I'm sort of new to all of this. My oldest DS is in 1st grade. His school has a gifted program, where entire classrooms are gifted children. I use the term "gifted" loosely, because we live in a city where the gifted phenomenon has gotten out of control. It seems that every parent has their child tested for gifted during their pre-k year, and unfortunately, the psychologists in the area who do the testing seem to find so many of these children "gifted." I cannot tell you how many children are in these gifted programs at the local public elementary schools. Obviously most of these kids are just advanced, and it ruins it for the kids who actually need the gifted placement. So, this is where my problem lies. My DS6 is actually one of those kids who needs the gifted placement, and I feel that his classroom is not giving him what he needs. That would be fine if his teacher was able to individualize the material, but it seems that she doesnt do that. His Kindergarten teacher was amazing, and went far ahead of where she needed to go. My DS was challenged and loved school. My DS is strong in math. This year's math started with such easy work. I waited, assuming that it was just review. By the beginning of November (school starts end of august) when they were still working on simple addition, I spoke with his teacher. I assumed all the kids in this "gifted" classroom would be bored. She told me that my DS was much more advanced than the rest of the class in math. She assured me that he is being challenged in her classroom, though, and I should not assume that what I see coming home as homework is the same thing that they are doing in the classroom. She said that her lessons in the classroom are much more challenging (doesnt really make sense to me, but...ok). Well, fast forward now to the end of January. I see the tests that DS takes in the classroom. They are all based on the common core standards for first grade math. He gets 100% on almost every one, unless he makes a careless mistake for rushing through it. My DS tells me that all the children in the class learn the same thing for math. There is no differentiation. They all get the same worksheets, and she teaches to the class as a whole. So how, then, if my DS is more advanced then them is he being challenged? I'm not sure what to do? Some friends tell me to leave it alone because this way my DS can feel confident and gain self-esteem knowing that he's one of the smartest in the class and it's a good thing he's not struggling in school. I have not seen any negative consequences other than him saying it's boring, because his behavior has always been good in class. I just sort of feel like he has so much potential and it's being wasted. I want to talk with the teacher again, but I dont want to seem like "that parent" who keeps complaining and challenging the teacher. I wonder if I was just spoiled by the amazing kindergarten teacher, or if I should be expecting more. I also wonder if it's because of this new common core. Is she mandated to teach this stuff? I dont see any difference between what she's teaching in this gifted class and what the regular classes are learning. What should I do?

For starters, this is toxic.

What a kid gets out of that is that he never has to do a thing, never learns how to study, and when he finally comes up against something he doesn't know immediately, he decides he must be stupid and gives up.

What tests do they use, and do you have any test results for your DS that would tell you where he needs to be?

He was tested before starting kindergarten in order to qualify for the gifted program. He was given a wppsi for IQ he got 134. He was also given a reading and math achievement test. Can't remember the name but I know he scored in the 99th percentile on both. Once in the gifted program I don't think the school does any further testing. They do assessments to place the kids into reading groups, but I don't think that's anything formal.

Here's what I wish I'd known when DS9 was in 1st grade: Kids learn things that are much more important that curriculum in 1st grade- but their ability to learn those things is tied to curriculum.

Let me explain. In 1st grade, kids learn how to actually work. They learn how to approach work that is new and challenging without freaking out. They learn how to feel challenged without feeling threatened. They learn how to apply themselves.

The gifted child without appropriate challenge learns different lessons. He learns that a typical learning experience should involve no effort. He learns that challenge can only be found by attempting perfection. What you end up with is a kid who may be years ahead of his peers when it comes to intelligence but behind when it comes to work habits.

I think most of the parents in this forum went through the same thing. It is easier when the teacher recognize the giftedness of the student. It is hard to go in the battle (for differentiation) with IQ number alone (unless the number is >99.9 percentile or >145-150 depending on which IQ test).

The school will counter with how many other students who had the same IQ score as your DS. It would be beneficial to take above level testing such as SCAT (from John Hopkins CTY), or EXPLORE (from NUMATS or Duke TIP, etc..) although EXPLORE will be phased out after 2014 and SCAT starts in second grade.

