So we had some behavior issues during our visit to the private school i was hoping my son would get into. Nothing truly negative, but enough that they are doubting if he can handle the autonomy. I'm very discouraged.

He is learning at a snails pace in school. His achievement is now just middle of the road. He says he has no friends at school. (He does have a few but not in his class)

We have a tutor but he disdains it. He can not handle repetition. He changes the subject on the tutor. He's jumping ahead asking very advanced math questions but he still needs the basics too.

I need to find something that works better than what we have. If he wasn't a twin id be homeschooling.

Applying for DYS but don't feel I have anyone to ask for a reference. I loved school as a kid and I seriously hate it right now.

I'm sorry.

Maybe take one thing at a time? It sounds like several are snowballing.

The school issue is a hard one. Finding his place or his friends at school is hard. Is he not friends with his twin? How old is he? I grew up with a (fraternal) twin and we weren't BFFs or anything but there was always comfort in having each other around.

The tutor situation should be easier right? You can find a different tutor that clicks. Or different material they can work on?

My K kid is working at about 2nd grade in math. He needs to spend more time doing double digit addition and subtraction practice to move on and he still really should get faster with basic math facts. He wants to do multiplication, algebra, and high school geometry though. Recently I've struck a deal with him that if he sits down and does 15m of 2nd grade math he can then go do what he wants after that. It's a small enough time that even a K student can just get it done and move on and I think it feels "fair" to him. Just a thought. It works for us.

GL

First, the tutor. Why is your son doing repetition with a tutor? That should be the one person who is teaching him at his pace and his level! I think that's an easy fix. Either the tutor changes approach or you change the tutor. It's OK if your son changes subject or jumps ahead. It's not a race. He should be able to explore topics to his heart's desire, regardless if he has the background. Usually, if you pursue a kids' interest, he will circle back and get the information he needs to fully understand the topic.

FWIW, I have a twin like yours.

Elementary school is hard to navigate. They just really aren't set up to deal with kids who are real outliers. We kept our boys together in elementary (in a gifted program), then in middle school, my PG twin just needed so much more than the school was willing to provide. So I pulled him out midway through 6th grade, homeschooled for 6 months until we found the right school, then skipped him into 8th. We also got him a math tutor who he has to this day (three years later). But they don't work on "school math." They explore other math concepts that are fun. It's not about having him accelerate through math-- it's about letting him see the beauty and fun of puzzling through difficult conceptual challenges. Maybe that's the angle you should pursue with your tutor, if your son's tutor is for math? Also, consider Beast Academy or Art of Problem Solving as his math program of he's old enough.My son says AoPS was the only thing that he looked forward to in 5th grade.

In the meantime, can you help him find ways to explore his passions at home?

I also tried really hard to make sure the boys had independent interests but also shared, joyful experiences so that they each had their own "thing," but they also had something that brought them together. They're not best friends now, but they like each other and enjoy spending time together.

Hang in there-- you'll figure it out.

I wish it wasn't a factor. But twin 2 is a highly verbal precocious instigator. Homeschooling DS1 might work in few years, but its likely to cause major issues right now.

I think I will start with a tutor change. I originally started with this tutor for challenge math but once I saw it was still too slow and repetitive, we switched to writing- which he definitely needs.

I think i'm also completely terrified of homeschooling. I have a lot to research!