This is not a gifted-only issue, but I�m hoping I can find some advice here.

My DS5 has been in a natural disaster phase for a while. Being that we live in California, he's particularly obsessed with earthquakes and tsunamis. Unfortunately, he especially likes to talk about these things just before falling asleep, so I find myself talking it down more than I normally would. He reads the book �3D Earth� (his favorite!) a lot, so he knows historical data and about the ring of fire, etc. But I feel that he wants me to say that �the big one� isn�t going to happen anytime soon. I simply say, in a calm voice, that we don�t know, but that our city is reasonably prepared to handle it. Etc. etc.

[On the upside, we did have an earthquake last week that woke my husband and I up, but not him. When I told him about it in the morning (cautiously), he seemed more interested in the fact that it didn�t wake him up than the fact that there was an earthquake.]

Also, we�re visiting my family in Michigan next week, and in order to get him to go, he needed to be reassured that tornadoes were not going to happen in August. I said they were most common in the fall. I lied! And I feel crummy about it. But, I�d also like to see my family and I can pretty much guarantee that no tornado is going to touch down in my mom�s yard during our visit.

I'm not sure how to help him cope with unpredictable disasters without lying. Any ideas welcomed. As a side note, he is a super happy, silly kid, otherwise.

Ok I have a little experience here😬.

We have found that talking during the day about the mechanics of natural disasters and giving kids a concrete plan of what to do in an emergency helps. Also talking about the engineering sid of things helps. Obviously you can't guarantee safety and hopefully it will never be an issue but I think some kids just want to know that yes it is scary but the adults in their life have got it sorted. There are a lot of child friendly resources out the about earthquakes in particular if you preface Christchurch into your google search.

I'll second Mahagogo's advice. Do you have an emergency plan at home (for earthquakes)? If so, if you think it might help, share the plan with your ds (if you don't have a plan, you could come up with one - have your ds help you gather an emergency kit, talk about how you can use the water in your water heater if water supply is temporarily disrupted, stock up on some non-perishable-type food supplies that will last just in case, find a spot to store flashlights etc.

Re tsunamis, unless you are in a very low-lying area within a few miles of the coast, I would reassure your ds that the likelihood of a tsunami is very very VERY low (both due to the set of circumstances required to generate a tsunami and your geographic location if you are on high ground or a distance away from the coast). You can also let him know what your tsunami plan is (drive away) - and let him know that there is a national tsunami warning system in place, so you'll most likely have advance warning (unlike the devastating tsunami in Thailand a few years ago where there was no warning system in place). You can also let him know that historically, we're not aware of any devastating tsunamis hitting California/Oregon/Washington.

I'd also let your ds know that scientists can't accurately predict earthquakes. We keep trying, and our knowledge keeps growing so that our predictions gain reliability, but the reality is - we don't know when or if the "big one" will hit LA or SF or wherever. You can let your ds know that the small earthquakes you feel are the earth releasing pressure along stressed fault lines which means in some cases a fault system is less likely to implode into a large earthquake (pressure released gradually over time instead of building up and exploding all at once).

Gotta run - I probably have more thoughts! Will be back later if I think of anything else

polarbear

Agree with Maha and Polar. We tend to "look for the helpers and solutions" whenever possible, and we use statistics to assess risk in a realistic way.

Many kids who worry about disasters have some underlying anxiety-- worthwhile to have a broader look to see if it's just this issue, or broader.

Just also wondering if the concern is coming from an external source, we have to work very hard to shield the kids from adults who are not very good at masking their feelings around children, not sure if it's relevant to you but we are also aware of visual triggers, maybe there are some in your area that ds is paying a lot of attention to.