My advice for you for the time being is do enrichment activities at home. My kids did Study island through school (the school got them their grade level but they could do above grade level because the account was not restricted), Khan Academy, etc....

And take SCAT next year. SCAT test is 2 grade above level and with the good score, you will have better chance for advocating for your DS. My personal experience was that everything started rolling only after my DD's SCAT test result. I am sure not every school operates the same way and I hope your school does better.

+1 Well said!

Thank you. I'm new to all of this so I dont even know what all of these tests are. Those are good points about the study skills. I honestly didnt even think of that but it makes sense. He doesnt even know what studying is. He has tests every friday in math and spelling, but he never studies for even a minute. I'll ask him to spell his spelling words, and he knows them on the first try. His memory is incredible, so it's as if the first time he sees the word he can spell it. The math is so easy for him, so I dont even ask him to review that. Because he's in a gifted classroom, I really couldnt have imagined that this would be the case! How do you teach your kids study skills at home?

Study skills can also be taught, in a way, through an extracurricular activity. I have found music lessons to be great for providing a challenge to my son, anyway.

Music helps instill a work ethic and self-discipline, and also provides an outlet for self-expression and creativity, working both "sides" of the brain, if you will. It is also one of those activities which require work, even if you have talent, so my son has learned he can't skate by in everything.

Thank you GinaW - that is one of the most illuminating posts I have ever read on underchallenged gifted kids.
OP, we had the same problem. My child was accelerated 1 grade ahead and it was still useless. He started developing an arrogance that he was very good at everything compared to peers (his verbal abilities alone was a light year ahead of his peers and he could do multiplication and divison of 2 digit numbers in K). He also started developing a very poor work ethic. And he was looking for ways to while away his time in the classroom - not disruptively, but more on the lines of a caged wild animal that goes round and round and round for the lack of anything better to do - he was sharpening pencils, going on bathroom breaks, singing songs out loud for entertainment, chatting up his neighbors, pretend playing in the middle of a classroom session - the list go on. I volunteered in his classroom to observe him and I know quite well what happened there.
Here are some strategies that helped immensely:
1. We afterschooled intensively using rich curriculum and enriched him in his areas of interests - I can post what we used for each subject if you are interested.
2. Involved him in many enrichment activities where he needs to develop a work ethic, study skills and learn what losing and not being the best feels like. We did this with intensive piano studies, a serious chess club and martial arts. They have helped teach him that there is always room for improvement even if one is good at something. And he spends a lot of time each day poring over chess tactics, piano practice etc.
3. We found a tutor for the Japanese Sorban mental math technique (anzan) for which he has developed an obsession. It requires intense focus and concentration.
4. We read aloud literature to him that is way above his level and have deep discussions on them - as a way to improve his language comprehension, vocabulary and exposure to styles of writing.
5. I sarted a blog for him - he can make posts on topics of interest with parental supervision.
6. I started him on Mindstorm robotics, Scratch programming and Logo programming.
7. Got him educational math, reading and science program subscriptions for his computer.
These are some things that you can explore to see if you can implement them. Don't depend on the school to provide for 100% of his educational needs. If you feel that they are slacking, you can make up for that in your own time - atleast that is how it has worked out for me so far. Good luck.

PS: We are in a private school that is advanced in academics, and still, I afterschool intensively.

My son was in the equivalent of 1st grade last year - exactly the same problem. Luckily he his only on level in writing due to the fact he can't think what to write. This meant he couldn't be best at everything. I still wish I had pushed more but the teacher was determined he was right and quite agressive and intimidating about it. I am not good at standing up to intimading men.

Accelerated material. I've given up on the school, frankly. I send them there for the social aspect.

We have a homework start time, and everything is very structured. I give them work that is different than what they are learning in school. For instance, I give DS9 JUMP math - very simplistic and parent friendly - but at a higher grade level. This way he is exposed to new material and is more engaged. For DD I create work based on what I think they should be doing at school and aren't.

It's sad... I started too late for DD11. I waited too long for the school to come through. She's very resistant and frozen by perfectionism, and plagued by the "if I can't snooze through it, I don't want to do it" mentality. DS9 on the other hand, puts his nose to the grindstone and sinks his teeth into whatever I give him. There may be hope for him, lol.

