DS10 did well on a nation wide middle schooler math test. His math teacher and the principal started to make a fuss right now. They arranged a local newspaper reporter for interview and the next thing we knew, they were talking about DS going to international math olympiad competition. We thought that this was absurd to some extent for a 10-year-old. We appreciate all the helps from his math teacher and the principal. Cannot really blame them...how could they know middle school math competition if it were not DS. My question is how to turn down this silly publicity nicely. Anyone has experience?

You could tell them that you are trying to protect your son from being in the public eye (for a myriad of reasons - bullying being one). I understand that you appreciate the help you've gotten from the teacher, but ultimately your son is counting on you for protection.

I think just saying "We're honored that you asked, but we're not interested" is really all you need to say. If you'd like to give more of a reason, you could say something neutral like your son has too many other commitments to set aside the time that would be required, or that you think he's still too young for the type of competition and the work required.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Don't conflate the suggestion that your DS might do Olympiad stuff with the publicity stuff though - I'd suggest saying no thanks to the latter and yes PLEASE to the former. In a school context, Olympiad prep is probably the smoothest path to real challenge and, if successful, contact with other really strong mathematicians.

Let me make this clear:

FACT: DS did well in a math test. (There is no trophy or winner per se. DS was in top 1%, and there are more than 50 of them state wide).

DISTORTION: GT teacher and principal told the local newspaper reporter that DS goes to math olympiad next.

Statistically wise, link these two things together is like guessing one number right and winning the lottery.

There are rumors of of school budget problem and the first thing they might cut is the elementary schoool's gifted program. It is just my wild guess that the principal and GT teacher want to make a fuss about DS's story is just one effort to save the program and save their jobs.

No matter how good their intentions are, I have feeling that the absurdity is going up. For example, GT teacher told 5th graders that DS spent five hours on math every day.

Ah, I see; I hadn't understood that from your original post. (Which national math test was it, just out of interest? If it was the AMC8 and he was already in the top 1% at age 10, some excitement is justified; and since the later AMC contests do form part of the selection procedure for the USAJMO, USAMO and ultimately IMO, it might to some extent explain the slippery slope they fell down!)

Yes, it is AMC8. DS got 15 last year, and 22 this time. We are proud of him for his improvement. But that is not relevant to olympiad. There are AMC10, AMC12, AIME, USAJMO, USAMO. It is one in a million chance to accomplish that, even DS could see that clearly, how come some grown-up educators got confused about the simple fact.

Well done to him!

Hmm. The way I see it, you have multiple things to deal with here.

1. DS did well on AMC8. The question here is, what do you do next? Forget the Math Olympiad. Think about the NEXT STEP, and if you and your son want to move toward it.

2. The school called a reporter in. The question here is, are you comfortable with sending your kid off to be interviewed about his math talent? It sounds to me like the answer is "no." Fine. There have been good suggestions here for politely declining.

3. The school may be afraid of losing funding for its gifted program. So maybe they called a reporter in to get some good publicity as an attempt to save the program. But you don't know this. Maybe the principal just got carried away. Personally, I'd figure out a way to learn what the principal really wants. If it's a reasonable goal, maybe you can help him find a way to reach it that doesn't involve unwelcome publicity for your son. For example, you might say, "It's great that you think so highly of Little Johnny, but we're very uncomfortable with giving away personal information about him without our consent." [pause; see what he says; he might not have thought of it that way] "Were you trying to highlight the overall quality of the gifted program at the school? If so, maybe we can figure out a way to do that without making my son feel uneasy." Something like that.

I like kcab's suggestion, too.

Also, when I wrote part 3, I assumed that your son got a lot of good math instruction at school. If he learned AMC8-related stuff at home and just did extra long division worksheets at school, I might just leave it at "We're uncomfortable with the media attention."

(Oh, and someone needs to tell the teacher to stop revealing private information about your son, whether or not it's true. She has no right to divulge personal information about a student, and besides, she also has no idea how the other kids will start reacting to your child as a result of her inappropriate (and made-up?) comments. I would phrase it just that way --- to her boss.)

