So DS4 is doing gifted private school full time. He likes it a lot (yay!). The after care part (which he does at his old preschool) he does not like so much. In fact he hates it and makes a big stink about having to go.

My spouse and I both work so some aftercare is helpful. I guess if he has to do 2-3 hr so of aftercare 3-4 days a week it is not the end of the world. I am just looking for some perspective and maybe some ways to "hack" aftercare and and make it more palatable (maybe he can take some books with him, maybe I can buy some toys and donate them to aftercare etc). Any suggestions welcome.

We were never able to make aftercare work. We've hired college students who can better meet our kids' needs.

I think it is tough to go from 6 hours of having peers he really clicks with to a different situation with kids where there is nothing in common. If the weather is good and they do a lot of outside time then I think it could work, but the inside stuff does not seem as promising.

How did you hire folks? 2-4 hr/day or something like that? We have thought about having HS kids babysit but HS kids get out late and are not available when we would need them.

We could make aftercare work only until DS was old enough to realize that he could express his opinions and that he had a choice!
The after school cares were simply too boring for him. And we needed him to get more than 2 hours of exercise in a day because he has sleep issues. So, we enrolled him in various after school sports and enrichment activities and we hired someone to pick him up and drop him off at all his activities. It has worked out well for us.

My son was tormented with aftercare last year - at least it was at his school with other gifted kids. It was through the city parks and rec though and the activities were thoroughly boring for him. He took books to read and did a lot of drawing but they often made him participate. This year, fortunately, his bus arrives home at a later time and we are able to go without aftercare this year.

We worked a lot with our after care director, and now DS6 often enjoys after care more than school. We did buy and donate some toys/games/books we knew DS would enjoy. This also had the self-selecting benefit of helping DS and other bright kids find each other. Especially helpful were a few decks of Magic the Gathering cards and two Perplexus balls. The Perplexus balls also offered a bit of an escape into private time for DS who can really lose himself in the puzzle/challenge.

I will note, however, that the after care director is incredibly awesome and bright, gets my gifted kid better than any other teacher ever has, and has really taken to him. That makes a huge difference. Things would be very different without her, I think.

We also have done sports after school since DD10 has always loved sports and NEEDS to run around. Inside group activities never have worked as well as outside activities. I work full-time and have arranged carpools and also hired a college student to pick DD up from school and get her to various activities.

No matter how wonderful (or not so great) the regular school day is, going on right into another program after school can be really tough - many kids need a true break, not just a change of who's in charge Our area has a lot of organizations that run after-school vans to take students to their place of business for after-school care, things like karate, gymnastics, etc - if there's something like that where you are that your ds is interested in it might be worth trying.

Is there a college near you? We've had friends hire college students for after-school rides and care - their schedules tend to be a little more flexible and open than high school students. Another option might be a neighbor or an older friend or a friend with same-age children who doesn't work?

I'd also consider with the current after-care, it might be the activities etc that your ds doesn't like... But it also might be the people in charge. We had a serious issue going on with how a caretakers treated one of my dd's when she was yng, and it went on for some time simply because our dd didn't tell us details -she was coming home upset, but we never thought to ask specifics in a way that would have revealed what was going on. It's possible that simply changing out to a different group providing the same type of after-care experience is all that's needed -mthe caretakers can make a huge difference!

polarbear

Can't offer anything much more helpful than an "us too"; DS was never keen. We were fortunate to be able to juggle our work hours so he didn't often have to, and he understood when occasionally we couldn't. He's done just fine with a longer school day now he's older, and chooses to do several late clubs on top, but this is much more purposeful and involves less interaction - I think it was classic introvert stuff, by 3pm he'd just had enough of people!

We are another family that could never make after school care work (or even general daily summer/vacation camps). There would also be power struggles and personality conflicts. Our solution was to use college students or high school students who could drive until our son was around 9-10. After that we just adjusted our work schedules so that DS was not home alone too often but could be alone for 30-45 minutes after getting off the bus.

I would do everything possible to make after school care no more than 2 days a week. Obviously this may not be possible but be as creative as you can and try and get your employer on side. My kids get picked up by a neighbour once a week at the moment - could you pay one of his class mates parents to care for him or to take him to an activity all the kids do? When I have to use after school care and during holidays I use a sports based centre that employs education students who have the energy to play soccer and slide down hills on cardboard. That way they get plenty of fresh air and exercise.

Asked DS4 how many days a week he would be willing to do aftercare and he said "2" ... so I think you are onto something

I do see value in doing aftercare if the weather is outside friendly and he can run around for an hour or so with other kids. This helps with ... everything. If he is cooped up inside I can just bring him home with me and work from home I guess.

There is some aftercare at the gifted school and he actually likes that a lot. Also explaining that we will keep doing less and less of his preschool as he gets older also helped (maybe he was worried we would try to send him back to the baby school full time).

He is only there 3 days/week now max. As the new routing coalesces I think thing will get easier. Muddling through may be the best we can manage here.