Just another quick thought - he might be worried about what would happen if a natural disaster occurred and he wasn't with you (at school or at a friend's house etc). It might help to review with him how his school (if he's in school) keeps an emergency contact card on file, has a plan for what will happen in the event of an earthquake (schools here have children keep an emergency "kit" at school - gallon-size ziplock bag with emergency blanket, snack and comfort item), etc. Also for an earthquake you could go through with him the simple things you should do at home for shelter when an earthquake occurs - duck under a table or a doorway and wait for the shaking to stop.

You could also have him help you go through his room and make sure things like shelves, dressers etc are secured.

And one other thought - I think that it's tough for kids who are your ds' age to really grasp probability - so what may seem like a low enough risk to us as adults that we simply don't worry about it, might seem a lot more likely to happen to a child. You might do something like draw a timeline or pie chart or something that you could use to show him how *unlikely* a large earthquake is. You could also look at the USGS earthquake site online where there are maps of recent earthquakes around the world plotted by region and magnitude (size/color of dots on the map). Don't show him the website if you think it will be scary for him, but it might be a way to reassure him by showing him that earthquakes are literally happening almost all the time (and no one is getting hurt), yet big earthquakes are very rare.

polarbear

When DD went through a phase with this, we came to realize that she felt SHE needed to worry about this and prepare/be responsible. This scared her and she was feeling like she needed to be "in charge" of disaster planning (are we safe now? Do we need to...?) We assured her that WE WERE ON IT (we live in a state prone to some disasters) and she did NOT have to worry about it. It was NOT her job or responsibility. Rather than exhaustively discussing it, I reminded her that we knew more than she did and had done our research and prepared. I think that sometimes bright children are not totally confident that adults know what they're doing. I can remember this feeling myself. When we treate them as equals and say, "Well, but you can do this, and here is what we know, and let me tell you about this method to handle it," that may not be that helpful. It can be a relief to them to be told that we have this under control. I don't guarantee this will work, but try it.

After reading all of your thoughtful advice, I realize he’s mostly ingesting details about the *aftermath*/destruction of these events, either through books or the newspaper we have delivered daily. Today when I left him at his preschool for summer camp, he was curled up on the couch reading “Hurricane & Tornado,” which his teacher apparently just checked out from the library. He loves looking at the USGS site, but focuses more on the locations of active volcanoes, etc.

I can counter that with talks about readiness in our area and in our own home, find some good sites about earthquake engineering methods and current science around prediction, warning systems, etc.

Thinking about his questions from two nights ago, they were all about preparedness... "What if you're in a car when a tornado touches down?" "How do they know when a tornado is going to form?" (Frankly, I didn't remember what you're supposed to do if you're in a car, so it was time for a safety refresher.

We live across the street from the ocean, but we do know our escape route, thanks to prominent signage. Our city also does an emergency broadcast test once a week, so these are good starting points to talk about how we as a society are figuring this out. We’ve come a long way from Pompeii!

I think the “we got this, kid" approach might work with him, coupled with some evidence of that. That said, there are things he has to know to do in certain situations, and while the school has done drills with the kids, we’ve never discussed it at home (blush).

Thank you again!

Ah so you are in a situation which could be vulnerable - I would look at writing down with him all the poss scenarios he worries that could happen and list your plan for each one.
Even if you don't have a plan come up with one with him or make one up if it's not pg - ie my dd knows that if there's an earthquake at school and no one comes for her because the roads are out, that the school has a plan and someone will get her. She doesn't need to know her parents have a "in case you are killed in a collapsed building plan" for her collection. Of course if she ever asks, who picks me up if you are trapped we'll let her know we have a plan. Sadly we know of a few families that this was a reality for so its on our radar.

Most tornadoes are EF0 - which cause damage and are dangerous, but will not slab a house or sling cars around.

This has been an ongoing theme for my DS12, since about age 5. We are in the Midwest, so mostly tornados, but other natural disasters and some pronounced health anxiety, also, when he was introduced to the idea of childhood cancers. Especially at bedtime.