Like CCN, we waited too long and listened to people like the ones talking to our OP here in this thread--

in other words, we let DD stay in her comfort zone for the first seven years of her life without ever "pushing" her (challenging her) appropriately.

We're still reaping that particular whirlwind. My daughter learned precisely what another poster has stated-- that perfection IS the only worthy goal, because it SHOULD always be within reach. The only areas where she's been challenged have been (relative) weaknesses academically, and there aren't very many of them. Written expression is pretty much it, and so she has been held to that area of lowest performance. This strikes educators as crazy-talk, by the way, since my DD is a 14yo HS senior who will graduate very near the top of the class this spring. She believes that she is "okay" at most things, and "bad" at writing. FWIW. The truth is that she is at about the 90th-95th percentile in writing, and is astonishingly good at everything else. Among peers 3y older, I mean. I say that just so that you can get a sense of how WARPED her thinking is, here. She calls her national merit commendation (earned by scoring among the top 50,000 PSATs that year, on a not-very-good day when she was just 13yo) her "Badge of Shame." This is-- A Perfectionist. That starts with P and that rhymes with T, and that stands for Trouble...

Watching her perform academically is a lot like the atmosphere in a dugout during a perfect baseball game... oh sure, it's fun for the first few innings, but then they start THINKING about making a mistake... losing "perfection" which is almost within grasp... soon nobody is talking about the elephant in the room, but everyone is holding their breath with every move... I mean, how hard is PERFECT-- even for professional baseball players? VERY hard, and it's not because they aren't extraordinary and don't have mastery of what they do-- it's because to err is human, right? This is why after the start of the term, I'm okay with 100% up through the first couple of weeks, but after that, it gets too big. I *want* her to make a few mistakes just to get rid of the 100's. Take the pressure off and just let her do what she's going to do and earn her A's. Perfectionists do NOT see things in that light, however. They don't bask in their successes, they wallow in the failure of anything that falls-- even a little bit-- short. This is crippling.

Okay-- so what do I wish that we'd done differently?

A. Throw away all of the parenting advice that applies to merely 'bright' or even 'moderately gifted' children. It doesn't apply to DD.

B. Recognize the danger in "letting her just be" the brightest, etc. all the time-- that is a very different kind of pressure, but it's pressure just the same, and it's pressure that there is really no WAY to continue living up to year after year...

C. Focus on FAILURE-- and what it isn't. That is, it's not the end of the world, mistakes are seldom unrecoverable, they are inevitable, and they say nothing about our worth as people...

D. Get her doing HARD-ENOUGH extracurriculars soon enough. Music or martial arts are VERY good for teaching these skills.

E. Make it a habit to do things that you do NOT want to do, things that all of your efforts make you mediocre at-- but which simply make you HAPPY because you're into the process, not the results.

Oh-- and if you've been praising those worthless (because they don't represent effort/learning) 100%'s coming home?

STOP doing that.

Praise EFFORT-- preferably effort that leads to very small improvements over a long time. Effort that doesn't lead to perfection.

This is all great advice thank you. My DS at 6 is already showing signs of perfectionism. He's hard on himself when he can't do something (like figure out how to tie his shoes) he gets so mad at himself and frustrated. He has been taking piano lessons since he was 4, but unfortunately he seems to be a natural at that. His teacher is amazed at how quickly he picks it up. He seems to require little effort to do that as we'll. I do have him in martial arts and that's a challenge for him. Motor skills is the area he does not excel in, but the other stuff comes so easy. I would love ideas for academic enrichment. What do you guys use to go ahead of what they are teaching at school? Is Singapore any good?

Singapore is great-- but--

you should be aware that as the gap between what school offers and what your child needs GROWS (and it will-- it's just a matter of how rapidly), you'll be hunting harder and harder for a different school placement as the fit gets worse.

Many parents who don't have another good option wind up homeschooling, or doing something similar to it.

Honestly, I understand if you aren't ready (or able) to take that step, but if you're not, I'd be careful how much on-curriculum or even on-topic afterschooling/enrichment you do.

