I found this link on hoagies, while searching for advice for discipline for DS4, who seems to be extra challenging lately. Very interesting article! Especially this part, since I had a very fussy baby who loves books:
What Your Child's DNA Can Tell You About Parenting Quote:
One of the strongest and most counterintuitive findings in this nascent field is that children with a sweet temperament, which is under strong genetic control, are the least likely to emulate their parents and absorb the lessons they teach, while fussy kids are the most likely to do so. Fussy children have a hypersensitive nervous system that is keenly attuned to its surroundings�including what Mom and Dad do and say. In studies that are shaking up textbook dogmas, Jay Belsky of Birkbeck University of London has shown that fussy babies are therefore wired to be more strongly shaped by their parents than mellower children are. It is the fussy baby who, read to night after dutiful night, is likely to develop a love of books; the mellow baby, given the same literary diet, might just as easily grow into a teen who has no interest in reading anything longer than a text message. End Quote
Of course, after reading this article, I could just skip searching for the discipline books and conclude that i have one of the kids who that stuff doesn't work on...(i'm sure i mentioned before that i'm pretty lazy?)
Oh, and there's also info in this article about how some kids are genetically immune from the potential IQ-raising effects of breastfeeding.
That's spot on with my girls, so strange.......
Sounds a bit sensational towards the end, but very interesting. The idea of finding out how much neglect, even abuse, a child can take does not sound like a very good idea to me.
It's almost like that information should be protected as part of the individual's private genetic profile, even from a parent! (Well meaning as we mostly are...)
Very interesting SPG. Consolation for the intensity of what I am getting now. I think her father was the most compliant, I thought of children, although I am her mother....
Ren
Very interesting article. It fits DD and DS ....
"Children with the genetic variant are unable to learn from mistakes."
This might explain why consequences, rewards, and punishments have no affect whatsoever on Pud. He just doesn't seem fazed by any of it. Hmmm, wonder if there might be a "gifted" gene tied to this gene?
I haven't read the article, but just wanted to chime in that there is some correlation between sensitivity and giftedness (to the point where it is not unusual for gifted kids to have sensory processing disorder). That sensitivity can be apparent in infancy as fussiness. And I agree that it may all go back to a hypersensitive nervous system.
My DD7 was a super-sensitive baby and last year did OT for SPD. Looking back, I don't know how I survived LOL. (and of course all the while my mother blamed me - she thought I was too anxious about my first baby - gee thanks mom. but she was born that way.) Now that I have four boys in addition to her, and I look back at their various temperments, I think they're all pretty smart but it's too early for me to compare levels. My easiest, happiest baby, DS2 (who seems even now to be the happiest baby who ever lived LOL, if only just by comparison - it's his fault we ended up having one more after him) seems to be brighter than the other kids because none of the others were talking at his age (the others are late bloomers/2E-types; whereas happy boy was the most healthy of my pgs due to some issues I have). And the latest one, DS(3 months), is pretty darn sensitive to sound (like my bare feet tiptoe-ing on the carpet) for a kid growing up in such a noisy household. Only time will tell.
I think the only thing to be gleaned from this information is that when dealing with a fussy baby we may look on the bright side - he/she might turn out to be gifted. A silver lining amidst the crying.
oh, I must add about punishments - punishments have very little effect on my kids and it drives me crazy. For DD7, there is nothing I can do to her.
And FWIW, MIL commented recently that there was no punishment that worked on DH, LOL.
This is off topic, but, Snowgirl, I have to ask, what do you do with your DD7? We've been going crazy trying to find something that works. He's usually a mellow fellow but can turn into a screaming, raging, temper tantrum in the blink of an eye. But, he only does this at home. He is perfectly well behaved everywhere else. While were were on vacation, he stayed with gramma for 2 1/2 weeks. She had to get on to him 2 times!
I'm beginning to wonder if there is an underlying sensitivity or overexcitability or somethiing that makes him act up. He tells us that it's just because "I don't want to do what you tell me to do".
Sorry to hijack the original post. I'll start a new thread if you want me to.
