Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Emotional Excitabilities?

So, I'm cherry picking from one thread to address something that came up. Emotional excitabilities... does anyone know what this really "looks" like. I keep reading the little blurps on emotional and imagination related excitabities... but wonder if I'm reading it like a horoscope or webmd... you know, now I've read it so it must be us.

What is the interplay with being gifted? What does it "look" like? Does it need addressed or just something to consider? How do you parent - same - different?

???

Thanks

I'm not sure kickball, but the oversensitivity may be related. When DS9 was 6, he learned about global warming at school. He couldn't sleep and talked about it all the time. It was of such concern to him that I was worried. We talked about it and eventually he calmed down, but I asked his teacher to let me know about topics that would be troublesome so I could help him. I wonder if that's what "emotional excitabilities" means.

I've also heard depression is higher in gifted kids--I can see why.

My DS3 just threw the mother of all tantrums because he'd had cereal (which he'd requested!) instead of oatmeal for breakfast. For the second time so far in his young life, he asked for a time machine to turn back time so that he could have oatmeal for breakfast. Having it for lunch in an hour wouldn't do. He cried for 20 minutes--great wailing sobs!

(The first time he did this was the infamous OJ incident, as detailed on the OGTOC conference forum...)

Oh, the drama!

It's one of the strongest bits of evidence I have that he's GT, actually. His emotional excitablilities are off the charts!

From what little I've read on this subject, I think I know what it looks like in my own kids.

DD9 recently wrote a peom for school. The assignment was to write a peom about herself. One line in hers said that she worries about losing a loved one. Lately she's got a fear that someone will break into our house at night, and she won't go to sleep by herself. We don't know why she worries like this. She internalizes everything, even what might seem like small things to us. Is there a connection between this behavior and her giftedness? I don't know.

DD6 is very intense and sensitive. I have to be very careful how I discipline her because of this. She gets upset even if she thinks I might get upset about something she's done. We're really having to work with her on her emotional responses to things. Every emotion is more intense with her. The positive side of this is that she's extremely in tune with the feelings and needs of others.

Here's our personal experience with OE & GT:
Until I read this forum and did extra investigations on the web, I did not realize OE was a common occurrence in GT kids. My GS8 exhibits all 5 of the categories. When we got custody 3 years ago the OE's were out of control. I assumed his behavior was due to the abuse he had suffered. But, I had had him enough before the abuse to know he was highly sensitive, emotional, imaginative, and very high energy.
I am not making excuses for GS8's stepmother's behavior, but she just couldn't cope with a kid with this kind of personality characteristics. If you think all children should be and can be trained to be calm & compliant, then an OE GT will leave feeling like a failure. Everything was so intense for GS8, and trying to force normal reactions made things worse for him.
Up until this year we have focused on toning down some of the OE behaviors at school. I have observed him in the school and see he behaves well enough to play well with others and be an active participant in the classroom. Sometimes he's still TOO active of a participant, and he likes to test boundaries, but overall he's made a lot of progress. That said, he is obviously different than his classmates, and the expression of the OE's is one of those differences.

Here are some of the good things about OE's --
He is extremely sensitive about other's welfare and gives part of his money and produce from his garden to charity.
His high energy level is not a problem if he gets plenty of outdoor exercise, living on the farm and taking care of his calves solves that problem.
The library, internet, and extracurricular activites keep him intellectually engaged. We can get a bit tired of all the knowledge he *needs* to share, but we have tons of relatives and friends who are willing to listen to him, too.
His sensual OE has presented the most problems, I'll leave it at that.
And best of all, his imaginational OE is a wonder. His best friend "Jakelo" has been with him through thick & thin. "Jakelo" has seemed so real that at times I've wondered if he was GS8's guardian angel in a form only GS8 could see. Sorting out some of the other facts & fiction had to be done carefully since some fiction was presented as fact to protect his ego.

The part about emotional OE that still has me concerned is how much it can look like rapid cycling bipolar disorder. GS8's kindergarten teacher even commented about how his emotional mood swings looked like bipolar.

I have a relative with severe rapid cycling bipolar, who is also, very intelligent.
You could always seek out a professional who specializes in gifted to help you sort it out, find out one way or another.
I am not a professional, but feel free to PM me if you want to talk at all about it. I have lots of experience with this relative.

Here is a link I like about OE's

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10102.aspx

Incog

OH Grandma you again manage to hit the nail on the head. Your descriptions of OE's with your GS are very similar to how I would describe them in DS. Especially of note to me is that in a recent Nuero Psych eval, they brought up rapid cycle Bi-polar as a concern with DS. However, his behaviors are not destructive in nature and can be calmed by hugs and then rational discussion. Doesn't quite fit Bi-Polar to me.

PinkPanther I'd like to echo the positive side of your daughter's sensitivity. However, my mother complains that I used to help others at the expense of my own emotional wellbeing as a child. She thought I was too emotionally sensitive to others that I thought needed my "help".

Incog - ditto the BP and HG - my husband is like your relative. DS2 will tell me when he thinks someone is sad and try to comfort them with a knowing pat on their shoulder, head cocked to one side, and an earnest look (for a two year old). I remember him giving me the shoulding pat one day as he observed "It will be okay Mom."

You know, I was just like this as a child. And I have to watch myself even now at times. It's really easy to take on too much. Especially when you have small kids at home draining the life out of you (did I say that aloud? ).