I don't disagree with the other posters, in terms of useful strategies for using cognition, facts, etc., but with my son, that barely scratched the surface. There was always the next question (one time, he worked himself all the way into BUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO MY LEGOS? All my talk of insurance, etc., helped nada. He would come up with a new objection--what if they are discontinued/rare? ad infinitum). He could work himself up to the point that his heart was racing and he was panting, sometimes.

I wouldn't lie or obfuscate. A) These kids are too smart and B) You don't feel good about it.

I'd try something like this:

Identify the emotion (anxiety).
Explain that sometimes a thought can get stuck in a loop, and it's hard to stop thinking about it.
Explain that when a person is stuck like this, their feelings get all out of whack and escalated, and affect the body, which makes things worse because the brain doesn't do its best work when the body is out of whack.
Explain that deep breathing is the single best thing one can do to slow down the body's reaction, and help the brain work better.

I bought these CDs for my son when he had these bedtime obsession issues, and would lie next to him and listen, do the breathing exercises:

http://www.stressfreekids.com/category/cds/children-cds

This REALLY worked, and it didn't take too long. Highly recommend either using these, or something similar. They tell stories and give directions that make sense to young children, to learn diaphragm breathing. I appreciated that it took the "teaching" out of my hands. He's 12 now, and still understands how to do this sort of breathing when he needs it.

He is still really scared of tornados, btw...but it's more a rational fear instead of an out of control obsession.

Edited to add: I'm conceptualizing this as anxiety because you mention it is worse at bedtime. That is a really common time for anxiety to manifest--fewer distractions. Nothing wrong with doing the statistical/teaching, etc., but I wouldn't do that during bedtime...bedtime is a good time for relaxing, not engaging intellect. JMO

I never thought of kids being worried about their toys eco- I think we have always tried to have the attitude "easy come, easy go" with belongings. I think that if the questions were really getting that indepth I would go with short yes man answers, like - everything is replaceable- everything. The likelihood of ever needing to come through on that is so low, and to be honest just about everything is ( for a price).

I haven't had to deal with the anxiety though...

Eco's suggestion is also really good. We have used some of the same relaxation scripts with our kids. I think in a way it is the same kind of thing as I am saying--sometimes endlessly answering "what if" questions does not work. They just ask more "but what IF" questions. It is not addressing the key problem, really.

I agree eco's advice is good - I just haven't had to deal with anxiety as an issue, I have however dealt with kids who have seen their worst what if fears come true and respect the need to have answers and serious talks about it. Of course at some point we as parents know more about why our kids are questioning and much is appropriate to discuss with them.

I hope it didn't sound like I'm against answering questions, that isn't what I think, at all. At some point, this kind of thing can tip into severe phobic/obsessive territory. That's what happened with my son. You will know it when/if it happens--it disrupts QOL.

Absolutely give age-appropriate answers (but still think bedtime isn't the best opportunity)! It's just important to bear in mind that asynchronous development can trick us into thinking that reasoning ability equals emotional resources. Each child is different. Mine wasn't capable of processing terrifying natural disasters via cognition at that age. He needed additional skills. YMMV

Yes, I agree. Daytime: cognitive work, assessing likelihood, explanations of how adults think about it ("I don't worry about that because I think..."). Night-time: staying calm and trying to shut the brain off.

Thanks for the link Eco - I may try those. Currently we use ones we downloaded onto DD's android tablet, but I'm not sure they're as effective as they used to be...

Makes sense the rosary would help--meditative. I'm right now saying a little prayer of thanks DS never thought of comets. OMG, for real.

I'm sure there are many helpful meditations for kids. The reason I liked the one for young'uns so much is that they are bedtime stories, but give concrete imagery (is that a paradox?) My kids were/are really childlike and innocent--not precocious, emotionally. Not sure how more sophisticated children would react to The Angry Octopus, but it worked for us.

In addition to all the great ideas above, some kids may feel most secure if their families have "emergency preparedness" kits. The American Red Cross, which specializes in disaster relief volunteerism, offers suggestions on its website, including tips for building a preparedness kit, to "be Red Cross ready".

