There was a recent thread about a six year old unhappy about other kids killing insects. My daughter has always been sensitive about that, but we have run into a situation that needs to be addressed.

Another child is deliberately harassing my daughter by killing insects at recess, or inciting others to do it, specifically because be knows it upsets my nine year old DD so much. She guarded a spider for the entire recess period this week only to have him step on it when she had to line up to go in.

I think this constitutes bullying, but the only response we're getting from the school is that he's doing it for attention and she needs to ignore him (she has talked with her teacher about it daily and I have talked with the teacher once).

I'd like to know if others think this constitutes bullying; maybe they would take it more seriously if I sent a formal letter using that sort of language. My DD is begging not to go to school as a result (for anyone who came across my other thread, yes, we are having both kids dealing with things at the same time).

Yes, I think there is no question that that is bullying.

I vote that it's bullying as well.

I wasn't sure, but the school's reaction convinces me that it is bullying.

First, I'm sorry this is happening to another kid. Yes, it fits the definition of bullying. As far as whether a letter would help the school see the situation, I am less certain. However sometimes it is important that our children see us try to resolve the issues which are important to them. Two thoughts prior to proceeding:

1) Some institutions may boast of decreased incidents of bullying when in fact they expend their effort not on resolving such situations in a manner which decreases repeated or future aggressive behavior, but may rather focus their effort on reducing the reporting of bullying. For example, the school may shame the parent or child who brings forward an issue, with statements to the effect that the parent/child is taking up too much time, other students need to be served, tasks must be prioritized. Essentially trivializing the concerns, treating them as petty, and calling the reporter's judgment into question.*

2) You may wish to do some research and gather facts about what bullying is... and isn't... so that these facts may be incorporated into your letter, related to the facts of the incidents as they occurred. Some research ideas:
- Does your school have a bully policy (possibly found on the school website)?
- American Psychological Association (APA) has information on its website about bullying. Notice that bullying involves a real or perceived "imbalance of power". *This may be as simple as "You're the only person who cares about XXX", where XXX may be bugs, name-calling, etc. This type of statement, meant to dissuade a person from their view and coerce them to adopt group-think, may be socially isolating, demonstrating an imbalance of power.
- There's an Elementary School Counseling website which has information about bullying, coincidently one of the activities listed is called bully bugs.

Here's hoping all goes well.

They do have a policy on bullying, but I'm not sure how well it is followed. My daughter reported a bullying incident once (a group of kids physically hitting another, who was on the ground, on the playground). As far as I could tell, nothing happened (I'm sure details would be confidential regardless, but I thought someone would at least respond to my letter of concern by saying, "we'll look into it").

There seem to be signs about bullying everywhere, but it still seems very common.

The earlier thread was about my son. I'm sorry this is happening to another child. I wrote a longer response but it seems to have been lost.

I'll wait until tomorrow to see if it pops up before I respond again.

If you are ever in the Seattle area, PM me. Perhaps our little nature lovers would enjoy meeting each other.

A school's policies are the school's proactive consideration of what it agrees to do if/when a described set of circumstances occurs. The school documents these agreements to manage expectations. Some may say the goal of a written letter would be enforcement of the policy/practice/position statement. The letter would point to the policy, possibly quoting it, showing how the facts which occurred match the policy. A notification, by letter or casual mention, simply raises awareness that according to school policy, events have occurred to trigger the implementation of the steps outlined in that policy, essentially holding the school accountable.

Anti-bully advocacy is not solely for the benefit of the victim. I'm with squishys, and this quote from the other thread especially resonates with me: I'm also bringing over this thought from a post on the other thread, as well: Although a bug is not a mammal, the element of killing it to get a reaction brings to mind that childhood cruelty to animals may be an early warning for later trouble. This article mentions possible motivations including "a vehicle for emotional abuse" (bullying/intimidation), and a desire to "alleviate boredom or achieve a sense of control."

Bullying or not, it is behaviour that needs to be addressed by the school. If the child NEEDS extra attention then the school should provide it in a positive way so others do suffer (like you DD). Good luck.

Although the children are being mean, I don't expect the school to use staff to prevent children from killing insects at recess. They could tell certain children not to talk to your daughter.

The act of killing insects is not the bullying behavior, it is the psychological intent behind it.

Your DD is being targeted by another child, who has found a way to hurt her psychologically, and is doing so on a regular basis. In my opinion, that is bullying. Doing a certain behavior repeatedly, with the sole purpose of hurting another person, is not something that should be ignored by the school.

Would you expect them to use staff to prevent taunting, teasing or more classical psychological bullying? If so, how is this any different?

Unfortunately this may not be an infrequent response from a school.

"Children are being mean." Psychology Today illustrates the difference between being mean and bullying, in this article.

"I don't expect the school to use staff to prevent children from killing insects at recess." To the degree that staff is not typically used to prevent bullying in the school setting, but rather receive reports or make direct observations, which then result in instruction, and informing of possible consequences, some might say the same could be expected in this situation.

"They could tell certain children not to talk to your daughter." Since the bullying did not consist of things said, but rather of actions performed, a cessation of verbal interaction does not address the situation. With the bully receiving this type of "consequence" for behavior, the action which constituted the bullying is likely to continue. The perceived imbalance of power is likely to grow, and bullying is likely to escalate into other forms.

The difference between being mean and bullying is largely intent, and repetition.
- Instruction to the child in perspective taking may help.
- Asking the child what he was thinking when he purposefully squashed bugs in front of a particular child may help.
- Asking the child to considering what he might do differently may help.
- Hearing that authority figures believe in him and know he can use his "leadership" for positive purposes may help.

If the child wanted attention, the above steps could provide him with positive attention while providing instruction, reflection, and guidance. He could become very proud of holding himself to a higher standard.

I would expect teachers to stop children making a game of killing insects or anything else. I would expect the staff to not let children spend all recess pulling leaves/branches off trees, picking flowers and fruit from the school garden,throwing mud at the windows etc too. Why would you tolerate mindless destruction of anything?

I would also expect the teacher to intervene if acts of unkindness occur.

KJP, my daughter would love that. She doesn't encounter many kids who understand.

apm221, How is the bullying this week? DS hasn't had any other problems. He ended up with a powerful ally in his fight against the squisher kids. An older boy with a special interest in insects took up his cause. They have become really good friends and share a lot of common interests.

Hopefully things have improved.