Maybe it's a silly question. But I am taking DS9 for his check up and I need to ask the Pediatrician about screening for a few things (coordination issues and learning issues). How do ask about this with DS around? Do I just tell DS to sit in the waiting room for a few mins? Should I just tell DS my questions ahead of time?

I always find it so annoying that medical professionals expect parents to discuss their concerns with the kid sitting right there. I usually tell the nurse ahead of time that there are things I want to discuss without the child present, and they find somewhere for him/her to go, or I just tell the child to step into the hallway for a few min. Some clinics have an x-ray or lab waiting room that isn't that far away. Of course, then the kid may get concerned about what it is they aren't supposed to hear, but then at least you can speak openly without worrying about their self esteem.

I have been known to email ahead if the clinician is responsive to that, or to bring typed notes for them to review at the start of the meeting.

Depending on the child, at nine he may be well aware of his relative strengths and weaknesses. One approach might be to have a supportive discussion with your child in advance, opening with a relative strength, bringing up the area of relative weakness, and getting his perspective on the situation... possibly he's noticed (or not), possibly he feels badly (or shrugs it off), possibly he'd like help (or may feel too vulnerable to address it directly and be part of a discussion with anyone but the parent). A kid might benefit from knowing that others have the same difficulties, in fact so many kids do that there are tests to see what can be done next.

This type of gentle probing, fact gathering, and reassurance that your child is not alone may help show the child that the parent is firmly on the child's side, build a foundation for open communication of difficult subjects, and demonstrate that the parent does not hold any weakness/imperfection against the child. (We all have foibles, some just learn about theirs earlier and gain more support in dealing with them.) Having this type of conversation may help determine the best way to proceed with the pediatrician. For example, while the parent has observed the outward differences, possibly the child would like to share his inner experiences of these differences with the pediatrician. This could build a foundation of trust, a sense of being part of a support team, and encourage eventual self-advocacy for the child.

I usually arrange a separate appointment one-on-one with the pediatrician for items I'd rather discuss out of DS' earshot.

I have had separate appointments with the pediatrician on occasion with good results. I also sometimes will fax a letter to the office a few days before the appointment outlining my concerns and questions.

I just send mine up the the receptionist to get a sucker.

I have handed the nurse something I had written to give to the doctor. I have also scheduled a separate appointment for just me to talk to the doctor. Both have worked well.

I have been told they can't bill if I don't bring the kid...and have had the child sit in the waiting room after or before the exam.

I always believed that, too, but my insurance has paid when I visited the doctor without the kid in tow. Not sure what's up with that.

UGH! I once had a physician shame me for wanting to have an "alone talk" when my eldest started tic'ing like crazy and I didn't want to scare him. I don't remember what he said, exactly, but it was something like "I think it will be more traumatic to leave him in the waiting room." In retrospect, tics weren't as scary as I thought they *might* be (at that time, I had no experience and the internet was not very much fun--1996-ish?)

I think it's absurd to not be able to have a candid discussion with a provider, out of earshot. In my professional life, it's extremely uncomfortable when adults "overshare" in the presence of their children. Little pitchers/big ears.

We just had a consult with our ped re: our twins and didn't bring them to the appt. The ped billed it as a consult and insurance paid no questions asked.

Been there myself. Many times I ended up not giving the pediatrician the whole big picture. For my daughter I would give generalizations, when asked questions about grades. I'm not sure the ped. ever really knew the full details of her LD's.

What I did do when I was in this situation with my DS was to call and talk with the pediatrician on the phone. It's helps that I have known this doctor for almost 20 years now and that it's a small practice. I usually have to wait till she can call be back but I can then have the conversation out of the child's hearing. We have also done the trick of sending the child with the nurse for a few minutes.

I normally email ahead of time, or hijack my toddlers appointment with a few extra questions about DD. Dr has started just giving me specialist referrals without seeing DD...

Well DS solved it for me. I started to talk to him yesterday. I was going to use indigo's approach. I said, "When we go for your check up..." He said, "Mom! When the doctor comes in the room, can I leave while you ask him if I am getting a shot or a blood test? I don't want to be there to hear his answer. You can tell me when I come back in the room." Sure, no problem kid.

Thanks all!