There are other companies, such as Living Rational which sell pre-packed "survival kits", water purification supplies, toileting supplies, etc.

Basically if a family thinks of being without everyday conveniences such as automatically provided power, water, and communication services... for example, imagine an impromptu camping trip in bad weather... they can gather those items which they would need or benefit from having until the normal power, water, and communications can be restored. All these things can be placed into their emergency preparedness kit. Taking kids camping may help prepare them for any possible future disruption of the conveniences of everyday life.

The United States Census Bureau's American Housing Survey (AHS) collects and provides data on Emergency Preparedness, including an infographic dated June 2015.

Great stuff so far, hopefully this can contribute as well.

Assuming your name SLO is a location reference, it might help to reassure your DS that earthquakes along the San Andreas (where a "big one" is most likely to occur) would happen below land anywhere south of San Francisco, so those won't trigger a tsunami. Furthermore, the San Andreas is a strike-slip fault, and this type of fault does not produce tsunamis.

There is a subduction zone off the coast roughly from British Columbia to Oregon which has the potential to produce much more powerful earthquakes and devastating tsunamis. It would be pretty bad news for Seattle, but if you guys are near SLO Bay, then geography means that would be coming from the landward side, and there's some natural protection there, so local effects would be significantly reduced.

It might even be worth working out the math with him for how long it would take a tsunami generated near Seattle to travel to you, so you could show him how much reaction time there is to get to high ground. Make sure you're subscribed to receive emergency alerts to your phone, and explain how that works.

With respect, I think any child who is asking a lot of questions about these topics and repeatedly needing reassurance about them is showing some signs of anxiety (which may be mild or not so mild). Others may disagree.


Another avenue would be cognitive behavioral therpay techniques--learning to recognize anxious thoughts, categorize them as the type of nonproductive thought they are, and replace them with a more balanced thought (such as "I know it is very unlikely that an F5 tornado will hit my home" or if you prefer, "We have a family disaster plan and know what to do."). You can Google this and learn the basic concept without a therapist.

Yes and no. EQ and Tsunami geek reporting.

Tsunami risk along the CA coast is real. Great maps are here: http://www.conservation.ca.gov/cgs/...nundation_Maps/Pages/Statewide_Maps.aspx

The source of those tsunami are either from off shore vertical faults, off shore faults that trigger landslides, or from distant earthquakes. The Japanese EQ in 2013 hit CA and did quite a bit of damage in some places, and killed one. Not that I'd tell a kid already anxious about such things about this.

However, being prepared means that a kid will almost assuredly be out of harms way: If you in one of the inundation zones, then if you feel shaking, get to high ground. If the earthquake is in Alaska or Japan, then there will be p.l.e.n.t.y of time to communicate to everyone how to be safe.

The SAF is actually quite a bit inland from SLO, and the local geology means that the shaking hazard is lower. This is also getting into the zone where the fault slips more continuously than catastrophically. That's not to say that EQs aren't a concern there, but not as bas as other parts of CA. One thing that would be good to know as coming online is an Earthquake Early Warning system (http://www.shakealert.org) for CA. It's something that performed extremely well in the Tohoku earthquake. If he wants to take action on this, he can write letters to Congress to help get the project fully funded.

This thread is kind of Onion-esque (I mean that nicely--look what happens when a bunch of gifted adults attack a problem from their own preferred perspectives).

I really like this:
http://www.possibilityoftoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Slide1.jpg

This is really process oriented. I bet it would appeal to a rational child's logical thinking. Ideas about "what to do if there's something you can" include the statistics, facts, preparedness, etc. If they still had trouble with the "how not to worry," part--that's more likely to be anxiety.

I'm sure there are dozens of holes in the logic (but don't care, since am all feely), I still think it's complex enough to be of interest, and not overwhelming.