Okay - not sure how to interpret it but I am a bit annoyed with DS and thinks he is yanking my chain. To be sure, he is the less manipulative twin and fairly honest but from babyhood he and DD also have joined forces to control their environment.

He threw out an unexpected comment while I was helping him with his instrumental practice and criticizing his approach (failing to pay attention to his pitch and losing his place with the piece when he makes an error, etc). I tied this behavior with some of the careless errors he makes in his academic work. To be objective, he isn't extremely careless but almost all his errors can be attributed to rushing through his work and never checking. His speed is phenomenal and often unnecessary. I am not trying to enforce perfectionism but carelessness can make the difference between great and exceptional.

Anyhow, he responded by blaming his carelessness on how easy K and first grade were. Huh? He is now in 5th grade and got his first math acceleration to 4th grade math in 2nd grade. First of all, he loved K and his K teacher and still talks about how wonderful and fun K was. His K teacher really got him and joked about some mornings wanting to ask DS if he could teach the science topics because there were times when he took over the explanations and turned on the light bulb for some of the kids who weren't getting it. Admittedly, first grade was more of a grind and he got into some minor problems in the very beginning but everything calmed down once the class began basic literary analysis with the advanced novels (about 3rd grade level) and open-ended writing and the teacher (who formerly taught 3rd grade) opened up her extensive library of 3rd/4th/5th grade level books for the kids who finished their work early. Yes, the math was ridiculous for a kid who figured out multiplication/division and simple fraction at four, but he did not have the writing skills or maturity level to successfully accelerate to 3rd grade math without accomodations, which would not have been forthcoming.

Anyhow, his input has always figured into our subject acceleration decisions for him. He also knows that he doesn't want to be grade-skipped. I feel like he isn't taking responsibility for correcting his "carelessness issue" and perhaps trying to make me feel responsible. He threw his comment out so casually and I am not sure that he was even sincere. Is he yanking my chain?

That sort of comment usually leads to a variation of, "I'm not interested in excuses, just..."

He may or may not be, but it doesn't matter, because the reaction is the same either way. My variant of Dude's would be something like "Hmm, could be. Regardless, now you need to learn to...".

Possibly pulling your leg, but not necessarily. One thing would be to wonder if there were conversations around that time about his lack of challenge and if those stuck.

Speaking from my own personal experience, starting in K or 1, I decided to try and make things more interesting. I didn't imagine an outside source for changing school like a skip or such. So, I began rushing through everything as my own personal "avoid boredom and be challenged" technique. I had a basic goal of getting only a 90 something on anything and 100 was generally a failure as I had put an unmeasurable amount of extra work into the process. Every test, had to be the first one to turn it in. Certainly didn't help my already wonky handwriting.

Can't say your son has had the same pov, but it is possible. You might be able to probe it past the surface response to see if he has a full inner-working behind that.

As to excuses, well I was also great at appearing to have excuses for everything, to me they were hypotheses and explanations in an attempt to understand why I did what I did or why something didn't work.

DD5: [rationalization/excuse/complaint]
me: well, let's just assume that's true for a moment. what on EARTH will you do about it?

works every time!

OMG! I am so stealing this for not only my two boys but all the kids I work with!

Or he feels under attack and is retaliating by hitting him somewhere that he thinks you may have a guilty consience. Do you teach music to him? Or does he have someone else who can provide constructive criticism?

Agreed. Good to side-step blaming and the adoption of a victim mentality. This seems to dovetail with the recently posted article about developing resilience, in a thread called "When being set up to fail is a good thing".

at this point, resilience really is my #1 priority for DD5 - if we help her with that, she'll be able to do the rest.

there's no heat without friction, as my dad used to say...

but yep - that script i use with DD really turns the responsibility back on her - which is where it belongs. we also have a solution jar, which i've mentioned before - i write out the solutions (vs. complaints/excuses) DD comes up with and stick them in a big glass jar. she can see them building up over the course of the year, and we read them all out on New Year's Eve. it's fun, and she can really see her progress in this area.

I love it:)

I'm stealing this, too! This is my new DS-grouching mantra!

^ this.

Adolescents are the MASTERS of this kind of emotional low-hitting during disagreements.

Maybe it's just high LOG adolescents that find the mark so often, but MAN, can my DD ever deliver a killer punch.

That's pretty much what he got from me . . . along with an annoyed tone.

That's what I figured. My variation is a bit more impatient and less tolerant - I would never win Mommy of the year!

There's probably quite a bit of you in DS. The other day, I point blank told him there is no award/admiration for speed unless it is a speed contest and in fact it would be considered a deficit if speed is coupled with inaccuracies.

That's cute . . . now, if only I were that nice. Seriously though, I used to be nicer when he was younger and I perceived him as being more delicate. At this point, he is 10 and I expect better from him.

You are probably right. He has a music teacher but I try to prevent bad habits while he is practicing sometimes (every two or three practice sessions) because bad habits are such a waste of time and effort to correct. Then there is the issue of badly played music being grating on the ears.

Yeah, I am sure I have something to look forward to in their teenage years.