Please someone help... my DS10 is in public school, 6th grade. Tomorrow and thursday they are covering SEX ED in health class. The teacher emailed me the class handouts a few hours ago. He and the asst. principal have offered me the choice of letting him be assigned to alternate class or library during this time, if I choose.

There is a handout of male organ and includes arousal and wet dreams. There is also an a handout with illustrations and labels of the (internal) female reproductive system "after sexual intercourse". There is another detailed handout about the menstrual cycle.

Some of his classmates are 12, so they probably have some of this info already, or even some of the personal experiences. My son is 10. I thought this curriculum would come later.

I am widowed so I am taking on both parenting roles.

Have your gifted children had this level of detail in sex ed, at a young age? Any advice ASAP would be greatly appreciated. thank you.

My oldest son is a year advanced in school and has a summer birthday, so some of his classmates are two years older. We considered withdrawing him from sex education in middle school but concluded that doing so would be more likely to encourage interest in what he was missing than letting him attend. Attending has not seemed to do him any harm.

I don't understand the problem. What's the problem with letting him know what's going to happen to his body as he gets older?

We discussed body changes and the facts of life with our boys when they were about 7. One of them was fascinated, the other was not interested. I think the more this is demystified, the better. It has not harmed my boys, nor did it change their relationship with girls, if that's what you're worried about.

FWIW when I was a kid we covered all of that in grade 5.

After years of trying to be subtle when answering DS's million questions we gave up and went over most of it starting he was 6 (DD was 4). We really liked the book "It's So Amazing" and used that as bedtime reading to start the conversations. It does cover some topics that some might find controversial so I would pre-read if you go that route. A potential plus side of starting young is that you might get to them before they get all awkward about discussing it with a parent. Hopefully we can keep the lines of communication open as they get older.

Don't misunderstand, I don't want to withhold information about his body's changes.. But age 10 seems a little young to start learning in this sort of detail. He's my only child so there's no older sibling to compare to.

I suppose by not attending class, the topic would be more mystifying and he would feel less comfortable with it. I don't want him uncomfortable.

Maybe the solution is for me to talk to him a little about it at home, tonight, so when it's covered in class, he will have more familiarity about it.

Good point about the talks not being awkward now! I'll go to the library today.

I've been trying to remember when I got sex ed, as a reference for when to provide it to my DD9, and 5th grade sounds about right. Here at home we've already covered the subject of puberty, (DW had her first menses at 9yo, so we needed to get in front of that) but we haven't addressed reproduction and all that goes with it. Coming soon, though.

Our school system doesn't offer sex ed until 7th grade, at which point the most at-risk students will already be 14yos with their brains soaked in hormones, and the curriculum they offer is abstinence-only, so this will definitely be a home project.

My two younger ones (grades 5 and 6) will be learning about
puberty this week in school. My fifth grader is nine. I think it's a good idea.

Thanks for replies!

My son is 10, turns 11 in June, 5th grade. They will be having the talk this week - I asked him if he wanted to attend or not - he told me it was up to me. I can't see the harm - I know they talk about it on the playground - so I'd prefer he gets the facts. His principal and school nurse do the talk at their school. I also have a book that I told him I'd give him to read beforehand - must remember to find it !

I'm of the school of thought that they should learn it gradually through age-appropriate conversations, so there is no big and icky shock ever. I answer every question DD6 asks, but don't go any further than she seems to want to know. Since she's an inquisitive child, we've gotten pretty far.

At any rate, there is no reason to believe that knowing this stuff early is harmful. Bear in mind that kids used to learn about the facts of life by seeing the animals out in the barnyard.

6th/7th grade is the norm for the subject here.. and I don't think it's too early at all - personally I think it would have been ok for the school to have talked about it in 5th grade, because well over half the girls in my dd's 6th grade class have been through puberty already. So from the school's standpoint, I think it's very understandable why 6th grade is an appropriate grade level to address the subject.

I also have always felt that I wanted to be the person who talked to my kids about sex first, rather than having them learn about it from someone else. My parents didn't bother talking to me about it until I'd learned pretty much everything at a slumber party in 5th grade. That was fine for me, but I didn't want my kids to think that I didn't care enough to talk to them about it, and I wanted to have a good open relationship where we *did* talk about it so that when they were older teens, if they were struggling with questions about what to do/peer pressure/whatever surrounding sex, we would have already had the groundwork established that let them know they could talk to me about it comfortably.

And then when my youngest dd was, maybe 3?... her older sister, who was maybe 5?... asked what a vagina was at the dinner table... and younger dd answered! She knew because another child at preschool had told her. So I had a bit of a jump-start with talking to my kids lol!

I only bring that up because, my honest advice on this one is - once it's talked about in school, it's going to be talked about on the playground. If you hold your ds out of class while the class is talking about it, he's going to potentially want to know what he missed, or other kids are going to potentially tell him what he missed. I think at 10 years old, you're wise to talk to your ds yourself, where you can also talk about values, and then let him participate in the talks at school.

