Hi everyone!

My PT conference for DS5 is tomorrow evening. I've managed to get reading and math support to attend which seems like a huge step. Unfortunately, as most of you know, PT conferences are only 15-20 mins. That just seems like so little time to talk about everything I would like and to, hopefully, get some accommodations/acceleration in place. I'm going to be so discouraged if nothing comes from this discussion as I have tried to be so patient.

DS5 is really starting to vocalize his unhappiness with the fact that he feels like he never learns anything new. I need to figure out how to communicate this feeling to the teachers. The other problem I believe I will encounter is that DS is not showing them anything really exceptional in class. He just does what he is told and not always with a lot of effort. I see that with the papers he brings home but I have a hard to being really upset as most of this is stuff he already knows.

How would you approach three different teachers in this time span? My current idea is to make a list of issues that I would like to mention so I don't forget any and to bring examples of what he is doing in math at home. What else can I do? Are there any "buzzwords" that seem helpful when speaking in these meetings?

I am just a bundle of nerves about this! I'm trying very hard not to think about the decisions that are going to have to be made if tomorrow is unsuccessful.

I am new to this as my son is only 5 and just started school but can you call/email the principle and ask to setup a meeting with her/him and the teacher? That really helped us get things in motion for my son. Parent teacher conferences would be a hard time to get everything across you need to. If I were you I would focus on a quick overview of why you feel you need a indepth meeting and try to schedule one at that time. If you have a whole list of concerns I bet you won't get through one or two before times up. I would start with a compliment about what you like about the teacher and what your son enjoys in class then state you have some concerns that he is a child that may not be displaying his full capabilities in class and you would like to meet and show her some examples and come up with a long term gameplan to help him be the most successful he can be.

Honestly, I would just use this as a chance to listen. See what the teachers have to say, take notes. ask for clarification. Then go home, think about what they said and what you still feel needs to be done and make an appointment to meet for another time when you will have the time and the teacher will only be focused on you and your child and not worrying about the next 10 parents they need to meet with.
Good luck tonight!

PT conference this year with our DS6 in 1st took a little more than listening. Particularly in that the first thing the teacher wanted to do was show us how well he passed the standard incoming measures like "He did really well counting to 120." Yawn. Can't remember how old he was when he figured out counting to no end (3?)

I'd look to skip the polite preamble and try convey his positive reactions to above level materials when he is at home. Especially representing where he currently seems to be learning at or skills he is working on mastering. Like "We've noticed recently he doesn't skip words anymore when reading Magic Treehouse to us at home." or "He found some multiplication work online and was really excited to try it; it was great to see his passion for learning fire up."

The problem is that this meeting shouldn't be the start. I've talked to all the players before and they are all already aware of my concerns. I've heard all of the platitudes and have waited patiently.

I am prepared to listen to them as they get to see DS5 in school. They are aware of how he is responding socially, which is very important. I also understand that the school has some preset parameters and limitations in what can be offered. However since nothing has yet to offered or attempted I need to get them to actually see DS. I need them to listen also.

I would be happy with almost any measurable accommodation as it would show a willingness on the school's part to start working with us. I will definitely be setting up a further meeting as I agree that there is no way that everything that needs to be accomplished can be figured out tonight. I'm just so tired of being patient and watching DS become more and more unhappy at school,

I agree with mon. I have a child who liked to blend in so, while the teacher acknowledged that my DD was bright and knew everything she was tested on, it just really *never* occurred to her to attempt to figure out what my DD actually knew. The only thing that changed the situation was that I came here, figured out that subject acceleration (and later, grade accelerataion) were even options, and told the teacher and the school exactly what we wanted to see happen. We told them that we wanted above-grade-level testing and we wanted an ability test and that we wanted subject acceleration. And their resonse: "Wow, we never thought of that!"

I agree that it's definitely going to take more than the conference to work this out, but I think that you need to bring it up after listening to the teacher speak. A tactic that I think works well is saying that your son has been so sad/crying/not wanting to go to school and saying that he is so sad that he isn't learning new things. Then ask for the teacher's help in solving the problem. Teacher's often have almost a hyperfocus on a child's emotional health (to the exclusion of academic health) and asking for their help acknowledges that they have experience with a lot of kids (and who doesn't like to be needed?). Finally, bring up that you've been thinking a lot about the situation and that you think you have come up with some options that might work; when can you meet again to talk about it? Does he/she think it might be helpful to get anyone else to attend the meeting, too? And then make sure you say a big thank you for working on helping your little guy.

Good luck. I hope it goes well!