Squirt - I wish I had an answer. If I had a nickel for every time that someone suggested timeouts lol... In DD7's case, the bad behavior involves lots of backtalk and "lying" (telling me she wants the opposite of what she really wants, or of whatever I ask her to do, just to be antagonistic, just to pick a fight, as in "no I don't want ice cream"), and she too is perfectly well behaved everywhere else. We still do time outs, but they usually involve me holding the door closed (to the laundry room/bedroom/large closet, whatever is available), so it's very time consuming and not always practical when I'm busy with the others. In desperation I have even threatened to wash her mouth out with soap, but that doesn't work very well (ok I admit to putting the soap on her lips, and she is afraid, but not enough afraid to make her stop the backtalk). For DD7, a good deal of this bad behaviour involves some sort of habit. It waxes and wanes, we've seen a nutritionist (who recommended all sorts of things; we did some controversial metabolic testing, tried supplements), tried little tricks here or there that I have found on the internet (e.g. epsom salt baths), etc., and of course the short, intensive program of OT at the Star Center about a year ago. Some things have seemed to help a little here or there, but there has been no magic bullet. What bothers me the most is not just the level of disrespect - since it's really more about her and not about me - but my fear that later in life, she might behave this way in important relationships, and that would be awful. My mother keeps saying things like "I wouldn't have stood for it" but I'm not sure what else to do. DD7's first pediatrician once remarked that she was the strongest-willed baby he had ever met.
Not wanting to do what I tell her to is a big part of it, and ironically I feel the same way about my mother as an adult (this is a complicated issue that really doesn't have anything to do with DD, at least as far as I can see) but I would have never dreamed of talking back to her as a child. With my own mom, my issues have to do with her not putting much stock in what I say, whereas she always listened to my oldest brother. And I'm smarter than she is - can I even say that out loud? - my sibs are pretty bright too but no one knows quite where it came from. My dad wasn't gifted as far as I can tell, so my mother must have had something in her somewhere that may have languished years ago. Now that I got off and running on a major tangent....
Anyway, no answers. I do think that sensitivities/OEs can involve tantrums, etc. so I think you may be on to something there. Once upon a time I put the question squarely to Dr. Lucy Jane Miller, author of "Sensational Kids", and she said they see a lot of gifted kids with SPD.
I really liked "Raising Your Spirited Child". It helped me learned to deal with my strong-willed DD.
My ds is immune to any sort of behaviour management whatsoever. He talks back and has a will of iron. Once when I was desperate and exhausted and so so fed up at the end of a very long day he once again committed a serious offence. I marched downstairs and smashed his lego structure up. It had taken him a week to complete and he was devastated. He has not committed that particular offence since.
Not really something to be proud of but it did have the desired effect. He does whatever it is he wants to do and then relies on talking his way out of it afterwards.
As a result I set strict boundaries but let the little stuff go. I definetely choose my battles. He is very confrontational and enjoys a good row!
I really liked "Raising Your Spirited Child". It helped me learned to deal with my strong-willed DD.
I remember hearing about this book in early childhood classes, when my child was an angel. Now I think I'll go check it out! Thanks.
Rachibaby - Legos are big in our house too. I've had some success with the taking away articles that DS likes. Best success with taking away computer time. But my DS sounds like your DS - loves to try to talk his way out of things.
You don't know how good it is to here you all say things like this. It just makes me nuts and at least I'm not alone! I've done the "holding the door closed" thing but he's getting too big. I've read part of "Raising Your Spirited Child" but it was a while back. Maybe it's time to bring it out again.
My mother says "I'd bust his little butt" but how can you spank a child for hitting you and expect him not to figure out that logic? I'm searching for answers. We've tried Love & Logic (no affect - consequences seem to mean nothing to him). 1-2-3 MAGIC - nothing. I can't even remember the others. We even took everything out of his room once. I mean everything, clothes, toys, books, papers, clock. Left his bed, his "blankie", his empty bookshelf and that's about it. Didn't even faze him. About 8 weeks later, when we had company coming, I went through it all and tossed some and put the rest back. (It was all 'stored' in the guest room and on the guest bed.) He didn't even notice it was back for about 3 days.
Today was a good day, though. Only one minor skirmish over getting dressed for school. And, I get you on the "will of iron".
Squrit, how old is DS again? Sorry I forgot.