The other thing I'd consider - whether or not the class was having a Sex Ed class given at school tomorrow, at 11-12 years old (which I'm guessing most of his classmates are?), there are going to be kids talking about sex. Even if there weren't the Sex Ed class tomorrow, it's most likely a good time to talk to your ds about it anyway.

Best wishes,

polarbear

This conversation is like the one about adoption-- or disability-- it's easier if it's just a gradual familiarization with taken-for-granted facts, rather than a Big Reveal.

At 5th grade this is not likely to be a full in depth sex ed class but rather a what is happening with the changes in my body. Talking about puberty and the changes in their bodies, and perhaps why this changes occur. Do they sex segregate the kids? In my schools this was done at a party with a same sex parent or adult. In 4th grade for the girls, and 5th grade for the boys. Honestly it was fairly lame IMO.

In my area the kids then get sex ed again in 7th grade science, and they have to take 6 months of health in H.S. that includes talk about STD's, birth control. IMO this is the right way to approach it. Sex ed is not one conversation, as the above poster said it's not and it's best if the information is gradual. Honestly the schools introduction is likely to be fairly tame and can be a good jumping point for conversations with you.

Sounds like you need to find out what is covered in this "sex ed" class. Personally I wouldn't keep my kid away from this class. This is important information that the kids need to know. You want to know they are getting this information from a reliable location and not the kids in the playground or at a slumber party.

We had this last year when DS (then 10) was in 5th grade. Ever since, when I suggest he might not need to see/know something, he says "I've seen THE VIDEO!"

This was not the high-powered version, though, but rather a lesson in bodily changes and an introduction to the opposite sex's parts and what they are all about. (I didn't actually see THE VIDEO myself.)

When I was a kid, I got everything I knew from "Are You There, God, It's Me, Margaret" until 8th grade when we got THE VIDEO which was only about the girl stuff. It was about two weeks later when it became relevant for me.

This is exactly what I plan to do/have begun to do for DS2.5. DS will sometimes wax on about, "When I was in your uterus," so I think it's the right approach for us.

DD11 started asking questions really young, so I've had some practice answering stuff on the fly. When I realized recently that a) her and her friends were maturing rapidly and b) she was getting more and more exposed to older children in her classes (she's starting high school level classes next year), I figured we'd better get a little more organized. We got a book called _It's Perfectly Normal_. It covers ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING and may have topics that some families aren't comfortable with. We passed it along to her and she did a masterful job of self-censoring (by skimming the sections she wasn't comfortable with). She also asked me some questions that indicated she'd had some misapprehensions that I was happy to help her correct.

I just came back from library. I'll read a book with him tonight, and make him comfortable to ask me anything he wants to.

I have the 6 handouts, that the class will cover tomorrow and thursday. I'm glad the teacher sent them to me.

"It's So Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" are written by the same author (the second one is geared slightly older). There is also a third book aimed at younger kids called "It's Not The Stork"

I should also add that while DS wasn't awkward, at first it did take everything I had to not be completely awkward myself (not sure if I succeeded the first time but I think I am getting better) Good luck!

I teach 4-6th graders a class on sex education called "Our Whole Lives". We use the book "It's Perfectly Normal" with the idea that the parents will read it too so they can talk with their kids and answer any questions. I've found quite a spectrum in terms of how kids react, from "oh gross" to "so that's what it looks like" but all kids seem to appreciate hearing the facts from a trusted parent or teacher. These days, with puberty starting so early especially for girls, I think it's a good idea to cover the basics around 10. You can then go back and spend more time on some details as you DC grows and/or shows interest.

We never had sex education at school or at home - my first period at 11or 12 was a complete surprise (my parents did better with the younger kids though). I plan that they will know it all before any school thing.

I think getting the book I advance was the right move.

Oops, sorry... that was us

DW's mom was a nurse midwife for ~20 years. Young kids ask about this stuff... there are good books for that age group. You present it factually and then they just move on... sort of like farm kids in the old days. Without the hormonal overlay, it is so much easier to present it factually at a younger age. You keep it very vague unless they really push you, but you do give an honest account. It isn't icky or sexually loaded... it's just another curious fact kids have learned.

Then when you present it in adolescence you can focus on the moral/practical issues with out all the tittering and guilt about the mechanics.

PS. DW's mom is also a strident evangelical... so this isn't a religious issue per se. The moral issues above could change that equation but you don't have to equate sex ed and family planning(though you probably should).

Not mine. At age 3 she constantly questioned and re-questioned me on select topics that had caught her imagination. I think she was trying to pull something new out of me. She only moved on when I kept saying things she'd already heard before.

I didn't mean to sound judgmental in my earlier post. If any thing it is easier to introduce these topics at a younger age.

For instance we have spent a hour or so each year in the miracle of life tent at the fair, http://www.mnstatefair.org/entertainment/ag_exhibits/chs_mob.html. Watching sheep give birth is fascinating and naturally brings up these topics in a neutral way.