ETA: There could be a bright side here. For example, the principal seems to be recognizing that there is such thing as a kid with a lot of math talent. This is actually a refreshing change from the usual lines like "All kids are gifted."

It also occurred to me that his teacher could be struggling with the idea of giftedness. Perhaps she told the kids that your son studies math for 5 hours a day because she wants to believe that any ten-year-old can score in the top 1% on an 8th grade test simply by studying a lot.

It is kinda of neat to hear the sort of hoopla typically surrounding sports to be focused on academics. In sports, it seems common to hear like: "We won the regionals, next we will win the state." A difference between statistics and positive thinking.

One of the things I found taped to the wall when I was helping my daughter move out was a small article written about her about her climbing successes. That someone else noticed her talent and created a wee bit of hoopla about it meant a lot more than I thought it did.

On the other hand, I downright offended several modeling agencies in town when I told them under no conditions would I consider allowing my minor daughter to be photographed, be part of their agency, etc.

I drew a very hard, fast line between getting praise for something that was of value and what was not. Those were based on MY values as a mother - I am not dissing other mothers who have allowed their children to be in modeling as children. It was just something I would never allow.

So I guess what I'm wondering is why getting some hoopla for an academic achievement is considered silly. If it were me, I'd let my kiddo get the hoopla and enjoy the public acknowledgment. Our kids have to downplay their talents and spend so much time not feeling their true worth, so I'd embrace the opportunity.

But that's just me. If you think it's silly and not of value, you're the mom. Just say no. It'll tick 'em off and make the school unhappy - as the publicity would definitely be good for them - but you're the mom, and you get the draw the lines where they need to be for your family.

This is a tricky issue, ABQMom (sorry, typing on new tablet and not able to drive it well enough to do quotes yet!) I think Val (was it?)'s point was a good one; recognition for maths achievement is more tricky socially than just about any other kind of achievement. Actually my DS has also just done well in a national maths contest and I've been through this thought process in that context; his school didn't even mention his success on their website news (which is not notably selective!) and my instinctive reaction was, tbh, to be mildly disappointed by this. But, on reflection, it's entirely possible that this was a considered choice on someone's part to spare him unwanted attention; and in fact it may have been a good call.

I am in ABQMom's camp. I do not see publicity being a problem as long as it's the true story (instead of distorted one). It may help you in better standing with the gifted teacher and the principal and your advocating for your DS from now on will be very receptive.

But again, it is not about us, parents. It is about the kid and your DS doesn't want it, you have to make a stand. My younger DD would welcome it but older DD wouldn't. I would act upon my DD's wish and not mine.

ABQMom has a point, but the thing here is that the school is exaggerating the success and turning "did well in the statewide competition " into "ON HIS WAY TO THE OLYMPICS!!! ! ! !"

Which is exactly why you allow an interview - so you can provide on record the actual facts. Reporters can only report what they are told or can find, and they're not going to do investigative research on a feel-good piece like this. I worked for over a decade in journalism, and I've seen some ridiculous things make it to print because there wasn't enough meat to dig through before the reporter wrote the story.

Val,

(1) DS is in a dual-language school. It was upgraded from a dual-language program within elementary school 3 years ago. Brand new principal and GT teacher, and a challenging work to integrate spanish-speaking and non-spanish kids. They experimented grouping, mixed-grade grouping, etc. My DS was the first one they sent to middle school math, when they tried to group DS (3rd grade at that time) with 5th grade GT math and did not fit. They worked out all the scheduling negotiation with middle school while we did not even ask for subject acceleration. We are very lucky to have the principal and GT teacher who are so ready to help. That is why I was hesitant to raise the publicity issue.

(2) DS did not work much on math at home except 15-20 minutes for algebra homework from school. His time is occupied with other stuffs. No worksheets what so ever. But he attended middle school math club. They practiced mathcounts drills and contests.

(3) Studying with 8th graders on math was a confidence booster for DS, he loves it, but I am not sure if he is appropriately challenged because he is still bored in the class. Middle school teacher still have to stick to the rule of "no child left behind". Because of the scheduling difficulties, DS did not join the best 8th graders, he settled with the 2nd tier class. None of his classmates joined math club or took AMC8 test.