I've had three kids go through kindergarten. At the conferences, the teachers have had a prepared list of assessment results that they want to cover. There is no real conversation that happens. Be prepared for them to tell you that your kid got everything right and not to see any problems with that or need to change their curriculum. As mon said, I think that the best you can do is ask when you can schedule your next meeting to discuss a grade skip, subject acceleration, etc. and discuss the process to make this happen.

I agree with MON and others who said that the PT conference is not the place for decisions, though it is unfortunate that you've already asked for change and nothing has been done. If nothing happens at the conference (as predicted), mention to the teacher at the end that you plan to schedule a meeting so you can discuss plans going forward.

I had a teacher pleaser too, and the only thing that really helped us was that we came to the school before it started with IQ scores showing that our kiddo was really unusual. This prompted them to test them on their own achievement tests. The only test that really convinced them to do anything was the NWEA MAP test, which showed that our DS, when 5, would have passed the state 3rd grade state tests. If your school uses the MAP, it is an awesome test for comparing what your kid knows with kids in other grades, and that really means something to the teachers. (If your kindergartner is doing as well as most of the 2nd graders, teachers get that.)

Another thing you could do is bring in your kiddo's current books he is reading or examples of math he likes to do at home. And mention that your kiddo is unhappy - kindergarten students are supposed to like going to school. When I mentioned how my son cried every day before kindergarten, not wanting to go, the teacher wanted to do something to help.

Good luck.

Well it's over. I guess it went OK. They spent the 1st half telling me that since he was not excelling in writing they could not do anything to increase the level of difficulty in the books he was reading. It appears that they almost 100% correlate the ability write with understanding. Ugh! Since I can't really argue the level of his written work I found myself at a bit of a loss. Everything else that they want to see I believe he can do but I didn't want to just keep saying "but he can do that" as they seemed fixated on only one aspect of the issue. I did manage to get the teacher to agree to send different homework so that it was something that gave him a little challenge. Right now I am changing the assignment at home but I wish this requirement to come from the school. He needs to find value in his school work.

Math, however, went a bit better. After trying for a couple of months to get math support to evaluate DS they finally did on Friday because the PT conference was on Monday. Apparently he passed K level math with flying colors and will be moved to 1st grade math. They have not yet decided what that will look like and it sounds like it take up to another month to get into place. I mentioned that I had brought the math workbook he does at home and that he learned it add 4 digit numbers in about 2 mins. the other day. At that she just wanted to try and explain that they didn't just want him to know how to do it but understand why. I know he understands why and mentioned something that happened Sunday. DS has been learning his multiplication facts through Timez Attack, thanks for the recommendation, and one of the addition problems he solved in the morning was 121+121 = 242. Hours later he states "I know what 11x22 is. 242" He explained that he knew that 11x11 was 121 and that 121+121 was 242 so 11x22 had to be 242. If that isn't understanding I don't know what is! For the first time that meeting I think they understood that there might be something going on. After that the math support teacher asked to see the workbook that I had brought, seemed very thoughtful, and asked to keep it for a while so she could take a closer look. I agreed and DS was excited when I got home to be told that he could finally try out the 2nd grade book. This teacher seems to have taken an interest and has already approached the GT coordinator on DS's behalf. I'm taking that as a great sign! We'll see how the follow-up goes.

At the end, we'd definitely gone over our time slot, I asked if DS would be a candidate for a grade skip. They looked at me a little blankly and I explained that if he was in 1st grade I wouldn't have to argue about him getting at least 2nd grade work because that would be the natural acceleration. That in 1st he would get to do 2nd grade math instead of not even being tested for it since they're not suppose to work more than a year ahead. The math support teacher stated that it might not be true that he couldn't work higher. We'll see what she meant by that. DS's teacher stated that he had only ever skipped two kids and that both times it was a disaster and that DS was not his most mature student. I couldn't disagree with that as I've gotten to know a lot of the class. The principal happened to walk in, to end the conference, right when I brought up grade skipping. He let me know the procedure and said that hopefully I could tell from this meeting that DS was on their radar. I felt bad that the conference had run late but I had asked them earlier if they would prefer to schedule a separate meeting apart from PT conferences and they all declined.

Wow! That's long and rambling but I felt the need to put it all down in case any of you might have further insight. My biggest questions right now are how to deal with the reading/writing situation and whether I should start the grade skip process just in case it is something we choose to pursue in the future.

I did write everyone an email after I got home and thanked them all for their time and willingness to help.

Edited to add - One of the biggest disappointments was that when I told DS's teacher that he was starting to be unhappy about coming to school and repeatedly states that he doesn't learn anything and wants harder work the response was simply "well I don't see that in class." So sad.