Last night DS5 and DS7 were discussing animals who get married and don't. We talked about our just spayed cat and how she would have had kittens without a long term partner. No mention of parts... but a reasonable discussion of different norms in the human and animal world and the benefits of marriage(and celibacy before hand if you want to go there). We have similar discussion about gender differences. Typical marriage patterns, which were somewhat more nuanced since we have numerous married same sex friends, including our former ministers. Discussion about parts and mechanics have been rare and short... though forthright.

School sex ed should either be a boring review of matters already discussed by your family... or a warning that these issues are emerging among your kid's friends and should be addresses forthwith according to your family's values. A head in the sand approach is just asking for trouble.

I also recommend the "It's Perfectly Normal". Sometime when my son was in 5th grade I took the book out of my daughters room and place it in my son's. With my daughter I read parts of it with her. But with my son I turn around and he is suddenly spending a lot of time in his room reading it. Didn't take him long to read it cover to cover. He had a few questions.. but he found it VERY interesting.

Sure... that is typical of a 3-5yo right. You repeat what you have said before. When two people really love one another etc etc... penis...vagina... special place in mama's tummy or uterus, etc etc... find a kids books pitched at this level. I'll edit this with the one we used later. After this most kids are satisfied. Young kids are great at detecting where you are trying to avoid their questions and pushing for more.

If your kid demands more details it doesn't mean they are hypersxualiazed just that they are curious... move on to animal analogies... whatever... it is so much easier to have a frank discussion at a young age than later.

I really liked _It's Perfectly Normal_ and its approach. I love the inclusive imagery, the drawing style, and the focus on responsibility and self-respect without moralizing. Of course YMMV.

Can I say how impressed I am with all of you. I am sitting here with my fingers in my ears saying "nanananananana". I SO don't want to have to deal with this. {big sigh}...

DD9 has never asked any questions. She is very interested in frogs and understands their life cycle, sees the eggs filling the pond at the local park, etc but has never asked anything.

Who was the Peanuts character that used to scream and run out of the room when topics she didn't like we're discussed? That's what I envision doing.

Luckily I recently made a new friend who is a sex Ed teacher. She has offered to have me send DD to her when she is ready. Since I am happy to pretend that my own mother found an egg in the woods and sat on it until I hatched it may not be a bad idea....

here in South Africa sex ed starts really early, although there is still a drive to implement a formalised program for teaching it as it is not taught in all schools.

But then again we have a rather scarily high level of early sexually active kids (in 2009 it was reported that we had at least 109 grade 3 girls pregnant) and way too much abuse / rape in our country - esp at the grass roots level.

Our age of consent for sex is 16, but - children aged 12 and older do not need a parent's consent to obtain birth control or an abortion.

There is a huge drive to have as part of the national curriculum within the life skills portion of learning lessons on HIV/AIDS and sex and sexuality education - starting from the age of 7/8.

So this is my round about way of saying that even though my boys are not in school, we speak about it openly from when they ask questions. Aiden asked every time I was pregnant (he was less than 2 years and then again when he was 3, nearly 4 years of age).

Last year when he was 6 I got the book "It's not the stork". I read it first and it helped me figure out how to say what to him. Then we read the book together and he asked questions.

He was more worried about the Genetics than the sex bit and it sparked an entire 12 week genetics self-study period. lol

Now he speaks about it factually and occasionally asks questions that let me know he is thinking about it a lot more often than I thought he would. He has also corrected some of Nathan's thinking (Nathan is 5) and misconceptions.

I am all in favour of it being a normal, gradual learning process as they ask questions and then ensuring they know about their bodily changes and the opposite sex before 8th grade. And then to include information on your rights and responsibilities in relation to that.

Not when the kids are starting to have sex or experiment sexually from ages of 10 already. The international average age is still set at 15 years (last time I checked), but it's decreasing.

If my kids were at school I would not wait till they heard about it from a teacher or a classmate in the playground.

also, girls the world over are maturing faster and earlier. average is now between 10 - 12. Girls need to know what that means. And so do boys.

Great idea on previewing with a book at home. Some may say it may be wise to cover the 6 handouts at home as well, so there are no surprises (especially with a child who may be younger than classmates).

Some parents may also wish to take the opportunity at home before class to encourage healthy boundaries, including that a child does not need to answer any "questions" or "surveys" or participate in any "discussions" that s/he does not wish to, nor does the child need to explain himself or herself. The establishment and maintenance of healthy, respectful personal boundaries is crucial to healthy relationships and also helps protect a person from grooming for abuse.

In some schools, a discussion of sexual behaviors also begins by grade 6. Parents may wish to be familiar with the Center for Disease Control (CDC) information on sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) http://www.cdc.gov/STD/, including HPV and oral cancer

DC's school has brief segments as young as kindergarten that address the human body from a scientific standpoint. We've always answered questions in a matter-of-fact way, but the school's offering was going beyond what we had discussed, so I got each child an age-appropriate book and left them strewn on their bedroom floors. Both read them avidly. DD6 was very blase, asked some factual questions, made a few observations and that was that. DS8 was clearly interested, but disinclined to discuss matters and giggled at one part, which made me grateful that I hadn't left it until he was older when he might have giggled at the whole thing.

Hello everyone,

This thread seems to have run its course, so I am closing it.