Personally, we've found it better to NOT afterschool/enrich things where my DD has to endure lower level instruction IN the classroom. Because if we do, we make that gap intolerable for her (as opposed to merely "bad").

Kids who are highly gifted + are a different animal here-- they learn in ways that are kind of jaw-dropping in terms of how LITTLE input they require, and how fast they can go through it.

At your DS' age, DD was plowing through a year of Singapore math in about 10-12 weeks. This is why by the time she was 7, she NEEDED to be doing pre-algebra, which the school absolutely would not consider in spite of her clear readiness. Well, they might have-- if it had only been math. But it wasn't.

Asynchrony is a real problem if you encourage the cognition/maturation gap to widen further. The world at large has a great deal of trouble dealing with kids under 10 who are ready for post-secondary instruction. Just something to be aware of.

I'd foster other extracurricular interests that he can sink his (considerable) teeth into-- robotics, chess, etc. Maybe branch out to a different instrument, or (since you said he's been taking lessons about 2y) see if you can wait that one out (I guarantee that he will eventually hit a wall where he'll feel like he's not making as much progress as he likes on as little practice as he prefers... BTDT), or maybe add a second artistic domain to explore.

He's a little young yet, but working with animals has been amazing for my DD. She can't rush it, she HAS to slow down, and she HAS to put in the time.

That strategy pays off handsomely down the road, too, as a healthy outlet for the frustrating experience of not really learning much at school.

Kids like this may never have a lot in the way of homework as they get older, so it's a good idea to have them start cultivating other healthy ways of filling their time.

Can you find a piano teacher that will go faster with him? Sounds like he could use more "push" in that domain. DD coasted her first three years, too, and I wish that I'd had a heart-to-heart with the teacher sooner.

"She assured me that he is being challenged in her classroom, though, and I should not assume that what I see coming home as homework is the same thing that they are doing in the classroom. She said that her lessons in the classroom are much more challenging (doesn't really make sense to me, but...ok). "

LOL. This is almost verbatim what DS6s math teacher said to us. He is in 1st at a regular school where they ability group and differentiate instruction (they rearrange classes for math), accelerate (complete the exact same curriculum but in 20% less time, and offer enrichment (enrichment is "gifted" problem packets from up to one grade ahead during the extra time).

In our school the kids are in this way kept from working to their ability, without unduly alarming the parents (ability grouping, differentiation, acceleration and enrichment are all such lovely sounding words that the parents seem almost uniformly thrilled to have their kids in the enrichment group). So by about 4th grade they are all on the same page, literally. It's a brilliantly executed system.

DS says he works as slowly as possible on his "gifted" problems because if he finishes one set he just gets another nearly identical one. It's a different type of challenge than we assume when we hear the word "challenge".

So what to do. We met with the teacher, and heard the nice phrase above about the lesson part being challenging. But in talking to DS he is not reporting it being the least bit enriching. A nice parent volunteer mentions to me that in fact he sometimes wanders aimlessly during work time, not something the teacher mentioned. The teacher does send home undone problem sets, which we don't return, and she does not mention it. So it seems we've come to a kind of understanding, one of a lack of expectation on both sides. To my mind, letting him daydream as much as possible is a good thing, because the alternative is demanding perfection at overly dull material. I am afraid of what we would get if we complained. Perhaps he could skip the first grade gifted problem sets and move to the second grade. And what would that solve? If he was multiple grades ahead and interested in math it would be different, I would go and battle. But he is sloppy, mildly obstinate, doesn't really want a single extra problem.

We are doing partial homeschool anyways, which gives us time. It also gives DS time to play with Lego and other building toys, which I consider good math foundation work.

At home, we are attempting to show DS a more interesting side of math. As he's been thinking that math consisted mainly of counting. We're doing Beast Academy 3rd grade which has a comic book style, really nice friendly format, but still we find the instruction parts long and repetitive, and he finds some of the problems intimidatingly visual-spatial. We wish there were more word problem type problems. But it's a good starting point for us. I think there's hope for DS to like math, yesterday for example he said he needed to know how to calculate how long it would take to walk over a rainbow.

So longer term our plan I guess is to get him to evenly master objectives from at least a couple of grades up and then see if having him be more obviously different helps to make it obvious he needs real differentiation.