I can see this trait in DD3 too. Every time she has something, she wants to take it to school to give to her teachers or friends. She writes out cards and drawing for specific people every day. She cries if someone is sick from preschool. DS is very empathetic and is concerned about world issues, war in Iraq, etc. He is not the emotional rollarcoaster his sister is though.

Sigh. Apparently, we needed a current example. (1) 40 minutes of hysterical crying over a butterfly she wanted to keep that was her sister's friend's.

Now I get that her (2) night terrors about her sister getting sick, or the melt-down about killing cows to eat, or why she can't just visit heaven may be OE. But what about normal issues - is she just and I apologize if this sounds unkind - but difficult - or is it related. I appreciate that her emotions are real to her. I don't ask that she stop crying (really screamcrying). I have an idea how she is... I think I was the same and I have similiar outbursts but more like once a year. And I did check out the link thanks... but ...

Is example #1 OE ish or just an Irish temper and passionate heart? In the moment - the oatmeal moments (and I hear you - #2 once cried for 40 minutes at 18 months because I had to change her shirt and she wanted it to stay on....

sigh... where is that bottle you were passing around in the other thread!?!

Thanks.

I can't be of any help b/c now I'm just as confused as you are. Yesterday DS2 cried for 30 minutes hysterically until he fell asleep on the carpet against the wall b/c he didn't want his shoes on. I assumed it was just b/c he's 2. I'm not sure if there is a hard line that distinguishes "normal" age-related behavior from OE.

In my opinion, does it matter why she exhibits Emotional OE? Not all overly emotionally sensitive kids are GT, nor do all GT kids have OE. I think you just have to be sensitive to the child's needs and help them learn to cope with what they are feeling and to teach them socially acceptable coping skills.

Sengifted has an article about the 5 OE's and strategies for dealing with them.

Edited to add the specific article link

DS had such long and intense tantrums as a toddler, I began to look forward to them. I figured as long as he was screeming, i knew exactly where he was and what he was doing, so I'd make myself a cup of tea and relax or I'd use it as a chance to get some work done! Perhaps is sounds callous, but the truth was there was nothing I could do except let it run its course and then give him a big hug and snuggle when he felt better. I think his longest one I timed at 50 minutes, but 30 was pretty common, certainly enough time to get some things done around the house without him interupting me!

That's funny ACS. That is exactly how I felt about my dd's tantrums when she was little (they only happened about every six months but they could last over one hour).

One of my favorites -

dd: in her room screaming to the top of her lungs "I don't want anything you ever bought for me" (starts getting off her clothes because she doesn't want anything I got for her to "touch her"). I leave her in her room and go about my activities. After about half an hour I go check on her. She is completely nude and completely destroying her room (books on the floor, toys all over - you get the picture). I quietly leave the room. About twenty minutes later she comes out (dressed), gives me a hug, apologizes and says "I guess I better go clean my room".

She has outgrown those outburst, but they sure were interesting while they lasted.

Wow! How old was she?

I'm so impressed with the way you handled it. I'm not sure I'd have been able to show such BRILLIANT forebearance.

She was around 5 at the time.

I used to work with Autistic kids and also in a respite center for abused children before my dd was born, so I can keep a calm demeanor thru just about anything.

Besides, since those outbursts only happened about twice a year, I considered myself very lucky. They always seemed to happen when she was going thru a growth spur. I think it was her way of testing limits. She has learned now that trantrums don't work and she doesn't try them anymore.

Now I am starting to see the pre teen attitude sometimes, not very often though and usually has been limited to the roll of the eyes. My dd in general is a very sweet, well behaved child.

I've been a lurker for awhile the last few feeks, because we haven't had our son tested yet. But reading through everything, I can relate so much to everyone's posts, I'm getting nervous. But re: this topic, I'm wondering if anyone had the experience I've had. DS4 never had tantrums until he was about 3.5 years. I was thinking it was because he was verbal so early, he never got frustrated about anything - he could just ask for what he wanted. But after 3.5, things have gone crazy! If DS4 doesn't get whatever he wants, he is a terror. I'm having to learn a little late about discipline, I guess, because he was so sweet when younger. I don't know if this is a type of OE or just lack of discipline by me. Either way, it's no fun at all.

Although, on the sensory side, we did have to cut out every tag on every shirt, and make sure the seams in his socks weren't bugging him since he was 1. He still will only wear long sleeve shirts and long pants, even if it's over 90 degrees out!

My DS7 started throwing tantrums when he was 4 months old. It was AWFUL!!! When he was about 2 we'd go to the store and he'd be throwing stuff out of the cart as fast as I'd put it in. When he was 3 he banged his head on his bed and actually hit the foot board and knocked a tooth loose. Did I mention awful??? But now he is 7 and he does not throw fits any more and behaves very well at school - in fact he'd die if he ever got in trouble at school and has just calmed down over all. He can still be intense but at least he doesn't throw fits any more. So for those of you with younger kids, there is hope down the line!!!

It was such a shock to me as DS10 NEVER once in his life threw a fit. He was so verbal and could understand at such an early age and could be reasoned with that he just never had tantrums. But I do think alot of it is personality. He is very laid back and a go with the flow kind of guy. My DS7 is much more intense.

I've always tried to put the good spin on both of my kids abilities. DS7 is the one I've always said would be the one to change the world because of his stubborness and drive. DS10 will be the one to do something in the creative field. It will be interesting to see how it all turns out!