It sounds like the conference went really well for the most part - congrats! I also second everything MON mentioned - excellent advice. I'll add one suggestion re writing - first, if you didn't ask for specifics re how his writing is not up to first grade level, follow up and ask so you have the teacher's input. In addition to that, look for a copy of your school district's K and 1st grade curriculum benchmarks - they may be online. See where your ds fits in with respect to writing. Also, I can't remember if you've volunteered or spent time in your ds' classroom, but it can be very helpful to have had a chance to casually glance at the other student's writing - not that you'd ever say in a meeting "but my child is clearly ahead of Lulubelle's writing" but because having that background knowledge of where all the other kids are *really* at can help you when you're advocating for more challenging work for your ds.

Another thing I'd consider - since the teacher agrees your ds is ahead in everything except writing and has said that his writing ability will hold him back from a higher level of reading - ask if they can provide some type of testing or concrete examples of where he's at in writing and what type of benchmarks he needs to meet before receiving advanced reading work and/or moving up to 1st grade.

polarbear

This is just a thought. When my DS was in 1st grade, his teacher kept telling me what a poor writer he was. Granted, it has never (and still isn't) his thing. Finally, at the end of the year when I insisted on a meeting to plan for 2nd grade, the teacher finally gave us some insight on the writing. "Well", she said, "If I ask him to write four sentences, that's what he writes. Everyone knows that if a child is gifted, he'll write more than what is required." Huh? She never told him she expected more. He was following her directions. Just to say that what this teacher is expecting might be different than what others expect so you might want to ask her to clarify what part of writing is not up to par. Hope that makes sense.

Sounds like a very productive meeting, otherwise.

Thank you all for your responses and encouragement. I apologize for all of the typos/omissions.

MON, after reading what you wrote about the actual requirements for the writing curriculum I believe that DS5 probably has accomplished all of those. I will be doing some further reading before our next talk.

I do volunteer in DS's class. I would say that his writing is at least on par with the higher students in his class when looking at the curriculum parameters but he is slower, messier, and only writes exactly what he is asked to.

NOW for the exciting update!!!

While waiting to pick DS up from school I happened to check my email. The following is the email sent by his principal after last nights conference. I guess you all were right about it being a successful meeting.

Ms. E,

You are correct that it was a long day for all of us and we have another long day today as well. Everyone will be eager for an extended break starting on Wednesday. We hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving.

As I stated in the conference, our team will be continuing to discuss ways to challenge DS. Ms. S asked Ms. I, one of our GT teachers to meet with DS today. They met briefly and she will follow up on Monday with him as well to establish some new homework expectations. She also gave him a learning journal, challenged him to ask questions of others about their interest, to be open to the fact that he can continue to learn from him Kindergarten classmates, and that it's okay to not know everything.

In addition she established some optional vacation goals. Our hope is that you can support us at home by encouraging him to ask questions of others, specifically about others interest and passions, and that DS can use this to begin to explore new topics or things he may not know already. Again, the vacation challenge is not required.

My thought is that since we just met yesterday that we reconnect as a team the week of December 10th. This will give our team time to talk after Thanksgiving, as well as implement next steps we determine to support DS's academic and social growth. Thank you for continuing to work with us!

Principal



DS was very excited as he told me that he had actually been given something to study, Antarctica! The GT teacher also sent Because of Winn-Dixie home for him to read. I am all of sudden filled with hope!

Take this small piece of advice with a grain of salt, because it's coming from a parent of a 2e child who is dysgraphic - but fwiw, here goes!

It sounds like it's not the *content* of his written expression that is in question, but the quality of his handwriting. This is something you should be able to argue shouldn't hold him back from accessing appropriate intellectual curriculum for LA/Social Studies/Science/whatever. If his handwriting is slow, you can ask that he be allowed to scribe, or provide verbal responses. You could start having him learn to type at home and then *if* you hear this same argument next year or the year after, you can argue that he types faster than he can use handwriting and he should be allowed to type in the classroom.

You can also measure his handwriting speed at home: give him something straightforward to either copy or write from memory like the alphabet and time how long it takes him to write it, then divide to get the # of letters per minute. You can google "letters per minute + grade level" and get ballpark ideas for what is considered a typical range. If your ds is far behind the range that is typcial for his grade, suggest that he be allowed to scribe.

I would also watch for things that might indicate possible dysgraphia - although it's usually not recognized until 2nd grade *and* I really doubt that what you are seeing is more than typical development, there is a chance that the messiness and slow writing might be related to dysgraphia, particularly since it seems to be out-of-sync with his other academic development. Look for things like reversed letters, inconsistent spelling that varies even on the same page or in the same sentence. Is there inconsistent spacing between letters/words etc? Is he using capital letters and puncutuation appropriately (after he's been taught how to use them)?

polarbear