Hi
I am in a bit of a dilemma.
At the end of the year I was told by my daughters school that she might be gifted and could she have some testing done in the holidays..
She has just finished year 3 at a private girls school in Perth Western Australia.So we agreed to the testing which is a iq test with the school psych and also the yr 5 naplan test with the schools gifted and talented specialist.
Meanwhile my ex husband and I had various meetings with different teachers..
So the tests came back and they where outstanding..
She is on the 99.9percentile and her iq was crazy high and she got 98% in the year 5 naplan and she only had to score 65%.
And her literacy is that of a 16 year old and she is 8..
So the school wants to accelerate her from year 3 to year 5, so totally missing year 4. Socially she is at a higher level, already hanging out with older kids..
So I spoke to my daughter about all the pros and cons etc...
We came to the conclusion that this would be the best thing for her..

But then the dilemma is my ex husband is dead against it.. He can't give me a real reason and basically because I'm saying yes, he's saying no..and he also thinks that I shouldn't of spoken to her about it at all..
And the school policy is everyone has to agree for it it to go ahead..
So I am totally stuck with what to do as it's my daughters future we are talking about..
Can anyone suggest anything like websites or any other info that could be useful..

Can you discuss the interpersonal barriers here with the school at all?

What an unfortunate situation for your child to be in.

Would it help to remind him that you can always change your mind if it doesn't work out? Are there any kids who have been accelerated who he might be able to talk with who could describe their experiences?

My daughter was accelerated and it has worked well.

Have you see "A Nation Decieved"?
http://www.accelerationinstitute.org/nation_deceived/

Our ds12 was grade accelerated and he is thriving.

One of the things you can point out to him is the danger of underachievement and how important it is that you both support and nurture your dd's profound ability. Especially now, before coping habits of hers become entrenched.

It is difficult dealing with exes, I know. Particularly if adversity has become the norm. But this is a potentially life-altering situation, and life-altering in a positive way for your dd.

Good luck!

Do you have a therapist or counselor that can act as a neutral third-party with your ex? I'm trying to think of ways to place your child's needs and interests ahead of the interpersonal issues that lie between the two of you.

I know that one of the goals of most divorce proceedings here (N. America) is that co-parents learn to be a functional team-- and courts regularly mandate counseling to help ex-spouses get to that place.

Occasionally, when a situation is so rancorous that the child(ren)'s needs are getting lost in the combative/confrontational/oppositional interactions between parents, a child-advocate is even used so that parents can work through issues of importance without losing sight of who should be considered first in those discussions.

If you can, I encourage you to go that route because this is likely to be far from the LAST time something like this comes up with an HG+ child like yours. The educational system isn't intended for them, and so you may only have a series of temporary "good enough" solutions-- and require vigilant tweaking on an almost continuous basis. Good communication which is functional MUST become a high priority for both parents.

well wow! The school noticed and came up with a plan all by itself. And offering acceleration is pretty major. What was your exes school experience like? Probably at least one of you is HG or more. Who is it. If your ex is actually just saying no because you are saying yes that then a neutral third party is the only option I can think of.

Maybe you should ask the school to describe what they can do for her if she is not accelerated? Then you can weigh the options logically... (though I realise he is not being logical at the moment) maybe in black and white it will be more obvious to everyone.

I agree that your and ex and yourself should sit down with a pro acceleration psychologist and talk about underachievement. I skipped grade 4 seamlessly. I think for many kids it is the right choice.

I would try and deal with some social issues before the meeting. Will she have any cohorts? There were other kids accelerated in the city so it was easy for me to find kids my age when I got to high school. It may just be a year or so, depending on bday but there are many social changes in middle school years and puberty issues. It is good to make sure she has a buddy to share experiences.

Your ex's objectives may have more to do with the social stuff, from a guy's point of view. And they need to be addresssed. I found myself at 13 at parties with drinking, because I was in high school.

You need to go to ex with a video camera and say "I've changed my mind. No, I don't want to do the acceleration.It's a terrible idea." The he'll say "Well in that case, YES, I definitely want to do the acceleration.It's a fantastic idea."

Then go back to the school with a video of the underlined part.