DS9 (3rd grade) is about to finish his first year at a private school in town. I was happy with it, overall, but he says it wasn't "fun". He's very smart but rushes his work. His teacher was strict and not very warm towards him. He goofs off a bit in class, but even when he was trying to ask serious questions he said she would think he was joking around. He loves to learn new things but he has to feel like he's in charge and it needs to be fun for him or he loses interest. I would like him to have a teacher who understands him better next year. I'm not sure if I want to ask for special placement, but I really don't want a repeat of this year where he's dragging himself out of bed, dreading school. I don't think he would be any happier back at public school. He's had mental health issues and I really feel like the atmosphere at school would make all the difference. He spends so much time there I feel like it should be the best experience for him. How would you (or would you at all) phrase a message to the head of the lower school, asking about class placement next year?

bump

Do you know anything about the teachers available for the next school year?

I would likely not send an e-mail, unless it is just simply to set up a time to discuss next school year. I am finding these initial questions are best discussed either in person or over the phone, where you can better explain things and more importantly, read verbal tone and body language.

My approach would likely be to simply say that DS struggled with not wanting to go to school this past year and some of the things he has said. Then ask, do you have any suggestions for how we can make next school year more palatable for him?

I don't know anything about the teachers, but after I wrote this DS informed me that his teacher this year is moving to 4th grade! I hesitate to meet with the head in person because I just did see her, following his ERB test. We discussed his results and I touched upon the conflicts with his teacher then.

After DS told me his teacher would be teaching 4th grade next year I just wanted to remind the head that he did not have a great experience with her, so they would not place him with her again.

Thank you so much for the bump and the advice.

I would suggest that you ask for a meeting with the school counselor and talk about your son's issues and also request that he be placed with a teacher who will understand that he loves to learn new things and encourage it. You can follow up with a meeting with the head of the school after that if you think that it is needed.

I'm trying to see this from both perspectives. On the one hand, a strict teacher can be tough on kids. So from their perspective, that's hard. If there are two or more fourth grade teachers, you might want to ask the administration if your son could be placed with the one he'd fit best with. I'd be very careful about phrasing: you don't want to offend or annoy the principal.

At the same time, I can also see that, from a teacher's perspective, a third-grader who has to feel like he's in charge would be very frustrating. He's in third grade and doesn't have a right to be in charge. Full stop.

I teach my kids that there are things they have to do that aren't fun. I think this lesson is an extremely important one. We all have to focus on stuff that isn't fun if we're going to get through life: we have to write documents we don't want to write or work with software we aren't especially excited about or whatever. This kind of thing is typically a means to a desired end. In school, students need to learn stuff that isn't particularly fun, and that's just a reality of life. I don't think it's reasonable to expect a teacher to make everything fun for your son.

For me, learning can be hard work, but the feeling I get out of applying hard-earned knowledge is way more satisfying that short-term fun with learning could be. Sometimes stuff is hard or not super-exciting, but when ideas sink in, they can be applied in new ways. This is where intelligent people excel. But the ideas have to get inside the mind before they can be manipulated, and getting to that point isn't always fun.

What Val said!

Agreed. Many nuggets of wisdom in this post!

I totally agree with these points, however I am frustrated that he's already disenchanted with school in third grade. And with his past history of mental health (long story short, in second grade he was telling me he had thoughts of suicide) I just want to make the kid as happy as possible. If this means he can have a little more fun with a more easygoing teacher I don't think that's too much to ask. He's hard enough on himself-he doesn't need a tough teacher.

I see what you mean about letting the kid be in charge. I don't mean anything like being in control of the class or the material though. If he feels like something was his idea, or that he took the lead on something, he's happier.

At home we are trying to teach him that not everything is fun. Chores aren't fun, work isn't fun (depending what you do), but they have to be done. I know that not everything in school will be fun and he will learn that no matter what teachers he has, but I would rather he has a teacher who is maybe a little more inspiring than the one he had this year. It wasn't just that she wasn't fun. I felt that she didn't understand him overall. I was mainly worried because my son told me she is teaching 4th grade this year, and I wanted to make sure he wouldn't get her again. I found out he was mistaken.

Last night he was telling me he wanted to drop out of school right now and either work at McDonald's or run away and live in the woods and teach himself to survive. I think he has the abilities for so much more than that and I hope he has some wonderful teachers to help him see that.

I did speak to the head of the lower school today (not the headmaster of the whole school but the head of K-5 and she assured me she'd pair him with a better match next year.