I was reading the topic math for 3-4 year old and I was thinking about a tangent.

When the answer "pops" into DD's head, like math or sight reading, she loves the "rush" or whatever, but when she has to sound out the words or work at math, though I think she likes working out the math a lot better, she doesn't care for the work. It may be a lack of motivation. But when the answers were popping into her head at 2 and I turned my head, but she has to learn the rules, her IQ isn't 180, she is not exactly frustrated, but somewhat "pissed" that she has to work at it. She wants those answers popping into her head.

Anyone with this experience?

Ren

All the time. My son doesn't want anyone to "teach" him either. He likes to "think about it myself and figure it out."

Yes I think you're describing my son. He will get a concept instantly. But won't put in a little bit of effort if it gets the least bit difficult. I worry this is the result of not being challenged at school. He used to not be this way and would enjoy the challenge.

We've had this problem. It's one reason why I work with my 8-year-old twice a week on maths that's at his level. I also work with my younger two and stress the importance of trying hard.

We've noticed some improvement with the problem. The kids get used to having to think about something and so complain less. We also tell them that things won't always be easy and that they need to exercise their brains. They're typically happy they did it (whatever the challenge was) in the end.

I wonder if the homeschoolers have less of a problem with this because their kids always work at an appropriate level?

Val

For us its been a hard balance. I want the effort, but I don't want it to be too hard. Sometimes we try things that are more like a puzzel. If it is just hard enough that they have to work, the reward of solving it can be fun. But we are always pushing effort over product.

For fun the last puzzel we worked on, And no he did not solve it, without some help, was this one.

ELF
+ELF
____
FOOL

(ELF and ELF are over the top of each other, I cant seem to line them up)
What numbers will work for the letters, the letters that are same are also the same number.

I would say that so far we are having less of a problem with it since we've been homeschooling, yes. I think it's human nature to pick the path of least resistance, but DS7 doesn't drop something now just because he has to think about it a little. He likes to think!

I will add, though, that I think there are (at least) two kinds of GT kids: those that go (relatively) slow and deep and those that go (relatively) fast and shallow. DS7 has always been a slow-and-deep kid, so he may not be naturally given to this sort of trouble no matter what sort of school situation he's in.

I do the same, gently. A child develops self-esteem by successfully doing something they didn't think they could do or seemed too hard for them.

I've tried to expose them to non-academic areas where they can experience this as well.

For DD8 it's been piano and swimming. Piano was never difficult for her, but swimming was VERY hard, still is. She amazes herself each time she drops her time.

For DD6 it's violin. She started at 4, trust me, she wasn't going to "instantly" get it. She wanted to quit a few times but I wouldn't let her because I could tell she wanted to quit because it was hard, not because she didn't like it. Now she's playing well and learning to read music. She loves the learning to read music part. Also she has a low frustration tolerence. I've been helping her at home with this for over a year. Trying to teach her to self-soothe and calm herself when she gets very worked up. This is very difficult for her and slow-going. But both of us see her progression and I think this is very empowering for her.

DD8 tried several sports that she reported were too hard. I did let her quit because my gut told me that it was physically too much to expect. When she found swimming, it was she who pushed herself to learn. It was a nice thing to watch.

We are doing the same but with Guitar. DS15 plays so DS5 wants to. We started with lessons about 5 months ago. He has to work hard and practice.

We hopefully learned a few of these lessons the hard way with DS15. He is probably MG, ES was easy no real work, MS however required some effort, he started to falter, then 9th grade came and effort became an issue. Things seem better now. He seems to understand that self worth comes from sucesful effort, rather then things that are easy. The battle goes on.

DD wanted a bicycle (with training wheels) and we got one a month ago. 12 inch princess bike, princess helmet but first time out didn't work out. And didn't want to try again, used scooter. Yesterday, she was willing and went half the board walk and back and today again, making a big circle at the end to turn.

Just when I think she won't work at something, then she proves me wrong. And took her Cinderella Vtech computer to the bathroom two days ago and did all these spelling games, while doing her business on the toilet.

Like everyone says, when they want the effort, they push themselves. When they just want to be a kid, then they will resist. Just wanted to reinforce for the newbies.

Ren

DS5 also seems to get easily frustrated if the answer doesn't just pop in his head and he has to work for it. Eventually he will sit, focus and figure it out but not without some frustration about the process. I can say that even though he might immediately get the answer or the process for a problem, he will not rest until he does know how to complete it.

Absolutely. Haven't read the other responses, but this is one reason of many that we are on the road to homeschooling. DS was always bad in this regard, but even worse after this year of school. He balks at having to put the slightest bit of effort into anything academic.

Just to add, after reading other responses, DS puts huge amounts of effort into sports, swimming (very hard for him!), and piano.

Parts of piano come very easy to him. We had to switch piano teachers because we had a teacher that was absolutely enchanted with how quickly DS could move through repertoire. But he didn't expect him to play it as well as the 12 year olds working on the same stuff. I wanted a teacher that would push him on technique and make him play it the best HE can. Not necessarily the best the average 7 year old would play. We've been with our new teacher about 6 months and it was very ugly for the first 4. He basically had to re-learn a bunch of songs. Not fun for either of us! Only the past month has this new teacher discovered what DS can really do, so it should start to get fun again!

Exactly kimck, you pretty much hit the nail on the head there. All kids need challenges from time to time, that is absolutely how they start developing self esteem. They have a challenge, think they might not be able to do it, yet succeed in spite of it "being hard". Victory! They can remember that feeling the next time they approach something that appears difficult. With our kids especially I think we have to be vigilant that they also are "allowed" to have these self-esteem building experiences. At 2 or 3, this is not such a big issue. However at school age, there sometimes isn't much during the day that is challenging and I think that can be very problematic for these kids in the long run.