somewhere between the other two. She also went through speech therapy, and didn't walk until 16 months.